If you POAS, It will come

Ok, So, Let the rambling begin .... My DR told me to take a pee test before i started the Progesterone Pills to induce my period ....well i had a glimmer of faith this month because I have always said that February would be a great if not perfect time for me to get pregnant because of my work. We have multiple holiday's in November and December so i could make my maternity leave last a few weeks longer and we don't have any immediate family members with birthdays in November/December/January and it would be fun to have a baby in time for the "holidays". I know this may seem selfish - since i am struggling with infertility - but other women "plan" their pregnancy. I just don't really have that luxury. In saying this - I will be happy whenever I get pregnant, Just in my small little mind, I was hanging on to the thought that just maybe February was my magical month.

So no period, it was CD 35 ( saturday, yesterday) I peed on a stick Knowing in my heart that it was going to be false ... so i peed - and left very soon after to go get a pedicure to take my mind off the peeing on a stick part ... I was gone like an hour - came back went to pee again - knocked the stick off the counter and picked it up and there was a + in the window .. i had already taken out the trash on my way to get my toes did therefore I didn't have the directions and i was like hyperventilating and saying NO WAY at the same time - Now i am a veteran in the POAS club so i know that some stick results are negated after so many minutes but i also know that other sticks say that if a + shows up after a certain amount of time you are really + and I didn't know which type of stick this was because I was so sure that it was -. Well i called My sister and 2 other people to get second opinions and was all advised to POAS again - so this morning> i did .. it was - . My heart knew that , but ..... but .. i was hoping .. I know that sounds really desperate and unstable. (hopefully I am not all alone in my craziness) I don't have any excuses for my poor behavior and today I do believe that I feel my period arriving. (which i am glad about since i am not pregnant). It will not hold up my plan any further and I do not think I will have to take the pills. Moral of the story -if infertile and period is late - pee on a stick to get it to come ;)