Ok so - This F.aceboo.k epidemic ... Be my Friend, Add a friend, Search for friends ..yadda yadda ...
I spend unnecessary time wasting thoughts and stressing over who to ask to be my friend and who not to ask. I have read a few post about this topic. If someone asks to be my friend, I Always Friend them. I like to be friended, (did I make this word up) Who doesn't?
Going back to the situation, Of course, the core me is still the same person I have always been. That has not changed, but I am like a Topiary tree. I am always being reshaped and pruned by life's journeys. Which does make me have different views on life than I had when I was, let's say 16.
I have always had a hard time keeping friends. This problem goes waaaaaaay back. Some I know why they decided to no longer be my friends or why we stopped hanging out. Others I have no idea what happened. Lost touch, Lost interest .... Then sometimes, A friendship has a time and place and that season was over.
My husband went out of town this weekend, Left me at home with probably the fussiest MT we have ever had. Yes teething. Honestly, I am tired of hearing myself say the word teething. I am tired of all things that are teething. It seems we are having it out with this topic. It's not like you can tell an almost 8 month old to grow a pair, put on big boy boxers and suck it up. This is the way it work's MT, Sorry If you don't like it.. Deal ..... These were my exact thoughts at 4:30 am Sunday morning. Until I rubbed my eyes and saw/heard/realized how much pain he is in and that his crying was not part of my dream.
Oh wait back to the point ..... With Hubby out of town, I had idle time on the laptop. I played around and learned some functions of fa.cebo.ok. I found old friends and wanted to friend them, but then wonder rolls in. wonder why we stopped talking, Maybe I shouldn't Friend them, If they wanted to be my friend, they would have asked, Or maybe they are like me, waiting to be asked ..... UGH really .. See I had too much alone time this weekend. But seriously, At the age I am at, should I REALLY have these thoughts? Do they ever go away?
This application allows me to do some serious damage to my already low self esteem some times. When I first got on there a few months ago I friended a few people. I recently went to their profile and realized they patronized me for a day or two, then deleted me off their friend list. I laugh, only because It makes me too nervous to think otherwise.
I have written all that to ask, Do you have fa.cebook? Do you think about who you friend/not friend? Do you ask people to be your friend? Does it dredge up self esteem issues that you thought you worked through and was in the past? Does it spark your curiosity to snoop?
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Show and Tell
A few weeks ago, We went to visit my family in NC. We missed seeing snow by 1 day. That was a big bummer. I would have loved to seen snow again. I have only seen it like 2 times ever. And it never has been much snow at that.
My Aunt and Uncle have converted their carport/garage into an outside kitchen/hang out room. I was walking from the house to the outdoor kitchen and saw the biggest squirrel. At first, I was unsure it was a squirrel because it was so big. I really think this animal is bigger than one of my cats. They informed me it was a Fox Squirrel. According to the limited amount of research I did on them, the black faced ones seem to be extra rare. They all are on the endangered species list it seems.
Wanna see what others are show/telling
Friday, February 6, 2009
Progress In the making
In regards to our eating situation:
We have made progress with a level 2 nipple. We have been successfully feeding MT with a Lvl 2 nipple for almost 2 days. Successful for us means, No more intense screaming at the bottle. We have been sticking to the lvl 2 nipple since Tuesday. The sippy cup is just not going to happen yet. I have tried and tried and tried and I am not sure we are doing more harm than good with this sippy cup situation at the moment. He will bite on it to get stuff out and let it run down his chin or spit it out but he will not drink from it. I bought two different brands: this nu.by and the g.erber. I took the valve out of the gerber. I heard that was a good transitioning tip to just let it flow through. I will say that it does make a mess. He will play with them, sling them around, throw them, bite the spouts and drool the contents all over. I assume this is "learning"? Anyone know. Or by allowing him to play and I setting myself back? Any other cups that I should try?
On another note, As always, We are constantly teething. The 1 yr molars are no joke to MT. This poor child has spent most of the day just inconsolable and all out of sorts. I hate to see his personality effected so much. He is just so miserable. I wish there was something that seemed to help but nothing does. We have had to hold him and sooth him for every nap and most of the day.
Even though the teething situation is just awful, My child has moments of determination. He wants to pull up on everything and stand for hours on end. He really just wants to walk so bad. His new trick is trying to pull himself up and hold onto the back of the bouncy chair. He likes to make it bounce while holding on. He is very proud of himself. We have gotten very very close to army crawling this week also.
As for my work situation. Thank you for all the wonderful encouragement. I can't describe the feeling. It's totally uncharacteristic of me. It had to be done. My marriage was being neglected. The way our work schedules would have been set up, We would only see each other every other weekend and nights after 8pm. I would have had no help with drop off or pick up at a daycare on days that E worked. (3 days a week). I also would have had to work 8 hours a day with ~45-55 min commute each way. The start and end time of my work day was going to be determined by the daycare center hours. The more complex the situation got, the more we realized that it was time to really think outside the box for solutions. Could It have been done, Yes. It was all about our quality/quantity of life. There is no exact formula or scale for that kind of equation.
When I first told a co-worker, I was feeling that social pressure of failure. I was feeling like I had failed as a woman. You know the "Woman Can do it all" discussion we had a few months ago. I was reminded that other women work and place their children in daycare all the time and live complete, fulfilled and balanced life. I was told that it hurts at first but it gets better with time. I completely agree, some women do work and have children and feel very balanced and complete. I cannot say this for sure because I did not actually do it, but I did not foresee it "getting better with time"for me. I told E that for me, I think it would get worse with time. I read a great post recently about not judging women and their choices. It was written so beautifully. I just know that I want a life that I can enjoy and be happy with. I have a hard time with wanting approval from friends/family and it is hard to deal with when I know specifically that some think I have chosen the lazy, easy, cowardly, unpopular approach to life. I hear thoughts of "she brings such problems on herself" ...... I do not think that I chose the easy, cowardly, lazy approach. I think I did what needed to be done. I am still learning that lesson that you are suppose to understand in school. Self Esteem and Needing approval are always lingering in all places.
We have made progress with a level 2 nipple. We have been successfully feeding MT with a Lvl 2 nipple for almost 2 days. Successful for us means, No more intense screaming at the bottle. We have been sticking to the lvl 2 nipple since Tuesday. The sippy cup is just not going to happen yet. I have tried and tried and tried and I am not sure we are doing more harm than good with this sippy cup situation at the moment. He will bite on it to get stuff out and let it run down his chin or spit it out but he will not drink from it. I bought two different brands: this nu.by and the g.erber. I took the valve out of the gerber. I heard that was a good transitioning tip to just let it flow through. I will say that it does make a mess. He will play with them, sling them around, throw them, bite the spouts and drool the contents all over. I assume this is "learning"? Anyone know. Or by allowing him to play and I setting myself back? Any other cups that I should try?
On another note, As always, We are constantly teething. The 1 yr molars are no joke to MT. This poor child has spent most of the day just inconsolable and all out of sorts. I hate to see his personality effected so much. He is just so miserable. I wish there was something that seemed to help but nothing does. We have had to hold him and sooth him for every nap and most of the day.
Even though the teething situation is just awful, My child has moments of determination. He wants to pull up on everything and stand for hours on end. He really just wants to walk so bad. His new trick is trying to pull himself up and hold onto the back of the bouncy chair. He likes to make it bounce while holding on. He is very proud of himself. We have gotten very very close to army crawling this week also.
As for my work situation. Thank you for all the wonderful encouragement. I can't describe the feeling. It's totally uncharacteristic of me. It had to be done. My marriage was being neglected. The way our work schedules would have been set up, We would only see each other every other weekend and nights after 8pm. I would have had no help with drop off or pick up at a daycare on days that E worked. (3 days a week). I also would have had to work 8 hours a day with ~45-55 min commute each way. The start and end time of my work day was going to be determined by the daycare center hours. The more complex the situation got, the more we realized that it was time to really think outside the box for solutions. Could It have been done, Yes. It was all about our quality/quantity of life. There is no exact formula or scale for that kind of equation.
When I first told a co-worker, I was feeling that social pressure of failure. I was feeling like I had failed as a woman. You know the "Woman Can do it all" discussion we had a few months ago. I was reminded that other women work and place their children in daycare all the time and live complete, fulfilled and balanced life. I was told that it hurts at first but it gets better with time. I completely agree, some women do work and have children and feel very balanced and complete. I cannot say this for sure because I did not actually do it, but I did not foresee it "getting better with time"for me. I told E that for me, I think it would get worse with time. I read a great post recently about not judging women and their choices. It was written so beautifully. I just know that I want a life that I can enjoy and be happy with. I have a hard time with wanting approval from friends/family and it is hard to deal with when I know specifically that some think I have chosen the lazy, easy, cowardly, unpopular approach to life. I hear thoughts of "she brings such problems on herself" ...... I do not think that I chose the easy, cowardly, lazy approach. I think I did what needed to be done. I am still learning that lesson that you are suppose to understand in school. Self Esteem and Needing approval are always lingering in all places.
That you so much for the support on my last post. I read this on another blog this morning and it is too amazing not to share.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
I did it
I quit. My last day working will be Feb. 19th. I didn't feel like any other present choice was the right choice except quiting. I feel like this is going to be a great thing. I quit. I left the job I thought I went to school for. I left a job that I have been at for over 10 yrs. I quit. Can you tell it still hasn't really sunk in yet.
Today I received an email from a family friend asking me to help her plan and make a website for her daughter's wedding. She wants to pay me for my services. She didn't know I was looking for work and just quit my job. There will be more opportunities for my family that will help us out. Welcome to my new Life.
Today I received an email from a family friend asking me to help her plan and make a website for her daughter's wedding. She wants to pay me for my services. She didn't know I was looking for work and just quit my job. There will be more opportunities for my family that will help us out. Welcome to my new Life.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
I have what ?
Well, I went to work today – to turn in my resignation letter. Easy task. Now, they want to know if I want to try to file memos to see if I can request to work part time from the commissioner. … I am not sure if this lil exercise is worth the trouble.
Dr. Office visit – Final Diagnosis "Behavioral Issues"
Gosh, it was eventful that’s for sure. MT weighs 19.7 lbs. Good News, He has not lost any weight.
The Dr. gave him a thorough exam. Ears/Nose/Throat all clear. “Holy Cow the teeth. He really already has 8 teeth?” She also went on to confirm my suspicion. MT is getting his 1 yr molars. We discussed his eating habits at great length. She is convinced that he is displaying his personality. She said that our situation is mostly a behavioral issue. MT has decided what he likes and doesn’t like and is just letting us know. He is just going to be a strong willed, determined, high needs baby. It may or may not be related to teething, but teething, of course, does not help the situation. Basically, she says that he is demonstrating behavior that older (11 month ish) children do when they are done with formula/bottle/breast milk. She thinks he is also just being stubborn and defiant. She said she wishes we were having this discussion April or May because that if he was older we could just wean him off bottle/formula altogether and we would have to work on his behavior, but because he is so young, and demonstrating this type of behavior over a necessity, she wants me to try and transition him to a sippy cup asap(which we have been trying to do but he just bites on it due to the teething). She hopes that by transitioning to a sippy cup, our liquid feeding amount will increase and time will decrease. MT is too smart and knows that he wants solids because they taste better. She encouraged us to try and hold on off on table foods until March 1. She wants to try and get his digestive tract a little more time to develop, even though MT thinks he is ready Now.
Until I can get the sippy cup to work, I asked for suggestion on how much formula I need to focus on getting into him at a time and when do I simply stop offering. I mean I know that 45 mins of offering the bottle to barely drink 3.5 oz is a Loooooooooong time. She told me to give him 30 mins and what ever he drinks, he drinks. If I recognize that he is hungry later, try again. ..This could get interesting.
He does do a lot of wrestling and crying in his sleep the past few weeks. He just can’t handle teething apparently. I have heard the 1 yr molars are pretty brutal. Poor guy.
So basically, we have behavioral issues at 7.5 months … Good Lord, What is this going to mean when he can actually talk and walk. I am once again going to blame teething.
Dr. Office visit – Final Diagnosis "Behavioral Issues"
Gosh, it was eventful that’s for sure. MT weighs 19.7 lbs. Good News, He has not lost any weight.
The Dr. gave him a thorough exam. Ears/Nose/Throat all clear. “Holy Cow the teeth. He really already has 8 teeth?” She also went on to confirm my suspicion. MT is getting his 1 yr molars. We discussed his eating habits at great length. She is convinced that he is displaying his personality. She said that our situation is mostly a behavioral issue. MT has decided what he likes and doesn’t like and is just letting us know. He is just going to be a strong willed, determined, high needs baby. It may or may not be related to teething, but teething, of course, does not help the situation. Basically, she says that he is demonstrating behavior that older (11 month ish) children do when they are done with formula/bottle/breast milk. She thinks he is also just being stubborn and defiant. She said she wishes we were having this discussion April or May because that if he was older we could just wean him off bottle/formula altogether and we would have to work on his behavior, but because he is so young, and demonstrating this type of behavior over a necessity, she wants me to try and transition him to a sippy cup asap(which we have been trying to do but he just bites on it due to the teething). She hopes that by transitioning to a sippy cup, our liquid feeding amount will increase and time will decrease. MT is too smart and knows that he wants solids because they taste better. She encouraged us to try and hold on off on table foods until March 1. She wants to try and get his digestive tract a little more time to develop, even though MT thinks he is ready Now.
Until I can get the sippy cup to work, I asked for suggestion on how much formula I need to focus on getting into him at a time and when do I simply stop offering. I mean I know that 45 mins of offering the bottle to barely drink 3.5 oz is a Loooooooooong time. She told me to give him 30 mins and what ever he drinks, he drinks. If I recognize that he is hungry later, try again. ..This could get interesting.
He does do a lot of wrestling and crying in his sleep the past few weeks. He just can’t handle teething apparently. I have heard the 1 yr molars are pretty brutal. Poor guy.
So basically, we have behavioral issues at 7.5 months … Good Lord, What is this going to mean when he can actually talk and walk. I am once again going to blame teething.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Bittersweet Symphony
keeps playing over and over in my head.
But on a positive spin on it, I Can change, I can change, I Can Change, I can change ... I have changed
I called my boss this morning after visiting the last available daycare option and I told her that I will be in tomorrow with my resignation letter.
I have checked out both home daycares and daycare centers in my area. Well, I have checked out those that would be available to us right now. I was just not able to find any that are right for us. Maybe it's me. They couldn't have all been bad. I am sure it's mostly me. I will be ok with that.
Right now, I am just numb. Now, I need to start focusing on finding that part time job.
During trying to find a daycare that I am ok with, I was having to question everything and analyze (over analyze) our situation and what would work best for everyone involved.
I have never actually blogged about a situation that we have been dealing with. Feeding. (all food/feeding MT talk from here)
I mean it started right after birth - we had some feeding issues. He was labeled the "lazy" eater. It would take him FOR EV ER to eat 1 oz. I never thought we would get 3 oz in him. Then eventually, things started working themselves out. Then we got a hang of breast feeding, and so on. We were up to drinking 7-8oz every 2.5-3 hours around 4 -5.5 months old. I have never gotten him to go longer than 3.5 hours w/o needed to eat again. So I started him with solids. We never have had any success with cereals. He still will not eat them at all. So we moved on to other things. I made Sweet Potatoes, banana, green beans and Apples ..these were successful. I tired carrots. green beans, sweet potatoes out of hte jars and he would not eat them. I tried many out of jars. He never would eat it. I tried having other people feed him, He wouldn't eat it. I have tried several brands and varieties multiple times out of jars, he will not eat it. (except the apples/blueberries) So I just make it. We have added broccoli, waffles, yogurt, pureed chicken, pureed vegetable soup. All with success. (when I say he refuses to eat jarred food, he gaged, makes awful upchucking noises and cries)
Ok so your thinking what's the problem right. THe problem that I realized is that no matter how many oz's h e drinks out of a bottle it takes me 45 mins to get him to drink the bottle. But we have a compound issue. About 4 weeks ago, he stopped wanting to breastfeed. (i have mentioned this) I actually can't really remember that actual date except I realized a few days later that I had not breastfed at all in a few days. So I am guessing it's been about 3-4 weeks now. I have also actually stopped pumping. It's been 4 days w.o having to pump.
We were adding breast milk in with his bottle because he would drink the bottle much better with breast milk in it.. even if there was only 1 oz of breastmilk. He knew the difference. I thought we weaned him on that slowly .. Over 4 weeks ish. Well, It's been almost 1 week on complete formula. His drinking has progressively gotten worse. I was only getting about 16-20 oz in him a month ago (plus 1-2 times of bfing), Now I am down to getting maybe 12 oz in him if I am lucky. (and no bfing) Not only am I getting only 2-3.5oz of formula 4 times a day, It takes me 45 mins to get those 2-3.5 oz in him. He will push the bottle away, refuse to drink it and get down right feisty about it. He is thirsty/hungry, but refuses to eat it. I assume it's because there is no BM in it.
So recap - it takes me 45 mins to get 2-3.5 oz in him every bottle feeding. Then about 20min to get the solids done. That is alot of time for one person with 1 child 3 times a day. I am unsure how a daycare could manage this with multiple kids with needs. It seems unfair to him but also to the other children
He is still using a lvl 1 nipple, So I recently tried a lvl 2 nipple ... There was warfare. He choked, gaged, spit out the bottle and cried so hard that I had to go back to the lvl 1 in order to get anything in him. I have tried the lvl 2 nipple a few more times and he still refuses. So today, We are going to his dr to see if he has lost any weight since his appointment a few weeks ago. We are going to maybe discuss switching formulas? She wants to check his teeth/nose/ears to see if anything is going on in there. SO ... yeah, This is where we are at today. My head is just spinning
But on a positive spin on it, I Can change, I can change, I Can Change, I can change ... I have changed
I called my boss this morning after visiting the last available daycare option and I told her that I will be in tomorrow with my resignation letter.
I have checked out both home daycares and daycare centers in my area. Well, I have checked out those that would be available to us right now. I was just not able to find any that are right for us. Maybe it's me. They couldn't have all been bad. I am sure it's mostly me. I will be ok with that.
Right now, I am just numb. Now, I need to start focusing on finding that part time job.
During trying to find a daycare that I am ok with, I was having to question everything and analyze (over analyze) our situation and what would work best for everyone involved.
I have never actually blogged about a situation that we have been dealing with. Feeding. (all food/feeding MT talk from here)
I mean it started right after birth - we had some feeding issues. He was labeled the "lazy" eater. It would take him FOR EV ER to eat 1 oz. I never thought we would get 3 oz in him. Then eventually, things started working themselves out. Then we got a hang of breast feeding, and so on. We were up to drinking 7-8oz every 2.5-3 hours around 4 -5.5 months old. I have never gotten him to go longer than 3.5 hours w/o needed to eat again. So I started him with solids. We never have had any success with cereals. He still will not eat them at all. So we moved on to other things. I made Sweet Potatoes, banana, green beans and Apples ..these were successful. I tired carrots. green beans, sweet potatoes out of hte jars and he would not eat them. I tried many out of jars. He never would eat it. I tried having other people feed him, He wouldn't eat it. I have tried several brands and varieties multiple times out of jars, he will not eat it. (except the apples/blueberries) So I just make it. We have added broccoli, waffles, yogurt, pureed chicken, pureed vegetable soup. All with success. (when I say he refuses to eat jarred food, he gaged, makes awful upchucking noises and cries)
Ok so your thinking what's the problem right. THe problem that I realized is that no matter how many oz's h e drinks out of a bottle it takes me 45 mins to get him to drink the bottle. But we have a compound issue. About 4 weeks ago, he stopped wanting to breastfeed. (i have mentioned this) I actually can't really remember that actual date except I realized a few days later that I had not breastfed at all in a few days. So I am guessing it's been about 3-4 weeks now. I have also actually stopped pumping. It's been 4 days w.o having to pump.
We were adding breast milk in with his bottle because he would drink the bottle much better with breast milk in it.. even if there was only 1 oz of breastmilk. He knew the difference. I thought we weaned him on that slowly .. Over 4 weeks ish. Well, It's been almost 1 week on complete formula. His drinking has progressively gotten worse. I was only getting about 16-20 oz in him a month ago (plus 1-2 times of bfing), Now I am down to getting maybe 12 oz in him if I am lucky. (and no bfing) Not only am I getting only 2-3.5oz of formula 4 times a day, It takes me 45 mins to get those 2-3.5 oz in him. He will push the bottle away, refuse to drink it and get down right feisty about it. He is thirsty/hungry, but refuses to eat it. I assume it's because there is no BM in it.
So recap - it takes me 45 mins to get 2-3.5 oz in him every bottle feeding. Then about 20min to get the solids done. That is alot of time for one person with 1 child 3 times a day. I am unsure how a daycare could manage this with multiple kids with needs. It seems unfair to him but also to the other children
He is still using a lvl 1 nipple, So I recently tried a lvl 2 nipple ... There was warfare. He choked, gaged, spit out the bottle and cried so hard that I had to go back to the lvl 1 in order to get anything in him. I have tried the lvl 2 nipple a few more times and he still refuses. So today, We are going to his dr to see if he has lost any weight since his appointment a few weeks ago. We are going to maybe discuss switching formulas? She wants to check his teeth/nose/ears to see if anything is going on in there. SO ... yeah, This is where we are at today. My head is just spinning
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