Monday, June 4, 2007

Hodge Podge

It's CD 31 ............................................... (long pause)
**edit its cd 24 ( i dunno where my head is ..obviously too frustrated to count, some how i got confused ..easily done in this mood)**
As you see from my previous posts, they are all random, inconsistent, detouring thoughts as I surf through the 2WW. I was aiming for distraction .....I could sit here and write about how I am not getting my hopes up and we are being cautiously pessimistic/optomistic about this DIY cycle, not expecting much ..blah blah blah ... but that's FAR from the truth. I have ALOT of extra emotional ties to this particular cycle. It's a full 3 months on met., I have now lost almost 31 lbs, My eatting habits are extraordinary (they only had room to go up - couldn't get any worse) , I feel much better, I am sleeping 90% of all nights, I haven't wanted to run over any pregnant/fertile women (that I can remember), etc I could probably think of more IF I wasn't so annoyed with myself. I am annoyed that I put too much thought/anticipation/hope into "oh i think my boobs are more tender", "am i going to the bathroom more? or drinking more water?" " I have a headache... huuum wonder if thats a pregnancy headache, should i run out and get some tyle.nol instead of taking ad.vi?"

I guess here is where my rationalization lies: You know that saying from dr's/internet/friends/advice/or whereever else I heard it, "Your body takes 3 months to adjust to meds and any significate changes that alter your bodies intake." ............ welp my 3 months are up and NOW I WANT RESULTS !!! (and by those results, i want my positive BFP and a healthy 9 months and I want it NOW) Why can't I take all the postive changes as results ..... why does a BFP have to be the only result I think is a WIN ....


You see, I am one of THOSE this month ... and THAT is why I am mad at myself. Rationalization is all out the window today .. I need to get a grip, I haven't even gotten a BFN or CD1 to be THIS irrational

In my defense, Yesterday I had an encounter with a childhood friend that I haven't seen in yrs. She was in that store represented by a Bullseye and was happily baby registering. I asked how far along she was ... she had just got her postive pee stick a week ago ..................................... I don't have anything nice to say right now

4 comments:

Diana said...

oh to be that naive to be able to register at 5 weeks. I am happy to say I am a little bit glad we aren't that naive.....only a little bit though.

Reproductive Jeans said...

Wow...5 weeks and registering...Im not that brave!
I loathe the 2ww....uggg....

butterflyanla said...

Well, I am not even sure I will register until I have given birth. You know perhaps steal some bandwidth from the hospital and register at BRUS online. ;) I can't even imagine what it must be like to not have any worries. She is lucky, and one day YOU will be lucky too. Just maybe more realistic.:) However I would suggest that you not register at BULLSEYE, their stuff falls apart in the wash.

Kate said...

A week ago? Geez. They will have replaced everything by then - Bullseye tends to re-merchandise every 2 months or so.