Sunday, September 28, 2008

Are We onto something

I am not going to lie .. I am almost scared to even type this .. I am sitting at my dining room table.. Dishes done a load of laundry in, I am showered and dressed, I have on deodorant and I have brushed my teeth ... ..Where is my son you ask? .. MT is on the floor "talking" to the toys on his floor gym ... He has been there for 35 mins .. Just playing and being absolutely content.

I am also afraid to mention that the past 5 (ish) days have all resembled each other. (i am refraining from using that S word for my sanity.) Because I would not want to fool anyone into thinking that maybe..just maybe We have one of those ...

My sister is getting married very soon and We were planning her shower yesterday morning. I left MT with my dad for a few hours. It was the second time I have left him. (ok, i was only 1 house away ....but I left him regardless) In that amount of time i managed to spill the beans about how I am having real trouble with the daycare option. I cried my first public tear over the discussion of I have no idea how I am going to do that. I am supposed to go back to work the first week in Dec. and I am dreading it. .... ok changing subjects before i start to cry ...

I am concerned with my hormones ....Can they take almost 3.5 months to dump? This week has been a very rough week for me emotionally ... I can cry over just about anything this week... and I have ....

Ack...the floor gym has lost it's appeal.....

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

**things I have been meaning to document - Coming back from vacation has been a bit challenging.

MT is now up to eating about 6 oz every 3 - 4 hours now. I am actually very excited about that because feeding every 2-3 hours is extremely exhausting. He is starting to enjoy tummy time and we are trying to work on his roll over. He is “talking” up a storm now. He will have full fledged conversations with us. It is really hilarious. Last night, he jabbered on and on for about 45 mins. He has discovered his belly laughs. I absolutely cannot wait to make a video of this. I swear, It’s close to being the best thing in the world. He is still doing a great job sleeping at night. (we found that putting a long sleeve/footy onesie on helped tremendously - or socks) Nights w/o dressed like this he wakes up so much earlier. (I was just afraid to get him too warm in worries and paranoid of sids and being that we live in FL - It gets HOT) He is getting better about taking naps (longer than 10 mins) during the day. Some days are more difficult than others. He still has many of those days that once you get him to sleep, lay him down and his eyes pop right back open … but they are getting better. His 4 month appointment is Oct 15th. We we will an official height/weight check then. I am going to asked about when to start introducing solids to him at that appointment and see what their opinions are. I really need to research this solids/feeding stuff. I have no idea what to expect or do or believe. So much controversial topics with raising babies. It's hard to find the facts sometimes while digging through others' agendas and emotions when reading and researching. I am all about opinions and suggestions but some time's the article get down right forceful and judgemental.

Our lil yeast infection seems to be gone for now. I won't lie, I was worried. I thought my supply took a huge hit, but today pumping seems back to normal and we only had to dip into the frozen supply for one day and then we only needed 4 oz. It was a struggle the past few days. I was really contemplating quitting . I did not think I wanted to work that hard at establishing a supply again. I really felt defeated and deflated. It was tough enough the first time around.

Fall is here, I just wish the weather was cool and the leaves change colors. One thing I wish we could have here. I saw pumkpins in the store today and laughed. I mean, I guess I could decorate with it and not cut it open but i still think the Fl heat and bugs would enjoy it way longer than I would at this point

Ok, what is everyone watching this fall? So far the list is:
The New 90210
Gossip Girl
The Mentalist - I think I am in love
Lipstick Jungle
Brothers and Sisters
Dirty Sexy Money
I am sure there are others I just can't think right now

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Hodge Podge

1- WARNING TMI Alert- The past week I noticed my nips were getting more and more sore after every pump. I chalked it up to using a new pump. Yesterday I went back to pumping on the symphony. A few pumps into it and I noticed that my left nip started to bleed. I am not sure why but I called E's name and he came over after that I have no real recollection of what happened until I found myself laying in my bed. Apparently, *or obviously) I passed out. It was NOT that much blood at all. it was a teeeny weeny droplet. I am unsure if it was from the pain, the blood, the stress I have been under lately or what. After I was told was happened and collected myself, I drank LOTS Of water and relaxed the rest of the day.
*After a few phone calls, message boards and emails, I have decided it was a combination of the new pump rubbing my skin so I need new bigger horns, and I believe to have yeast. My stored supply may take a dip since I was so traumatized yesterday I didn't pump at all after the big drama. Thank God my husband was home. Please let me and my body be up and running again soon. I am using this .. So We are all purple ..

2- I have this stroller, It is great. I have not had any problems with it. It is definitely a light weight stroller and we enjoy it often .... BUT I keep eyeing this other stroller. I go walking pretty much every day and I can see the lightweight stroller is not made for this type of activity. I am obsessing this one at the moment. Anyone have any comments about this one? Or Suggestions for a good one.

3- My mother is not doing well again. Hormones are evil.. Multiple Dr's still think this was brought on by School has started and of course, it had to be an ordeal. They built a new school, she had to re-set up her brand new classroom. No chalkboards and overhead projectors. All new technology and gizmo's. *this is a woman who hates email and computers. So she is overwhelmed trying to learn the new technology .. THEN worse part, They received a new curriculum. She is having to read and do all new curriculum and she is so far overwhelmed she is having panic/anxiety attacks. Once again, we are in the process of weaning her off a med in order to put her on a different (hopefully better) one. The Dr's agreed that she was being over medicated, So they want to bring her dose down so they can start her on a different kind of med. A mood stabilizer. I really do hope she finds comfort in this new drug. I am told that getting her on this new med will take 2 months if all goes well. I am SO not looking forward to me.nopause .. Frankly I am quite scared of what this means for me.

4- We have been using cloth diapers of and on for a week now. I have to say, I am a HUGE fan. We have In.dian prefol.ds and covers , bu,mge.nious 3.0's m and g diapers. My favorite is the bumgenious'. They are expensive for a set up cost, but SUPER absorbent and very durable and easy to clean. I have a few leaks with the g diapers, but that is mostly because of the breastfeeding. It really doesn't seem that taxing to me to wash them. I know lots of people say they are such a pain. I guess you could say they are an inconvenience because you have to carry it around until you get home, but is that really a huge deal?

Well, Laundry is done, dishes are clean, but ti.vo is full.. Going to clear it off and put my feet up

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Show and Tell #4

I am playing along with the Show and Tell this week.

These are some random pictures I took on our trip.

This is Min/St. Paul from the sky:

Some body of water flying over Michigan that I think resembles North America: (i was amused)

Michigan Sunset in the Air:

Look at this old Mickey D's Sign:

Doctored Photo of My Baby's Feet:

Friday, September 19, 2008

I apologize for the whiny posts that have happened recently .. Low energy, lack of sleep, jet lagged and caring for a 13 week old has tested me a bit lately. My nerves are/were unraveling

Follow up - MT had a few fussy/cranky days. I am still not certain it is teething but it may very well be. It could be trip/jet lag also. Or a combination of many things. We are still trying to figure out his feeding requirements. I swear he changes things just to remind me who is in charge .... Ok on to our trip

We had such a wonderful time. I was nervous for nothing. E's Dad and Wife were very gracious to us. It was not awkward for long. E's dad smiled from the time he saw E and MT until he dropped us off at the airport to leave. I know he really loves E so much. So much more than I think I gave him credit for. They took us up their cabin in the woods for a few days. It is on the Michigan/Wisconsin border. That is as far north as I have ever been now. It was very cold. Well, I say very, It was in the fifties and I was freezing. I do believe they really love being grandparents. It was shocking and warm at the same time. I was really unsure how all of this would play out.

Having a baby on vacation is EXHAUSTING ..... Well having a baby to care for is exhausting .. Now add caring for a baby w/o your regular household baby items. It's quite challenging and you learn to be extremely creative.

I was so worried about our plane ride.. We received many of "the look".. You know the "OMG this baby could scream the entire plane ride .. NO lord PLEASE let them NOT SIT by ME" Look. .... Yes, That look. But MT slept most of the way there and back. I would try to feed him at take off/landing if he was awake - but he didn't seem bothered by the whole experience. Thankfully.

We crossed a time zone and that has also seemed to mess with my lil tot. He seems to be on central time right now ... everything seems to just be off. I am hoping that in a week we are back sailing along again.

I know you want pictures, Here ya go

Thursday, September 18, 2008

this torturous topic already?

Can a 13 week old really be teething? Apparently, i am So very ill prepared for this topic.

Drool - check
MUCH more Cranky/Fussy than normal - check
chewing on everything and putting it straight in the mouth - check

not wanting to eat or cry through the feeding .... eating less, wanting to use me as a pacifier (nuk) and biting .... are these signs?

how do i check for swollen gums?
we are back from vacation. overall, it was a great trip. MT had his fussy time always around the time dinner was ready, no matter what time dinner was at. (par for the course). everyone enjoyed spending time with each other. He really was a great, enjoyable baby. I will have to update more later. right now i am overwhelmed by mounds of laundry, unpacking, suitcases galore and just pure clutter all over and a baby that refuses to be put down again. He has been crying most of the morning. he refuses to nap .... If this continues, i may call the dr office. He is not breathing easily. This could be from crying ....

this morning, He has peed through 4 disposable diapers/outfits , his pack n play sheet, crib sheet , my bed sheets ... All the clothe diapers are in the washer. ( i should mention, i only own enough for 1 days worth - it was to try them out to see if we liked them) He has been hosed off 3 times. It's noon and i am covered in baby bodily fluids from all orifices and just want a shower .....

Welcome home ..

Monday, September 15, 2008

Sneak Peak

We are still on vacation for a few more days - Lots of stories to tell but right now all I have time for is Vacation described in pictures .. ( oh I got a haircut.. Bout time!)







Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Who is this woman

Remember that Woman that was constantly whining about not being able to breastfeed her child in public .... That woman today breastfed her child numerous times on 2 flights, in the Mi.nneapo.lis/St. Pa.ul airport food court. I seriously even pumped in a service center corner all courtesy of a nursing cover. I HAD to, I was going to explode. So I think I can say that I have unleashed the "attitude". I was in shock after I pumped. I was discreet, extremely discreet but SOMETHING had to give ....I was in some serious pain and my child was hungry..My Care-o-meter of what others would think was running low. I know, there will be some that roll their eyes in disgust, that's ok .. I would have too if it were a different time and a different place not so long ago....But I am VERY proud of myself right now ..naysayers need not comment - just think it to your self

* tried to find a family rest area, or a bathroom with a plug but the only plugs I could find were at the airside for labtops and I am not that the service center has cubbies with outlets .. I used that

Oh yes, we landed safely and MT has an angel child on both planes. I know everyone on the plane is very proud of him not screaming at all ..

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Finally ...... maybe another Growth Spurt

My precious Lil MT went in his swing w/o any protest at all today for the first time. He also slept 13 hours last night then took quite a few naps during the day today.

I am claiming I think I am noticing the tail end of a growth spurt. We were going 2.5 -4 hours without having to feed. Then For a week we would barely make 2 hours. The poor child was ravenous. Yesterday, again ..MUST EAT EVERY 2 HOURS!!!! I fed him, gave him a bath .. tried to feed him again at the 2 hour mark, He wanted nothing to do with feeding, He wanted to sleep. So I just let him sleep. He slept from 7:15 pm - 7:50am. I woke him up, I was getting nervous. I took his temperature because I just assumed he was sick ... (way to think positive huh). His temp was normal. I changed his diaper, offered him a feeding. Then he slept again. This is the child that only takes cat naps. He slept 45 mins. I changed his diaper and tried to put him in the bouncey seat. He stayed there but eventually got hungry, So I fed him again. About 30 mins after that feed he was still awake so I put him in the swing to finish packing. (We fly out tomorrow at 8am.) I left him in the swing, I walked by about 3 minutes later and he was already back sleeping. He slept for 1.75 hours ... I was beginning to worry .. Then it clicked, He is 12 weeks, This must be his growth spurt. He has not ate very well today (thank god for my pump). I am wondering how our plane ride will be since I am really unsure of his eating schedule right now. I do not really know how long a growth spurt lasts. I am impressed that I remembered that there is a growth spurt at 3 months. My breast feeding group said that 6weeks and 3 months, 6 months, 1 yr are the milestones. We have 2 under our belts now. And now I am starting to recognize the signs.

We are jetting off to the Home of the Packer's tomorrow to let MT meet my FIL and his family for a week. I have actually never met the FIL myself. ( i have met some of his family). If you will, think good thoughts for us. I am really nervous about the flying with an infant, the meeting the In Laws, staying with the InLaws because they insisted, family drama (there is a lil bad history , of course, but hopefully the past is past).....

Finally, Blogger let me add the follower option. So Cool. Follow along if you wish. See ya when I get back

Monday, September 8, 2008

12 weeks

I laid in bed last night filled with anxiety, worry, overwhelming joy, frustration, sadness and many more emotions I actually don't even know how to describe.

MT is 12 weeks old today.

In the early days just arriving home from the hospital, there was just mere exhaustion. I was functioning off adrenaline and bliss. The more sleep I got, the more I noticed my mind would wonder, then wonder turned to worry, worry turned to frustration .. "Am I doing this right", " I know the books say this", "I can't help but worry I am doing this wrong". I had conflicted advice/assvice from many real life influences. "You need to establish control and a schedule early on", "You can not spoil a newborn", "Embrace these days, they are numbered", "Do whatever to survive, this to shall pass", "Enjoy these precious moments now, you will want them back". "It will get easier", "You should read ..."

I was overwhelmed. I had my own ideas of "how things should go" and sometimes they went according to my idea/plan and other times they were variations and mostly they were not even close. I allowed myself to become extremely frustrated at the situation. The situation being, i did Not want to make any mistakes early on that would later hinder MT .. Trying to be the perfect balance of a parent. I felt like since it took me a while to achieve this Parenting Roll, I wanted nothing more than to be a perfect parent doing it all right, "I asked for this". I felt like I should have been prepared. I should be able to do it all just so and perfectly. I mean, we had been trying and preparing for this opportunity for years and years. I had been dreaming and planning for motherhood LONG before marriage. I have had plenty of time to prepare. I read books, researched material, items and thought I was going to be good to go, right out of the starting gate. I knew there would be a learning curve, but had NO IDEA how big of a curve that would entail.

Here we are, 3 months later, all surviving and most days thriving. Without much advice from a stupid book nonetheless. There are books with great ideas, there are books with really useless ideas. But, I have found something far greater than some advice in a book. Instinct, intuition and observations based experience with MT . I am unsure when/how it happened, but I just know, feel, can tell how/what MT needs most of the time. I assume or equate it to spending time, holding, touching, examining, caring for him the past 3 months. He still likes to keep me guessing on whether it's a bouncey seat day or a swing day or neither. There is no rhyme or reason. in the beginning, the swing, bouncey seat were commonly referred as the torture chairs, because if MT was placed in either, You thought we had begun a tar and feathering session. Now, his time in each are extending as each day passes. We are able to use our floor gym more and sometimes He is able to lay there w/o me standing over him or sitting next to him. He still is not a fan of tummy time on the floor. but enjoys being on his tummy on my chest (of course) and the boppy.

MT is getting so strong, he loves to stand up while being held. He makes great eye contact, trys to grab things. His latest discovery is trying to sit up if you are holding him at an angle. He always has been a very verbal gabberor. Oh and he LOVES to lick/suck on his hands/fists.

He has begun drooling and making bubbles. He still loves to be held alot. He enjoys being outside. and I enjoy him...All of him. I enjoy being able to meet his needs, I enjoy holding him, I enjoy cuddling with him. I enjoy our conversations. I swear he understands me sometimes.

I am still working on my confidence and attitude. I am learning I do not have to defend my choices on raising MT. I am trying to work on others words and how they are said not affect my ability to mother. It's ok if family/friends do not agree with me. It's ok for me to change my mind. I see my biggest problems thus far is confidence but I see how much I am improving daily. MT and I are still getting to know each other and we are still learning.

A big one, I breast fed in public on Friday. It was at the nursing moms group ..BUT I did it, and I was proud of myself.

Another controversial topic - Schedules. I have noticed that there is a pattern most days. It may not be on the hour/second mark. But there is a schedule forming slowly but surely. When I think about the word schedule, I can help but twitch.

I think WHY do I want to enforce something at such a young age. I feel we try and make children grow up so fast as it is. Why on earth would I want to subject my now 3 month old ( then barely 4 Weeks old) on a schedule. He will forever be adjusting his schedule as he grows up - why not let him just be now that I have the time to just let him be. This is how i truly deeply feel. Then I have a conflicting thought, what If can't get him on a schedule later on. What If I hinder his learning and cognitive skills .... .. Then I just get overwhelmed and frustrated. I understand that there are different schools of thoughts, different theories and many different options and choices.

over the past few weeks, i have observed that MT licks his lips and sticks it in/out like a lizard when he is hungry (about 2- 3hours after the start of a feed), He Sucks on his hands/fist when he is sleepy (about 30 min to 1.5 hours after a feeding). He used to wake up as soon as I would put him down, (yes that means i held him to sleep - or he fell asleep with me holding him). I am now able to put him down and he will take a 30 cat nap. I kept saying things like, we don't have a schedule and my husband keeps reassuring me, we do have a schedule because when he asks me when MT needs to eat again, or sleep, I have an answer and I am pretty close to being right. I just lacked the ability to see it as a schedule and I lacked the confidence to admit that I truly do know what and how to handle my child. It is coming. These past 3 months have really have changed me foundationally

Happy 12 weeks MT!


look how much you have grown



Saturday, September 6, 2008

Not sure what to call this

BF/pump talk in red skip if not interested:
The pump is fixed .. Half was a operator error and half was a lil fine tuning was needed. It is fixed. It will do the job. (operator error was: When I was only putting one side it, It wasn't sucking very hard .. So I would, stop and complain that the vacuum wasn't great and get frustrated .. Once you put the other side in, and have both going at the same time, It works perfectly, It just Knows ..... Slaps Forehead ....

So here is my 2 cents after using it to pump a few times now. I really do like the hospital one. I like the 2 expression features. The new pump/style Ad.vance has the 2 expression phases (i believe - from the specs on the Internet). The feature is fantastic. It is what I believe has made my pumping more efficient. I start pumping with the expressing flow then it cuts off and after the first wave of milk stops running out, I hit that button again and by the time it has run it's cycle and getting back into regular pumping, more milk has been expressed. So If I were in the market for a m.edel.a pum.p, I would go with the PISA. *Keep in mind there are other pumps, I have only used the ones. Since we did get the pump up and running, (but the old ones do not have the 2 phases) I am going to give it a whirl on vacation. **(if we get to go - more on that in a minute) If I find that I am still pumping the same amount and I feel it is able to express all of me milk, I am going to return the rented one at the end of the month. My many concern is that I am able to produce the same amount of milk. I am quite obsessive about my supply and I want every last drop out So I can put it in bottles and keep freezing some. (Yes, I have cried over spilled milk - Only once though. It was 5oz. At that time, It was the end of the world. It was late and it was early in my pumping days)

Ok moving on - I know some people out there just hate football.. I am NOT one of them. I love football. Always have. My parent's used to take me to the Buc's games when Tes,teverde was QB and they were Orange/White with a terribly dumb looking buccaneer logo. I was sold. Then, I went to a college with a national champion football team (not even close now though). In this town, there is only one sport and it's the only thing in town to do. So, I am pretty into the fall season of football. It started young ... Now I get to do the same: Starting him young, subjecting him to what I know is good for him
He looks pretty happy about my decision.

**there is a Hurristorm out there right now and of course No weather person knows where it is going. Some models show it hitting pretty near us and it looks like a pretty nasty storm. I received an email from the airline letting me know that our trip may be interupted by a hurricane. They would send out more information as the storm and date were closer to let me know about any cancelations and arrangements. We are supposed to leave Wednesday .. to be continued I guess.

The Drama Continues:

Joe called Phil to let him know that Mike was released from the hospital, but he is not sure where he is. All he knows is he is not staying at the house because Mom has let the Felon Boyfriend (FB) move in and take care of the younger children because he is "looking" for a new job and Mom needs someone to watch the younger children because the older children are all mad at mom and making themselves very scarce these days.

Phil calls Mom - Mom admits that Mike was released and so she drove his vehicle up to the hospital and gave him the keys and gas money. Mike drove himself to a facility treatment center. He will probably be there for 30 days. They have a further conversation about how Phil is pretty much disgusted at Mom and the whole situation. Phil calls Mom and adulteror. Mom tells Phil that it is not adultery, It is pre-martial sex because they are going to get married. Phil Laughs, He explains to Mom that this is SO NOT just pre-martial sex. She disagrees. Phil tries his best not to yell. He then asks Mom if she is pregnant again. Mom gets extremely defensive, never really answers the question, but does say that "Not that she knows of" and adds, "the only time in life she is happy is when she is pregnant". Which in Momspeak and reading between the lines, Mom is trying to get pregnant again ... ... Phil reminds Mom how old she is and how much of a risk it would be and how much of a burden it will be. Mom laughs at Phil.

Phil spends another hour listening to Mom's excuses, denials and explanations of why she is pursuing happiness in this manner. Because, this is her pursuit for happiness. "Mike gave {her} no choice, and is forcing {her} into the arms of FB". Phil is ill. Phil continues to explaining to Mom that FB doesn't have anything to offer - He doesn't even have custody of his own child - she is a ward of the state. FB is a convicted felon therefore, limited on jobs he can do, if people will hire him. He further explains that she is going to lose all that her and Mike have worked so hard for. Phil also reminded Mom of all the bad things that have happened in the past 3 months that she has been out having her little rendezvous. The 16 yr old got arrested for shoplifting while Mom and FB took their "kids" to the Mall, Many Many Many Fights with the older children because they are losing all respect for Mom and calling her names to her face. A visit from the Child services, cops being set to the house, a husband that tried to commit suicide, an four your old that misses her mom, etc .....

Phil explains to Mom that He is not ok with any of the situation and that She needs to get her act together before it is too late. He is worried that This is only the start of more bad things to come. He is scared that she is making irrational decissions that are going to come back and haunt her in the end. Mom and Phil Hang up ... Mom is bawling, Phil is teary-eyed. He is afraid that it will be the last time he talks to Mom for a very long time.
The New Baby Lullabye.

I am off to call that breast pump company that seems to have the market cornered. I am hoping they can get me back in business ..Either them or my Dad (The Other Tim the Tool Man) will get me more power ....arrrghh arghh argghhh

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

opinions and experience needed

Help please. ... I rented a breast pump from our local hospital. I am getting ready to go on a trip and I am not going to that that item with us. It's bulky and really expensive. Here is my quandary:

I bought a used one of these (from 2006) off craigslist - I was using it for a month and some change. It does not have enough umph or suck to double pump. My OB and the LC advised me to go rent one from the hospital because they suggested i really needed a double pump .. (Uhm, I have seen the light, Can I get an AMEN to double pumping.) So for the past 2 months, this is what I have been using.

Now I am in a weird position, I want to go get a pump of my own but only if the pump is strong enough to double pump. These are not like outfits, I believe all sales are final, so I can't try it out. But In the long run it will be cheaper (as in I could have bought 1/2 of one from the rental fees already). I have gift cards still, So we could afford to buy one.

My husband also mentioned, just renting one for the week at his dad's. The hospitals in the area will do that. I have called and checked. SO now - your thoughts ..... Anyone have a really good dbl pump that gets the job done? Should I buy it or keep renting because it is something that I will not use much longer after I stop bf-ing. I am hoping to bf for a yr.

Monday, September 1, 2008

We tried out a new seat for MT - He loves it:

I left my child in the hands of my father and my husband for less than 10 mins and this is what they do: