Thursday, April 30, 2009

The Ruler ...

This is me being honest as a parent - Please do not judge me.

The past 12 days have been very trying. MT isn't sleeping well, Back to teething and drooling buckets. Middle of the night wake ups, etc the whole shebang. It's been miserable. And now We have added tantrums during the day. I know that he is an independent spirit and is not a fan of the word No when he is determined. He gets this VERY honestly. This is manufactured by My DNA. I know this very much. I also saw this coming. I am still trying to figure out What/How to handle it. He wants to do things ..He MUST be the one to do it. As an example, For months now, I have had to move to only finger foods, Because He does not tolerate being fed anymore by anyone but himself. I have tried very hard to allow him to explore his abilities. It is quite a challenge. If i put a bite in his mouth, He will take it out, and put it back in himself. Same with picking up toys, paic, etc. We have been working on comprehending the word No. I think he gets it now. Because He does listen to it mostly or I am able to redirect. But then, He gets that Wild hair and evil look and Laughs when I say no.... Oh My gosh 40 trillion apologizes to my parents .... Really ....!!! Oh It's uncanny. It is so unbelievably frustrating. I have been doing just the "no" and redirect thing for about two month now. This week, I started saying No and If that didn't work, smacking his hand. It was suggested to me that he was old enough to understand and I needed to start some type of discipline. Can I tell you how much I HATE THIS. I can't stand myself. He is unfazed anyway. It doesn't even seem to help. I am going to stop. I don't know what I am going to do, but this is not working. Maybe I didn't give it a good long go, but it Just feels wrong and really I hate how unnatural it feels. And in the same sentence about how unnatural it feels, I can see this being a horrible habit to get into. And I do not want to be a hitter or have a hitter. Hitting is not the answer in my book. I don't know What to do. It's just a phase. We will get through it, But I just can't do it by smacking his hand. Maybe when he is older, we will try again, Or maybe not. I know that I can not let him control me or the household but I think this is just a phase and when he gets alittle older, and We can communicate better this will work itself out. Like maybe when he is 32 yrs old.. I know that kids search for their boundaries. I just was/am not prepared for the 10.5 month old to start.

The "Only dad" phase ended a few weeks ago, and we are in an only mommy phase now. So , It just goes back and forth for us. I just had to get this off my chest and out of my head because it was making me so ill. I want to make sure I teach MT respect, right/wrong, but I am not sure what/how or what great lengths I am willing to go to do that. This is just so more more complicated than I ever imagined.

19 comments:

Jen said...

It means that he is smart! (Even though this is quite annoying for you now.) He's trying to figure everything out and he wants to do it himself. :) Hang in there, you are bigger, you'll eventually beat him. ;)

Nicky said...

We all know how parenting books are hit-and-miss, and what works for one family makes no sense for others, so take this with a grain of salt.

When LL was born, I was given a copy of Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood (http://www.amazon.com/Love-Logic-Magic-Early-Childhood/dp/1930429002). It is apparently THE book that most teachers, child psychologists, etc., recommend for raising respectful young kids. No slapping hands, no arguing, no yelling. Just behavior patterns of how to respond when your kid does something you don't want him doing. Very practical. LL is only 7 months old, and we've already had some success. He was getting to be a vicious hair-puller and face-scratcher, and we've practically eliminated that just by consistently and gently correcting him as recommended in the book.

Good luck!

Kathy V said...

Well I am sorry you had to encounter this. I am sure this will not be the last time that you run into something that you have to try out. Maybe smacking his hand isn't the answer but you will find another method that works for you better. Hang in there.

Malloryn said...

I'm sorry that you're dealing with a difficult phase right now. It must be hard to try to use discipline.

On the positive side, I'm late to the game but CONGRATULATIONS on your wonderful news!! I'm thrilled for you and your family and wish you all of the best with #2 :)

Adriane said...

This is when the fun starts, right? I don't know what advice to give. We're not there yet. Except for the sleepless nights. We're smack dab with you. I know it all passes, but man it's hard when you're in the thick of it. Hang in there. Hope you are feeling good. :-)

Photogrl said...

((HUGS)) to you!

That age is HARD. They want to be independent, but can't really do it. If you feel uncomfortable, then stop. Keep trying to redirect.

I hope this passes soon for you.

Amy said...

You will do just fine, you sound like a great mom! I use to do time out in the play pin for 10 min, no toys and he yelled, but it worked. He try doing what I told him no not to to do again, and back in the time out play pin. Though I have to say you most only use this play pin for ONLY time out. That way he not confused. Tuck him a few times, but he learned.

Everthing different for everyone, and it hard, you will pull threw.

My Reality said...

You will figure this out someway.

The Pifer's said...

I found your blog from a friends, I just want you to know I am praying for you!

Love, Hugs and Prayers-
Tiffay
thepiferfamily.blogspot.com

Barb said...

Wow, that's so hard. But yeah. I agree with Jen. :) And I agree about the hitting too. Hitting is very very tricky and should be used so minimally. (I speak as according to training techniques.. which work with babies too. :)

It's so hard to find hte right motivation with people (and babies) and work with it to use positive reinforcement and time outs only. GL finding and using it!

Barb said...

p.s. This is going to sound dumb, but I find supernanny very enlightening. She uses pretty much the same techniques we use to gently train animals, and it works so well.

Katie said...

Oh, gosh. We are starting this phase, too. He wants to feed himself, get his own toy, drink from his own cup. . . and he is not great at those things yet, so he gets frustrated, and off to the races. The past few days, he has been taking his sippy cup and banging it with great glee, smashing cheerios and sending them flying. I have tried the gentle no's and he just laughs in my face. Oiy. I have also heard that gentle hand slapping is in order for these types of behavioral issues. I haven't done it yet, but I will be interested to see how it works with MT.

Delenn said...

Unfortunately, discipline at this age is a waste of time. They just don't get it. Its better to re-direct--and just hang in there. There will be good days and bad days.

artblog06 said...

Jen is right so is delenn to some point. Lala was the same at this age, not that I'm trying to scare you once again ;) but I just let it go because I was working full time and left her to the nanny, but I'd talk it over with his ped. next time you go. i still wonder if i should have nipped it in the bud earlier rather than later.

btw, if he chooses daddy it doesn't mean he doesn't love you it just means he's independent minded!

Jen said...

Farah, again, I get it, I've been having a really rough week with little N, he screams all day long. Today I took him out of his crib an 530am and brought him downstairs in the pack and play and turned on the tv... and then went back to bed (for 20 min). I hear you, it's hard, I forgot how hard 1 is.

Cibele said...

At MT's age Lyla was not like that but as soon as seh turned one OMG, she has a temper and knows what she wants and could not care less when I say no. It is hard to find what is the right and most effective thing to do . HUGS, you are doing great, you a a n awesome mom!

Amanda said...

I've got no assvice to offer, but I'm taking in all the comments. I see some struggles in my future since my Monster is my mini-me.

Thinking and praying for you!

Hilary (Maya Papaya) said...

Oh. My. Gosh.

I have been so busy with packing and moving over the last two weeks I am now just catching up on your blog only to discover that you are PREGGERS AGAIN???

WOOOOWWWW!!!! HUGE CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

I'm in a bit of shock here - can't imagine what you must be going through!

But I digress...with regards to your post:

Have you tried giving MT a short time out? I have friends with a son about MT's age and they put him in his crib for about 1-2 minutes at a go, that's how they discipline him. It seems to work very well. Just a thought.

Good luck! And congratulations again! So exciting!

AJ's mommy said...

Well AJ is a couple months younger than MT.. but so far I have heard the redirect thing for AJ's age (9 months)... sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. We also are trying the word "no" but I am not sure if he really gets it too much yet. He usually just gives us this funny look and sometimes will redirect himself and other times keep on doing what he shouldn't be :)


Good luck friend and if you figure out the answer let me know :)