Friday, February 27, 2009

Eye Eye Eye

Following the trend of the Eye Meme from Niobe and Magpie:

Here is the color of my eye: (please pay no attention to the blood shot aspect)Photobucket

Here is E's eyes:Photobucket

Here are MT's:Photobucket

Ok, It's your turn.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Crib and More Teeth talk -Just a warning, You can Skip to the purple font

Sunday night - the night of the overhaul - Sleeping in the crib was great. it was breezy really. (except for the fact I woke up at 4am to a child that was banging on the railing of his crib then escalated into screams*blame teeth)

(naptime before the crib - I would just put him in the PnP. We would have several scenarios 1- He would drift to sleep shortly after being laid down (30%), 2-sometimes he would sing/soothe himself to sleep (40%), 3- there were tears and screams like someone was torturing him (30%)

Monday was the first time for trying out naps in his crib. His morning nap of Day 1 of the Crib : (pay absolutely no attention to the annoying lady with the high pitched voice. K, thanks!) turn your volume down for some reason this video is really loud

Boy does he love his crib BUT not for napping during the day. We had to drop the mattress down a few notches. And by the looks of it, It needs to go down some more.

I put him down when he got sleepy. This crappy video taken with an old digital camera, was about 25 mins after I laid him down. He played and played and played. Never would lay down. Does he look tired anymore?! So needless to say, No morning nap.

The second nap of the first day came with lots of tears. He wanted to stand up and play again. I really wanted him to try and catch some zzz's because he really was delirious. He did fall asleep but only because he began to be too sleepy to continue the battle.

Bedtime, again, No problem what so ever.

Tuesday, Day 2: Naps are his nemesis. Same ole stuff. Loving standing up and moving around the crib. "Look at me, this is awesome fun"


(notice the teeth)* more on this topic in a minute

Bedtime, No problem . ... Starting to notice a pattern?

Wednesday - Rinse , Repeat.

After getting everything moved and set up, I realized that this was going to be a very challenging week to attempt to find small amounts of normalcy. *MT has been teething for what seems to be his whole lifetime. (in my humble opinion) He actually is already getting his eye teeth in. This.Week. Yes the ones your Mother Friends Warn you about. It does seem the urban legend is true for us, The Inconsolable, Clingy, Miserable, Can't Sleep baby has arrived. Apparently, these teeth really pack a punch and pull out the big guns. (not to scare anyone, remember all kids handle things differently- but I scoffed at the information about them being worse than other teeth because we have had a really awful time teething. I didn't think it could get worse. Oh, boy was I wrong) What I have read does seem to be true for us, these seem to be an absolute worst. The gums are so puffy and blue/purple. They are not emerging that I can tell. So I am not sure if they are going to soon or not. If you are keeping track. These teeth will be #11-12. He is also still getting the 1 yr molars. Two of them have cut through the gums (I think, by feeling for them because he will not open is mouth very wide to let me see them completely - because his mouth is in SO.MUCH.PAIN) So basically, it's been a very rough week for MT. (and us but more Him) I am hoping after these teeth come in, he will catch a break. I also have a theory based on my very limited 24 hour 7 days a week 8month experience with taking care of a child thing. My theory is that MT tends to get extra fussy/clingy when he is about to embark on a new development, milestone, skill.

Short Version of above- He doesn't do well with daytime naps and is getting teeth #11-12

On a more happier note - He has decided that he wants to crawl after all. With his sensitive skin issues and our really abrasive carpet, I have been putting b.aby legs on and homemade version of them on his arms to guard him from the bad rug burn he was getting. He seems to crawl farther distances with the guards on. (yes they look silly - but they are very functional) So this has bee a really big week for us. Black eye, Big boy crib, teeth and crawling.

So, Do I need to mention that I am so far behind on reading your blogs?!After a week that I have just had.

I haven't mentioned it much, and hopefully I will have more to talk about tomorrow. Monday, I called the place that offered me a job a few weeks ago. I had not heard anything from them. I knew they wanted me to start on the 25th but had not received a formal return phonecall like they stated would happen. The woman I interviewed with was stumped, and told me she would call me back. She called back and asked if I could come in Thursday afternoon for orientation. So tomorrow I start my new job. It is not a glamorous job. I will work a few evenings a week (4-7:30) and an 8 hour shift on the weekend in the Dining Hall/Kitchen area of a Short Term Physical Therapy Rehab Center. They offer me benefits and a decent income for the amount of hours that I have requested. My parents and E will watch MT while I am at work. I am excited to see how this plays out for us. It has been so good this week being able to have a conversation and connect with E again. I told him that I feel like we are beginning a new chapter. Do you ever think of your life in chapters?

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Following a Trend, Keeping my word

E and I had a huge, adventurous weekend. It was quite an undertaking, really. We rearranged our whole house basically. It was a lot like the song about the Little Ole Lady that Swallows a Fly.

I am not sure if any one has ever moved within their own space before. Especially a Condo. There is no driveway/carport/garage or empty spot to help store things in before the takes place. It is not a blank canvass per se. This purposed lots of challenges and extra steps to the whole process. Actually, It has been a 3 day process and although we are at a functioning level now, it is no where near finished.

With the song on repeat in my head, I also ended up having to clean out MT’s room and box up all 0-6 month clothes. I will not lie, I was using his crib as storage for the clothes/toys/etc. that he had outgrown so in order for him to sleep in it, that also had to be tackled. Being that everything was so physically exhausted, I tried not to think of the emotional aspect of folding little tiny clothes that may never been worn again. Some not worn at all and others worn maybe once or even for an hour ....

With every room affected, we basically overhauled the whole place. I think the only thing that is in the same place is our couch. I have a feeling that will be moved very soon though. I received a beautiful 8 top dining room table for our wedding. I have finally agreed to put it in storage at my parents' house until we have somewhere more appropriate for it. We swapped it out with a little round 4 top. This gave us more floor space. I feel very good about it actually. We are aching and exhausted but I finally feel like we are getting something accomplished. It feels like a fresh start. I am excited to keep decluttering our condo. Purging is good. It feels good. Overwhelming but Good

As I type this, My son is asleep in his crib in his room for the first time. So far so good.

Friday, February 20, 2009

The Shiner

With all this development and exploration, It was bound to happen:
It was simple and quick. He was standing up by holding on to one of his toys. He slipped and landed on the pig.(i think ) He didn't even cry about it. It just puffed up and started turning purple instantly. I surprised myself, I didn't even freak out or panic. After his bath, I noticed that it was already fading.

I am sure there will be many more of these in our future. He is my bam bam.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

I left work feeling rejuvenated, accomplished, strong, nervous, excited, fulfilled, brave, scared. Just plain overwhelmed

I went to the grocery store, bought loads of fresh veggies/fruits and food for the week. Came home, made/ate dinner. Made a batch of baby food. Cleaned the kitchen. I mean deep cleaning. Scrubbed the floor. On.My.Hands.and.Knees. Toothbrush in hand. Vacuumed, Dusted, etc.

I'm thinking nervous energy, relief, anticipation, wanting everything organized, Straightened, Clean, calm, Controlled? I have had the need to clean for months now, but I lacked the want/ability. Today, the need/want/ability took hold. I haven't felt that in the longest time. I am not sure I remember ever working a full day and coming home to take on a task as I did tonight. Weird ...Good... Odd

What about you?

Monday, February 16, 2009

Honest Scrap

Artblog tagged me for this award. I am very flattered to have received it. thank you :)

The Honest Scrap Award Pictures, Images and Photos

The rules for this award:
Choose a minimum of 7 blogs that you find brilliant in content or design.
Show the winners names and links on your blog, and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with “Honest Scrap.” There’s no prize, but they can keep the nifty icon.

List at least 10 honest things about yourself.
The list:

  • My last day of work for a company that I have been at over ten yrs is tomorrow and I am as much excited as I am nervous.
  • I think I allow myself to be too vulnerable and exposed. I think this gets used against me alot and creates some uncomfortability in my relationships
  • I wish I could communicate better with friends, family, etc.
  • Having a baby was about 75% of how/what I expected it would be. I didn't know that all these insecurities would flood my already hormonal system. It just seems so unfair
  • We are in the process of re-arranging our entire house to make it possible for MT to sleep in his own room in his crib and us to sleep in our own room and still be near enough to calm my fears.*
  • My husband makes references about there being #2, and no I am not talking about a pencil. These references are not welcomed yet.
  • I absolutely can not wait for E and I to see each other again and spend some real quality time together.
  • I wish there was a magic button I could Push to get my Mom back to her old Self.
  • I absolutely enjoy taking photos. Of Any and everything.
  • I want to move to another state. I took this test . The top 10 cities for me were in Louisiana, Arkansas, Virginia, and North Carolina. No city in Florida was even on there for me or E. The top 10 for my husband were in Wisconsin, Minnesota, Alaska, and The Dakotas. So, yah, we are very different in what we want out of a community.

If you are reading, You are Tagged. Leave me a comment and let me know you accept the challenge. Also, If you take the test, come back and tell me how you fared. Any city from your state on your top 10?

*MT is still in our room in a pnp by the door - There are some logistics in our living situation that I am not comfortable with him being in his room yet. There are some things that I didn't think about when we were setting up the nursery that I discovered after we brought him home from the hospital. We haven't been home at the same time to work on the room swapping together. I am hoping to have it done soon. I do not foresee this being a problem. He goes to sleep just fine without having bodies in the room with him now.

Sunday, February 15, 2009


I just watched Gre.y's A.natomy - I bawled like a baby when Callie said something about God Knows who you are, you Save Babies" to Addison. Talk about waterworks, I have to pause the D.VR to collect myself

I have driven passed this church for a while now. It is only 5 minutes from where we live. Last night, I looked up the times of the services and decided that MT and I would go since E was working this weekend and the service started at a time I thought would work out best for us. I woke up this morning later than I would have liked. I thought about not attempting church since we would be crunched for time. But I pressed through and we made in on time. Actually with a few minutes to spare. I was greeted by a lovely woman before We even made it to the door. She asked me if it was my first time there. I was shocked that someone is so attentive and friendly at 9am. She directed me where to go and informed me about the cry room in the back. MT and I started out in a pew. Many members sitting around us spoke to me and MT and commented on how it was nice to have us this week. (this is a rather large church - I was in shock about how many people spoke to us and knew that we were new visitors. It was refreshing) After the singing was over, MT needed a diaper change before we ran everyone off. So we slipped back to the cry room. This room is fantastic! It is still in the main church but has a bathroom with a changing station, nursing area, couches, rocking chairs, benches a plexi-glass and loud speaker. After I changed MT diaper, I just decided to stay back there. I could put him on the floor and let him crawl around while I listened to the service. The woman that greeted me must have saw us sneak back into the room, because she came to check on us and make sure we had everything we needed. She brought me a visitor info packet and invited me to join her for a Wed. Night Service. Seriously. Another mother came in with her 13 month old and the kids played for a while, while greeted each other and listened to the service together w/o fearing that the kids would disrupt anyone. It was just want I have been looking for. It was a breathe of fresh air. I have visited tons of churches for a while where no one speaks to you. I have been to churches where there is too much speaking to you. This was the perfect blend.

I spoke with the woman again before we left and told her that they really should advertise that they are equipped in this way. If I would have known about it months ago, I would have gone so much sooner. Being that it takes a while to feed him a bottle, I was always afraid to attempt it. But with an option like this, it just takes the anxiety away. It's unreal the things you look for in life when you looking through the eyes as a parent.

On a totally different topic. It's been well over 3 weeks since I even pumped. I still have a let down and am leaking (at night). It is not every night but about 2 or 3 nights a week. I was on a decongestant last week to help dry up my sinuses. That didn't help my milk dry up apparently. Anyone know how long it may take?

For Valentine's Day (well it just happened to coincide) MT got a new toy. I went to a consignment shop to look for something to assist him with standing and walking. Here is what I found. He LOVES it:
Picture 059c
Picture 068c
(more pictures here, if you want to see)
He can ride on it, push it, sit on the floor with it and push all the buttons to make the lights and music play. It has been a big success. He is still alittle to wobbly to push it w/o help because the rolling tends to get ahead of him. But he was pushing it while being on his knees this morning which worked out great. I liked it because the seat opens and acts like side rails to assist with balance. We all need alil help with balance at our house these days.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Happy Eat a box of Chocolates Day!


Thursday, February 12, 2009

On the Move

Work has blocked practically every website so I am very behind on updating and checking blogs. Speaking of work, Only 2 more days to go until I am done there. On Friday, I saw a part time job annoucement and went to go apply. They actually interviewed me at the same time. On Monday, I receieved the job offer. I am waiting for the paperwork to clear - so am still not official hired, just saying prayers that is all goes well and I have a p/t job soon.

E and I have been working on our relationship in regards to MT. Do you ever re-read your posts and think, “Man, I was really one sided”. The past few posts have been one sided for me. I get in this funk/runt/obsession over something and it just tears my self esteem/confidence to shreds. That only invited all the self doubt and fears to show up in the corners of my mind. Then they start taking up residency in my entire mind and before long, I am paralyzed and unable to concentrate on anything but the negative. If I am not confident about a situation, I feel all kinds of things that others may or may not really be thinking or feeling. I am my own worst enemy ..truly I am. I really dislike this trait about myself. I hate that I allow this type of behavior to paralyze my ability to function. It annoys me. I can only imagine that it makes those around me want to slap me out of it. Because I want to do that to myself. I need to loosen up, stop over thinking too much, and learn to be more confident. It’s exhausting. I am hoping that as I continue to parent, I will become more natural.

Speaking of parenting, I have been one for 8 months now. I have an 8 month old. I feel like Life is stuck in slow motion and on fast forward all at the same time. Remembering how small MT was as we watch him finagle his way out of his bouncy seat and inchworm over to a toy on the floor. Or watching him pull himself up onto the couch and bite the cushion. He has figured out that he can move. Change his diaper and watch him squirm, flop and roll. He still prefers to hold onto fingers and walk around. His balance is slowly getting better. He is getting braver to explore on his own. What once was known as torture time (tummy time) is now becoming a fun past time. He is able to entertain himself on the floor with toys for so much longer than ever before. (which has been a HUGE blessing). I thought I was going to have him strapped to my body forever in the beginning. He has figured out that he can flip himself over on all fours and crawl/inchworm over to the rails of his bed and pull himself up. (Dangerous territory).

I was putting away many of his clothes that he has out grown. He is in the 9-12 month range. And we are started to run out of clothes options. I had tons of nb-6 months. The grandparents supplied a few new outfits in the 9-12 month range for Christmas, but once I started putting away clothes that he has outgrown, I started realizing that I need to get ready for the next few sizes. I got a little emotional putting all the little clothes in boxes. I am still unsure of what to do with them. I keep getting told to just keep them for the “next one”. Ugh. A thought I cannot even process.

My hormones are seriously all over the place. And I am not just referring to mood swings. I am referring to feeling the effects of PCOS back in my body. I need to stop and eat better. I am hoping this will help. My cycles have gotten so off and miserable and I can just feel a huge shift in my body and I need to take care of myself and keep the carbs to a minimum. I think this will help me mentally also.

On a totally unrelated topic, Did anyone watch the Gr.amm.y’s? My cousin is a designer and did a few outfits for the show. How cool is that

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Miss Communication

Boy do I have alot on my mind lately. Before I go blabbering on an on, I have a wonderful supportive Husband. But ... We may kill each other soon. Well, E and I haven't really been home at the same time to tend to MT together. And you can tell because we have is a huge communication issue

Let's take it back a bit:
We were going along with life on cruise control. Then I started back to work part time. We kept MT on eachothers work days. Did the daily cleaning tasks, and kept MT fed, clothed, dry and rested. For me, this schedule was rapidly feeling more chaotic as the days went by. Everything felt disjointed and misshaped. So, on my days off, I started writing down what our day looked like. I was trying to keep record of MT's feeding issues to document so when I went to the Dr we had a basis to go off of. Plus E always would ask me things and I would not remember on the spot. And, we were trying to figure out how to incorporate solids 3 times a day. Also, I figured if we were going to use daycare, they are going to want to know what a typical day looks like.

This weekend, E went a few hours out of town to his friends birthday party on Friday afternoon. He called me a few weeks back and we discussed this. Then, Thursday night, he reminded me about it and told me that it was just an overnight thing he thought. Saturday, around lunchtime I called to see what time he would be home. He asked the guys what time everyone was leaving and replied back to me that he would be leaving Sunday morning. I tried to remain calm on the phone because these guys only get together one time a yr. I wanted to not let that bother me and I wanted him to have a good time. He works hard, everyone deserves to have a break every now and then. It just happened to be on a weekend that I developed a sinus infection and MT was miserable. The thing I was upset about was that he didn't think to solidify plans before he left. I asked several times about details and such and he didn't know. I tried to give him some slack. let the boys be boys etc....... He isn't the most detail orientated guy. And his friend suck at planning.

Well Sunday at like 11 I sent him a text asking him when he thought we would be coming home. He called me at 11:45 and told me that he was loading up the car, he had just woken up. (add insult to injury) He walks in the door (with a food bag) a few hours later to a screaming,miserable child and a unshowered hungry, tired wife. I was so excited to see food to only find out that he didn't get me anything. But he did let me have some of the fries. I ate the fries and told him that I was going to take a shower. Before I got in the shower, I decided to clean the bathroom.

I was then loading the dishes in the dishwasher and getting ready to find something to eat But E says that he needs to take a shower also. So, he does that. After he gets out, I ask him to please watch MT while I just detox and veg and take a nap. It was a rough night last night and I was up and exhausted. I told him that I wrote what we had done on the paper so he would know when MT may start to get hungry. Well, I hear MT giving E a hard time and E tells him they are going for a walk. About 10 mins later, It dawns on me that I bet E didn't check the sheet of paper and doesn't realize that MT is giving him a hard time because he is hungry. I went running outside to ask and of course, he had not checked that. So We went inside and fed him. Skip to later, E said that he would bath MT. SO i sat in the computer room which looks into the bathroom so I could play on the computer and talk with them. After the bath, I see E going to grab for a towel that I think is dirty. I asked him not to use that towel, I think it was dirty and smelled. He said no, It was fine. Not 3 seconds later, he turns and looks at me and says "Does this towel smell sour". I flipping lost it. He said he didn't hear me ask the first time. (same excuse he used about not reading the sheet) I explained to him that he responded to me. SO if he didn't understand me, he should ask me to repeat myself or clarify or SOMETHING because I was about 4 seconds from offing him. He doesn't listen to me anymore, He just responds to me ...... We had several more of these lil episodes before bedtime.

The problem is, we aren't used to being parents together at the same time. And after we werew that frustrated, we just both shut down. I know this may sound stupid, but we both haven't been home together at the same time in about 2 months. And apparently, today since we were home together E expected me to do it all and I expect him to help out with out me having to ask every stinking thing. (ya know read my mind) And neither really know what to do about it. SO more growing pains... It's all a learning curve. Tonight after MT went to bed, We had a good talk. Not much was accomplished because We were both frustrated and exhausted. But we did talk and will continue to talk tomorrow. I want to be one of those people that have it all figured out. You know the ones I'm talking about. Until then, I will be the one over here keeping in real
Ok so - This F.aceboo.k epidemic ... Be my Friend, Add a friend, Search for friends ..yadda yadda ...

I spend unnecessary time wasting thoughts and stressing over who to ask to be my friend and who not to ask. I have read a few post about this topic. If someone asks to be my friend, I Always Friend them. I like to be friended, (did I make this word up) Who doesn't?

Going back to the situation, Of course, the core me is still the same person I have always been. That has not changed, but I am like a Topiary tree. I am always being reshaped and pruned by life's journeys. Which does make me have different views on life than I had when I was, let's say 16.

I have always had a hard time keeping friends. This problem goes waaaaaaay back. Some I know why they decided to no longer be my friends or why we stopped hanging out. Others I have no idea what happened. Lost touch, Lost interest .... Then sometimes, A friendship has a time and place and that season was over.

My husband went out of town this weekend, Left me at home with probably the fussiest MT we have ever had. Yes teething. Honestly, I am tired of hearing myself say the word teething. I am tired of all things that are teething. It seems we are having it out with this topic. It's not like you can tell an almost 8 month old to grow a pair, put on big boy boxers and suck it up. This is the way it work's MT, Sorry If you don't like it.. Deal ..... These were my exact thoughts at 4:30 am Sunday morning. Until I rubbed my eyes and saw/heard/realized how much pain he is in and that his crying was not part of my dream.

Oh wait back to the point ..... With Hubby out of town, I had idle time on the laptop. I played around and learned some functions of fa.cebo.ok. I found old friends and wanted to friend them, but then wonder rolls in. wonder why we stopped talking, Maybe I shouldn't Friend them, If they wanted to be my friend, they would have asked, Or maybe they are like me, waiting to be asked ..... UGH really .. See I had too much alone time this weekend. But seriously, At the age I am at, should I REALLY have these thoughts? Do they ever go away?

This application allows me to do some serious damage to my already low self esteem some times. When I first got on there a few months ago I friended a few people. I recently went to their profile and realized they patronized me for a day or two, then deleted me off their friend list. I laugh, only because It makes me too nervous to think otherwise.

I have written all that to ask, Do you have fa.cebook? Do you think about who you friend/not friend? Do you ask people to be your friend? Does it dredge up self esteem issues that you thought you worked through and was in the past? Does it spark your curiosity to snoop?

Show and Tell

Show and Tell
A few weeks ago, We went to visit my family in NC. We missed seeing snow by 1 day. That was a big bummer. I would have loved to seen snow again. I have only seen it like 2 times ever. And it never has been much snow at that.

My Aunt and Uncle have converted their carport/garage into an outside kitchen/hang out room. I was walking from the house to the outdoor kitchen and saw the biggest squirrel. At first, I was unsure it was a squirrel because it was so big. I really think this animal is bigger than one of my cats. They informed me it was a Fox Squirrel. According to the limited amount of research I did on them, the black faced ones seem to be extra rare. They all are on the endangered species list it seems.



Wanna see what others are show/telling

Friday, February 6, 2009

Progress In the making

In regards to our eating situation:

We have made progress with a level 2 nipple. We have been successfully feeding MT with a Lvl 2 nipple for almost 2 days. Successful for us means, No more intense screaming at the bottle. We have been sticking to the lvl 2 nipple since Tuesday. The sippy cup is just not going to happen yet. I have tried and tried and tried and I am not sure we are doing more harm than good with this sippy cup situation at the moment. He will bite on it to get stuff out and let it run down his chin or spit it out but he will not drink from it. I bought two different brands: this and the g.erber. I took the valve out of the gerber. I heard that was a good transitioning tip to just let it flow through. I will say that it does make a mess. He will play with them, sling them around, throw them, bite the spouts and drool the contents all over. I assume this is "learning"? Anyone know. Or by allowing him to play and I setting myself back? Any other cups that I should try?

On another note, As always, We are constantly teething. The 1 yr molars are no joke to MT. This poor child has spent most of the day just inconsolable and all out of sorts. I hate to see his personality effected so much. He is just so miserable. I wish there was something that seemed to help but nothing does. We have had to hold him and sooth him for every nap and most of the day.

Even though the teething situation is just awful, My child has moments of determination. He wants to pull up on everything and stand for hours on end. He really just wants to walk so bad. His new trick is trying to pull himself up and hold onto the back of the bouncy chair. He likes to make it bounce while holding on. He is very proud of himself. We have gotten very very close to army crawling this week also.



As for my work situation. Thank you for all the wonderful encouragement. I can't describe the feeling. It's totally uncharacteristic of me. It had to be done. My marriage was being neglected. The way our work schedules would have been set up, We would only see each other every other weekend and nights after 8pm. I would have had no help with drop off or pick up at a daycare on days that E worked. (3 days a week). I also would have had to work 8 hours a day with ~45-55 min commute each way. The start and end time of my work day was going to be determined by the daycare center hours. The more complex the situation got, the more we realized that it was time to really think outside the box for solutions. Could It have been done, Yes. It was all about our quality/quantity of life. There is no exact formula or scale for that kind of equation.

When I first told a co-worker, I was feeling that social pressure of failure. I was feeling like I had failed as a woman. You know the "Woman Can do it all" discussion we had a few months ago. I was reminded that other women work and place their children in daycare all the time and live complete, fulfilled and balanced life. I was told that it hurts at first but it gets better with time. I completely agree, some women do work and have children and feel very balanced and complete. I cannot say this for sure because I did not actually do it, but I did not foresee it "getting better with time"for me. I told E that for me, I think it would get worse with time. I read a great post recently about not judging women and their choices. It was written so beautifully. I just know that I want a life that I can enjoy and be happy with. I have a hard time with wanting approval from friends/family and it is hard to deal with when I know specifically that some think I have chosen the lazy, easy, cowardly, unpopular approach to life. I hear thoughts of "she brings such problems on herself" ...... I do not think that I chose the easy, cowardly, lazy approach. I think I did what needed to be done. I am still learning that lesson that you are suppose to understand in school. Self Esteem and Needing approval are always lingering in all places.
That you so much for the support on my last post. I read this on another blog this morning and it is too amazing not to share.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

I did it

I quit. My last day working will be Feb. 19th. I didn't feel like any other present choice was the right choice except quiting. I feel like this is going to be a great thing. I quit. I left the job I thought I went to school for. I left a job that I have been at for over 10 yrs. I quit. Can you tell it still hasn't really sunk in yet.

Today I received an email from a family friend asking me to help her plan and make a website for her daughter's wedding. She wants to pay me for my services. She didn't know I was looking for work and just quit my job. There will be more opportunities for my family that will help us out. Welcome to my new Life.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

I have what ?

Well, I went to work today – to turn in my resignation letter. Easy task. Now, they want to know if I want to try to file memos to see if I can request to work part time from the commissioner. … I am not sure if this lil exercise is worth the trouble.

Dr. Office visit – Final Diagnosis "Behavioral Issues"

Gosh, it was eventful that’s for sure. MT weighs 19.7 lbs. Good News, He has not lost any weight.

The Dr. gave him a thorough exam. Ears/Nose/Throat all clear. “Holy Cow the teeth. He really already has 8 teeth?” She also went on to confirm my suspicion. MT is getting his 1 yr molars. We discussed his eating habits at great length. She is convinced that he is displaying his personality. She said that our situation is mostly a behavioral issue. MT has decided what he likes and doesn’t like and is just letting us know. He is just going to be a strong willed, determined, high needs baby. It may or may not be related to teething, but teething, of course, does not help the situation. Basically, she says that he is demonstrating behavior that older (11 month ish) children do when they are done with formula/bottle/breast milk. She thinks he is also just being stubborn and defiant. She said she wishes we were having this discussion April or May because that if he was older we could just wean him off bottle/formula altogether and we would have to work on his behavior, but because he is so young, and demonstrating this type of behavior over a necessity, she wants me to try and transition him to a sippy cup asap(which we have been trying to do but he just bites on it due to the teething). She hopes that by transitioning to a sippy cup, our liquid feeding amount will increase and time will decrease. MT is too smart and knows that he wants solids because they taste better. She encouraged us to try and hold on off on table foods until March 1. She wants to try and get his digestive tract a little more time to develop, even though MT thinks he is ready Now.

Until I can get the sippy cup to work, I asked for suggestion on how much formula I need to focus on getting into him at a time and when do I simply stop offering. I mean I know that 45 mins of offering the bottle to barely drink 3.5 oz is a Loooooooooong time. She told me to give him 30 mins and what ever he drinks, he drinks. If I recognize that he is hungry later, try again. ..This could get interesting.

He does do a lot of wrestling and crying in his sleep the past few weeks. He just can’t handle teething apparently. I have heard the 1 yr molars are pretty brutal. Poor guy.

So basically, we have behavioral issues at 7.5 months … Good Lord, What is this going to mean when he can actually talk and walk. I am once again going to blame teething.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Bittersweet Symphony

keeps playing over and over in my head.

But on a positive spin on it, I Can change, I can change, I Can Change, I can change ... I have changed

I called my boss this morning after visiting the last available daycare option and I told her that I will be in tomorrow with my resignation letter.

I have checked out both home daycares and daycare centers in my area. Well, I have checked out those that would be available to us right now. I was just not able to find any that are right for us. Maybe it's me. They couldn't have all been bad. I am sure it's mostly me. I will be ok with that.

Right now, I am just numb. Now, I need to start focusing on finding that part time job.

During trying to find a daycare that I am ok with, I was having to question everything and analyze (over analyze) our situation and what would work best for everyone involved.

I have never actually blogged about a situation that we have been dealing with. Feeding. (all food/feeding MT talk from here)

I mean it started right after birth - we had some feeding issues. He was labeled the "lazy" eater. It would take him FOR EV ER to eat 1 oz. I never thought we would get 3 oz in him. Then eventually, things started working themselves out. Then we got a hang of breast feeding, and so on. We were up to drinking 7-8oz every 2.5-3 hours around 4 -5.5 months old. I have never gotten him to go longer than 3.5 hours w/o needed to eat again. So I started him with solids. We never have had any success with cereals. He still will not eat them at all. So we moved on to other things. I made Sweet Potatoes, banana, green beans and Apples ..these were successful. I tired carrots. green beans, sweet potatoes out of hte jars and he would not eat them. I tried many out of jars. He never would eat it. I tried having other people feed him, He wouldn't eat it. I have tried several brands and varieties multiple times out of jars, he will not eat it. (except the apples/blueberries) So I just make it. We have added broccoli, waffles, yogurt, pureed chicken, pureed vegetable soup. All with success. (when I say he refuses to eat jarred food, he gaged, makes awful upchucking noises and cries)

Ok so your thinking what's the problem right. THe problem that I realized is that no matter how many oz's h e drinks out of a bottle it takes me 45 mins to get him to drink the bottle. But we have a compound issue. About 4 weeks ago, he stopped wanting to breastfeed. (i have mentioned this) I actually can't really remember that actual date except I realized a few days later that I had not breastfed at all in a few days. So I am guessing it's been about 3-4 weeks now. I have also actually stopped pumping. It's been 4 days w.o having to pump.

We were adding breast milk in with his bottle because he would drink the bottle much better with breast milk in it.. even if there was only 1 oz of breastmilk. He knew the difference. I thought we weaned him on that slowly .. Over 4 weeks ish. Well, It's been almost 1 week on complete formula. His drinking has progressively gotten worse. I was only getting about 16-20 oz in him a month ago (plus 1-2 times of bfing), Now I am down to getting maybe 12 oz in him if I am lucky. (and no bfing) Not only am I getting only 2-3.5oz of formula 4 times a day, It takes me 45 mins to get those 2-3.5 oz in him. He will push the bottle away, refuse to drink it and get down right feisty about it. He is thirsty/hungry, but refuses to eat it. I assume it's because there is no BM in it.

So recap - it takes me 45 mins to get 2-3.5 oz in him every bottle feeding. Then about 20min to get the solids done. That is alot of time for one person with 1 child 3 times a day. I am unsure how a daycare could manage this with multiple kids with needs. It seems unfair to him but also to the other children

He is still using a lvl 1 nipple, So I recently tried a lvl 2 nipple ... There was warfare. He choked, gaged, spit out the bottle and cried so hard that I had to go back to the lvl 1 in order to get anything in him. I have tried the lvl 2 nipple a few more times and he still refuses. So today, We are going to his dr to see if he has lost any weight since his appointment a few weeks ago. We are going to maybe discuss switching formulas? She wants to check his teeth/nose/ears to see if anything is going on in there. SO ... yeah, This is where we are at today. My head is just spinning