Monday, February 2, 2009

Bittersweet Symphony

keeps playing over and over in my head.

But on a positive spin on it, I Can change, I can change, I Can Change, I can change ... I have changed

I called my boss this morning after visiting the last available daycare option and I told her that I will be in tomorrow with my resignation letter.

I have checked out both home daycares and daycare centers in my area. Well, I have checked out those that would be available to us right now. I was just not able to find any that are right for us. Maybe it's me. They couldn't have all been bad. I am sure it's mostly me. I will be ok with that.

Right now, I am just numb. Now, I need to start focusing on finding that part time job.

During trying to find a daycare that I am ok with, I was having to question everything and analyze (over analyze) our situation and what would work best for everyone involved.

I have never actually blogged about a situation that we have been dealing with. Feeding. (all food/feeding MT talk from here)

I mean it started right after birth - we had some feeding issues. He was labeled the "lazy" eater. It would take him FOR EV ER to eat 1 oz. I never thought we would get 3 oz in him. Then eventually, things started working themselves out. Then we got a hang of breast feeding, and so on. We were up to drinking 7-8oz every 2.5-3 hours around 4 -5.5 months old. I have never gotten him to go longer than 3.5 hours w/o needed to eat again. So I started him with solids. We never have had any success with cereals. He still will not eat them at all. So we moved on to other things. I made Sweet Potatoes, banana, green beans and Apples ..these were successful. I tired carrots. green beans, sweet potatoes out of hte jars and he would not eat them. I tried many out of jars. He never would eat it. I tried having other people feed him, He wouldn't eat it. I have tried several brands and varieties multiple times out of jars, he will not eat it. (except the apples/blueberries) So I just make it. We have added broccoli, waffles, yogurt, pureed chicken, pureed vegetable soup. All with success. (when I say he refuses to eat jarred food, he gaged, makes awful upchucking noises and cries)

Ok so your thinking what's the problem right. THe problem that I realized is that no matter how many oz's h e drinks out of a bottle it takes me 45 mins to get him to drink the bottle. But we have a compound issue. About 4 weeks ago, he stopped wanting to breastfeed. (i have mentioned this) I actually can't really remember that actual date except I realized a few days later that I had not breastfed at all in a few days. So I am guessing it's been about 3-4 weeks now. I have also actually stopped pumping. It's been 4 days w.o having to pump.

We were adding breast milk in with his bottle because he would drink the bottle much better with breast milk in it.. even if there was only 1 oz of breastmilk. He knew the difference. I thought we weaned him on that slowly .. Over 4 weeks ish. Well, It's been almost 1 week on complete formula. His drinking has progressively gotten worse. I was only getting about 16-20 oz in him a month ago (plus 1-2 times of bfing), Now I am down to getting maybe 12 oz in him if I am lucky. (and no bfing) Not only am I getting only 2-3.5oz of formula 4 times a day, It takes me 45 mins to get those 2-3.5 oz in him. He will push the bottle away, refuse to drink it and get down right feisty about it. He is thirsty/hungry, but refuses to eat it. I assume it's because there is no BM in it.

So recap - it takes me 45 mins to get 2-3.5 oz in him every bottle feeding. Then about 20min to get the solids done. That is alot of time for one person with 1 child 3 times a day. I am unsure how a daycare could manage this with multiple kids with needs. It seems unfair to him but also to the other children

He is still using a lvl 1 nipple, So I recently tried a lvl 2 nipple ... There was warfare. He choked, gaged, spit out the bottle and cried so hard that I had to go back to the lvl 1 in order to get anything in him. I have tried the lvl 2 nipple a few more times and he still refuses. So today, We are going to his dr to see if he has lost any weight since his appointment a few weeks ago. We are going to maybe discuss switching formulas? She wants to check his teeth/nose/ears to see if anything is going on in there. SO ... yeah, This is where we are at today. My head is just spinning


seussgirl said...

I'm so sorry that you have to deal with all that stress! I wish I had something helpful for you, but I don't want to give you bad advice, so I won't try to make something up. :) Good luck!

Heather said...

I'm hoping he is just a picky eater and there isn't something wrong!

I hope you find the solution to eating bliss.

Anonymous said...

Sorry there's so much going on for you right now. I know you'll always do the best thing for your family! Good luck!

Mel said...

You know we are soulmates on the work/finances/childcare situation and I am so proud of you for making the decision that needed to be made for your family. It's tough, but things work out. They always do, no matter what. Life doesn't stop!
I hope the feeding situation works out and you can feel less overwhelmed by it all and somehow find a manageable resolution.
*hugs* and mad love

Road Blocks and Roller Coasters said...

Ugh. That is definitely rough. My ped suggested that Lemy might have a texture issue when it came to food since she wasn't loving solids at all. And she also doesn't drink a whole lot during the day, though she would nurse all the time if she could.

I'm definitely curious to see what your ped says. I'm thinking of you, sweetie! ((HUGS))

Amanda said...

I just know the job situation is going to work out the way it's supposed to (as if things really go any other way). I have faith for you!

I really hope the doctor can give you some info to help out with MT.


Anna said...

Any chance you could arrange a nanny share when you go back to part-time work? Splitting the cost of a nanny with another family brings the per-hour cost down to daycare range. And assuming there weren't two same-age infants, the nanny might have more time to deal with the feeding issues.

So sorry you're dealing with those, btw. Is there any point in going back to pumping once a day so you can put a bit of EBM in each bottle?

Hopeful Terri said...

So sorry about the eating/bf thing. I can sympathize with you. Hang in there.

We are going through our own little issues now.

Good luck finding a p/t job.

Morrisa said...

Hmmm...well I don't have any advice quite yet about the feeding issues but I do know that you have to do what your heart is telling you is right (re the daycare issue.) I hope everything works out for the best, I'm sure it will.

Delenn said...

Sorry you are dealing with things from all fronts! I am sure it will get better.

Kathy V said...

Well I have no advice. I have heard of stomach obstructions before but I have heard that they usually occur at a younger age. Maybe they can check to make sure. Because breast milk is thinner, sometimes it is not detected right away or until the obstruction gets to the point where they can't eat cause the food has nowhere togo. Hopefully it is nothing and he will eat soon. have you tried mixing baby pear jusice with water. It is sweet but then will also relieve some stomach issues. I hope you things turn around soon. My sister also found a yogurt that was safe for kids and has a lot of nutrients in it. SHe also found that my niece started to eat better when she was feeding herself. My sister started giving her small pieces of watermelon and honeydew and cantaloupe first because it was soft and juicy.

Sorry the daycare situation didn't work out but you know what is best for your child and your family. Part time work is probably ideal for your family. Are there any other stay at home moms in your area that could help you out 1-2 days a week. Then you could help them out on the weekends or the evenings. It becomes like a trade off. Plus the kids get to interact without having too many of them. Good Luck with the child care and the job prospects.

Photogrl said...

You know that what you're doing is what you need to do. That's all that matters.

I hope you, the doc, and MT find a way to make eating/drinking a little easier on the both of you.

Wishing a little peace for you...

AJ's mommy said...

I hope all is okay and that he just picky. Austin isn't a huge eater when it comes to solids. He eats them, just not alot.

Good luck on the p/t job. I hope something pans out!

Elizabeth said...

wow... if it isn't one thing it's another, huh? That sounds so stressful. Thinking of you.

Lissa said...

I was just wondering???? Have your tried the jarred applesauce in his milk? My daughter had real bad acid reflux when she was born, so we had to make the milk thicker so she could keep it down. We added to her milk, 1/2 jar of applesauce and 1 scoop of rice cereal flakes. This thickened up her milk, and it tasted better than just the milk =]. Maybe he has a "sweet" tooth? Maybe worth a shot...