I went to my very first resolve meeting last night. We addressed an issue in great lengths, Secondary Infertility- I ashamedly admit, in the past, I was on the "you have 1 kid you should be grateful" bandwagon. But recently, I have found strength in numbers and encouraging energy from those that crossed over from Primary Infertility to Infertility after baby 1. Infertility is Infertility regardless. There are some women that have never seen a positive pregnancy test and there are some that have experienced many miscarriages. All of our stories are not exactly alike, but our emotions are. It's all a journey and we all need each other’s strengths, hopes, stories for encouragement and to help provide a glimmer of hope on a very lonely and depressing time. It is much better to support each other through all of this and use this situation as an opportunity for healing, learning and education. We all have "different" parts that make the struggles and journeys different that play into the big picture but there is something to learn from everyone. Since we are all suffering from Infertility, we all know that you have to be open to options. Because, frankly, that is what "this" is all about. Options ... and through all these options, I have allowed myself to learn patience and tolerance, and walk softer and have my ears more open. It doesn't mean that I do not "hurt" less. I now think about Infertility this way: Depression(or fill in the blank with any sickness/disease/medical phenomenon) - there are MANY numerous causes/treatments of depression. The common bond between 2 people that have depression isn't want gets them to the depression diagnosis – it’s the actual diagnosis. IF is exactly like this ... we are all struggling with the same diagnosis, not the same journey. As tough of a message as that was for me, it allowed me to be more open and honest with myself and my feelings, instead of always turning it into bitter and jealousy. I just want some peace in the very painful situation.
First impressions are rough and the Resolve meeting didn't make me feel less sad or meet new like-minded people (like i had hoped it would). Maybe I am at a different place. I am going to go back for one more meeting. I am hoping that people open up (more for some and less for others) and treat it like the real world and seek coping skills it will be fantastic. It's ok that someone else has had a baby - No i have not had a baby, yes i want one with all my heart. But knowing that they got to the other side of the fence provides me hope and encouragement. They can relate to my emotions. They, now that they have crossed over, still can't just decide to have another baby and pee on a stick and see a positive mark. .. It's still very raw for them ..I imagine it's not any easier ... it's like riding a bike i assume. I wish our meeting could have been more zen like - like a shelter from the IF storm. I wish i could have not been so insanely timid and recluse. I did not make a good impression of myself... Gosh - i hate when i do that to myself. I dunno why I clam up - it gets old .....The next meeting is going to be better- I am going to try and meet 1 new person