Having Babies with help from Science and Third Parties

Having a Baby … When the Old-Fashioned Way Isn’t working By Cindy Margolis

I think this book is incredibly insightful for someone going (or getting ready to go) through assisted reproductive treatments. I have 3 pages of notes. (yes I am a note taker, I don’t write in my books, haha) I do highly suggest this book to anyone seeking , start to seek, or are considering reproductive assistance of any kind. Run out and read this book. I also suggest that you buy an extra copy for your family members to read. It will open the lines up for communication and support that you will need/deserve.(which is a big reason Cindy wrote the book) It will (hopefully) open their eyes and heart to understand that "just relax" and "just adopt" are not "Justs", nor are they completely helpful or scientific.



This book is written in such a fashion that combines the clinical world with the emotional aspects and side effects that are Infertility and it's Treatments. It is written in the most open and honest dialect. Cindy explains many options for treatments with plenty of extra resources and sitings to allow the reader to do plenty of their own research. In fact, that is one of the messages through out the entire book. Research, research research. In the words of Cindy “Good information empowers women and couples to make wiser and more informed decisions and helps removed the social stigma and secrecy surrounding infertility.” I could not agree with this statement more!


I thought the personal stories of others was very helpful and insightful for me. It allowed me to take a ride through different types of treatment that we have never considered before. There were quite a few options I never knew existed. Plus I love learning about this topic.


I was amazed at some of the Stats and Procedures (because I am a numbers/science junkie):

In 2006 – 9 million women used fertility services. (Then why do we feel so alone?)

Some RE Clinic’s can only give a 23% success rate for IVF- so research and know your clinic.

1 out of 5 women/couples have trouble conceiving (again why do we feel so ashamed and alone?)

There is a new procedure being conducted referred to as the Mini-IVF. It works with natural cycles.

Ovary Transplant … enough Said … I almost fell on the floor!



Quotes from the book I found EXTREMELY relevant and helpful: *there are so many more, I just listed a few

“Lesson 1- You are not in control” – I am still trying to learn that

“In a lot of ways seeing an infertility specialist is like going to an AA meeting. You have to admit you have a problem before you can get the help you need.”

“Information helped, but gave a false sense of control”

“Going through Infertility, you will wonder daily how much of yourself you can lose before you’ve gone beyond the point of no return”

“You will probably surprise yourself at how strong you can be when you need to be”

“A diagnosis of Infertility can knock you right on your butt, the process is an emotional, physical, and financial roller coaster that you fear you’ll never be able to get off.”

“Please do whatever it takes not to feel embarrassed or ashamed to admit that you need help.”



Things I found very helpful:

All of the procedure explanations

Every Chapter Every Personal Story

All of the added resources and websites

The Male Perspective

Being one that did a few IUI’s, I was glad to see that she acknowledged that the IUI procedure was for her “where making love became making a baby” and that she really felt her life being turned over to science at that defining moment.

The Marriage/Sex relationship Ups and Downs

The Letter to your State Representative that she gave permission to copy and send



Things I wish the book explained a little better:

Preliminary Testing and why it’s important - I think I mention this because I am truly passionate about testings for myself. I want to know anything and everything possible. I think testing is more important that alot of people realize. I think the medical community has the knowledge these days to prevent things if testings are done and done properly ( not just IF related)
Adoption- This book is definitely treatment orientated. It does not leave you with a warm fuzzy feeling for this topic. I think that would have made the book a little more well-rounded. But in this books defense, as stated several times, adoption was not an avenue she explored greatly - therefore she does not have any knowledge in that area. But she does mention that family members did adopt, maybe they should have written a piece?



There is SO much information packed very nicely in this book. I did not want to give away much of the goods. Like she encouraged me, I encourage you to read it and let’s start talking openly about our Infertility. Let’s stop making it a dirty little secret.