These Aren't the Days to Remember..this too shall pass

(spell check isn't working- again)
well i got my MFM appointment - i have a consult tomorrow at 9:30am. I was called at noon to "inform me". Then My lvl 2 u/s will be the 19th at 1:30pm

The above is the drama free version. Below is the crazy, emotional, hormonal pregnant lady who would just like to see her baby and all Mini's organs version:

The poor lady that schedules appointments got more than she would have liked this afternoon but was really a gem in dealing with me - ok here we go:

She called to explain that I would need genetic counseling - I informed her that I underwent all the testing we would like until further looks at the baby stated other wise. All my NT scans, AFP results came back with no concern therefore I was under the impression that I was high risk due to a few m/c's and my blood/immune disorder. Well apparently my OB's told them that they are worried about my ASD repair and my fused vertebrates. Which is News to me because Thursday - she assured me I was high risk because of the blood/immune lo.ve.nox combo (the others are no elephant in a room-I am aware of them but all my life have been told it was just a fluke/mutation and all my pre-fertility treatment testings/chromosomal testings revealed nothing to be concerned about- according to my OB and RE). SO when she told me that I had to have more testing, I lost it. I cried and tried to explain to her that I was not requiring or requesting any more genetic tests. I was happy with all my results thus far until we see something to be concerned with. (see being the most important word in the sentence) I am 20 weeks, it won't change a thing. She told me she was going to call my OB and RE to confirm that I had done tests and see if they thought i needed more ..... so i had an emotional break down for 2 hours because obviously, they did not have my file nor read my file before making the appointment. Why would they require me to do stuff that I have already done and do not care to do more of? I am just starting to enjoy this thought of pregnancy and need no more opportunity for concern or worry or anxiety- I do plenty of that w/o dr's orders. I just wanted to have a dr LOOK at my baby and THEN IF they see a problem, discuss it. Not vice versa

Well, she called my OB and my RE and apparently the testing that they did is "different" OF COURSE IT IS!!! and If I do not go tomorrow for the genetic couseling, when I have my scan on the 19th, This appointment will not be with a dr. She explained to me that if I refuse the appointment tomorrow, then at my scan on the 19th which is in a diiferent location, will not be done by a dr and my results will not be discussed with me. They will mail my results back to the OB's office and let the OB's office deliver the results to me. If something was/is wrong, I would have to get in line for an appointment and hopes I get seen.

So after a few phone calls were made(and tears were cried), we have taken the appointments reluctantly and pissed off about the whole scenario. I am just tired of being poked and prodded over and over again. I am tired of worrying, and having anxiety attacks, I just want to be able to enjoy this at some point.

Good thing my co-workers are not here today because i have just cried and cried. I think it's tacky and ballsy that a dr's office can call on a 20 hour notice and demand that you come in on that day (my husband is supposed to work on the day of the scan and can not get off- so he will have to do the unthinkable and call in sick and hope he doesn't get in trouble). I tried explaining to the appointment scheduler that my husband could not come that day and she told me to come by myself or bring a friend. ON THE DAY WE MAY FIND OUT THE SEX AND determine if all things Mini are ok. I THINK NOT YOU &*()^&@! I gave 7 other days that were better for us and she told me, I don't know what to tell you.?!?. WHAT really ??!?! .... i think that may be what I am upset about also. That and discussing things that w/o looking we will not know for sure. Basically, I know it may seem peddly to some - but i could use some good thoughts, prayers, or what ever you do to take the anxiety away. Hopefully I will come back with a great experience tomorrow - but I am not counting on it. I just would like a look at my baby!

( i won't even go over the fact that the office that she "picked" for our scan is over 2 hours from my house, but the office I am going to tomorrow is 5 miles from my house)