Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Life Revolving around Cycles

If you haven't read my update from my Dr's appointment today, here is the long and short of it - Clom.id didn't work well and I am moving to injectibles/IUI. Today is CD2, I technically have a chance to get med's to me by tomorrow in time to use them for CD3. However, my husband and I have decided to sit this cycle out. We are moving, adjusting to a new shift, recovering financially from moving, etc. It would be a big rush fest to with moving, $$, and sleep deprivation. So sticking to the assive of many of my relatives and fertiles, We are just relaxin' this cycle. I will call my Dr's office and cancel my CD8 U/S and ask to reschedule next cycle. I have cried all day today - for many reasons really- I'm sad we are moving on to bigger, badder, more aggressive treatments. From what I understand from my Dr is that C.lomid wasn't helping my body make a high enough supply of progesterone at the end of my cycles to enable a pregnancy. My numbers should have been somewhere around 20 and they were at 7. I have mixed feelings about this. My Dr NEVER truly did a 7dpo test, only a CD21. So is that a fair assumption to make on his part??!! I asked him and he insists that 4-5 days would not have make that great of a difference and that it is unnecessary to provide with me progesterone supplements/suppositories. Being that I am not a DR, and there is alot of conflicting research on progesterone, I am forced to believe him until proven otherwise. (any feelings on this)

Another reason is finances. It is so hard for me to grasp that I have to spend more than $25 (a bottle of wine) to get pregnant - after 4+ years, and just when I think I have come to terms with it, I have to justify it to family member(s) and close friend(s). *who are not infertile* Then I start feeling sorry for myself and that leads me into a talespin. Is this a feeling that I will revisit until I conceive or does it stay with you for ever? Can't I just get over it. I am NOT one of the lucky ones!! Why can't people just except that? Some people require a little assistance. It doesn't make them broken or whatnot, It should make them resourceful and diligent. But instead it makes us impatient and not relaxed ........then why does this lead into the "just relax, you are trying too hard" speech??

My Dr recommends 75 iu of Bravel.le from CD 3-8, U/S and blood draw on CD 8, about 7-10 more days of injections, U/S and trigger with ovi.drel. Then IUI 24 hours after trigger. Is this all about standard? I have never actually researched meds, units, amounts times and such? I am just making sure this is all about standard. I am contemplating calling another RE's office and getting prices for their procedures. Our Insurance does not cover any of this, so we are on our own, like alot of people. At this point, I do not feel any emotional/financial/bonding ties to my RE and I am not happy with the way that office makes me feel at all. The Dr does a fine job explaining things to me - but over all I have a take it or leave it attitude. I chose this Dr because I was under the assumption that they comp'd some treatments, but after today's lil meeting, I know otherwise. I was trying to ask the Dr for pricing and I know he may not completely have them memorized, but shouldn't he make arrangements for me to speak to the financial coordinator?? He just told the scheduler to schedule me for an U/S Monday and told me where to call to get the meds. It just feels so weird? I am going to call back tomorrow and ask about payments and stuff... I am feeling very overwhelmed and afraid of prices.

My husband is the kindest, most calm man on the planet. I left work today early, came home and discussed our options at' nauseum and even though I am sitting out 1 cycle, I feel like it will be good for us. I do not like rushing into things. Starting tomorrow - that rushes me. I like to have all my ducks in a row and all my instructions understood. Plus, I would be moving while mixing/giving myself the injections and my husband really said that he would feel better if things were alittle more organized - and he is right. Also, I have an apportunity to try and find Brave.lle from left over cycles and try to save some money.

Well by this point, I am sure you can tell what kind of day I had so far ...... SHITTY, just plain and simple SHITTY . My eyes and head hurt from crying so much.

14 comments:

My Reality said...

Sometimes, a month off does wonders for the mind.

I think your protocol sounds pretty standard for an IUI/inj cycle. But if you aren't happy with your clinic, do you have other options in your area?

Sunny said...

I am so sorry. I have cried my days worth many many times. I have also consumed MANY a bottle of wine over stupid results.

My first IUI was with clomid and injections. Okay I am for sure not a poster child since I do not have a child and am not with child, BUT my body did really well without major side effects.

HUGS to you. Try your best to enjoy this month. Enjoy your husband. Try hard. Hopefully next month you will get knocked up!

Trish said...

I've not done any injectibles, but the cycle that got us pregnant this time with Clomid with Ovidrel trigger & IUI.
(I have a terrible time with OPKs so I insisted on the trigger for my own peace of mind.)
Our was timed at 36 hours. I did a bunch of reading, and that's sort of a doctor's choice thing. Theoretically you should O 36 hours after the trigger, but you know.. who really knows. We have sperm issues, so getting the boys up there with the egg at the right time is of the upmost importance. But I'd think 24 hours after is pretty good. The sperm should live (even after a wash) for 48 hours, so you should be good.

As for pricing, I'm blessed to live in a mandatory coverage state, so I've not had to worry about it too much. I did have to pay for my ovidreal OOP last time and it was about 75 bucks.

My old RE had a pretty typewritten price list that I had to sign to agree to pay if my insurance didn't cover.
My current RE has never mentioned a thing about it. I think it's all in the office.

I hate that you're missing a month because when we took a month off, it hurt me so much, so I know how it is.. but in the logical, grand scheme of things, I think you're doing the right thing.
I hope this works out for you..

Lara said...

Ugh I am so annoyed! I just typed this HUGE comment to you and it DISAPPEARED!

Basically what I said was that I understand how you're feeling. No one said IF was easy. But chica I need you to know how proud you should be of yourself! You dealt with that nurse who knew nothing and got an appt to see the doc who I am sure if VERY busy, and now you're trying something different! I'm excited, you know my doc says that after 5 clomid cycles if it was going to work it would have and its time to move on. The reason I'm excited for you is that now you're going to the next step and while its a bit more aggressive, it may just bring you what you're wanting! If you hadn't gotten that appt with your doc you'd still be doing the same old thing which obviously was not working! IUI's are nothing to be upset about. They are not nearly as expensive as an IVF, nor are they as invasive as an IVF and they have a really good chance of working because they take the very best of your husband's swimmers and put them exactly WHERE they need to be, exactly WHEN they need to be there! Also, because you tend to have low progesterone, you should ask your doc to do a P4 a week after your IUI to make sure your progesterone is high enough to maintain a pregnancy. If not you may need to do PIO or progesterone suppositories. It would be a reasonable request considering your history of low progesterone! OK, well if you have questions, please please please come to me, I'm a total IVF veteran and I've done just about everything IVF has to offer! I'm happy to answer any questions you have!!!

Chin up girlfriend!

Love Lara

Courtney said...

I'm so sorry to hear that you are feeling down about everything. Your post reminds me of myself about 3 months ago when we decided to move on to injectables. Well, that was until the cost was determined and then we decided to sit it out. It hurts terribly, and I wouldn't wish that pain on anyone.

The upside to this is that you do have a plan, and now you can take this month to focus on what lies ahead and then go for it when it comes time. You will be a lean, mean injectables machine. :)

Once you have had time to come to terms with things for this month (because it really is hard to transition from the sadness of setbacks) then live it up a little during your off time.

I will be thinking about you.

Artblog said...

Everyone else said it so well, ony for me to wish you luck, strength and peace of mind.

May you only need to spend more than 25 bucks just the once :)

X

butterflyanla said...

:( I am sorry. I wish I could hug you. I have spent many days crying. In the not so distant past I spent a whole week crying. Some times it just feels that life is beating us up and there is no way for us to beat it back. Hang in there. I also know how much moving stress seriously blows. It doesn't matter if you are moving 6 ft or 600 miles. Hugs.

Kate said...

I'm so sorry. I hope the new plan is the one that works for you.

SaraS-P said...

I have had the speech, and I hate it. Taking action does not make you impatient! It makes you dedicated to the cause!

A month off can be good for mental health. It sounds like a good idea to me.

And, if you have other options for an RE, I say look into them.

T-girl said...

Uhmmmm, I read your post and it was like if I was writing at some point because I can relate to your feelings very much!
It has helped me a lot to take one day at a time and focus on being and feeling OK that day, without worrying on what tomorrow's may bring.... Just like learning to walk, One step in front of the other.
It's not easy at all, but focus on today instead of trying to fix my whole life it does seem to, at least, get going the never ending healing process.

I really think that when deciding to ungergo IF treatments you need to be 1000% "confortable" with the job done by your clinic and your dr. (IMHO) If you have any second thoughts I will suggest to look for other options.

I send you a Biiiig Hug!!!

Reproductive Jeans said...

Im very confident that this is THE plan for you--I am crossing everything, and I hope you are having a better day--the shitty day syndrome seems to have navigated north of you....sigh.

The Oneliner (Christina) said...

soory you've had such a crap day. testing your progesterone on CD 21 is incorrect. (Unless that just happened to be 7 DPO).
Arbonne sells this neat-o progesterone cream which could help(during the 2ww).
I so think you should take a cycle off.
Sorry it's been 4 years, and that $12. bottle of boon's farm isn't enough.
blech. infertility.

JKH said...

I'm so sorry you're having such a crappy day. I think you're doing the right thing by sitting out this cycle. You have so much going on.

I don't know anything about your injection protocol as I've not gotten to that point yet. I wish you all the best with your move, and I hope that you're able to get things worked out finacially with the dr. office. I think that will take a huge weight off your shoulders.

Jayleigh said...

**hugs**

I hate it when my head hurts from crying.

"Is this a feeling that I will revisit until I conceive or does it stay with you for ever?"

I had that feeling until about 8 years TTC. Which I hope you never find out. Now I'm at 14 years. And I'm more calm in some ways, and yet my clock is ticking like the Croc in Peter Pan.