Welp E has been back to work for a week and we are all still alive albeit in survival model. I went from having lots of help to - having to help lots .... E works 12 hour shifts - This means that for a span of 3 days - It's all me. 24 hours a day .... just me, E has to get some sleep to function on the job. I am sure that this will get easier, I was used to having a few extra hands for a month -- It's only been a week - we have learned to adjust. It will only get better
I went to a funeral for a close friend's father on Thurs., WOW add that to a list of things Not to do after having a baby so soon. The tears started flowing and flowing and before I know it, I could not. Thursday/early Friday morning was rough, It seemed like my mind was overwhelmed with trying to process too many things that I didn't have time to process while suffering from sleep deprivation. I had a long talk with myself in the shower Friday morning -I am having a hard time with this weird no rhythm or reason phase.
I am still pretty much doing on demand feedings. Sometimes he will go 6 hours -if he was sleeping (allowed by our pediatrician)- sometimes he will only make it 2.75 hours. He is trying to be more awake and alert during the day, I notice that I have to feed him sooner.
I find that parenting books/site frustrate me. They cause me anxiety. E keeps having to remind me that MT is ONLY 4 weeks old. I want a practical book/info site that gives realistic expectations/timelines. I was trying to push a schedule on a 4 week old... I was forgetting that he is doing AMAZING. He only cries when hungry or needs changing. He is really happy. It's ok if he doesn't eat at the exact same time every day. Uhm, can you tell I'm a structured planner?!?! This not being able to plan/predict part is the hardest for me.
Help - I have developed leaving the house anxiety! Because I cannot predict/plan. My parents are trying to help me figure out how to adjust - and I appreciate their efforts. I give them a time that I plan on leaving the house to go to theirs - so far every attempt has resulted in not going as planned. It seems that I say i want to leave at 12 because MT is do to eat at 1 -1:30 ... MT will want to eat at 12. or need a diaper change THEN want to eat .. I am told the older MT gets, the easier this all becomes. I am unsure - I think it may get easier because I get more trained ;) I say all of this with a smile on my face- having the time of my life. It is definitely a work in progress and although some days are more guesswork than others - we are all alive, fed, changed, showered, and dressed every day. It really is a weird, overwhelming, chaotic, exciting, amazing and chaotic time and I am still enjoying every minute of it.