Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Basket Case*

"Do you have the time, To listen to me whine, About nothing and everything all at once?" - Green Day

When I started write tonight , this was the first thing I thought of.  I mean Where do you begin when you haven't blogged in months and have 10 irrelevant draft posts waiting for a purpose?  You end up with Bullets, That's where you end up. So, Here we go:

  • I have been continuing the Moving On philosophy and After finding this book, I have been more diligent in staying motivated and found validation in needing to Move Forward and Saying More Yes's.  If you are looking for a good pep talk in a more sarcastic, less victim way.  I recommend this read.  
  • This may have been the hardest year of my life thus far.  It seemed like I was forced to  deal with many of my skeletons, past skeletons, stupid people, and causalities of many times all at once.  I feel like I have put in many months digging trenches in the rainy season.  It was been an emotional, physical journey.  I have not always been graceful about it.  I have done more then my fair share of complaining.  I do feel that there was a period that I was down right depression and believed I was doomed and defeated.  I HATE THESE WORDS.  I HATE these feelings.   They baffle me and drag me into the undertow.  Some how, we dredged through. 
  • In 3 days, I will have a 2 yr old!
  • In 6 days, I will have a mortgage schedule!  We are under contract and close on the 29th! We could not be more excited. I feel very adult and proud of my husband and I. Surreal.  It feels like Such an adult thing to do.  I don't know why buying a house feels so adult, But It Does.  I has been a mind-bending process. 
  • I got in some credit card/money troubles in college and it took Years to overcome these mistakes I made.  A few yrs ago, We decided that we would not buy anything that we could not pay cash for.  It has been our policy for the past ten-ish yrs.  So, Buying a house was so ,um, Not obtainable for us if it means we have to pay in full.  I have learned a lot through the process.  I feel like We(I) are capable of making better financial decisions for our family now.  
  • I told someone the other day that the Thirties has been very kind to me.  I got to be a mom, I quit my job, My husband and I are living on a very tiny budget and we are buying a house.  I really am so proud of all the hard work that we have done to get here.  It seemed impossible.  We made it possible.  People helped us make it possible.  I fully embrace and understand the "It takes a Village.." mentality.  The village in which I grew up in extended themselves to my family and made miracles happen.  We all contributed, to make a home for my family.  Things are just lined up just as they should be. Families I used to babysit for, family friends,  Church Families, Local Community has all pulled together packed me up, moved me to storage and now have researched and contacted me when they heard of a house that needed owners.  It took a village to find this deal.  AND let me tell you, It is a Deal.  And I appreciate every person who contributed in getting us where we Are meant to be.  I feel like I was a few months ago, I was starting to practice the Pla.ce of Ye.s before I knew exactly what Be.thenny Fra.nkel meant.  Owning a home is a goal that I have had but poo poo'd the thought for so many years.  
  • I shy away from all things unknown because they are Scary.  I think I am finally learning to embrace a new lifestyle.  Try things, I will know instantly if it is a fit for me or not.  My gut will tell me.  I acted on a gut instinct and I knew it was right.  I acted on a gut instinct and instantly knew it was wrong also.  I am learning to trust myself.  It is Ok to trust myself.  I am learning to be the empowering female role model I want to portray to the world, my sons and my friends.  I like THiS person much better then the Basket Case that dominated most of this Year.  I am constantly Learning ...... and Changing ... And That will not stop as long as I an breathing.  
*Song Title by Green Day