Wednesday, June 25, 2008

A real post

I just want to thank all of you for being so kind and encouraging to me about our birth and few weeks with Baby A. It is/has helped so much in getting back on my feet.

So as of late - other than busy, I have been a tad bet reserve in my postings. (getting to that in a minute) Here it is a little over 2 weeks since A has arrived and we are getting along really well. I am being spoiled by my husband's presence. E has taken a month off of work - You have NO EARTHLY IDEA how much of a help this has been. I am not a night owl.. he is. He takes the late shift, I do the day shift. It works out quite well. I get sleep, he gets sleep and A get all his needs met w/o having exhausted care takers. It has/was also a HUGE comfort while trying to tend to my own health and needs after delivery. I think it made my recovery time so short and manageable. I was sore in the mid section (like pulled muscles and a horrible period, etc. for a few days but by the weekend I was feeling pretty darn great - the bleeding is still here but not nearly as bad - just enough to be annoying) Pumping is going well. Baby A is pretty much on a some what of a decent schedule - which helps out with pumping and planning on when I need to do things. (laundry, dinner, errands, dr's appointments, etc.)

I am reading this book and haven't really made it that far into it yet. My landlord swears it made a huge difference for her. She also had a little boy about 8 weeks before me. My next door neighbor growing up also had a baby about 9 weeks ago and suggested I go out and read this book. and a few others, So I started it. Give me a few days to finish it, I may have a post about it.

The reason for this post is to talk about how very timid about posting what I do, haven't done, don't do, need advice on, or help on with Baby A. Just like the insecurities that arise after posting about a BFP. There are insecurities that follow posting about baby's arrival. Just like the BFP, assvice starts flowing. It seems this "mommie" gig is quite more of a competitive sport then the NFL. I can not tell you how many different schools of thoughts there are. Different Opinions there are and how many people are VERY assured their way is the only right way. I am trying to word all of this very delicately. (because I have partook in many "I will never do that to my child , or "How Horrible is that for a child", insert whatever judging statement here) It seems these days there are so many sure fire ways to send your newborn to therapy in years to come if you do not choose the right: bottle, swing, sling, crib, bassinet, clothes, dr, diapers, feeding schedule, breast, formula, carseat, wipe, .. I was told yesterday that Maybe I "didn't use the right kind of alcohol pads on his belly button because it hasn't fallen off yet" ... I thought to myself .. "Did she really just Say that" .... Then my mind started to wonder if there were different or better alcohol pads I should be using ... I mean really .... wasting precious brain powers worrying about alcohol swabs and worrying more.

I am not familiar enough with the parenting after IF, or mommie blogs therefore I am unsure of where to find helpful information that tends to reflect my style of parenting as of yet. I think this is all just stemming from another layer of my insecurities and afraid of more nasty comments. I never thought I would actually be researching or googling "what kind of alcohol pads are the best to use on a newborns belly button" , or "when do you introduce the newborn to a swing, bouncy seat, car ride, grocery store, mall, powdered formula, etc."

Do not get the wrong idea - things here are absolutely fantastic. He is sleeping about 3-4 hours at night, 2-4 hours during the day. He is starting to be more awake and alert during the day and We could not be more happier with the progress we have made from turning our nights/days around. I have breastmilk in the freezer .. I mean things are really trucking along at a very comfortable pace. It's just more transitioning ..It was like going from Treatments to "holy cow 2 lines", now "it's Holy Cow I have a lil bundle of magic and I am in charge .. Now what?!." So far it seems to be a trial by error and eventually it all starts to figure itself out. It is amazing how after only 2 weeks, I know the difference between a hungry cry vs a I just want to be loved on cry vs I am tired of being in this position cry. I am trying to make a pact with myself to allow myself to be confident in the decisions We make for our child so that I can get thicker skin to withstand the Mommie NFL Season because If I don't, It's going to be a long 18+ years. I hope that the next part of this community is just as open-minded and supportive as the first part.

Baby A does have a blocked tear duct. We were told to apply a warm compress on it after naps and massaging it to try and get it to open. The Dr said she would check it again at his next appointment - his 1 month appointment - (in a few weeks) unless we felt it was getting worse - she wanted us to call her and come in sooner.

31 comments:

WISHING...HOPING...and PRAYING said...

i think you are doing a fabulous job. i am all for the school of doing things your own way! i am getting excited about my own arrival. since you were 3 weeks early it is motivating me to get ready sooner than later!

Meghan said...

A friend of mine just gave me that book, she swears by it. I can't wait for your 'review'. It is crazy how competitive people can be. Someone asked me which baby/parenting books I've read already. I said I didn't read pg books before I was pg, so I haven't read any parenting books yet. You'd think that was child abuse. Seems to me that plenty of people raised kids long before there were 100's of books and opinions on the topic. I'd just keep on doing what you think is right...even if that changes from minute to minute ;) Sounds to me like Baby A is doing happy and doing great, and that's all that really matters

sorry for the long comment ;)

Baby Steps to Baby Shoes said...

Here is my (unsolicited) parenting advice: You do the best you can with what you have. Everything else, the kid can figure out in therapy twenty years down the road. ;)

I think you're doing a great job. Hang in there!

Marcy "meg" said...

I love your honesty in your posts. I think you are doing a great job. I would say that only you will know what works... yes suggestions can help from time to time, but you will only know what works for you, your hubby, and little A. Keep up the good work!

Jen said...

Just reading and lurking. I have nothing to say about mommy stuff ;)

alison said...

I feel like throwing a party, and singing "Farah's back...". :) I'm sure you've only got one hand free most of the time now. I think you're doing a fabulous job. At the end of the day you and E love little A, and really that's all that matters. Everything else will come. Trust your instinct, and as long as you and E are a united front, who cares what the world thinks? *hugs*

Jen said...

Ignore all the advice except for the stuff you want. :) How can these people know better than you when they aren't there?

Jill, Mommy of Tanner & soon to be Josie said...

Tell everyone to "BITE ME!" :o) You will get all sorts of assvice and people CAN be mean. Hell, I couldn't breast feed and you would have thought I was shoving Big Macs down my kid's throat and killing him. :o) I personally think those who criticize are lacking esteem in their own parenting skills.

On a common note, Tanner had a blocked tear duct and we did the whole warm washcloth but it didn't work. He ended up with RSV at 4 months and had to have an antibiotic and all of a sudden his eye cleared up. Coincidence, I will never know. (I am telling myself "BITE ME" right now for you. HA!)

You are doing a great job! Eveyone's parenting is going to be different.

Kathy V said...

You are doing a great job. Keep up the good work. The problem with the mommy nfl is that if you change what you are doing and how you feel to suit one opponent, there are 20 more opponents who will have something to say about it. Of course I don't have my own experience in it yet but I'm sure you have heard the phrase saying can't please everybody all the time. (I am sure the schedule, the breastfeeding, the alcohol pads, the transition to the swing is fine.) Your doctor would tell you if something is wrong or should be avoided. So Keep up whatever you are doing cause it seems to be working. You can always tell people that in a polite way if they keep nagging you. Tell them My doctor and A's doctor is fine with what we are doing so thanks for the assvice but we will continue to do it this way. I hope that helps.

I am sure your are doing fine with the tear duct too. Pretty much all you can do with that is warm compresses. I know this sounds weird but my dog gets them at that is exactly what we do for him to. The doggie doctor says that is about all we can do.

BrownEyedGirl said...

I also think you're doing a fabulous job Hun!!!

Amy said...

You should do what you feel is the right thing...screw everyone else. A is YOUR son, not theirs. (This coming from a non-mommy). I guess it's easier said than done.

He's a happy, healthy baby. That tells me, you're doing a WONDERFUL job.

Kate said...

It sounds liek you are doing great!

Allison said...

trust yourself and trust your baby. you are doing a great job from the sounds of it.

Jendeis said...

Hey - stop beating (or lightly hitting) yourself up. I'm sure you both are doing a wonderful job as parents. A is a very lucky baby!

lub said...

Just got caught up on your blog. Things sound great! You look fantastic and yes those pictures are a true testament- good for you! Baby A is perfect in every way! Take care

mo*reezy said...

oh, geez louise! The "right" kind of alcohol pads?

Follow your instincts, girl. If A is eating, sleeping, and crapping his diaper regularly, you keep up whatever it is you're doing. I hope soon you feel like you've got a handle on things. But remember that it's totally normal to feel out of control with your first baby. It'll soon feel (if it doesn't already) like he's always been there.

Nicky said...

Hee hee... so, my complaints about assvice before birth gets to continue for the next 18 years. Good to know!

And for what it's worth, I recently started reading Baby Whisperer, which I hear is the same concept as the book you're reading, but presented in a "kinder, gentler" manner. And I've still wanted to chuck it across the room several times for being too judgmental. I think I'm going back to listening to nobody at all....

Sugar&Ice said...

Welcome to the Mommy Wars :). It's really not as bad as it seems in the beginnings. I think that as long as you surround yourself with people who are open-minded parenters (that's in real life and online) then you'll be fine. Also, I think it helps to find moms who had babies around the same time as you so you can compare notes. You could try that site http://babyblogdirectory.blogspot.com ... there are probably a few on there.

sara said...

You sound like you are doing a great job hon. My friend Pauline who I blog about every now and then said the same thing about the mommmy competition advice. She finds it very frustrating at times because people sling advice and opinions on stuff so crazily without her asking. I know you'll be a great mom, and if people give you any assvice that makes you feel uncomfortable or that you don't want I will personally beat them up for you (I'll do it from my couch I swear - but I'll still do it for you.) Anything for my Farah!

Photogrl said...

Don't worry about others opinions, easier said than done, I know. It's just like when you are pregnant, unsolicited advice abounds. It sounds like you all are doing great, & that is all that matters.

As for the belly button thing, my daughter's cord stump didn't fall off until close to SIX weeks after we had her! I must not have been using the right alcohol pads, either ;)

Cibele said...

YOU ARE A GREAT MOTHER

Adriane said...

So great that your husband can take a month off of work. I imagine that's a huge relief!

I've heard that book is great. Can't wait to hear what you think.

I guess I'm not too surprised that people feel compelled to give assvice regarding how to take care of children. It is frustrating, though. You'd think people would just keep their mouth shut. I can't believe someone suggested that you may not have used the right kind of alcohol pads. Whatever. That's just ridiculous. Keep your chin up - it sounds like ya'll are doing great!!!

Kathy said...

OMG Farah, I laughed out loud reading about the "right" kind of alcohol pads. That would have driven me nuts! It's good to be able to laugh about stuff like that though. Then and now (almost 5 years since Sean was born), I am always amazed but the unsolicited advice that people (especially my MIL and SIL) choose to give me and other "new" moms.

Though of course I have my own opinions of what worked for me and Sean, I never share them, unless another mom specifically asks for my input. Even then, I know that every mom needs to do what works for them and their child(ren) and it often is different than what works for others.

I am very curious what book you are reading... I have one that really helped me w/ Sean (at least in regards to sleep), but will only share what it is if you want to know. If so, just ask. ;)

All this said I think you are doing a GREAT JOB and that you are an awesome mom! A is VERY BLESSED and LUCKY to have you and E for parents. Keep up the good work! I know how challenging and suprising these early weeks can be, but also how rewarding. Hang in there. I am here to support you and to quote Mel in her 2nd blogoversary post yesterday, I am listening.

Love,
Kathy

Malloryn said...

You guys are doing a wonderful job! He's a beautiful little boy surrounded by so much love. That's what really matters.

LJ said...

You are doing FANTASTIC!!! Don't sell yourself short!

Mel said...

It's your turn to be a mom and everyone else's turn to let you figure out how you can best do that for yourself. Everyone gets the pleasure of creating their own parenting style.
I think you are doing splendidly!
*hugs*

LIW (Lady In Waiting) said...

You are SO right that the mommie camps are perhaps the most virulent of all. I understand 100% your hesitation in posting specifics. Would it help if you enabled your blog so that you could delete any mean comments? Selfishly, I would love for you to share your decisions so that I can learn from them. I certainly trust you and I know that many other bloggers do as well.

You hit on a key theme here, which is that we DO need to trust our instincts and the decisions that we make. IF and pregnancy presented that same challenge. We need to remember that we ALWAYS have our babies' best interests at heart anmd that we are smart, capable people. Mr. LIW believes that no one should be the perfect parent because then kids will neer want to leave home and start their own lives. :-) Of course, I know that I will struggle with self doubt but I think we owe it to ourselves to believe in our abilities to - not be perfect- but to make the best decisions given the challenges at hand.

XOXOXO

All for you baby said...

I have been following your blog since you got pregnant with baby A. I got pregnant with my son around the same time, I had a miscarriage due to low progesterone. I just wanted to tell you I think you are doing a great job, everyone is going to have advice for you, do what you think is best.

Martha said...

Delurking to wish you Congratulations! I was a maternal/child RN for 13 years before I had my first son 13 years ago, and I felt Totally Clueless! I don't know how many times I called the pediatrician, my mom, or older sister for advice. Trust your instincts, enjoy your baby, you never get this time back, and know babies aren't breakable. You both are the most important people in your child's life. Everything else is just gravy. That's kind of all you need, even when they get bigger. Best Wishes Always and my only other piece of A$$Vice is It Only Gets Better!!

Road Blocks and Roller Coasters said...

It sounds like you are doing a great job. Everyone will want to give you advice, just know that at the end of the day you know what is best for baby A. Trust your instincts and you will be fine! HUGS! :)

jayleigh said...

*great big hugs*

You're doing wonderfully.