Friday, August 29, 2008

I wanna be a Dairy Cow

I read a blog this week that was talking about how they do not usually post pictures of their children on an IF blog for sensitivity reasons. I understand that - It's an IF community and the raw sight of children could be very upsetting to us at different times in our journey. I have not forgotten that - I know that I am a HUGE offender of splashing my child on my blog. I wanted to share what I posted on her blog in reference to children/baby pics on blogs. I wanted to make it clear to any of my readers that when I post a picture of MT on my blog, I do it because I feel like he is apart of this community. I feel like he is apart of all of you that have commented, emailed, sent prayers, good vibes and any amount of support for me and my situation. I feel like he is just as much apart of this community as the next TTC blogger. I do. I really do. Just like the saying "It takes a whole village to raise a child", I believe that is how MT got here. This whole village! So I want to share him with you. It is not at all done out of selfishness or have anything to do with me forgetting what it is like in the trenches of cycling. There isn't a day that goes by that I do not think about this community. The experience, friendship and knowledge have carried me through many hard times and I want to give back so others can feel what I have felt and am feeling. I really feel a strong bond and connection to so many. I just wanted to clarify that. Her post made me think

On a lighter note, I was watching dir.ty the other day. It was an episode about a dairy farm. I never in a million years thought I would be jealous of a Dairy cow .. But the Host was explaining that the dairy cow gets hooked up to a milk pump for 40 mins and produces 8 gallons of milk ..... I will be honest, I became extremely envious ... OF A DAIRY COW ..... Seriously? ... Who is this person blogging ... The Vet was also explaining how they check for mastitis and then showed them giving their utters a "cleaning" with this fire torch ... to burn off the hair ... OMG really? The cows never flinched at all when they used the fire, the vet swore they couldn't feel it ...... WOW am I really talking about this ... Ok well there is where my mind is ... apparently I am still nuts. If you were concerned

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Wednesday, August 27, 2008


*alot of bf-ing talk, My head is jumbled and confused ... Just a heads up so you can stop reading if you have no interest or just aren't there

I am torn:

Most of my TTC years were not fantasized on how I was going to feed my child. I fantasized more about family activities, showing my child the world, teaching them to ride a bike, showing them the ocean, watching them play on the island we used to go every weekend as child, dressing them in cute/trendy outfits, taking lots and lots (actually an obscene amount) of pictures, outings to the parks .. That kind of stuff.

I never thought much about breastfeeding. I was not a fan of it. I was not breastfed, I was not around many that do breastfeed. Therefore it was this weird unknown thing for me. Yes, yes I said weird and unknown. It creeped me out. I don't really know why, It just did. I have many friends now that are actual consultants and teach classes on it. I have referred to them as my weird friends.. I used to tell one friend all the time that I thought it was just so bizarre and totally weird that she breastfed. (insert many ironic head slaps here)The more I think about it, the more I think this was another unhealthy cooping mechanism for me. I have plenty

While carrying MT, I never once really thought that I could bf. I just knew that was going to be another area where my body was going to fail me. I just knew that I was not going to get my hopes up at all. I think that is another one of my unhealthy cooping skills from what IF does/has done to me. Well, Here I am, On the flip side and actually producing milk and with a son that enjoys bf-ing. Pumping is going good *knock on wood* (when said son cooperates). He is going to be 3 months old soon. He didn't latch on until he was 6 weeks. He gets Breast milk in a bottle for the most part. He has never breastfed in public (unless you count my car in a parking lot under a shaded tree away from all other cars) Why? You ask. Because I am a walking, talking hypocrite and the guilt is killing me and beating my confidence daily. (and because my husband {and his mother but that is a whole 'nother issue} is the only family member that is supportive)

You know that saying " When you point at someone you have three fingers pointing back at you" ... Well That's what I feel like. I feel like I pointed fingers one too many times about people bf-ing in public and Now here I Am.... Needing to breastfeed in public and I can't .. I feel ashamed. I feel guilty. I feel worried about offending people, I understand why they may get offended, I was them once. I also feel like I am letting my son down .. Already and he is too young to know what a big huge failure I am.

I am in a bf-ing support group that I attend regularly once a month. I can not tell you how empowered I feel when I leave this group. It is ultimately amazing. I need to figure out how to make some friends from this group. They have a forum/email group that I am apart of but everyone that posts has older kids usually. I never see any new moms post. I often wonder if anyone else feels like me. I hate being the poor needy new mom that is whining about not being able to publicly feed. It's really stupid and ridiculous if you really thing about it.

Friends/Family keep telling me that "once I get him off the breast, his schedule will be easier to control". I don't think his schedule is a problem. He is little, he is needy, he is going to cry some days. I don't think that it has to do with my breast milk that he is crying. He is growing, peeing and pooping just fine. Bottom line, I enjoy it, He enjoys it. I need to get thicker skin - I need to Make a decision to stand up for myself and my Son. I think BFing is not for everyone. Just like TTC - some get to make the choice and some times the choice is made for us. I get to make a choice and I wish I could just choice to tune everyone else out and feed my son when I want to instead of relying on the pump so much. I am afraid the lack of support is going to lead me to talk myself into quiting and I AM NOT A QUITTER!

Maybe I should order one of those bf coverups . ... I just need some encouraging and reallife support (just to make known - I do highly appreciate a RL friend that has been nothing but encouraging about th is topic - thank you from the bottom of my heart)

PS. My shipment of geee diapers have arrived, We will be started those tomorrow I believe.

Monday, August 25, 2008

I will have Drama with a side of drama

*Phil's phone rings. It's one of his brothers Joe. "Mom hasn't been home lately, She is hanging out with a new guy, he just got out of prison. It's Stacy's best friend Shirley's dad. Mom just came home to grab clothes and sleeping bags and left with him"

Phil responds, "what about Mike?" (mom's current husband, #4)

Joe - "Oh, he is here, upset that mom is running around town with her new boyfriend."

Phil (30)- "Where are the rest of the kids?"

Joe (21)- "Tony (23) is upset and just cries because there is so much dysfunction and turmoil, Scott (18) just ignores the whole thing and is pissed off, Stacy (16) hangs out with Shirley in their bikini's on the roof acting like sluts, Jason(10) just plays computer games, and Beth (4) cries because she misses mom (48)."

Phil and Joe talk more to try and figure out what to do. This situation is all too familiar for them. Joe's father cheated on Mom about 10 yrs ago and Mom went out and met Mike and got pregnant with Jason and then got a divorce so she could marry Mike. Mike and Mom's relationship started out on rocky terms and has never really been great. Mom fills voids with babies every few years. They lost a child 6 yrs ago to 18 after they had Jason. Everyone was very traumatized because Mom never told anyone anything was wrong with the baby. She almost died in delivery because she had switched OB's so many times because she did not like the news they gave her. The delivering OB didn't even know the baby was T.risom.y 18. Mom told everyone after the fact that the Dr's were telling her things but She didn't want to beleive them and that If it was bad, God would not have let her get pregnant. And being pregnant meant God was making things better and they were going to be ok. Mike took this news very, very very badly and did not grieve well and was Very upset that Mom did not tell anyone things were not good. A few yrs after the loss, Mom tricked Mike into having Beth.

A few days ago Mike calls Phil. He is worried about Phil's Mom. She is doing stupid things and he is worried that Mom is sleeping with boyfriend and trying to get pregnant again. And he is mad that Mom is having a felon around his kids.

Phil explains to Mike that he needs to step in and do something. Something smart, nothing impulsive and crazy but something to save his marriage and help stop Mom from doing really stupid things.

A few days go by, a few million phone calls from the Kids and Mike ... Result in a phone call that Mike was found in the floor one morning and had OD'd on some pills. Nine 1 one was called, Mike went into the hospital unresponsive and is currently in I.CU on a ventilator. While Mom is playing house with Felon. Or Course, he has moved in. He doesn't have a job, cash, life. He is sponging off her . She enjoys it because "he tells her all the right things" He makes her "float".

Phil, being the oldest of 8, feels the need to drive over and see what the heck is going on. So he packs up his family and heads that way.

After spending some time with Mom and the Kids, he realizes more bad things are going on and that Mom has lost all self respect apparently. Mom just wants to be "happy" and dang it, She Deserves to be happy, even if it means no one else is. She is happy to be lusted after by the Felon and enjoys waking up next to him. (she says all this while she is clutching on tightly to her grandchild) While Beth, the 4 yr old is insanely jealous of the grandchild. Beth admits that she hates the grandchild because it is making Mom not hold her anymore. (this attitude and meanness from the four yr old continues and only gets worse all weekend Phil and his family are there) Beth starts hitting and kicking Mom while Mom holds grandbaby. Because "Mom doesn't love {her} anymore and she is going to pout until mom holds" her.

Phil's Family packs up on sunday and heads home feeling at a loss, brokenhearted from disappointment, and ill from the matter at hand. Adultery, Disregard for humans (and actually animals too *another long story), Pure disguised .. What next, What else could this Mom possibly do next to upset her and her children's lives?

*names may have been replaced to protect the innocent IF there were need to protect the innocent.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Spread the Love

American Express is offering funding for Projects to Better Serve Communiuties. Resolve is one of the nominees. Read more and Vote here

Wednesday, August 20, 2008


I've been tagged! Nurse Lochia tagged me, and here are the rules
1. Link to the person who tagged you
2. Post the rules to your blog
3. Write 6 random things about myself
4. Tag 6 people at the end of your post and link to them
5. Let each person you have tagged know by leaving a comment on their blog.
6. Let the tagger know when your entry is posted.

1- I am not the mother I thought I would/planned to be. I have mentioned this before. It STILL amazes me, the things I find myself doing, researching and saying. I see the looks in people faces or the tone in their voices when I say things now that contradicted my previous opinion/stance. I usually try and defend myself or explain why/how I have changed. Sometimes, I just throw in a chuckle at laugh at myself because This Woman/Mother is not at all who I had imagined me to be. I like this new woman. I like her alot. I feel calm, I feel Freedom, I feel contentment. These are things I have longed for. I am going to enjoy these feelings for as long as they last.

2- My house is never organized. Now, It is driving me crazy. I was not an overly organized person to begin with but now all i want to do in my spare time is straighten, organize and downsize. My vacuum cleaner was not doing a job to my liking, so I pitched it and got a new one. I have cats, I want the floor clean when I lay a blanket on the floor for my child to lay on. It was driving me insane. (more things to add to the list of what i never cared about before)

3- I wish I had a bigger kitchen. One day I am going to take a picture of our closet sized kitchen (no, I am not exaggerating). It is ridiculous. It makes me so hate cooking because of lack of counter space and cabinet space. My dream home will have a HUGE eat in kitchen

4- I watched the whole series of 90210 from start to finish recently. It was being replayed on the Soap Channel. Every day for 10 months, my tivo recorded 2 episodes a day. ( It just started over again Tuesday - If you are interested) Should I admit that? too late

5- I desperately need new ring tones. I have had the same ones for well over a year and I am tired of listening to them ... taking suggestions
General Ringtone - 1234 Feist
Hubby - The Way I am Ingrid Michaelson

6- In my organizing, cleaning spree, I found and rolled over $350 in change (holy pennies) and took it to the bank.

If you want, Tag you're it.

Wanna see a cute boy? Of course you do.



Just so you don't think he is always happy:
He didn't want to get out of the bathtub ;)

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Anyone have any experience with I am very interested

Jumping on the bandwagom

this may be cheating, but I saw that the book brigade was discussing Eat, Pray, Love. I was mesmerized by this book a few months ago and wrote a post about it. I thought I'd repost it again since it was being brought back up on other blogs. I actually kept notes on this book and have re-read parts over again. This book really captured me and helped open my eyes to human relations and spirituality. It showed me that there is so much more in life about spirituality that I can't even grasp. It challenged me to think outside of the little box of my experience, knowledge and expectations. I can not stop saying great things about this book. I felt some of the passion i had lost over the year seep back into my soul after reading/studying and challenging myself in this book.

We are sitting at home today watching the weather reports. Hopefully Fay will have very minimal impact to our state ..She looks like just buckets of rain

Friday, August 15, 2008

2 months Oh My

2 Months Oh my

Thank you for playing along for my cheap entertainment.

We went to MT's 2 month check up today. He is 23.75 inches long (72%), 12lb 6 oz (48%), he has a small noggin in the 38.5 cm (13%) - Owell, So does his mom so, It's ok.

All seems to be going well with him and as long as things continue to go well, we do not have to go back until he is 4months. My Dr said that now is the time to start trying to enforce a bedtime ritual. I told him that we start around 7pm and he usually falls but wakes up sometime around 10-11pm and wants to eat again, then sleeps until 5-7am. He said that was pretty darn impressive and that we should continue that. He also stated that if he woke up before 7-8 hours not to offer him food, let him hang out in the crib to see if he would go back to sleep ..... UHM, I will try but I will not make promises if it gets bad. He said he was old enough and at a weight (over 12 lbs) that he should be able to last at least 8 hours w/o eatting. (we'll see) So, we are all good.

Here is a video we made on our trip - Sorry it's long, If i could figure out how to edit, I would:(anyone know how to embed a google video?)

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Blog Comment Fun

054, originally uploaded by FARAHBETH.

Make photo captions ... go on... have at it ..

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Post Vacation ?

The past 2 days have involved my child thinking that he has to nurse constantly .... as in ALL THE TIME (unless he has a bottle in his mouth ;) be happy. Apparently, now that MT is 9 weeks old, he has decided naps are for babies, Not Him. I have grown weary of fighting him on these 2 topics ...

He does nap after he nurses but as soon as I move him off my lap, he is beyond unhappy and no matter what I try, we end up back nursing .... Is he testing me? Anyone deal with this? Is this post vacation behavior?

If he wasn't so darn cute, I'd be upset.

On our trip, I forgot to mention that he got his first dip in my relatives Salt Water Pool. He wasn't in long due to the sun position. I didn't want him that exposed, but I really wanted to see how he liked it. He loved it. I think I just linked flikr to my blog to see the pictures.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Home again Home again giggity gig

Happy Anniversary to Us. E and I have been Married for 6 years. I was looking for a wedding picture to post. This computer must have crashed and they are 0n my photo disc. I will try and find one. It really was a day I will never forget. I had the most fun that I could have possibly had.

We made it home .... in 9 hours. Poor lil guy was Excellent on the trip. He slept a long time but towards the end he was just ready to get out of his car seat. That was the longest he has ever been in that seat. Everytime we would stop, We would pull him out to get a break and change his diaper .... WOW is all I have to say about road trips with wee ones. Next Trip, We will drive ourselves and stop more for a longer period of time and not try to "do it all at once, wide open to get home faster" .... Trust me, that was NOT my idea ....Not at all

E and I sat in the back seat with MT the whole way there and back. I am curious to see how car rides are for a while now. He usually doesn't have someone sitting back there to entertain him .... We will see.

I am trying to figure out how to post my flikr pics...


First Off ... I apologize for the short, snarky post the past few days .. I guess that the hormonally induced AF got ahold of me - it sucks and I am sorry

Secondly - Packing with a new small family member that requires so many different gadgets, Is beyond interesting .. Generally Speaking, I overpacked ..but I felt it was better to be prepared than caught off guard.

Things I packed -
Anticipated 3-4 Outfit changes a day
Anticipated 2 dirty blankets a day
Pack n Play and sheets
wash cloth/towels
boucey seat
bottle warmer
dishwasher basket
diaper bag and etc.

Things I forgot and had to go buy
Bottle Brush
Diapers (yes i really forgot diapers)
Baby Wash

Things I Wish I had brought -
Baby Monitor

The vacation, so far, as been great fun (in spite of AF and her shockingly early arrival). The others are catching us some lobster which I am very glad about. We are having a great time. Let's see how we all manage after the 7/8 hour car ride tomorrow. We left at night the first time so I was not worried about MT sleeping .. But tomorrow we are leaving during the day - should be interesting.

Of course, Here are some pics:






Friday, August 8, 2008


It's been 16 days since the Old AF .. WTF am I bleeding again?? I haven't taken the mini Yet..... Maybe I should? Is the Beoytch making up for lost time? What a lovely way to start the first morning of vacation ...

Mental Note - next time I go on vacation - I will bring the baby monitors .... (or maybe I am a paranoid over protective, smothering mother)

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Road Trip

I was talked into going to Key West (really the most unfriendly baby place I can think of) for lobstering a few nights ..... we leave in a few hours ....

Why does someone so small require SO many items and trips to the car to load it all up!

Tuesday, August 5, 2008


Thanks for playing along to "What Happens if Stirred?" Keep playing if you wish

I have been thinking alot about that statement ever since I washed my hair with a 2-in-1 shampoo/conditioner the other day because my child decided to scream at the top of his lungs as soon as I turned the water on and got wet. I almost got out of the shower but decided to grab my husbands 2-in-1 and get it over with quickly. I mean .. Girlfriend needed a shower.

I have always bought the 2-in-1 for my husband but I used "other stuff". Ya know the kind that you buy in salons .. the good stuff. I may not "fix" my hair every day but I do like to treat it well. But there are things that change your every day routine when you introduce a baby into your life. Including your view on personal hygiene. I spend alot of time trying to invent more 2-in 1 ideas to make my life easier.

The other 2-in-1. See Once you commit to your partner for life - you 2 become 1. But you 2 are still individuals and still have individual ideas and ways of doing things. My husband and I are definitely 2-in-1. However, when it comes to MT - we have different experiences and ways to do things. E is the oldest of 9 (7 living - ranging in age from 24-4) He has had plenty of experiences with raising children - in fact for most of those years- he was raising the kids because his mother was divorced and working to make ends meet. So he got a alot dumped on him at a very early age. My experience was babysitting. My sister is only 4 yrs younger than me - SO i don't have hands on experience" from an at home experience. I have lots of babysitting experience. But no much is too bad for a few hours when you are getting paid for it. I say all of this because for the first month, As much as we were 2-in-1, I was driving E alil crazy. (good thing he laughs at me alot) I had a routine down: Wake up, Change diaper, feed, play time (swing or bouncy), sleep, wake up, change diaper, play time (tummy time, boppy, swing, or bouncy), sleep, wake up, change diaper, play time ..... anyone seeing a pattern here ..... What I forgot to mention was there was alot of crying involved ... By 2 parties and pumping sessions . Me and the MT .. Yes my friends, I was TRYING my best to establish a schedule.. Did I forget that I do not do the same thing every day either? I mean think about it.. We may do relatively close to the same thing ...But like Groundhog Day ... Really ... C'mon Farah ... aren't you smarter than that....

My husband doesn't work a 9-5 job M-F ..He has days off during the week and every other weekend. I was trying to make him follow the same schedule. He was watching me get frustrated and finally kindly stepped in and asked me why I was making this harder than it needed to be. Thank You E. This is when I remembered that we really are 2-in-1. He could have let me run myself weary and force something that didn't need forcing - but He lovingly stepped in cautiously and reminded me that this is a group effort- he may not do exactly Like "I" do. But he loves MT and cares for him and that different types of love/caring are needed to grow up and that MT will appreciate both of us for the different people we are in the 2-in-1 package.

But on a serious note - Unless you are much more poised and better than Me -If you are due soon - Run out and buy a 2-in-1 shampoo/conditioner ;)
8lb 13oz

10lb 13 oz

Self Treatment is going pretty well. I have found a love for all of these yogurts - Til I read the sugar facts on the back of this one (w/ honey) today .. (these are pretty good too - way less "bad" stuffs as ingredients it seems)but I found something interesting -

What Happens if Stirred?

Saturday, August 2, 2008

A few Questions/comments

Nothing too eventful has been going on just some random questions/comments to throw out into cyberspace -

My dad is really uncomfortable with me nursing. Before anyone says it's none of his business - I know it's not and we are going to continue - My father just says that he doesn't feel comfortable about the whole thing. So it makes me nervous and a lil freaked out embarrassed as him. I bring bottles - we are still using bottles but sometimes, MT just wants to nurse ... We will work through it .. Pleasures of having parents so close and involved.

Ok next - Anyone ever deal with Thrush - We seem to have a very very very very very mild case of it and I am trying a few home rememdies this weekend before callin in the big guns. I accidently wore a tank/bra twice on wednesday - and by Friday noticed very mild stinging every few times I pumped/nursed . I have been using this website as a guide this weekend. I am using the olive oil and vinegar wash .. seems to be helping alot. I went and rewashed everything and bought more tanks/bras. I am afraid to treat MT with anything in the mouth but this website has a few suggestions for him but I am timid to try - anyone ever done baking soda/water paste or ac.idophi.lus on their newborn (well technically almost 8 week old)?

I went to the nursing mom's group again - MT decided to be fussy the whole time unless he was sleeping - Apparently I am that mom with the fussy kid .. He was just out of sorts and tired - I felt bad but really wanted to stay .. I get good information and feedback there. He eventually fell asleep and all was well.

Somedays are harder then others - He likes to be held some days more than others. And quite honestly, I don't really care what the books say - we will do what we can to make it through the day with as little bad habits and needing a therapist is possible.

I had more to say/ask .. I may be back asking for more ...