Wednesday, July 13, 2011

F, A, M, I, L, Y Part3

My sister and I are 4 yrs apart. This never seemed to work in our favor and I do not know why.

As dynamics would have it, We actually had many friends that were siblings. It seemed that 4 yrs was a popular age spread at the time. We would get invited over to the same house or invite the siblings over to our house. There was the ever so popular 2 yrs difference friends, also. Stuck in the middle of our age gap. Of course, all this was while we were younger. Elementary Age. When everyone could play together regardless of age. I mean, who doesn't love to play dolls, "school" (we'd be teachers), house (we were roommates), make up dance and talk shows complete w commercials All recorded either on cassette tape or Vhs, of course.

Then came middle school - Honestly, the first most awkward phase of my life. I have written about it before. I have a fused vertebrate on the top of my spine in my neck. I have 4 to be exact. It does compromise the length of my neck. It is a blend of scoliosis and Klippel-Feil syndrome. I became hyperaware of it around 10 yrs old. Looking or acting different in middle school was not something that you WANT to do... Unless a group of the cool kids were doing, you tended to just want to blend in.

Luckily, I had elementary school friends that still remained as my friends in middle school. I cannot tell a lie, Middle school was hard for me. I was made fun of daily. (but then again, who wasn't) We had a few situations where my parents had to get involved (embarassingly to admit) Bullying is the word I would use to describe it now. My middle school days are hazy and glossed over. I am glad that I do not have to repeat them. Although, I have an understanding that pre-school is not even excempt from bullying these days

I some how made it through middle school and unto high school. My sister and I not crossing paths. Co-existing but not Co-habitation. We faught. A lot. Like siblings do. (or atleast that is what I thought) We had less friends in common. We spent as little time together as possible and avoided eachother at many costs. I was bitter and jealous .. She was the pretty, brainy, perfect one. I was the strong girl (with a chip on my shoulder) who could handle the world all by myself.

We never recovered from the fighting. I went away to college. Then She went away to college. We rarely kept intouch. She had her friends, I had mine. Just weird. We looked like a normal family. Our parents were still together and married. We had siblings, We did family things. We attended the same family functions that we needed or were asked to .... Nothing spectacular, Just normal. Right?, Right?!

A few yrs after I graduated college, I attempted to start dialogue with my sister. I would call but get nowhere. We would end up having the same ole bickering banter and end up not talking to each other for months again. Rinse, repeat this cycle to current day. A yr ago, I called my sister and poured my heart out to her and apologized for things I knew I did, and things that I did not know upset her. Mainly we had decades of bitterness and resentment towards each other. And we may still do. I begged for us to learn how to be siblings. I requested we keep in touch with each other. We both have children now.I want our children to know each other. We made an agreement to make an effort to get to know each other and keep each other in the loop. A quite honestly, We haven't done that. I do feel there is much less hostility towards each other. And that should be commended. But I feel as if neither of us have actually made the effort that moves towards having an actual healthy relationship. We apologized and we said we are going to find ways to keep each other present and relevant in our lives, but we have yet to DO that part.

This weekend is my nieces first birthday. I have only seen her once (for a few days) live and in person. A few months ago, My sister finally start sending me picture texts of her. This weekend, we are driving and staying in a hotel in her in-laws town to attend her 1st birthday party. I am excited for our kids to get to play together.


hope548 said...

I know I don't comment much anymore, but I still read. These are honest and beautiful posts. It seems like you are figuring out some important stuff here!

HereWeGoAJen said...

Wait, is this town where her in-laws live where I think it is?

I didn't have a good relationship with my sister until we were both quite grown up. She was just too annoying.

Barb said...

I hope things get better. Family demons are always hard to deal with. Have fun at the party! xoxo

Anonymous said...

My sister and I are also 4 years apart and you described our relationship - both younger and now - EXACTLY!