It's that Time

Day 22 on Metformin, CD 31 (period........ are you kidding me ......seriously, .....where are you ??)

Here is the history of my last couple of cycles: (and 1/2 of the reason I'm extremely frustrated):
Sept was 25 days
Oct was 25 days
Nov was 25 days
Dec was 42 days
Jan was 32 days
Feb was 36 days
Consistant - the only thing consist ant about these numbers is that they are inconsistent :(

I had a laproscopy and the HSG done sept 12. They ruled out endometriosis, blocked tubes, and that I did have ovaries .. Just 2.75 of them. Yes i had .75 of another ovary that was stuck inside my Fallopian tube. At the time, of the lap/hsg,I remember the Dr saying "I swear that is an extra ovary but we are going to biopsy this just in case." Sure enough, came back and it was part of an ovary. I wish I could remember what side it was in, but I can't. WEIRD! Yes I know. Just add it to the rest of the other features I can come up with on why I'm a freak of nature. I am assuming that I had all kinds of "extra" hormones running through my body - no freakin wonder I haven't yet delivered a child.

My regular gyn made me wait until November to start my clomid treatments with monitoring to see if I ovulated. (which take a quick look at sept/oct - both cycles were 25, my cycles were always about 25-28 days the first month then every now and then, I'd get a 30-36 days cycle to get my hopes up)

I started out with a 50mg dosage days 3-9 - I did not ovulate - but started my period on time, she increased the dosage to 150mg days 3-9, I did not ovulate - and my period had to be medically induced with progesterone. Then she "gave up" on me and told me I needed more help than she could prescribe.

Then I found out that I have PCOS - and that won't help me get pregnant - It's more drugs to ingest on a daily basis .... and more statistics against the odds ....
Basically:
What I'm feeling right now is the more I seek treatment and help getting pregnant, the more my cycles are getting messed up. (oooooooor...... my body is adjusting to losing .75 of an ovary that may have very well been producing hormones and now I am getting a true indication of what my periods were/are supposed to be like.)

Either way - it has not helped me get pregnant, and I am getting very frustrated. I know all the: "just relax", "it will happen", "next month", "not your time", "God knows what he is doing", "it's not the end of the world", "look on the bright side", "stay positive", etc and many other justifications and consoling words that are offered at times like these. And none of them comfort me or make me feel better. and I'm thinking they should ...

I'm not depressed or anything, I'm just human and rational and real. This week 2 additional people I know called or wrote to tell me that they are pregnant, One additional person made my other already pregnant friends tell me that she was pregnant, my closest friend is 18 weeks pregnant with her first (and her sister and I are planning her shower), my other closest friend is 28 weeks pregnant with her second - I am having to plan both showers for them - ( 2 showers each - 1 at work and 1 outside of work). I am not really complaining - it just is a bit overwhelming. I hate weeks like this ... the stress is on at work and then the stress heats up my "inability to ovulate". I WISH I KNOW HOW TO STOP THESE NEGATIVE FEELINGS. I wish that I could just believe that it will happen when it happens and it will be the greatest thing in my life thus far .... Why can't I believe that?? Why is that so intangible for my mind? I can believe alot of things.... but I have trouble with this one ... next week will come, I will go back to being happy for pregnant people and planning showers and laughing about how stupid I was to feel overwhelmed about this topic. ..... bring on next week