I have been stewing on this post for quite some time now. (and like always, it will not come out in the best words or thoughts) These past few months have been a big giant blur mostly. I am enjoying my new title and responsibility. But I will not lie..It is Daunting. I laugh That I thought I was "prepared" (mentally and physically) to care for a newborn. But as they say, there is nothing like hands on training .... 24/7 for the rest of your life. Oops tangent .. back to the point:
I must have researched, researched and researched the research obsessively towards the end of my pregnancy. I was not going to do this, we will not allow this type of product/material, We will do this .... I had my mental list of how to do things and what not to do all prepared and discussed with my husband. I studied up on all these new allergies, vaccines, products, recalls, unsafe items, foods, materials, toxins, germs, chemicals.. the list goes on and on. I swear to you .. I still am going mental over all of "this". I am also quite frustrated and angry about this topic.
I live in the US. You know the land of the free and home of the brave. ... What is free here? Heck Air costs money these days. ..grr tangent .. I need to stick to my point .. My point is that this baby raising has gotten so complicated. Or have we complicated this baby raising? Why am I worried that if I miss a pump (that are using bpa free plastics) I may not have enough milk to provide to my child and he have to ingest that tainted baby formula .... Why should I be thinking about tainted baby formula ... Why am I worried about what type of plastic he puts in his mouth? Why am I worried about the chemicals in his diaper/clothes/blankets/toys? Why am I worried about exposing him to something harmful on a daily basis? Why am i worried that if/when MT gets a fever, I will not be about to find a safe OTC medicine for him w/o having other reactions? Why does it seem that everything on the planet contains some sort of ingredient that is going to harm humans? Why is it financially expensive to be concerned and buy products that are "less harmful" than others .. What does less harmful mean? Why is it mentally expensive to be concerned when I cannot afford to purchase the "less harmful" items because the other items are more economically affordable to the general public? Is there a hierarchy of life based on how deep your pocket is?
I am not an alarmist .. I am not trying to be an alarmist .. I am not trying to cause others to panic and retreat. I am just trying to figure out what in the world we are doing that causes so much harm to everyone. No, I was not born yesterday nor did I fall off a turnip truck. There is no event in my life up to now that has been as life changing as caring for a newborn. It has made me question every part of my being. It re-examines the who, what , where , when , and how's of life to the nth degree and back again. (yes, even though I thought I was prepared)
There is this protective gene that has come out of no where in me .. This protective gene is obsessively googling all types of words and situations. Some days I just throw my hands up in the air and concede. Other days I stand on my soap box and proclaim my distaste for the product makers that create harmful products and vow to not support them but try to never project my convictions or opposition on others ... Other days I turn a blind eye ... It's like having product amnesia some days. What I am saying is, it is freaking exhausting enough doing the daily routines of this new life, why does the world go and muddy it up with all sorts of craptasticly harmful products and write them off as acceptable.. Why are the people who are placed in positions to protect us, not doing their job but still collecting a salary and profit? Are others concerned about this too, what are you/they doing about it? What can i do about it? Am I overly concerned and anxious? If I am not overly concerned, why are the friends and family whispering subtle remarks to each other about my want to use cloth diapers, bpa free bottles, plates, spoons, cups etc? Why do I feel like this is an uphill losing battle at times? Isn't it ok if you aren't concerned about it, why does that make me seem like a 6 eyed alien because I am concerned about it?
As you can see, I have contemplated this for a very long time. I know that most of these are rhetorical questions. I know that many research is years behind and it has taken this long to figure out some of what is and isn't harmful products, behaviors, theories and so on.. .. I know that there will always be something that is harmful and a "less harmful" alternative. I just have to do the best I can with what I have been given. I need to use my over abundance of common sense, creativity and intelligence to do the best job that I can. Until then, you can find me eating my organic, recycled, cardboard circling the block with my recycled tire shoes ..which we will later find out that the wood to make the cardboard was grown in some random location that contains some now detected foreign object that causes us to sprout horns like a unicorn ....