Things I have learned about myself over the years: (not in any particular order)
- I am an honest person, Honest to a fault. (the good, bad, ugly)
- I get nervous around certain types of people and say stupid stuff
- I am a deep thinker.
- that it is best to control my tongue
- Common Sense is not at all Common
- know your audience
- it is a small world (people know people, six degrees of KB)
- never say/write anything you are not comfortable having to defend or back up
- Perspective is Relative and most-likely will be used against you out of context
- I am a loyal, passionate person.
What I am trying to admit/say/type out loud (or is it outblog) is that I have a hard time keeping close friends. I can make friends, I can hang out with people. I enjoy a good conversation, I can keep a conversation going and building. I love people, I am friendly, But I do not want to be close friends with everyone I meet. Just because I know you does not mean that I think you have to be a close friend of mine. I am ok with the word, Acquaintances. (don't get caught up on semantics and labels) Maybe it is the FB Movement that has me thinking of these such terms.
I am an oxymoron. I say I am honest, And that is the truth and in that same sentence, I am about to admit that I keep people at arms reach. Is that being honest?! I have a hard time letting people in. Unless I feel that soothing comfort that some people just ooze. You know what I am talking about. Some people just have that sweet sweet aura about them. They are just welcoming and genuine. I adore these people. You could possibly say that I strive to be like those people - but we all know that it is not something you can achieve - It is one of those things that Just IS. Either you have it or you don't.
It takes a very long time for me to develop a very personal friendship. I am an onion. With all of that said, Over the past yr, I made a friend and she had friends for my children. It was superb. And then like a lot of my friendships - something happened**, and it drifted away.
Just like that, the friendships fade. I go into this self preservation mode where I just hang out w/ myself and my husband and a very few amount of friends, lick my wounds and try to get back on the horse and carry on for my children s sake. But this is the first time it actually involves children. My children and their play-pals. And my children deserve opportunities and play pals. I have tried to keep up our normal play pals and just press on - but Like my blog title states Awkward Moments lingered and cause me unnecessary anxiety. and If i am uncomfortable, I just become awkward and awkward only makes more awkward. And I am sure that this is not news to many, there are some women that truly just enjoy a good gossip session - whether it be true or false - it is never fun to find out there is misinformation directed towards you and whether you speak up or let it continue, things have already been said and only actions and time will tell the truth.
So, Here I am. Feeling like I did when I was 10. I couldn't figure out why we had to pick sides and play mind games back then and I am still at a loss.
**the something involves a lot of nonsense that could have been avoided and contains petty drama that left an extremely terrible taste in my mouth. Of course there are 3 sides to every story ( the truth, your perspective, and mine) and I am trying to be delicate to the situation since it is still personal and involves other people that cannot defend/retract themselves) no one particular thing is completely at fault
But wanna see something Cute:
4 comments:
It's uncomfortable when friendships end. If you feel like venting in more detail, you know my email.
I think you're one of those people that oozes sweetness!
You'd think the HS drama would end @ some point. Sigh. (((hugs)))
"I have a hard time keeping close friends. I can make friends, I can hang out with people. I enjoy a good conversation, I can keep a conversation going and building. I love people, I am friendly, But I do not want to be close friends with everyone I meet. Just because I know you does not mean that I think you have to be a close friend of mine. I am ok with the word, Acquaintances."
"It takes a very long time for me to develop a very personal friendship."
This is so something I could have said about myself. I'm sorry the friendship isn't working.
I can very much relate to thus post. I think you keep people at arms reach to avoid that hurt. It's what I do. I didn't used to until I learned some hard lessons. I just loved completely bc it's what I do. I love or I don't. All gray areas for me are artificial so it's hard to sustain under any stress. You are comforting to me. I think you are full of sweetness and so very smart. I've experienced similar hurt/anxieties and it's so hard. Thank god I have you guys to get me through. Love you (and I don't say that lightly. So many people think I do, but bc of the aforementioned, I attach quickly once I let the walls down)
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