Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Street Cred

Bo.okFa.ce (BF) joined 2 worlds for me. 1 -Bloggers I support/received support from 2- people that I have met in actual locations. (keeping generalization simple)

When I first joined BF, I wasn't aware that these 2 worlds would collide. Then the requests started trickling in. I was in a weird place (just given birth, working out career plans, daycare vs no daycare, OMG I am pregnant again, Wait - I'm a Mom now, WHAT?! ...etc Definitively a Very New Life. I wasn't comfortable blogging nor did I have enough time to write coherent, mediocre blogs or be supportive on others' blogs. So BF it was. I thought it was going to be a new way to keep up. Over time, I found my share of things about BF that made it much less "fun". Blogging Was Fun, Informative, Educational, and Supportive. 99.9% of the time Blogging had given me such a rainbow and butterfly feeling or explanded my knowledge or understanding of something. Quite educational and entertaining. In a postive way. BF has become drab, trite, spiteful, mean, passive aggressive .. None of the things I had received when blogging. I naively thought that I could experience the same camaraderie that I received/gave when in a blogging community. But, There are Different rules and standards. Believe me, There are.

Since I have been blogging much more, I have been wondering if more people involved in my local life have knowledge of (or found) my blog. I am learning how to be comfortable in my life and by doing so, I do not make blogging a secret. I also do not make it a focus of conversation. If asked, or if on topic, I will freely "fess up" to blogging. I usually will share the url if asked. I think it's accountability. I do not mind. I just would like people to treat the knowledge respectfully. That is where it slightly weirds me out. Since I AM a worrier by nature, I Worry that things will get taken out of perspective or used against me.

This is where I beg reader to participate in comments. I am interested in your situation. Do people in your local life know you blog? How did you handle it in the beginning? How did you find out people in your local life found your blog or knew you blogged? I have noticed that many of the blogs I follow now have their own BF page in their Blogger Identity. Is this to increase exposure? Has this transition helped the comments on your blogs?

I enjoy good discussions. Let's Discuss.

Also, If you have not yet, Please go and read Stirrup Queens new posts about Blogging and Social Media.


Lollipop Goldstein said...

I neither hide the blog nor talk about it. I'm sure there are people in my face-to-face world that read and don't say anything. Sometimes someone will bring it up and I wasn't aware they were reading. I know family and close friends know about it. But I never bring it up unless the other person brings it up.

Searching said...

No one knows I blog. I do not volunteer any info about it. Actually, a few ppl know my blog exists, but they know it is anonymous & no one knows my url for sure. Ppl don't understand my "issues," nor do I trust anyone to get it, or me/my feelings. It's very isolating, but I came here to be able to have SOME place to get these thoughts & feelings out. It was suffocating not having anyone to talk to about what was crushing my heart. I have found my blogosphere friends to be lifesavers. Rarely do I post, and rarer still are the days I get comments, but there is just enough for me to know I'm not alone. I've yet to find anyone in my situation and have now lagged behind so I am the last on my list without a child, but my bloggy friends know me in a way no one else does. That relationship is invaluable to me. Someone IRL reading would destroy it.

I do think if I had kids it would be different. Blogging would have a totally different purpose for me.

Studentrntiffany said...

As you may have noticed on BF, I publish my posts there. I got tired of nosed family members and friends "finding" my blog. It made me feel violated. So I decided to publish publicly. I'm honest, and I like knowing that I have nothing to hide.

BigP's Heather said...

People know I blog but don't know my blog name or url. Let me rephrase that, I haven't told anyone my url or blog name. They are highly functioning Google people, so I don't doubt someone is out there reading that knows me IRL. I write as if everyone I know is reading, keeps me in check. Someone day (if they haven't already) someone WILL find it and I don't want to be embarrassed so I write as if they already are reading.

HereWeGoAJen said...

I keep my blog and my Facebook completely separate. However, I am not an anonymous blogger and I am sure that eventually someone will discover my blog.

A New Beginning said...

People IRL know that I blog. But I do wish I could start a secret blog to complain and just get some of my feelings out there. However, at that point I wish some of the people I follow would read it, but I wouldn't want to leave a trail to it, b/c I don't want people IRL to know about it.

Sticky situation.

Anonymous said...

I have two blogs: a public one that all my family and friends know about, that is linked on FB, and that I freely give out the url and write knowing that more people than I am aware of are reading it. The other one is pretty much anonymous, although I don't bother disguising the details too much, so if somebody who did know me IRL found it, they'd either think "wow, what a coincidence that this person is so much like E!" or else "wow, I found E's secret blog! I moved the private one from blogger to wordpress and changed the url after a family member found it; there was too much personal IF stuff there than I was comfortable sharing with them.

I have only had good experiences on FB, not sure why... I haven't really seen any egregious misbehavior or anything really offensive myself, I just find it kind of superficial. I do use it to keep connected to people whom I PREFER to keep at arm's length, but I'm also interested in seeing how their lives are unfolding (most of my friends from high school fall into this category).

It's kind of a lot of work to keep up two blogs at the same time, but they serve different purposes for me so I write very different kinds of posts for each. I do need the space to process through writing and it's nice to write for an audience (in the private blog). The public one is really mainly to keep relatives and friends up-to-date with our family and kids since we are living overseas right now.

Sorry you've had to deal with rudeness and the like on Fb. Sigh. You are such a lovely person, you truly do not deserve that kind of bs.

andrea said...

I am not anonymous on my blog and if someone asks about they can read! but I don't really bring it up. - I do have a BF page for it, but i post sometimes through "my" page as well.
most of my family knows I blog (I didn't know that until recently!) and i'm okay wiht it - it can get tricky at times but those instances have been far and few between, thankfully.

Tati said...

Well, my original blog was made for my family to keep up with our IF journey. I knew one of my SIL's read it, and I eventually found out that she would tell my other SIL and MIL and whoever else in the family what was said. At first, my SIL took me to dinner and said how they DID support us, despite not commenting. THEN! I began noticing that ppl IRL were "sneaking" to find my blog and that made me feel way to vulnerable talking about my lady business. AND THEN!! My MIL started always have some sort of drama and would tell W. I would have NO clue how she came up with her accusations until I put 2 & 2 together and realized she was hearing about my blog entries and taking it personal. They were never about her, but she took my venting as me being selfish and immature. So, I went private, lost blog followers, and became lonely.

I now have a public blog again, lost blog followers again, have an anonymous name, but ppl IRL know that I blog (& tweet). I don't tell ppl the URL and I don't stress the fact that I blog. I talk about my "online friends" but don't mention anything that would help them in their google search to find me. I know that if ppl IRL read your blog, it could help you stay in check. However, I have no desire to stay in check in my own personal space. It's there for me to be excited, disappointed, angry, bitter, joyful, questioning, etc. and not have to feel judged.

I'm sure it is only a matter of time before I am found out again by my IL's or others. It's inevitable. But, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. Maybe one day my venting will be taken to heart and they will realize how extremely hurtful and hateful they have been.

Then again, they could just cause more drama, which would give me more blog posts so, who knows;)

I like my blog/twitter world. I like that there are ppl here who know me better than IRL ppl and who give support without strings attached.

I'm jabbering, but I love you and that's just the bottom line:)

Jill, Momma to Tanner, Josie, Will and Surprise Baby #4. said...

My blog is on my profile but I don't bring it up very often. Usually people tell me they read the crap about my in-laws and either a.) laugh their asses off or b.) want to strangle them for me. HA!

Everyone knows what I write about before I write it anyway so it is all good. :o)

Sorry I have been slacking on commenting lately. I am a busy mess!!!

Cajun Cutie said...

I don't publicly announce on FB or when I meet someone IRL that I blog. Additionally, I have only two followers on twitter who know me IRL. My twitter is private, my blog is not. Although I am honest about things on both (my blog even has a disclaimer)I try not to talk about people or my feelings towards them on the blog. The blog is strictly my experience lived and I no longer apologize for it. If I hurt someone's feeling with things I have said, I am sorry, but it is what I was feeling during the time I lived it. There was a time when I was going through the thick of Infertility, hurt and anger and one of my husband's co-workers said some horrible things about me and how I was a bad wife because my husband and I had made a decision in our lives that he didn't approve of. I went private and I blogged about it. A while later I went un-private and the guy's wife apparently was a reader of my blog. She got mad and offended and still doesn't speak to me when we see each other at office things. Not even a hello. (Weird thing is she went out actively and searched for my blog) You know what, I am ok with that. She is entitled to her feelings. I no longer apologize for thing that I have to say. I did un-publish those posts because my feelings are no longer so raw and I am in a different place. If my sister read the things I said about her or if someone else I know reads the blog then I hope they respect my feelings and the spirit of the blog. It is my experience lived.

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Anonymous said...

I neither hide nor advertise it either. I know several "outside the computer" BFF's read it, because I can see they are subscribed to it. I have that Feedjit thing on it so I can tell from what city, state you are reading from and I see several from my hometown - which could be close family, but doubtful. My sister is too selfish to want to read about my life...though sometimes it is about her! I do make a point to pw protect posts written specifically about family stuff in the event (ha) they ever stumble upon it.

That is also the reason my BF and blog are NOT linked. I wouldn't want some of those people to know all about my IF or any other thing about my life. I think people are creating BF pages for the blog persona just for more hits. But I don't care about the hits. I have the readers that I have, and I am happy.

Bianchii said...

I invite you on my new blog.
Will be a lot of pictures, music, films, cars etc.
It would be nice if you'll visit my blog sometimes :)


Have a nice day :)

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