Thursday, February 12, 2009

On the Move

Work has blocked practically every website so I am very behind on updating and checking blogs. Speaking of work, Only 2 more days to go until I am done there. On Friday, I saw a part time job annoucement and went to go apply. They actually interviewed me at the same time. On Monday, I receieved the job offer. I am waiting for the paperwork to clear - so am still not official hired, just saying prayers that is all goes well and I have a p/t job soon.

E and I have been working on our relationship in regards to MT. Do you ever re-read your posts and think, “Man, I was really one sided”. The past few posts have been one sided for me. I get in this funk/runt/obsession over something and it just tears my self esteem/confidence to shreds. That only invited all the self doubt and fears to show up in the corners of my mind. Then they start taking up residency in my entire mind and before long, I am paralyzed and unable to concentrate on anything but the negative. If I am not confident about a situation, I feel all kinds of things that others may or may not really be thinking or feeling. I am my own worst enemy ..truly I am. I really dislike this trait about myself. I hate that I allow this type of behavior to paralyze my ability to function. It annoys me. I can only imagine that it makes those around me want to slap me out of it. Because I want to do that to myself. I need to loosen up, stop over thinking too much, and learn to be more confident. It’s exhausting. I am hoping that as I continue to parent, I will become more natural.

Speaking of parenting, I have been one for 8 months now. I have an 8 month old. I feel like Life is stuck in slow motion and on fast forward all at the same time. Remembering how small MT was as we watch him finagle his way out of his bouncy seat and inchworm over to a toy on the floor. Or watching him pull himself up onto the couch and bite the cushion. He has figured out that he can move. Change his diaper and watch him squirm, flop and roll. He still prefers to hold onto fingers and walk around. His balance is slowly getting better. He is getting braver to explore on his own. What once was known as torture time (tummy time) is now becoming a fun past time. He is able to entertain himself on the floor with toys for so much longer than ever before. (which has been a HUGE blessing). I thought I was going to have him strapped to my body forever in the beginning. He has figured out that he can flip himself over on all fours and crawl/inchworm over to the rails of his bed and pull himself up. (Dangerous territory).

I was putting away many of his clothes that he has out grown. He is in the 9-12 month range. And we are started to run out of clothes options. I had tons of nb-6 months. The grandparents supplied a few new outfits in the 9-12 month range for Christmas, but once I started putting away clothes that he has outgrown, I started realizing that I need to get ready for the next few sizes. I got a little emotional putting all the little clothes in boxes. I am still unsure of what to do with them. I keep getting told to just keep them for the “next one”. Ugh. A thought I cannot even process.

My hormones are seriously all over the place. And I am not just referring to mood swings. I am referring to feeling the effects of PCOS back in my body. I need to stop and eat better. I am hoping this will help. My cycles have gotten so off and miserable and I can just feel a huge shift in my body and I need to take care of myself and keep the carbs to a minimum. I think this will help me mentally also.

On a totally unrelated topic, Did anyone watch the Gr.amm.y’s? My cousin is a designer and did a few outfits for the show. How cool is that


Adriane said...

That's great about the p/t job! I so hope it works out.

Cannot believe MT is 8 mos old. Crazy. Time flies. Packing away the clothes is the worst. Makes me cry every time they change sizes.

I absolutely re-read my posts sometimes and almost always think, "well I was in a crappy mood that day."

Mountain Girl said...

Congrats on the p/t job. It sounds like it was all meant to be and you'll have adult time and MT time with a little cash thrown in there - the best of both worlds! Maegan said...

her fruity set was hilarious and her costume was RAD!! Your cuz did an awesome job!

It must be insane to be a mama ...what is PCOS? I have to go look it up :)

LIW (Lady In Waiting) said...

I could have written the second paragraph about myself. My mind has always been and continues to be both an escape from reality and a paralyzing force. Being imaginative is partly a curse for the reasons you mentioned. I can convince myself that nearly anyone is thinking nearly anything about me (and it is almost never positive.) Sometimes I make myself imagine a stop sign to literally redirect my thoughts but it doesn't always work. Basically, I feel your pain. Maybe try to get outside for a walk here and there - the endorphins help me more than anything else (well, next to therapy, that is.)

Good luck on the p/t job. How awesome that things might fall into place so quickly! :-)


Wordgirl said...

What wonderful news on the PT job! One door closes and another opens -- hooray!

And Farah, I'm constantly in awe of what a natural parent you've been and continue to be to MT --you are doing a beautiful job. I hope I could do even half of the job you do.



Jen said...

I usually discover my one-sidedness from the comments I get.

I've got my fingers crossed for the job!

Delenn said...

Wow--how to be unemployed and then re-employed! :-) Congrats!

8 months old--the fun begins! :-)

Obession is a mom pastime! ;-)

AJ's mommy said...

Yay on the p/t job!

I get very sad putting away Ausi's too small clothes.