Where do I begin ...... 120 post all marked as read .. I hated to do it but had to. I love google reader that allows you to just read all items. I skimmed and didn't comment much at all. Congrats to those that had babies while I was away. So very exciting.
Well, It's been a week since I really had full computer use. Last Sunday, MT and I drove to my sister's. He slept the entire trip. I left late hoping he would sleep the whole way. (5 hours) He was not aware that there was a time change so that gave me an extra hour of daylight to drive. *He still is not aware of the time change. He wants to go to bed about an hour before we want him to go to bed thus waking up earlier. We have been gradually stretching this out. Seems like today, we finally have it worked out.
My sister and I took care of all the final details and managed to get most everything done before E and My parents arrived Wednesday night. Thursday, My dad and I made food for the reception that my sister requested and managed to do it in record time. Everything just went really smooth. (of course there were some not so pleasant times, but we seems to work through them to give the whole weekend a peaceful feeling)
This weekend, "making babies" was a huge topic. You know, When you get married, You are supposed to automatically discuss this topic (insert sarcastic overtone).. .. Discuss Grand babies, Children, How many you want to have, when you are thinking about having them ...... etc.. "We aren't getting younger: .....I have decided that we totally rush things and spend mental/verbal/imaginary time in conversations/daydreams/thoughts and we totally should not. This is when I believe anxiety and mental anguish begins. And this is unfair to do to ourselves .... It's romanticised up .. I think it can be an an injustice to some. My sister is a very unique individual, This is going to be a HUGE change for her life. (marriage) I respect her for the way she has chosen to live her life.. I do... It is a life of Integrity. It is her life and not mine .. She is able to live it the way she wants to ... My sister and I had a REALLY good talk Tuesday night. I discovered some very deep, dark feeling on a topic that we had discussed before. Birth Control. My sister is terrified that she may have to have an experience with IF. She has her own views on BC. She has also stated that she is not ready to be a parent yet. *Since blogging, I have found an understanding for differences. Her views of this topic are somewhat different from mine and I try my very best to accept that. But, Let me tell you that it is MUCH easier to accept a difference of opinion from someone other than your younger sibling. ..sigh, I wish I were a better person, I wish I knew my feelings and emotions better so I could explain them more clearly.. After having a conversation about family planning (read: a yelling match until I figured out why I was yelling)... I realized how much emotional baggage I am still holding onto from my own IF journey. Yes, I said it... It still bothers me deeply. I have a baby and I still have not let go of all my hurt, anger and despair. I have now changed my thoughts on that subject now. Pre Baby Me - somehow didn't think about how I would cope/deal with alot of the baby topics. And it is not going as I expected. My sister even said that Since I had MT she assumed that all those negative hurtful feelings just disappear or go away .. I shared with her how deep those feelings go ... She was blown away that I was so candid and raw. Just a blubbering mess really ... I cried and cried and sobbed for what seemed like forever .. I actually cried myself to sleep. I have been running on adrenaline and exhaustion for quite some time that I just had never had time to think about these topics much. but faced with the discussions .. I crumpled .. I still have miles to go with digging up these feelings and dealing with them, but I hope one day I am truly able to embrace all pregnancies w/out envy or jealousy. I want to be able to genuinely be happy for whomever ... I do not want to feel the hair on the back of my neck draw up and my mind want to retreat and run or spit venom...
Ok on another note. I am reading this book ..I am just thoroughly enjoying this book. It is knocking my socks off .. I am in awe of this story .. A few more chapters and I will be done ..I may re-read it again
MT had his follow up appointment with the pediatric urologist today. Luckily, his minor ad.hes.ion's and a hydr.ocele have mostly corrected itself. The h.ydrocele did not turn out to be a her.nia and that part will not require surgery. The adhesion's ,on the other hand, have become very loose (which is partly a good thing - but partly a bad thing) but will require surgery. So, On Dec 22, MT will have the surgery to correct the issue. I am just nervous about this .... I just wish this didn't have to turn out this way for him ... He will never remember is what I am hoping
You know you just wanted to see pictures and I prolonged it: