Monday, July 28, 2008

now what

Whirlwind ..... that describes my life recently. Caught in a whirlwind. Last Thursday, My father ad mother decided it would be best to try a treatment facility that my sister found where she lives. We really have had no luck with her care providers here. It was like beating a dead horse with some of these dr's. No one seemed to want to try to help us figure out the problem - they just wanted to over medicate her more and Everyone involved was getting frustrated. The diagnosed her with something that I just disagree with. And they almost convinced my father that she was I have dealt with many of these patient's and I just did not see it in my mother and I was not/am not floating down Denial ... Really

SO long story short - they took her to be evaluated to see what that facility could do for her. I received a call from my dad letting me know that they were going to keep her - i LOST IT. I knew this was a possibility and I knew this was what my dad was hoping would happen - But i just cried and cried and cried over it. She is in a different state and I have a newborn. I wanted desperately to be there - but knew I needed to keep my head on straight and care for my child. Visiting hours were only for 1 hour a day and it's a 5 hour drive. I knew that I could not make that drive on my own and E had to work. So i just cried some more. We had the absolute worst day that Thursday. I was tense, upset and just tearful - Which only made MT tense, upset and tearful. I sat on my bed, feeding the poor boy and tears just streaming down my face. I blame some tears on hormones and some on a crappy situation. E came home - we discussed the possibility going for a weekend visit. After talking it through, we decided that I just needed to stay home and try to relax, unwind and have some fun. So we spent the weekend doing just that. Hanging out and enjoying being a family of 3. We went out to dinner, a walk in the park, the mall and watched some mindnumbing TV. (should I mention that we had some relations? or not)

Today I had my last OB check up. I was told all things looked great, healed fine, etc... and i can stop shooting up! I mean, discontinue my Lo.ven.ox .. WOW - No more Shots! That is something to have a party for. So tonight will be my first night w/o any injections of any kind since October. I am so glad to be done with them. My ob would like me to continue to take an aspirin, a prenatal (until I stop nursing), and a folic acid every day. I was so excited that I get to stop the, I forgot to ask for my Met back.

We did discuss the inevitable ... Birth Control. I am having such a hard time with this topic. I do not want another child right now, My dr's would probably go into cardiac arrest if I showed up in their office pregnant in the next yr. I think I might actually go into cardiac arrest if I show up pregnant in the next year... Yah Right Me pregnant w/o assistance in the next yr ?!? ... then there is this little part of me that says "what if" ... I always liked the What If Game. I am completely satisfied with 1 .. MT is my miracle. I am absolutely perfectly satisfied .... But what IF .....
Since I am breastfeeding/pumping - I can only take what is called the Mi.niPi.ll .. Mini refrence .... Ironic Huh ... I have the prescription ... Am i going to fill it? I don't know. PLEASE weigh in your opinions I want to hear from everyone that reads this post .. Delurk to Comment PLEASE. I am really floundering and seeking all kinds of opinions.

Lastly, my father is trying to get me to ride with him tomorrow to visit my mother. It will be our first road trip if i end up going. I want to go visit her, my sister wants to see the baby but I am waiting for E to decide if he can go a few days w/o us being home.

As always, my life seems to be alil abnormal - please know I am reading (if i don't comment- my arms are tied up)


Meghan said...

So sorry for all the family drama. Always seems to come at the most inconvenient time, doesn't it?? I agree, that right now you need to stick home and take care of little MT (and heck, why not have some relations in the process ;)

I'll be thinking of you and your fam

Anonymous said...

I hope things sort themselves out with your mom soon. It sounds like this is a good spot and she will be getting the care she needs so she can come home and enjoy her grandson.

As for the pill, my only piece of advice/thought is that with PCOS, one of the things that helps it is weight loss. You have lost so much weight in the last year, your cycles might not be as screwy as before. You might actually ovulate on your own. If you don't want another one right away, and you don't like the idea of condoms, you may want to consider it. I know the thought of birth control when you worked so hard to get pregnant is a hard concept to grasp. You have lost so much weight and your cycle came back right away, right? You may not have as many problems if you tried for a second.

Heather said...

If you are ok with the possibility of pregnancy - don't take it.

If you want to wait a bit, can't you take it for a few months and then stop?

Anonymous said...

Did they not bring up other options? Like an IUD? But of course the mini pill isn't as harsh as the reguarl pill, right?

You're family are in my thoughts and prayers. (((hugs)))

Jen said...

I would say take the pill for a couple of months to give your body time to heal and recover and then reconsider where you stand. Things can be totally different the second time around.

I'm sorry to hear about your mom. That's bad timing, but I hope it helps in the long run.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your support today, it really means the world. I need to spill some of that love back over to you though! What a bittersweet thing to have your mom at a treatment facility. I will keep you all in my prayers.

For the BC... I have no plans of ever going back on the pill (gasp). It seriously makes me CRAZY, and that's not an overstatement. I don't know what that means for us in the future, but I would be willing to explore the depo shot or possibly even an IUD. Worst case scenario, I'm ok with charting my cycles to know when I'm O'ing.

Hope your life gets less hectic.

Intrepidgirl said...

Hi! Delurking to try to answer the pill's a really tough call. I guess the questions I would ask are 1) financial - when can you afford to get pregnant again? 2) child spacing - how soon would you want to have another one? 3) pregnancy #2 - when do you think you would want to be pregnant again?

It sounds like you have lost so much weight that you may have regular cycles, which is fabulous! Congrats!

No one can really help you answer those questions, but good luck! Also hang in there with your family. I hope everything works out in a way that gives you peace.

Sugar and Ice said...

Oh honey, I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. It's so hard to see a parent in a situation like that. I don't know exactly what's wrong with your mom, but my dad was hospitalized while I was pregnant with L for his mental issues, and it just broke my heart. I hope she gets the help she needs!!

I don't have any personal experience with the mini pill. I have taken BC pills in the past, before we knew about our IF. I have a friend of a friend who was on BC pills and it triggered alopecia, and now her hair only grows in spots, so after that I said I'd never take it again, lol. Truly though, after we had LG, my doctor actually did inquire about BC...and I just about fell out of my chair. I wanted more than one kid, so I was OK with the "risk"...though it really wasn't a risk at all b/c of our particular brand of MF infertility. Your situation is likely very different, so just do what you think is best. Could you get a ring or an IUD instead?

Janna said...

I'm so sorry about all the family issues. I can only imagine how overwhelmed you are!! I will be praying for your family!!

I really don't have any advice about the BCP. Sorry!!! I personally hate the wicked things, and if I didn't absolutely HAVE to take them b/c of the Methotrexate that I'm on for the arthritis, I wouldn't be on them. But I can't have an "oops" pregnany on that stuff. (Like that would happen anyway! Stupid PCOS!!!)

gracechild said...

Sounds like you're riding the peak of life's rollercoaster. Hang in there girl & I hope things work out for your mom's care.

Alex said...

Delurking...not IF just found my way here trough friends...

You couldn't PAY me to go back on the mini pill. I went on it between my 2nd and 3rd child and as someone else that posted alraedy made me crazy. on PERMA pms. I took it for just under a month and I was a b*tch...emotional, anxious, kinda mean for no reason to my hubby and friends, awful.

I've taken regualr bith control with no noticeable side effects, but this...NEVER again. And I've heard that fairly often from people.

I would either use condoms or try and know when your cycle is(which I understand might be easier said than done) and time it for that. I would NEVER recommend the mini pill to may not go wrong for you...but if it does thats so much extra stress you don't need right now.

And I hope things work out okay for your mom.

Jen said...

Fara, wow you do have a full plate. I'm sorry your family is upside down right now. I will keep your mom in my prayers and hope that you all will find the answers to all your questions.

I also hear you on the bc thing. I took it for a year after my twins were born b/c I did not want to be one of "those" stories. I stopped in 2003 and it took 5 years, two fresh IVF's and one frozen cycle to get little N. But I wouldn't change anything now. I'm also on the minipill, even knowing that it never happened last time, I again don't want to be pg right now.

BellaMama said...

Still praying for you. Please take a deep breath & relax. Get lots of hugs from your hubby. Don't stress about your mom. (yes, easier said then done) Take a step back and pray.
"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28
God will take care of you in all your situations. Just trust him.
Hope you feel better soon!
Many blessings,

seussgirl said...

So sorry about your mom, and the extra toughness of her being 5 hours away. You're in my prayers.

We're also struggling with the BC question; I posted awhile ago that I couldn't see myself having an infant with twins this young, but like you, I'm playing the "What if" game. We've decided to not use anything medical (or medicinal); a little protection for now and then we'll see what God has in store for us. Scary if that's soon, and scary if it's never, and scary if it's another 4 years. I guess that's what faith's about, right?

Polka Dot said...

I'm sorry the family situation is so hard. I can't imagine how tough it's been for you.

I'm not sure about the pill. I went off it years ago and can no longer take it thanks to my mthfr diagnosis.

I would say, though, that if you don't want to get pg and you don't want to use a condom, you'll need to find some way to prevent it. If not the pill, there's spermicides, etc ... that you can use. There are other options, although not all are as convenient when the moment starts.

A New Beginning said...

I hope you will get to see your mom soon, I can not imagine how hard that is for you. But we will keep you in our thoughts.

Birth control - I think it is completely for you to decide. I have seen a lot of other blogs that had "surprise" babies after a hard time conceiving #1. I think you need to think deep down inside what would happen and how would you feel if you did get pregnant.

I am sure you will come up with the decision that makes you the happiest. Good luck!

Frustrated Mommy said...

I'm a lurker and don't have a blog of my own. Guess I'm afraid of what I will find out about myself. I have no trouble getting pregnant just staying pregnant. I've been pregnant 6 times and have 2 children. (3 and 6 months) I lost twins and it gave me cancer. So, being pregnant for me is always a scary thing.

I am nursing my youngest now. I filled my presciption and then never took the pill. I just decided I don't want to. I'm 34 and even though the Doctor told me to not get pregnant any more I just can't make myself take the pill. We are extemely careful, I know when not to have sex. That said, on the 8th of August we are meeting with a doctor for my husband to get the old snip snip. The doctor just things its to dangerous for me to get pregnant again.

I think you need to do what is right for you and no one can really tell you what that is.

Marcy "meg" said...

I am so sorry about the situation with your mom. I know that has to be so tough on you right now. Hopefully in the facility you guys can get some answers.

As far as the pill, maybe take it for a couple months and then re-evaluate later once some time has passed?

We ended up getting the letters BTW at Hobby Lobby!

Adriane said...

I'm sorry about your Mom. I hope everythign works out - lots of stuff going on with you right now. I'm impressed with your ability to emotionally manage it all.

Regarding birth control - I would definitely do something. I'm not really familiar with the mini-pill, but you can never be too safe.

Caro said...

So sorry about your mum.

As for birth control, we've decided to use condoms for now.

Anonymous said...

OK after months of just reading...I'm delurking..


You know what u can hadle/cope with right now or in the next year.
Can u be pregnant and also care for baby? will u be going back to work also? think about all possible scenarios and decide on the contraception.
The minipill I hear is linked with decreasing of milk supply....since u are pumping - will this affect u?
Should other contraception( E taking precautions) a better deal?
Just helping u brainstorm questions...possibilities...
U've done really well so far...u are capable of making the best decision for yourself.

Hope things work out with your mum. :)

lub said...

I am sorry your mom has to be so far away from you. Hopefully she will get what she needs in the meantime and be able to spend more valuable time with you and MT in the longrun. As far as birth control... I personally won't ever (never say never I suppose) go on it again. I don't want to miss an opportunity if my body allows itself to get pregnant. However, I know I want more kids and I want them sooner rather than later which doesn't seem to be your idea. Whatever you decide will be the right choice for you! said...

I completely sympathize with the BC issue! As someone else posted, the thought of going on it when it took so much to have your little miracle seems absurd. I literally laughed at my OB when she asked what I wanted to do, and walked out with nothing.... now I spend days panicking after BD thinking "Oh my gosh, what if?!". It's LITERALLY almost impossible for us, considering our situation, but miracles happen.... and while I would be thrilled, I'm just not ready. I for one, think I will be making a call and making some arrangements. You can always change your mind down the road, when/if you and E are ready!

I'm sorry to hear about the change with your mother, and how hard it is being so far away. You will continue to be in my prayers!

sara said...

So sorry about all your family has to go through at the moment. I hope your mom continues to improve, and it must be so hard being farther away with limited visiting hours and a newborn. My heart got sad for you reading that, because I can only imagine how frustrating that must feel. I see a lot of people already chimed in about the mini pill and I hope it all works out Congrats on the no more injections...and lots of hugs girl - hang in there. You are doing very well with a very difficult time.

Kathy V said...

I am sorry that your mom is so far away and that visiting hours are so limited. Maybe you can call her. That way you can still talk to her in the meantime. Hopefully even though the short run is hard, hopefully the long run gets her back home where she needs to be and in a more stable emotional state.

I never took bc pills. I was always on something else. (usually depo) Not really sure what to do in your case. I guess I will be trying to make the same decision in bout 3 months. I hate the thought of the pill. I now hate the thought of depo too. So I guess I have no idea what will be our final choice. Sorry I have no advice for you.

Morrisa said...

So sorry about your Mom, no advice, just prayers. As for the pill: I always tell myself that I wont ever take BCPs again, I mean, what's the point? I am firmly convinced that pregnancy is not going to cure my PCOS. But I can't really give a valid opinion as I am not actually in that situation yet.

Malloryn said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. It's so hard when your family lives farther away. She is in my thoughts.

No advice from me on the pill. I've decided not to go back to it again but that's because our pregnancy chances are so slim.