Friday, January 30, 2009
Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.
(To do this, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people, then click publish.)
1. I am intimidated by book start people. I am not book smart. I did what I had to in school to pass. School bored me.
2. My parents live in the same house/town that we lived in since I was 4yrs
3.I swore on my high school diploma that I would never move back to the same town i grew up in.
4. Uhm, I am a stones throw away from the town I grew up in, Basically the same town.
5. A Casual Dating Friend in college told me that he would never marry me. Now that casual friend is my Husband.
6. I still haven't learned never say never.
7. I have a crush on the new Apple phone
8. I have been working at the same company that hired me right out of college. In those 10 yrs, my hourly pay has increased by $5.69 a hour. That averages up to like $0.56 increase a yr.
9. I am not sure I will be able to think of 25 facts about me.
10. I am going through a very rough time trying to figure out what the next step is for our family in regards to working and daycare. My faith feels so small.
11. I never understood the "everything changes when you have a baby" cliche statement until I had a baby - it became less cliched.
12. I never knew what exhaustion really feels like, was until I had a baby.
13. I can curl my tongue and roll my r's
14. I have taught MT how to give kisses
15. I should be vacuuming while my dad has MT
16. I was mad at my husband when I sat down to type up this list, but I am no longer mad at him now.
17. When stressed out, I listen to music and dance in the computer room.
18. I was an extravert growing up. Now I am content being an introvert.
19. I do not like to swim in pools.
20. I need to find a church.
21. I wish I could work from home.
22. I wish money did grow on trees.
23. I have found great support through the Internet and I love that.
24. I do not have to wear glasses/contacts.
25. I am desperately searching for a new job
Have you don this yet, Wanna do it? You're Tagged
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Thank you so much for the input on what I should be looking for in a daycare and questions to ask. I just wanted other feedback to make sure that I do not miss anything that is obvious to others but blank to me. I am numb and recognize that I need assistance. We have scheduled to meet with 2 at home daycares. One is tonight and one is Thursday night. I feel like, right now that we are going to go with a home daycare because the big fancy places charge too much for my economic status. If we feel that the home daycares do not suit our needs, we will re-evaluate Thursday night.
My problem, I am very much a literal person. I think and understand in a very black and white manner. This = this. I am a Cause and Effect type of person. If I could change one thing about me, this would be it. I wish so badly that I could be the Dharma. It’s very much like the Dharma from this show. I want so badly to have her personality traits. My sister, She is Dharma.
The tangent meaning that I know that I have to work. I just cannot not have a job. It doesn’t have to be my current job. But, I have been unable to find a new job that is conducive to our family’s needs so far. We have bills, We could get by for a few months w/o me working. Maybe even the rest of the year. There would be compromises, there are already compromises. Things are tight, Things would get more tight. I have a job now. It pays our bills. It could help us secure our future a bit more. Regardless of my current job, the next job I find, I may still need some type of daycare for that one too. The Dharma part of my brain just wants to quit and walk away now because I don’t plan on staying, but the literal part of my brain tells me to collect a paycheck for a month, Give daycare a try, look for a new job while making money. Look for a new job while making money! Is the big thing that keeps playing over and over in my head. I have been told that it is easier to get a job when you have a job. That thought has been ingrained into my mind. I don’t know if that is true or not, but these are the thoughts that play on repeat over and over in my brain. It could be more myths of life that as I get older I realize do not hold water. One that stands true is, Money is necessary.
There are my thoughts, messy, all over the place, but open and willing to try new to make life better for us as a family. I do not know how it will all pan out. We may find that it just does not work for us, and at that time, We will revisit and re-group. But it will not hurt (that much) to try. Thursday night, I may have different thoughts on the whole topic! I won’t know, If I don’t try.
Monday, January 26, 2009
If you were interviewing a home daycare - What are the questions you would ask? What would you be concerned with about the house?
What would be your pro/cons/concerns for daycare facilities vs licensed home daycares?
I have the basic questions but do not want to overlook something because this is new terrain for us. I know many of you have already done this. That's why blogging is a huge resource .... Please help
Friday, January 23, 2009
Are you still breastfeeding? We have gone 2 days w/o actually bf-ing. (i didn't realize this until I sat down to type this out) I am still pumping, but have cut it back to just once a day.
Once we established that I was able to provide milk, I decided that I would try and make it 3 months and then re-evaluate my situation. At 3 months, I decided that I would like to make it to his surgery. Now that his surgery is passed, we have 8+ teeth (i think he is getting the back molars now), I am working part time, he seems uninterested in it. So, all of this makes me think that my pumping days are numbered.
I wasn't sure how/when I would handle weaning at all. So we are just taking it day by day. If he is done bf-ing then that is how we will do it. So far, I do not feel like this is a "big " deal. I haven't gotten emotional about it. I am still pumping once a day. This has decreased my supply. I pump right before I go to bed. He is still not a huge fan of an all formula bottle. So, We are still putting some bm in his bottles/sippy cup to appease him while we have it.
Random tidbits of my brain:
- I am most certain I have a cyst on my left ovary at the moment. My . is late and it has been pretty timely the past several months of having one. There was some other changes about my body that makes me think that the PCOS symptoms are back in full swing. I am very bloated in the abdom. reigion and it is tender/sore to touch like in the other months with cysts. I am having that sharp jabbing pain. I feel that uncomfortableness that one feels when getting a cyst. I have gained about 10 lbs in this month, etc.. So I am starting back on my met. this week. It's a must. I saw the signs and tried to deny it ..but It's time I take action
- My anxiety is back, In full swing. I am not sure if this is a hormonal thing (connected to all the other PCOS changes I am feeling and finding with my body) or not. I get overwhelmed very easily some days. Or I just have crap for luck. It seems like some days everything happens all at once and I get overloaded. I get quite shakey and uneasy. Which makes me get more mad at myself for being uneasy and anxious and not just going with the flow.
- We are going to my inlaws this weekend. Things have settled down abit and we can no longer ignore his mom's calls and pleas to come have our "christmas". Trust me, I have used every excuse I can think of, but Now It's time to give a little.
- MT is getting to an age where i think he needs to be around children his age. Whenever we are around people with children, he just is fascinated by them. I need to find something like gymboree in our area that is not so expensive. Plus the gymboree in our area did not have a great turn out so they canceled it. I am starting to see the need to introduce other children to MT. He is more active now wants someone to interact with him. It is very fun.
- Life is getting much easier. Mt went through a little bit of a change. When we started adding in solids, it was very difficult couple of weeks to figure out what worked for him. I also blame alot of that on teething, surgery, my working part time, etc. There was a plethora of variables that could have made things more difficult. But, the other day, I noticed life didn't seem so hectic again. Everything just seemed to be fluid and flowy.
- With that said, MT seems to be changing up his sleeping habits again. We had a few rough weeks with that. I blame it on that 4 month sleep regression I read about. Ours started about 5.5 months though. It was not at exactly 4 months. It seems that now at almost 7.5 months it has worked itself out. Our nap situation is also changing. Some days, he just wants 2 naps during the day. Some days he wants 3. The third nap being a 30 min nap at 6:30pm. It was suggested to try keep him awake until 7pm and then put MT down for the night by 7pm every night and not let him have that 6:30pm nap that he wants. I have tried that for4 days in a row this past week and it does not work for us. The first night I did that, He took his usual 30 min nap and was back up ready to go. I left him in the bed until he just absolutely lost it. I spent about 1 hour calming him down. By 9:30pm, he was back in bed sleeping. The next night he was in bed by 7:15pm and woke up at midnight. The next day I was able to actually get him in bed by 7pm and he woke up at midnight and would not go back to sleep until 2, then woke up at 5am. I tried again yesterday and He just will not have any of it. So, for now, his bedtime will be 8-8:30pm with a 30 min nap sometime around 6- 6:45ish. With this, I know he will sleep until 7:15am ish. I don't know why I tried to get him to go to bed earlier. It was just a suggestion, I didn't have to try it, but I did.
- The interview I went on yesterday, was one of the worst interview I have ever done. Everything just felt off. The interviewer was asking all the wrong/negative questions. I don't know how to really explain it except, everything was just off and ackward. Too bad too because the location was completely prime.
- I came to work today with my shirt inside out ... My office mate noticed .... Yes, Really
- Just in, New Sheriff in Town:
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Where oh where did you get that hat and mittens set? Gy.mbo.ree, I am an addict. I cannot stay out of that store. They have the best boy selection for the price, In my opinion. There is ALWAYS a sale going on.
Is there anything you miss from before MT - even if you feel guilty about it? I actually had to think hard about this question. Pre-MT, I woke up about 30 mins before I needed to leave for work. Mornings were very low key and uneventful. So, I think the thing I miss the most is sleeping in and having low key mornings. I am adjusting well. But It would be great not to have to get up early 7 days a week, 365 days a yr. and start the day running as soon as my feet hit the ground.
I also miss hanging out with friends on the weekend. We used to hang out and eat every friday evening at a sports bar. But since everyone has children now, It has stopped.
What has been the biggest/best surprise about being a mother?
I actually do have patience. I wasn't sure I would be able to deal with little sleep, high demands, constant need of some kind of attention or task. The reward of a simple smile, coo or laugh really does make me forget about the daily struggles. It is far greater than I imagined. I can stay home for hours/days on end and not get cabin fever. I enjoy the simplicity of it all.
What kind of video's does he like? We watch The Baby Einstein videos. We have watched Miss Spider, Blue's Clues, and Backyardians. )shows on noggin) Yesterday E said WordWorld kept his attention on PBS. He will pay attention to these for about 3 mins. If there is music, singing and little kids involved, he will watch much longer (5-7mins). I usually have some sort of music or tv going while he plays on the floor with his toys. He has gotten to where he will rock side to side or bounce when he hears music come on now. E and I have always sang made up songs to him. He response very well to singsongy melodies.
I know it is way to early but, have you thought about birthday party ideas yet? Actually yes we have, So far, I am planning to have it at a park and I have already put a deposit down for shelter reservation. Since his birthday is around graduation and the start of summer, I figured I better get a jump on it. As for themes and whatnot, I have given them a lil thought. I like this cake and this cake. And of course, these cupcakes.
Do you dare push your luck and try for another one? Or do you be happy with the miracle you do have? The answer to this question is so complicated. I don't even know how to answer for myself. We aren't preventing a pregnancy. Which raises some suspicion and flags, mentally. So, I guess the answer Right now is, If it happens, It happens. If it doesn't, it doesn't. I am not sure what I am willing to do as far as treatments are concerned again. I am not even sure how I feel about being pregnant again. I have been reading about those who are ready to try again (gave birth around the time I did) and I am not sure If I am jealous. Jealous that they are ready to try again, Jealous that they have hope to dive in head first and battle up for another child. Jealous of their perseverance. Or just I am so used to jealous emotions when it comes to pregnancy announcements, I need to be reprogrammed a bit. Take a step back and allow some more time/healing
There are so many levels to the "Do you want another child" question that I never really thought about. and right now, I am not ready to even approach the discussion. But on a hypocritical level, I am having a dilema. One of the problems I am having is trying to get my brain out of thinking in cycles. I am tracking my periods mentally. Counting days, constantly wondering if my body is doing the things that it didn't do before such as ovulate and become regular? Are my hormones balanced? What Cycle Day is today .... I have thought like this for sooo long (6+ yrs), I am not sure how to even stop. Anyone else going/gone through this? Does it ever stop? Will my thoughts let up eventually?
I went on a job interview this morning. It took me 4 minutes to get there. FOUR MINUTES! I was unsure what the job interview was about before I got there. I had off today and I figured I should go check it out and see what it was about. It is M-F 8-5, It will pay more than my current job (not by much) but It is 4 mins from my house, and 4 minutes to a daycare I could use. I would be basically 3 city blocks from my house and daycare. That is a HUGE plus. I am unsure if I will even be offered the position. It's a small company with 5 employees. I am not sure I want to work 5 days a week. I do have to work a little bit, the money is nice. I would not be wasting 2 hours a day in traffic. I feel kind of Meh about it. I have some posts I have been brewing in my head for weeks now but I need to run to the grocery store and then go get MT at my parents house. It's like 40 degrees here today .. MAN am I Freezing.! But I am enjoying the change in weather
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Here are the answers to the questions asked.
If I were to win a talent show, what would my talent be?
I can’t think of anything real talent worthy other than I can roll my tongue to the right, and roll it up where the sides can touch each other. I used to be able to tie a cherry stem. Have not tried in a while. I can also Roll my R’s.
All of my fingers are also double jointed. I can make the “claw” hand and make them all pop in succession.
My other talent would be that I could spend hours curling my hair, using an ungodly amount of hair products. For only minutes later right before your very eyes, watch every single curl/wave/flip/body totally fall out of my hair. My hair will forever be straight, NO Matter What. It will do nothing else. I remember paying a substantial amount of money for my very first prom, Only to have to come home, wash and blow dry it again because every single curl/wave/flip/body/bounce fell out and it was just blah straight hair with 2 cans of hairspray and other goop in it.
I am also a huge celebrity buff. When I had time, I was always up on the latest Hollywood news – Is that a talent, I dunno maybe? I did frequent this site , this site , and this site...Shame on me ;) no really shame on me!
If I was to win a million dollars, what would I do with it?
I would pay off my debt, buy this house I have been wanting for a few years now, pay off my parents and sisters debt, invest money, Make a fund for MT. Have a few months of random acts of kindness movements and bless others/charities with things they need. And start my cupcake company.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
- I missed the actual delurking day but, its a week long. So
- Coupons. It seems that the economic situation has way more people using coupons then before. I generally never noticed coupon users before. But, now going grocery shopping seems to take a little longer because of coupons. The cashiers are making sure the coupon is used correctly and the buyers are lingering in the isle more to make sure they are buying the correct thing. Then I watched a special on tv about food manufacturers are making the products look the same, but contain less contends. Peanut butter, chips, cleaning supplies and a few others were featured.
- Shoes. I went looking for new tennis shoes this weekend. Apparently, my feet have grown an extra size. I cannot get any of my tennis shoes on. I noticed that my ree.fs felt alittle tight but didn't think anything of it. Is this a side effect of pregnancy?I guess so, I did some googling and apparently this can happen ...Weird
- Met. I really think it is time for me to start back on my met. I have pro-longed it for a long time. I haven't been eating the greatest. While taking met, I will be held accountable more ( because i do not want to experience that met stomach thing) . Monday, I am going back n met. I think I do really need it. I have put back on 10 lbs in 3 months. Not good, not good at all. Speaking of eating and not diet friendly but yummy, easy, quick recipe:
Baked Parmesan Chicken:
1 1/4 cups Italian breadcrumbs, 1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese, 1/2 cup mayonnaise, 1 teaspoon garlic salt, 1/2 teaspoon poultry seasoning, 8 chicken breast halves. Combine breadcrumbs and Parmesan. Mix together mayo, garlic salt, and poultry seasoning. Coat chicken with mayo mixture, then breadcrumb mixture. Bake at 425°F for 20 min.
- Weather. It is 48 degrees today with a high of 58. MAN I enjoy this weather every now and then.
- Daycare. I may have found a suitable daycare for when MT turns 1. It is close to my current condo. My husband found it. His co-workers wife has a daycare, she has been in daycare for over 30 yrs. She has grand kids. I talked to her on the phone and it was so much more friendly, warm and personal than the other daycare centers we had scheduled. We got to talking, she actually was the director for our church's daycare when I was in high school. Then we realized that we actually know each other by acquaintances. We never checked out the center before because they only took 1 yr old and up. She has discounts for law enforcement. The center is very accommodating. I am going to stop by in the next few months and check out the place. But right now, I feel at peace for the future if we have to have daycare when MT is 1. The jury is still out of he will need daycare.
- Tools. i was flipping the channels this weekend. I discovered this horribly bad reality show... has anyone else seen this? The show's premise is to take arrogant, dishonest men and make them husband material .... WOW ..really?
I feel like I need some topics to keep me busy, ya' know, while i am "working" and all. So here is your chance to ask me something you are interested in, thought you wanted to know or any other misc stuff that keeps your attention..
Friday, January 9, 2009
I have been back to work part time for a month now. I am working on E's days off. It's money. I haven't felt emotional about leaving MT with E while I work at all really. I mean, MT is just with his Father and E really enjoys spending time with MT. I am not pleased that I leave them for as long as I do. I feel like 2 hours every day that I work are wasted due to travel time/commute.
Things that I have realized:
- I don't mind leaving MT as long as I know and trust the care giver.
- I actually do not worry about E or MT
- I do think alot about the laundry, dishes, groceries, etc. errands that need to be done.
- I get overwhelmed thinking about the chores of every day life that need to be done and when am I going to have time to do them.
- I loathe the commute. I hate that it takes me 45mins-1 hour to get home. It feels like so much wasted unnecessary time
- I have not done one thing since being back at work. NOTHING. My supervisor has not given me anything to do. She is not ever available. She is in meetings or not at her office, out to lunch, dealing with the latest fire that needs to be put out. Blah blah blah. This only makes me hate work more. I feel like I am wasting more of this precious thing called time. She was supposed to get with me Dec 16 and let me know how long I could work P/T. It's Jan 9. I asked her before I left today if she had time to discuss how long I could work p/t. She had not actually discussed it w/ her boss or HR .... SO I continue to wait. Which IS good news. I am getting paid to actually just sit there. (too bad lots of sites are blocked)
- I do like to get the paycheck. It makes my anxiety easier to deal with.
- I do not want to work full time at this salary with this job.
- I do not find it all necessary to interact with adults professionally.
What I have learned from this little exercise as working p/t:
- I don't hate being away from MT.
- I find myself able to get more things accomplished when I am home with MT. (but you could equate that with getting older and learning more independent play/nap times- or just finding our groove)
- I miss being off and spending time with E and MT together. Doing this schedule, We can only see each other after 7pm on the days that E works and after 5pm for the days I work along with every other weekend. I am grateful that he does have off every other weekend. I feel like something is off though. I feel like something isn't right. I don't know how to describe it other than, I am not in balance.. Or I am not in the right space. I went through a few weeks of depression. I wasn't able to explain it. I just kept telling E that I simply am depressed. It was the first time that I can remembering feeling plagued with melancholy and simple sadness since before I found out I was pregnant. I absolutely hate that I am admitting that I as depressed about my work situation right now. I feel like I should be ashamed for admitting it.
- I find myself scouring the want ads, job boards, websites the night before I have to go back to work.
- I am looking for a new job. I do not know what that job is that I am looking for. It is so hard to look for something but not know exactly what you are looking for. It makes it challenging to find. I know that may not makes sense to anyone. This is the constant state I am in - Or so it feels. E keeps assuring me that the perfect job that feels right for our family is out there. And that I am doing what I can until that comes along. He is so sickly sweet supportive sometimes, it would make your teeth rot and fall out.
** I did apply for a job recently that does sound like something that would be great for our situation. It is P/T and around the corner from my cousin's house who has offered to watch MT. She has a 3 yr old and I would easily leave MT with her and feel very confident that she would take great care for him. And it would be a great opportunity for her as well.
Written Jan 12th
The post above is choppy and unfinished. It is actually how I still feel about the topic. So choppy and unfinished it will stay.
Saturday, my parents stole MT from us again. They asked if they could come and get him. I obliged. E and I had a few hours to ourselves. What was the first thing we did you ask ..... I picked everything off the floor and vacuumed while He cleaned the kitchen and took out all the trash. Romantic Huh!?! We did go out to lunch though and ran a few errands. Then we drove to pick up MT at the grandparents. Here is what we found:
They bought him a car! Oh, I mean a walker. It's actually pretty cool and sturdy. It is made like our exersaucer so it won't tip over and we don't have stairs. He has mastered rolling himself backwards and thinks he is a hot shot.
Sunday I decided that I could not take the length and heaviness of my hair anymore. So, I chopped it off. I need to fix it before I can post a pic. Trust me ..It's Short ..It's a classic bop to the bottom of the ears.
Today I was invited to go geoc.aching with a friend and her friends and their kids. We met in the morning. It was actually a pretty cool day here (relatively speaking around 64 degrees). I had a blast. I enjoyed being out in the cool air hunting treasures. I highly suggest this for something to do on a walk in your area.
My parents have talked me (and MT) into riding with them to NC this weekend. It is going to be freaking cold. It's a 10+ hour drive. I do want my relatives to meet him ...but WOW 10+ hours in a car ..... I hope it will be a smooth trip. We are leaving Thursday night and coming home Monday. Boy do I have alot of cleaning and packing to do. I am hoping to get back to my regular ability to comment and read but lately, I have seem to lost my groove, I will get it back ...Wishing everyone Well and BFP's if you are seeking one
Thursday, January 8, 2009
The nurse today was not one that I had every seen and quite honestly, I was not thrilled with her. I may not be great at math, but I understand it's need to be exact. With that said, She measured MT poorly. I give her credit that one variable was not her fault. MT has been trying to do crunches (sit-ups) for about 2 weeks now. If he falls over or lays on his back, he tries to sit straight up. It's hilarious to watch, but Not good for getting an exact measurement. So basically, I asked if she could re-do it with him laying flat because he was not straight, he was all scrunched up. She told me that is really wasn't that important and that it's hard to get baby measurements... I was ticked off because, to me, It is important. I wanted to make sure we were still meeting the car seat requirements and for the records. We have been having some eating concerns and I wanted to make sure that his height/weight ratio were not of any concerns for the dr.. So to me, the measurements were very important . But It's over now and I can't do anything about it.
Height: 26.75 inches (i measure him at 28+ inches), Weight: exactly 18 lbs.
Our eating situation: He has had lots of problems eating that I now realize has been credited to all these teeth coming in all at once. He has been pretty (extremely) cranky and I have only been able to get about 4-5oz at a time in him for about a week now. He is doing about 4oz of solids 2 (sometimes 3) times a day. He is doing much better on solids than in the past. We have added yogurt, avocado, and broccoli into the mix. He really seems to enjoy the yogurt.
The dr wants me to try to give him yogurt in the morning. I haven't been able to get any solids in him before noon. I have tried numerous times but he is just not interested. I haven't tried in well over 3 weeks. So next week, I will try yogurt in the am. His bm/formula intake is between 16-21 oz. I offer and offer and I can not get that recommended 24-30 oz in him at all. This is why I was so interested on getting his measurements exact. The dr was not at all concerned and said that if I notice him not gaining any more weight we will worry then. He has only gained 2.75 lbs since his 4 month check up ... She still says it is nothing to be worried with ...
After We came home from the Dr, I was feeding MT solids. I discovered that the poor kid has 2 more teeth coming in. (one already broke through and i missed it-the other is sprouting up now) That makes a total of 6 teeth coming in all at once. (this is why I have been slow to comment and blog for the past few days, sorry i am very behind - he has been clingy... good lord clingy, and just in pain.- Here is why
So that is 4 on top coming in along with the 2 more on the bottom. He is not quite 7 months old yet! and all these teeth ... This will make a total of 8 teeth
As for carseats, I did buy a new carseat. It was our gift to me for christmas. I went with this one. A baby website I frequent had it on sale for the same price as the round a bout, so I ordered it. It was the cheapest option at the time.
My head is spinning, I think that is all I wanted to document ... I will catch up with everyone after I tackle the kitchen and the laundry .. Here is something because you made it through the whole post:
Saturday, January 3, 2009
I can post about this now, because I am not pregnant anymore and I am actually not that person anymore. I have taken a few steps back into reality with a few less hormones. I have also realized that this baby is mine, but as much as I can complain, My parents are actually huge helpers. And More in love with this child than they are with me and my sister .... Don't believe me? Just Trust me.
I posted the picture yesterday, and I knew that plenty would think that I had lost my mind .... or something to the likes of that... When I first saw that email, i just shook my head. I mean, I wasn't necessary ecstatic about it obviously .. but What am I to do. Which is the real reason I am posting.
That picture represents the many different personalities and education that MT will soak up from being around my family, E and I. I am trying my best to allow my family to show MT love in their own way. I have learned that is it truly pure love and joy when you allow people to love you in the way that they are most comfortable and natural doing There are alot less feelings of angst, pressure to preform, and hopefully lessened anxiety. This has been a bit of a re-programming for me. This is not the old me at all. I like to tell people how things need to be done.
Pre-MT, I was a person who would fight a battle for what ever it cost, just because. I would do things certain ways, because they HAD to be done that way. I would instruct (ie strongly suggest) others to do them that way also ... Why, because I did it that way and it obviously is the more right way. High Strung, Wound Tight are words that I would use to describe myself at times . ..
What having MT has taught me was that there are no right ways to do things. There are preferences, guidelines, examples, suggestions, common sense, etc.
In the beginning of MT's life, I was exhausted. Dog Tired. There really wasn't much that wasn't exhausting. When I am exhausted, I really don't care a whole lot about details. So, When My parents or E would assist in helping care for MT, I didn't give much instruction. I mean the simple stuff: He ate at X time, he will most likely be hungry at Y time, feed him this when you thin he is hungry. He sounds like this or does this when he gets hungry/sleepy. We were extremely blessed, He didn't have any medical complications. Early on, Getting him to drink a bottle w/o falling asleep was challenging but other that than, he was a very easy newborn. So, I didn't feel the need to give detailed instructions. I mean these people have been around him just like I had been, we all started to recognize and pick up on his cues.
What I am saying is, I didn't/don't want to feel that ball of nerves that I feel when I am bothered by something some one is doing because they aren't doing it like I would do it - as long as there is not harm being caused. Basically, it's about controlling everything. I am learning that I am able to enjoy life more when I am not trying to control everything. I get to sit back and enjoy the ride and see the scenery. So I have been practicing letting that controlling part of me go. I get better and worse depending on the day of the week/month. I know that each of us have different things to offer MT and I do not want to inhibit his relationships because of my shortsightenedness. (as long as they are not harmful) Like a poster said, My parents did raise me and my sister and we are still alive and doing just fine. There are things that we have talked about at great length. I feel like they try to respect how we are choosing to raise MT. (most days) I feel like MT will benefit from them just as much as they benefit from Him. They receive such great and pure joy from him. Sometimes it is intense to experience. Many times has it brought tears to my eyes. I mean, I feel great joy from him, But it is incredible to see the bliss on their faces and the care and love they hold for him. I never actually thought about that much during my pregnancy. I just knew that we wanted MT so badly, I wasn't able to see how much my parents would love on him.
So, with all that said, 2009 is going to be about enjoying the scenery of this journey and not having to always be the tour guide or instructor. And just like the photo, It is Scary!
On a side note, my poor lil MT is drooling and whining so much because 3 top teeth coming in at one time. Who new that was possible. Poor lil guy
Friday, January 2, 2009
I hope everyone has had a great first start to 2009. I am not much into resolutions. I just try to always learn and grow as a person.
Although, since My parents are only 7 miles away from us, I have vowed to myself to let them watch him more w/o me. I know they appreciate it and enjoy it. I just never really want to give him up most days. I have got accustom to running errands with him and including him in whatever daily life tasks that we have to do on days I am able to spend with him.
I know that it is good to take breaks. Especially since I have family that I trust to take great care of him living so close ... Then I get an email like this from those family members that I just trusted with my child while they are keeping him - Here is an example from today of the great care they provide for him .... ;) Gotta Love the grandparents.
Living up to his MT name!