warning - rant/vent session from a tired, frustrated, fearful, hormonal pregnant lady let down by her dr's office and body again:
P for pissed off -
I know that I am so self absorbed about my 3 hr gtt test- I hear myself saying things in my head like "OH My G-D get over yourself", "stop being such a whiny kid", "just take the damn test"
I keep repeating myself like a broken record : "I know this is ,by no means, the end of the world". I do also know that there are actual, real, terrible things going on right now. Things that are beyond comprehending. And I am sitting here wallowing in my own lil world, worrying about my self absorbed bruised lil arms. (insert eye roll) Yes, I am tired of myself!
I am just ultra pissed off- My Ob's office did work very hard to try and make the pic line happen. Right after I posted the blog about how I am so grateful they helped me out - I hit the publish button, called the number she gave me to schedule the appointment with. Found out I needed to call My OB coordinator back because there was a "miscommunication". Called my OB coordinator back, left a message for her to return my call ..... she never called me back- and at 2:45pm today I called her back - I debated not calling her back and just saying "a few four letter words here"- but against my better judgement or my concern for my baby, I called again - I am gluten for punishment. I received news that no one will(or wants to) do the pic line, So I just need to go get stuck by the lab 4 times on Tuesday morning. I mean what do they care- It's not their arm that hurts and bruises for weeks, nor are they the ones that have to stick me over and over.
The lesson here for me - One day I will learn not to fight the system. One day I will go with the flow. I just try to look out for me (and now my baby in utero) - but the world is not operated that way. We have set standard ways of doing everything- a one size fits most and if you aren't the "most"- suck it up. I should be used to not being that "most" in the one size fits most world ... You would think that I would have lowered my expectations by now ..Silly Me. I am just mad that I think PCOS is coming back to haunt me, even now. I thought I could stop thinking about insulin resistance for at last 9 months ... but Looks like that's a negative. I think the frustration comes from feelings of disappointment in my body resurfacing and having fear set in awfully too close to home again. I know that is is quite normal for many to fail the 1 hr and pass the 3 hour. I am afraid that My body is going to start failing me now- Now that we have come this far, and that is a scary place to let your mind go to.
Thank God it is Friday - I need the break. I was planning on working tomorrow to make up time for all my upcoming dr's/lab appointments Monday and Tuesday, but I think I just need a break.
I do apologize know for this ungrateful, fearful post .. It's just fear and it needs to get out of my head -- I am hoping that hitting post - Makes it less haunting and less controlling over me