Friday, April 6, 2007

Solving world Peace

Day 30 on Metformin, CD 39

Yes, that means still no period. The other night my stomach felt hot on the inside and crampy. I usually know when I am going to get my period because I feel my lower abdomen on the inside feels like it is on fire. I don't really know howelse to describe it... but with that that feeling as subsided and barely lasted 8 hours

HOORAH - i have to refill my Metformin prescription today - I run out on saturday night- I have gone through 1 month of Met and I survived with very little movie plots for hollywood.

I know that I have confesses before that I should stay out of myspace chat forums - and once again- Today I am reminded that I should follow that bit of my own advice- I am going to post a lil sample of why - this exerpt was written by me responding to another womans post about losing weight and how she felt like it probably wouldn't help since she was 150 lbs in high school and never got a regular period then - why would losing weight help her now .......and here is my response:

{"I would try to think more of getting healthy then losing weight- It will indirectly help you lose weight plus give you longer benefits than a diet - Eatting a well balanced meal plan (notice I didnt say diet) and having some (even if its a little) physical exercise -is better than "dieting" because so many times we as self-conscious horomal females do not diet properly - ( i am included in this catagory) Most of the time for me (and maybe im the only one who does this) But i feel like my life is out of control and I tend to over control the things that i can - BECAUse it makes me "feel better" Or im going to eat THIS because i CAN , or I CAN CHOOSE this - then we intend to cut out "junk" all together - we do well for a while, then it gets overwhelming, and we get upset, then we end up justifying to "just one" (that may lead to binging or not), then we feel guilty - guilt leads to depression - depression leads to eatting more (for most) - and then comes the self-imploding feelings
I know from experience that i am an "all or nothing" type of person - i get motivated, then the pressure starts to build up or i thought i planned better but i didn't - Now, because i labeled this a diet- and next thing you know I have lead myself down a road of a continued cycle of an eatting disorder - whether it be under or over eatting anything really. I did not write this to affend anyone - it has been a big eye opening and soul search for myself- I have read many articles, books, and journals and come to the conclusion that I beleive that PCOS is a direct result of an nutritional imbalance or an eatting disorder . All my life I tended to be "big boned" or taller and larger framed then my "friends". so i yo-yo dieted ALOT. I only weighed 168 at 5'6 when i graduated High school but i was thicker in body mass then alot of my friends and that made me feel self - conscious. I didn't realize it then - but do now , that undereatting (even though i was not throwing it up) or later on in life when i began to over eat - THAT is an eatting disorder. Although I thought i was controling my foods- they were controling me - In the past month have come to grips with all of this and I have been learning how to eat in moderations and begin to give my body the correct nutrients it need to function properly - meaning getting my periods on time, ovulating, improving my eyesight, lowering cohlestral, uping my energy level, kicking PCOS in the butt, all all those other factors that relay on the foods we digest ...I do not have any other ailments now except PCOS, but I intend to keep striving so when i get older I will not suffer from any of this either. "}

Now I feel bad about posting this in a response on myspace - I was meaning to inspire or encourage but after i read and re-read it, i feel like maybe it was a bit much for people who do not understand my passion for people. I want to "help and make everything better". I tend to scare people alot because i am very passionate .... I'm afraid I came acrossed as some "know it all". Or AH HAH a revolation or ephinany or some form of utopia and everyone should be "like me". BUT that was not my point I just dont want it to turn into a "what does she know, she is overweight and doesn't have a kid and can't stay pregnant, why does she think she can come solve world peace on myspace".....

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