keeps playing over and over in my head.
But on a positive spin on it, I Can change, I can change, I Can Change, I can change ... I have changed
I called my boss this morning after visiting the last available daycare option and I told her that I will be in tomorrow with my resignation letter.
I have checked out both home daycares and daycare centers in my area. Well, I have checked out those that would be available to us right now. I was just not able to find any that are right for us. Maybe it's me. They couldn't have all been bad. I am sure it's mostly me. I will be ok with that.
Right now, I am just numb. Now, I need to start focusing on finding that part time job.
During trying to find a daycare that I am ok with, I was having to question everything and analyze (over analyze) our situation and what would work best for everyone involved.
I have never actually blogged about a situation that we have been dealing with. Feeding. (all food/feeding MT talk from here)
I mean it started right after birth - we had some feeding issues. He was labeled the "lazy" eater. It would take him FOR EV ER to eat 1 oz. I never thought we would get 3 oz in him. Then eventually, things started working themselves out. Then we got a hang of breast feeding, and so on. We were up to drinking 7-8oz every 2.5-3 hours around 4 -5.5 months old. I have never gotten him to go longer than 3.5 hours w/o needed to eat again. So I started him with solids. We never have had any success with cereals. He still will not eat them at all. So we moved on to other things. I made Sweet Potatoes, banana, green beans and Apples ..these were successful. I tired carrots. green beans, sweet potatoes out of hte jars and he would not eat them. I tried many out of jars. He never would eat it. I tried having other people feed him, He wouldn't eat it. I have tried several brands and varieties multiple times out of jars, he will not eat it. (except the apples/blueberries) So I just make it. We have added broccoli, waffles, yogurt, pureed chicken, pureed vegetable soup. All with success. (when I say he refuses to eat jarred food, he gaged, makes awful upchucking noises and cries)
Ok so your thinking what's the problem right. THe problem that I realized is that no matter how many oz's h e drinks out of a bottle it takes me 45 mins to get him to drink the bottle. But we have a compound issue. About 4 weeks ago, he stopped wanting to breastfeed. (i have mentioned this) I actually can't really remember that actual date except I realized a few days later that I had not breastfed at all in a few days. So I am guessing it's been about 3-4 weeks now. I have also actually stopped pumping. It's been 4 days w.o having to pump.
We were adding breast milk in with his bottle because he would drink the bottle much better with breast milk in it.. even if there was only 1 oz of breastmilk. He knew the difference. I thought we weaned him on that slowly .. Over 4 weeks ish. Well, It's been almost 1 week on complete formula. His drinking has progressively gotten worse. I was only getting about 16-20 oz in him a month ago (plus 1-2 times of bfing), Now I am down to getting maybe 12 oz in him if I am lucky. (and no bfing) Not only am I getting only 2-3.5oz of formula 4 times a day, It takes me 45 mins to get those 2-3.5 oz in him. He will push the bottle away, refuse to drink it and get down right feisty about it. He is thirsty/hungry, but refuses to eat it. I assume it's because there is no BM in it.
So recap - it takes me 45 mins to get 2-3.5 oz in him every bottle feeding. Then about 20min to get the solids done. That is alot of time for one person with 1 child 3 times a day. I am unsure how a daycare could manage this with multiple kids with needs. It seems unfair to him but also to the other children
He is still using a lvl 1 nipple, So I recently tried a lvl 2 nipple ... There was warfare. He choked, gaged, spit out the bottle and cried so hard that I had to go back to the lvl 1 in order to get anything in him. I have tried the lvl 2 nipple a few more times and he still refuses. So today, We are going to his dr to see if he has lost any weight since his appointment a few weeks ago. We are going to maybe discuss switching formulas? She wants to check his teeth/nose/ears to see if anything is going on in there. SO ... yeah, This is where we are at today. My head is just spinning