Work has blocked practically every website so I am very behind on updating and checking blogs. Speaking of work, Only 2 more days to go until I am done there. On Friday, I saw a part time job annoucement and went to go apply. They actually interviewed me at the same time. On Monday, I receieved the job offer. I am waiting for the paperwork to clear - so am still not official hired, just saying prayers that is all goes well and I have a p/t job soon.
E and I have been working on our relationship in regards to MT. Do you ever re-read your posts and think, “Man, I was really one sided”. The past few posts have been one sided for me. I get in this funk/runt/obsession over something and it just tears my self esteem/confidence to shreds. That only invited all the self doubt and fears to show up in the corners of my mind. Then they start taking up residency in my entire mind and before long, I am paralyzed and unable to concentrate on anything but the negative. If I am not confident about a situation, I feel all kinds of things that others may or may not really be thinking or feeling. I am my own worst enemy ..truly I am. I really dislike this trait about myself. I hate that I allow this type of behavior to paralyze my ability to function. It annoys me. I can only imagine that it makes those around me want to slap me out of it. Because I want to do that to myself. I need to loosen up, stop over thinking too much, and learn to be more confident. It’s exhausting. I am hoping that as I continue to parent, I will become more natural.
Speaking of parenting, I have been one for 8 months now. I have an 8 month old. I feel like Life is stuck in slow motion and on fast forward all at the same time. Remembering how small MT was as we watch him finagle his way out of his bouncy seat and inchworm over to a toy on the floor. Or watching him pull himself up onto the couch and bite the cushion. He has figured out that he can move. Change his diaper and watch him squirm, flop and roll. He still prefers to hold onto fingers and walk around. His balance is slowly getting better. He is getting braver to explore on his own. What once was known as torture time (tummy time) is now becoming a fun past time. He is able to entertain himself on the floor with toys for so much longer than ever before. (which has been a HUGE blessing). I thought I was going to have him strapped to my body forever in the beginning. He has figured out that he can flip himself over on all fours and crawl/inchworm over to the rails of his bed and pull himself up. (Dangerous territory).
I was putting away many of his clothes that he has out grown. He is in the 9-12 month range. And we are started to run out of clothes options. I had tons of nb-6 months. The grandparents supplied a few new outfits in the 9-12 month range for Christmas, but once I started putting away clothes that he has outgrown, I started realizing that I need to get ready for the next few sizes. I got a little emotional putting all the little clothes in boxes. I am still unsure of what to do with them. I keep getting told to just keep them for the “next one”. Ugh. A thought I cannot even process.
My hormones are seriously all over the place. And I am not just referring to mood swings. I am referring to feeling the effects of PCOS back in my body. I need to stop and eat better. I am hoping this will help. My cycles have gotten so off and miserable and I can just feel a huge shift in my body and I need to take care of myself and keep the carbs to a minimum. I think this will help me mentally also.
On a totally unrelated topic, Did anyone watch the Gr.amm.y’s? My cousin is a designer and did a few outfits for the show. How cool is that