Sunday, October 5, 2008

itching towards 4 months


DSC_0027, originally uploaded by FARAHBETH.

I will have a 4 month old here very soon.

This past couple days we have had some major breakthroughs. Naps still seem to be around the same time each day with some give and take. I have been able to put him down when I notice he is sleepy and get at least an hour out of the nap. (this pleases me so much) Sometimes, It is in the swing, sometimes it is in his bed, sometimes it is in his carseat ... BUT it is sleep and regardless of where it is. This is a large improvement from me having to hold him to get him to sleep and while he sleeps. (which We had to do for the first 3 months of his tiny lil life 95% of the time) I am able to recognize these sleepy cues and work with them.

I may hate myself for this later on, but I have found a pacifier that seems to help console him when he is sleepy. We tired paci's off and on and he was not a fan . . Not at all .. In fact the paci usually frustrated him more into a screaming fit. But this past week I have tried this and it seems to work. I use it when he is noticeably sleepy. He sucks on it and drifts off to dream world w/o a fight. I can get some me time, chores done, or whatever ... For me, this is a compromise because I need a break and he needs sleep. Plus if he is occupied by something other than myself, I can get some much better pumping time in.

I have surrendered some of my neuroses or trying to. I am going to do my best, but my best is only done when I am able to make rational and well thought out decisions. And let's face it, Hormones are all over the place. And It is hard enough for me to make a decision w/o having hormones effect the outcome.

I think that MT is getting much better at sitting and holding himself up. (still with some assistance) I can see improvements just from last week.

A few things I wish I could/should/would have done differently:
I wish that I was able to connect with some other women that have have a child MT's age. I have said this before but It is something that I wish I knew how to do. I guess I just do not know how to make friends anymore. and honestly, I don't think I try very hard at it either. Mentally, I will psych myself up before I get to a mommie group meeting - then I just find myself packing up and leaving aft erhte even is over w/o trying to attempt to make a connection.... It is hard because I ususally have to get home to either pump, feed, change, lay MT down for a nap ..etc you name it. But Now I am down to only 2 more months left before I have to make a decision If i am going back to work at my current job or make other arrangements. So more than 1/2 of my time is up, I am now getting the swing of things .. and I feel like it's all about to change so quickly.

I also wish that my father was not so much opposed to my choice to breastfeed. He is extremely verbal and condescending about it. I understand how he feels and I have respected his feelings and his household. It is making my choice very hard. I think he knows that. I think that is his goal/point. To make this choice to breastfeed very difficult to make me stop ... I know he has good intentions .. and I know that we will get through this. This whole situation just takes swings at my already low confindence level. It sometime validates my insecurities of shame or being indecent or dirty that sometimes comes along with breastfeeding... When it is SO NOT any of those things. I wish I could just grow a pair and let him know that he is offending me as much as my breastfeeding offends him. When we are over at his house ,It is clear that if MT needs feeding, I need to make sure to have enough food in bottles ..Which makes it very hard for me to sometimes want to go over and visit them and I hate that. ..I think I have harped on both of these subjects enough ..I just keep trying to get them out of my head and they keep returning...

17 comments:

Jen said...

I can't believe it has been almost four months! It sounds like you are getting into a nice rhythm.

Cibele said...

He is so so so cute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kim said...

Motherhood can do wonderful things for OCD. Trust me, I KNOW, ha!

You should look for a playgroup in your area on meetup.com... we were part of a large one before we moved and it works out really perfectly. You just show up, chat about the everyday mom stuff you go through, and making friends becomes easy. Much easier than just trying to chat up strangers out and about. Give it a try!

Kim said...

Oh, and about your dad.. IF it was me (which it's not), I would print out/find a TON of literature about how breastfeeding is BEST and leave it around for him to peruse. I'm sure he would get the point then. Or, you could always tell him that your pediatrician is more than willing to have him come in so that they can EDUCATE him on the topic.. that could just scare him off.. hehe.

Jen said...

I love that paci, I'll have to order one, we use the soothie every once in awhile. I just came back from my florida trip and thought of you, because I breastfed little N all over every theme park, restaurant we went too. My dad was with us too, he's not ever said anything to me about it, except when did I think I would stop. I don't think he meant it negatively, but I know he's not completly comfortable with it, but he's never said so. I'm actually feeling like I may stop some day soon, but then I also feel like bfing is so easy too. Also, go to meetup.com and look for mommy groups in your area.

S&C said...

4months they grow so fast and so cute!

Photogrl said...

MT is getting SO big!

I wish your Dad wasn't making you feel uncomfortable...What you are doing, as long as YOU & MT are happy with it is what's important.

I like the suggestion of telling him that the pedi would explain it to him why you are doing a great thing! ;)

Mommy groups are hard, I think they get easier as your baby gets older...at least they did for me.

You are doing great!

Marcy "meg" said...

He is so adorable sitting in his seat! AJ sleeps so much better on me or in my arms. I love the closeness, but I know I need to work on his sleeping elsewhere!

Sugar and Ice said...

It really is hard to make friends with other moms unless you make a really big effort. I didn't even try when I had LG. I knew I was going back to work, and I just didn't think it was worth the effort it would take considering I'd soon have my days planned for me. But once I quit my job, I made a conscious effort to get out there and make friends, and it worked. I have so much support from my other mommy friends. However, I know it was probably a lot easier for me to get involved with other moms because by that time LG was already about 14 months old...we weren't on such a strict schedule anymore. Good luck making your decision about work!!

Geohde said...

MT is adorable, he makes the cutest lil faces.

I'm surprised that you get flack about BF'ing. I've never ever come across anybody who thinks it is dirty or indecent in the slightes, or is non-supportive of it. In fact, I get so much crap about my twins being on formula, even though it was that or have them starve....

J

Caro said...

Are you brave enough to breastfeed in another room at your parents house? It could be a way of making it clear that you plan to continue without doing it in his face.

R&R said...

He is such a cutie! Time is just flying by!

As for your dad and BFing...I would just tell him how you feel and be done with it. My mom was the same way about it (trying to discourage me at every turn) and I finally told her that if she didn't like it then she could just not see Lemy until I stop. That put an end to her nagging me about it really quickly and now she goes along with it as much as a strong-willed, pain the ass can. :P

Thinking of you sweetie!

Kate said...

I am so sorry that your dad still has a problem with the breastfeeding. MT is looking good!

Elle Charlie said...

It sounds like you're getting the hang of this mom thing :) That's too bad about your dad - I'm really sorry to hear that he's giving you such a hard time. And sorry to hear that it's making you feel bad about something that you should never have to feel bad about.

Barb said...

I'm sorry about the breastfeeding thing sweetie. You know that we're on your side for what that's worth.

That photo is PRECIOUS

tryingin2007 said...

ADORABLE!!!!

4 months? how can that be? you were just pregnant 5 minutes ago!

:)

Rachel Inbar said...

About the pacifier - don't regret it. I found with each of my kids that there was a point, sometime before age 1 that they lost interest in the pacifier. At that point, I collected them all and put them away and that was the end of it.

About the breastfeeding - I really don't understand your father's feelings, but I hope you won't let it discourage you.

Rachel (mom to 6)