When I found out I was pregnant with 2.0, I was shocked beyond shocked beyond shocked. I did not handle myself as graceful as I would have liked. My thoughts/emotions were all over the place. Rocked to the Core. Mad, Sad, Happy, Shocked, excited, scared ... Mostly Scared ... Scared of losing friends, Scared of losing the baby, scared of what would happen to MT, scared of how I would provide for another body, Scared of how will I care for a newborn and a toddler if this pregnancy makes it .... I was scared and tired.
When I gave birth to MT, I told myself that I needed to step up and move on. Remember being pregnant but not expect it to ever happen again. In my mind, I wanted myself to mourn the thoughts of adding to our family.In the hospital, right after his delivery, I had talked to E about mentally preparing myself for never being pregnant again. I was trying to work through all those feelings/desires/dreams. I had MT and I made deals about "if only's" and I was ready to cash in my part of the deal because MT arrived safely,happily and healthy. This is what I asked for .. he was here and I was ready to own up to all those promises and deals I had offered up to the Universe. I was trying to make good on my request or deal per se.
Also, MT was 7 month's old and starting to be mobile and teething, OH the teething .. and the sleepless nights and the adjustment from no babies to 1 baby and learning to lose my selfishness and trying to find time to be that wife/house keeper, daughter, sister I used to be.... Then We found out. I panicked. I FREAKED OUT. I had no idea how to be honest with myself or anyone at that matter. I was Torn up over this. Basically ALL based on Fear. Fear is MEAN and gripping.
Getting pregnant, while breastfeeding, after yrs of infertility was humbling. Frightening, Exciting, Moving, Unsure of where I fit in, Where it meant I fit in ..Etc. I felt like I was going to be "kicked out of the club" .. And to some, I have been kicked out.. That's what makes the world go round. Everyone feels differently about this stuff and I am ok with that.
I say all of this because - Here I am, in a weird predicament Again. Birth Control. Do I need it? Do I want it? What if this is my chance to get pregnant again? What if I don't take measures to prevent it, Will I expect to get pregnant again? What If I do not get pregnant again and we do not prevent it? What if we prevent it and I do not get pregnant after we decided to try again? What if we try to prevent it and we get pregnant anyway? It's flirtatious. A tease. A Taunt. It takes your mind to questions that I NEVER thought I would have to ask/answer. And if I try to avoid my mind, People will ask: "Do you want more kids?" You going for that "girl"? "You need to try for a girl!" "Oh, You need a few more".
So here I am, Trying to ignore these thoughts. Appointment made Friday for an IUD because it is my only option for BC that my dr will give me.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Friday, March 5, 2010
Can you Hear it?
Today is a good day - I have it all together, I've had a shower (by myself), My kids slept in late (because we are just getting over Both of them having RSV again and 2.0 adding an ear infection to boot) BUT life is great. I feel rested and put together. What a huge difference it makes. I need to try to have more mornings like this.
I have a question - Intenets, PLEASE HALP!... My ears are ringing from MT;s new found favorite Olympic Sport. Screaming .. Skin Crawling, blood curdling, Ear Percing Screaming. What you didn't know it's an Olympic sport? Tell that to my Child. He is practicing and practicing to perfect it. I am afraid there isn't much more perfecting it I can take. Here I admit it, At first, I yelled back at himto stop yelling ..Fabulous Mothering style right.... I mean I can't imagine Why he continues yelling when his own Mother yells at him to stop yelling .... OY VEY! Parenting Fail 101. I certainly can teach that course. So now, after a few weeks of loosing my mind and trying to ignore it, I have variations of routes I have gone about getting him to stop. BUT NONE are working. Of course, I have stopped yelling (99.9% of the time but there is still .1% of the time that I just loose my cool and yell) I have tried to calming explain that mommie was wrong for yelling and yelling aka screaming is not nice nor a behavior that is acceptable or will be tolerated or will help you get your way in this house.
I mostly try my very best to ignore it because, I have found that ignored behavior for him works best. BUT I can't always just ignore it because he is waking the baby. Yes he is that LOUD. Some times I think he does it to wake the baby - which I have tried to explain to him that it is not beneficial for him to wake the baby it takes away mommie/mt time .....
Any suggestions? What would you do
I have a question - Intenets, PLEASE HALP!... My ears are ringing from MT;s new found favorite Olympic Sport. Screaming .. Skin Crawling, blood curdling, Ear Percing Screaming. What you didn't know it's an Olympic sport? Tell that to my Child. He is practicing and practicing to perfect it. I am afraid there isn't much more perfecting it I can take. Here I admit it, At first, I yelled back at himto stop yelling ..Fabulous Mothering style right.... I mean I can't imagine Why he continues yelling when his own Mother yells at him to stop yelling .... OY VEY! Parenting Fail 101. I certainly can teach that course. So now, after a few weeks of loosing my mind and trying to ignore it, I have variations of routes I have gone about getting him to stop. BUT NONE are working. Of course, I have stopped yelling (99.9% of the time but there is still .1% of the time that I just loose my cool and yell) I have tried to calming explain that mommie was wrong for yelling and yelling aka screaming is not nice nor a behavior that is acceptable or will be tolerated or will help you get your way in this house.
I mostly try my very best to ignore it because, I have found that ignored behavior for him works best. BUT I can't always just ignore it because he is waking the baby. Yes he is that LOUD. Some times I think he does it to wake the baby - which I have tried to explain to him that it is not beneficial for him to wake the baby it takes away mommie/mt time .....
Any suggestions? What would you do
Monday, March 1, 2010
Giving Her Publicity, Like She wants
I can't even articulate my feelings for this story - but I wanted to share it.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Padded
Anyone found a great cloth diaper that love to use for those long lean/skinny legged babies? I am having a problem finding the right diaper for 2.0
I have fu.zzibunz OS, bg3.0's, app.lecheeks, gdi.apers and some odd and in's that were giving to me.
Anyone use the grobaby one's have any feed back? I'd love to hear from you or if you know of someone that uses them, I'd love to hear from them. Please HALP
I have fu.zzibunz OS, bg3.0's, app.lecheeks, gdi.apers and some odd and in's that were giving to me.
Anyone use the grobaby one's have any feed back? I'd love to hear from you or if you know of someone that uses them, I'd love to hear from them. Please HALP
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Tackling Life
* i do not tell this for pity/sympathy. I tell this because I know many of my readers are about to encounter life with 2. And I want to document what I feel/see/experience. This is my first real weaning experience. MT self weaned breastfeeding, Bottles feeding, etc...
Well Yesterday MT upped the playing field. It is one of the first times that he has been jealous of 2.0 relating to me. Before now, his jealousy was mostly with my father. If my father was holding 2.0, My father would have to make sure that MT knew that he still loved him too. It was never really terrible and very easily fixable.
But Yesterday - We had the same morning as we normally had except this time - When 2.0 woke up for his next feed/diaper change, MT lost control. We were playing ball at the time. So I brought the ball with us while we changed 2.0's diaper, I could still throw the ball back and forth. I threw the ball and told MT to go get it while I changed the diaper. He decided that he was going to get my attention by ripping off as many of his hanging clothes in his closet as possible while I changed the diaper. Then while I was nursing 2.0, MT tried everything in his power to get my attention off the baby. I have no real explanation on why he waited 2.5 months to display jealousy toward me and baby. But here are my theories:
It's just been us (me, MT, and 2.0) for a while now. E has gone back to working a really crappy schedule that interupts our lives. So MT may not get to see his daddy every day. Some days he sees him for 1 hr, others not at all, and sometime he is home for a weekend. We had just come off a weekend of seeing E. MT is also is a developmental explosion. His cognetive, verbal and motor skills are exploding. I could not even attempt to list the things that he is capable of doing right now. He pretty much can conquer the world. ALL.OF.IT! 2.0 is also starting to wake up and want to play more. 2.0 is more alert, demanding a bit more of my attention then previous days of lots of sleeping and MT is starting to figure this out also.
Don't get me wrong, MT loves to hold his brother (which I love to let him do) He wants to hold himand have me take their pictures together. He loves to kiss him and help change diapers and all that. He covers him up with blankets and will help me get him dressed. I incorporate him and baby with as much as possible. It takes longer, it can get annoying and pushes my patience. BUT I am trying my best to not have to fight the jealousy monster with a 20 month old. We have plenty of battles to fight.
After the day we had yesterday, You would think I am insane for what I decided to do. I decided to take away MT's beloved Paci around 11am. He actually has all 20 teeth now. The top 2 two yr molars are coming in now. These were the last ones we were waiting on. But the reason we are in Paci Boot Camp is because he bit the silicone nipple off 2 paci's yesterday. I was going to approach it stages but ended up going all out. No more Paci! When he bit it off I knew that was the end. I explained to him that the Paci's were going Bye Bye and threw them all away as he watched. (*i am not sure he REALLY understood that was the end) Yesterday naptime/bedtime was not that rough. Todays Naptime was a STRUGGLE. There was awful screaming for 1 hr...... I feel as if I approached the situation wrong with Him today at naptime. He is a very smart tot. He asked for it a few times today and I explained that he bit it off and it had to go bye bye and he was a big boy and no longer needed it. But at naptime I tried the "donot mention THAT word and he will not think of them" approach. This turned out to be the wrong approach. After he calmed down, I went in and explained to him that the paci was gone and was not coming back. He calmed down, I held/rocked/bounced him to sleep. And we drifted off to dreamland. I Cried. Last night I was just thinking as I was holding 2.0 to sleep how I missed holding MT to sleep.... And today I got to hold him to sleep. I just held him in my arms and cried tears of joy for that amazing experience to Hold MT to sleep. I am so blessed to be his Mom. I forget that inteh midst of the rough days .. But today I remember!
Well Yesterday MT upped the playing field. It is one of the first times that he has been jealous of 2.0 relating to me. Before now, his jealousy was mostly with my father. If my father was holding 2.0, My father would have to make sure that MT knew that he still loved him too. It was never really terrible and very easily fixable.
But Yesterday - We had the same morning as we normally had except this time - When 2.0 woke up for his next feed/diaper change, MT lost control. We were playing ball at the time. So I brought the ball with us while we changed 2.0's diaper, I could still throw the ball back and forth. I threw the ball and told MT to go get it while I changed the diaper. He decided that he was going to get my attention by ripping off as many of his hanging clothes in his closet as possible while I changed the diaper. Then while I was nursing 2.0, MT tried everything in his power to get my attention off the baby. I have no real explanation on why he waited 2.5 months to display jealousy toward me and baby. But here are my theories:
It's just been us (me, MT, and 2.0) for a while now. E has gone back to working a really crappy schedule that interupts our lives. So MT may not get to see his daddy every day. Some days he sees him for 1 hr, others not at all, and sometime he is home for a weekend. We had just come off a weekend of seeing E. MT is also is a developmental explosion. His cognetive, verbal and motor skills are exploding. I could not even attempt to list the things that he is capable of doing right now. He pretty much can conquer the world. ALL.OF.IT! 2.0 is also starting to wake up and want to play more. 2.0 is more alert, demanding a bit more of my attention then previous days of lots of sleeping and MT is starting to figure this out also.
Don't get me wrong, MT loves to hold his brother (which I love to let him do) He wants to hold himand have me take their pictures together. He loves to kiss him and help change diapers and all that. He covers him up with blankets and will help me get him dressed. I incorporate him and baby with as much as possible. It takes longer, it can get annoying and pushes my patience. BUT I am trying my best to not have to fight the jealousy monster with a 20 month old. We have plenty of battles to fight.
After the day we had yesterday, You would think I am insane for what I decided to do. I decided to take away MT's beloved Paci around 11am. He actually has all 20 teeth now. The top 2 two yr molars are coming in now. These were the last ones we were waiting on. But the reason we are in Paci Boot Camp is because he bit the silicone nipple off 2 paci's yesterday. I was going to approach it stages but ended up going all out. No more Paci! When he bit it off I knew that was the end. I explained to him that the Paci's were going Bye Bye and threw them all away as he watched. (*i am not sure he REALLY understood that was the end) Yesterday naptime/bedtime was not that rough. Todays Naptime was a STRUGGLE. There was awful screaming for 1 hr...... I feel as if I approached the situation wrong with Him today at naptime. He is a very smart tot. He asked for it a few times today and I explained that he bit it off and it had to go bye bye and he was a big boy and no longer needed it. But at naptime I tried the "donot mention THAT word and he will not think of them" approach. This turned out to be the wrong approach. After he calmed down, I went in and explained to him that the paci was gone and was not coming back. He calmed down, I held/rocked/bounced him to sleep. And we drifted off to dreamland. I Cried. Last night I was just thinking as I was holding 2.0 to sleep how I missed holding MT to sleep.... And today I got to hold him to sleep. I just held him in my arms and cried tears of joy for that amazing experience to Hold MT to sleep. I am so blessed to be his Mom. I forget that inteh midst of the rough days .. But today I remember!
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Cloth Diapers on Ellen
There is a contest going for those Cloth Diapering Moms:
I would love to see Ellen have a spot for Cloth Diapering Families. it's Very Green, Economical and Informative. Cloth Diapering is not as hard as people make it and I'd love to see more demonstrations to show the world that it can be very simple.
I would love to see Ellen have a spot for Cloth Diapering Families. it's Very Green, Economical and Informative. Cloth Diapering is not as hard as people make it and I'd love to see more demonstrations to show the world that it can be very simple.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)