Alot to say

and not sure how to say it.

Do you know when you are going about your day and you think "this is good blog material" ..Then Later on you sit down, write it, and wonder "why did I think this was good blog material?" Lately, I have that problem.

Over the past few years, I have read/commented/participated on many blogs that started off as IF blogs on many different paths that have been now been blessed with receiving their awaited miracles. I consider myself lucky to share in their journeys. Lately, it seems that more and more scams/untruths/lies that cause panic and doubt are being thrown out into that blogdom. I makes me a lil sad. I just wanted to take a second to acknowledge that everything on this blog is the truth OR my personal Feelings, Thoughts, or Experiences. My very own. I am who I am.

I am:
a christian
Loved
Blessed
a Daughter
a Sister
a Wife
a Mother
A Messy house keeper
inspired by many
Enjoying the Beach/Ocean/Pools
Scatterbrained
Good Cook
an Over Sharer
an Entertainer at heart
a fan of reality tv, the Food Channel, Discovery, and Girlie mushy movies
Scared of being pregnant again so soon
Feeling guilty at times for being scared of being pregnant so soon
Honest to a flaw
Awkward
Tired and Anxious
Overwhelmed
Overjoyed
Feeling my Old Self Return slowly in bits and pieces every day
A poor Friend at times
a lover of all things dessert
grateful of every comment that has ever been left on this blog
I am Me... I may be parenting after IF, I may be pregnant again after delivering 12 months ago but I am more than that ... I am Farah. *I may come back and add to this post if I think of More things I want to include.

I encourage you to do this on your own blog! If you do it will you leave me a comment and let me know. If you have never left a comment, I encourage you to delurk and participate!

Moving and Shaking. Since I am 1

"Look What I can do!"

Thank you for all the birthday wishes. I printed the post w/ comments out for his baby book.

Let's talk about a few things:

Heat - I know it's Florida, The Sunshine State, and I am ok with that. BUT the heat index 102-115 every day so far has not been pleasant. It's only June, What am I supposed to do when it's August, Our Really hot month? It's not even so much about the sweat, The humidity makes it so hard to breath. It's miserable!! And I have a boy that craves outside All.The.Time. I will not even mention the mosquito's! The ones that are the size of small dogs ... That swarm to take bites out of my sweetness!

1 yr Molars - I hate you! Give my child a break and cut through already! Thankyouverymuch

Time - Why is time/money and money/time... When I have time, I don't always have money and when I have money I lack time ..... Where is that balance? .. I can't seem to find it

We lost a bottle the other night (Friday night) after E fed MT. We looked everywhere and could not find it anywhere. I found it Yesterday in the hood of one of MT's Cars he pushes around. I found quite a few things in the hood of the car that have been missing.

There has been a new word learned at our house Friday: Cookie! My child must love the K sound .. Most of his words he says are all k's. He is constantly talking these days. I have NO IDEA what he is saying but He does and He thinks I should too. He has started hissing too. I am just trying to figure out what that means. He waves bye bye to go outside now. He will push one of his cars to the door bang on the door yell something and wave bye bye to indicate his desire to go outside. He does this first thing EVERY morning and at least 5 times a day. He just really loves to be outside

The next day after MT's birthday party, he took a 2.5 hour nap in the middle of the day. I thought this was because he was making up for lost sleep. But this seems to have been the norm nap schedule now. Some mornings he will take a mid morning nap still (about 3 hours after wake up time) but other days seems uninterested in the morning nap. So, they boy that only took cat naps seems to give me at least a 2 hours window in the afternoon to get things done. My house is going to appreciate this so much. It could use a good clean!

I have an uneventful ob appointment tomorrow. Not sure what to expect since I now have pretty low expectations from them .. I love their delivery experience So I am just focusing on that for now!

Where have you been

Wow, Long time no blog - Let's just jump in:

Saturday was MT's birthday party and honestly, It was a blast! I enjoy watching others enjoy themselves. It was at a park and believe it or not, No one melted away. It was under a shaded shelter, and On the gulf, so there was a bit of a breeze. My dad and I made pork, chicken, rice, and beans for a and had all the fixins' for a build your own burrito bar. I am so thrilled with the way everything turned out.

We ate as soon as most arrived. Then after lunch, I had bubble machines and gave each child their own bubble wand to help make more bubbles:

After that, We had CAKE! I ordered a big cake for all of us to eat, but made MT a monkey smash cake:

Here are 2 of my fav pictures from the day. It sums up How I think he felt on his special day: (can you see that grin under all that frosting mess?)

Seriously, It was a great day. He had a nap before the party - despite MIL's efforts to soil that plan. MIL wanted desperately to see MT before the party but I left E with very specific instructions and only 1 task .... Make sure there is an uninterrupted morning nap. After the party was over, E took MT home again for another nap because we just about wore him out! I asked MIL to help clean up (keeping her away so there could be another uninterrupted nap) This time, it didn't go off that well. MIL insisted on coming over and even though instructed to leave a sleeping baby sleeping - Managed to indirectly wake up said sleeping baby with her 4 yr old that honestly needs disciplining in a MAJOR WAY ... but that is all for another post - when I stop being so angry at the drama that she brings my way ... Let's just say, E had to respectfully ask her to leave. It got that bad ... Started by needing a few adult beverages to "calm her nerves" for her grandson's bday party at 11 o' clock .... ..... ............

Whoops, Off track .... Did I mention that a few days ago, MT decided that he could walk! Like clear a room and go where he wants to? He is still crawling too but he throws in walking also. He is very proud of himself! I need to get it on video.

Today was MT's 1 yr check up. It was a great overall appointment. He s weighing almost 22 lbs and measuring 30.5 inches tall. They tested his hemoglobin and apparently he is borderline on the cut off for iron supplements. They prescribed some iron drops, but I am going to need to do some research on this. He was only .4 away and I didn't know we had to do that this appointment or I would have been more prepared. I spent 30 mins with the Dr discussing the upcoming appointment that is needed to give MT a few vaccines that I am unsure of. I was extremely grateful for his time and discussion. He was very nice and informative with answering all my questions. He was thrilled to know that we are down to 1 bottle and says eventually we will have to stop it. I told him that he really doesn't even drink it, He just likes the comfort of the sucking. He told me to put water in it and see what happens. I may do that.

MT calls other wee ones "kids" he will not say baby. He must like the K sound. He walks around saying Kitty kitty and Kids all the time. If he hears children playing, he will look at me and say Kids! Over and over until he sees them. He is also saying: See, Dadee, Mum, Num num num (food) , mam, mam, mam (milk/water), He will not do any of the sign language so I quit. But he is developing his own language and I am trying to make sure that when he says on of those made up words of his, I repeat the real word in hopes that one day, he will get it. We have a doll baby that we have been trying to teach him gentle, easy, hug the baby and such so when our new one arrives he will be somewhat prepared. I dunno if it will work or not, but I am trying.

Sorry, I have been sparse on my commenting lately. I am still reading in between it all. I have also been busy and the nausea is back in full swing again. (I am 15 weeks) Hoping it all gets easier soon again

This time in 08

At 9:37am, my water broke: 14 hours later, I was pushing trying to have a June 9th Baby ..But We missed it by 2 minutes.

Not seeing Red anymore

Sorry to hold out on you - I received a call from my dr's office Friday at 4pm and they explained to me that I was scheduled for a nurses appointment on Friday and not a dr appointment. I explained to her that I had never in my 4 yrs of going to them ever had a nurses appointment and never again ever wanted to get a nurses appointment. I explained to her that it was not acceptable for my mental state. I was expecting more care provided by me and thus got me really more upset than I needed to be at this time/state. She agreed that she should have explained to me about the nurses appointment and apologized that I was nervous about not being able to get a Doppler listen. It was too late to go back in the office that day and quite frankly, I was about 4 seconds from looking for a new practice.

Until, I calmed down, took some deep breathes and started to relax. A few days ago, I have started to feel movement. So I knew that if I would just get in a relaxed position and just breath in and out, and hope that I would feel some movement. I did ..and have been feeling movement all weekend sporadically of course and usually after a bath/shower and laying in bed. I am pretty sure it's movement.

Today at 4:30pm the nurse did call me to let me know that they did confirm it just being a UTI and I should continue the lots of water, cranberry (with no sugar), and antibiotics.

I have also taken off a week of work in hopes to get it under better control, rest up and finish up with the last few things for MT's 1st birthday party on Saturday. I cannot always run to the bathroom when needing to at work since we are on a time schedule and I need to take more care of myself than this particular part time job plus I have loads of things to do for the birthday party. It was just a good time to do it.

So - this with me, hopefully are getting better. I have contemplated many times driving to Jen's for a hb check. Then I talk myself out of it and try not to be a paranoid spaz!

The day of the bleeding, I did receive a call from the dr office letting me know that my triple screen/nt all came back fantastic .. Which of course is great news ..... Just wish I could magically hear the heartbeat and Know. I may have to call the dr office tomorrow and beg for a listen.

Seeing Red

Yesterday morning, I arrived at Animal Kingdom to hang with one of my bloggy bffs, Amanda and her husband. I went to the bathroom ..and there is was. The dreaded Red on the TP. (lots of TMI) I remained calm ..or tried to remain calm and just go about my day. I mean there wasn't much I could do, I was too far to make it back to the dr and I tried to keep telling myself .. Red happens to some ..... I am 13 weeks along ... and it was not alot .. I kept seeing it throughout the day every time I went to the bathroom and at some point there became alot of weird pressure after I peed. I have to sit there to make sure that my bladder would relax and empty. I did call the dr's office and told them I was not close because they wanted me to come in right then ... I instead had to make an appointment for 1:30 today.

I managed to get sleep and went tothe dr office this afternoon with as many calm nerves a possible - but at the Dr office. I almost imploded. This is NOT how i normally handle things but lately I am just soo not myself and unable to communicate my needs/desires ... so I basically got steamrolled at my appointment today. At 1:50 they called me back to sit in the nurses station. Out in the open. Took my bp, had my urine on the counter and announced to whomever walking by and me that there was blood in the urine. Took my temp and asked me my symptoms and then said she would be right back ... Walked away ... came back with a rx for antibiotics and told me they would have to send out my urine and call me next week . And told me to have a nice day ....... That was it. No room, no asking me my weight, no Doppler, no dr even ....... I have never had a bladder infection, UTI or the like so this may very well be the norm ..but now I am fuming .... I can't believe I allowed them to send me on my way w/o ever stepping foot in an exam room .... Or hearing a beating heart ... Maybe irrational but how I am feeling right now. I have a call back in to see if they think it's a UTI, bladder infection or what .... I was so shocked speechless I didn't even ask.

Decisions, Decisions * updated at the bottom

I can't think straight lately - My husband is not of much help in this matter, So I am turning to you (Plus seeing it all spelled out is going to help me, right?) - Here's the scoop:

We found a 2 bedroom 1 bath house a block from my parents house. They live 12 miles north of us now.

We currently live in a condo 3/2. 1050 sq ft living space. My landlord is fantastic and we live right across from the pool. The condo has been having some problems lately - but all very fixable.

The house is a 2/1 (900 sq ft living space). So we would lose a bathroom and a bedroom (and a community pool) but gain the biggest fenced in backyard in the neighborhood. MT could actually go outside in our yard and play! I could actually leave clothes/diapers on racks to dry while I was gone and not worry the neighbors will steal them. There is a shed outside to store things in ... As it is now, god willing everything is fine in utero, the 2 children would have to share a room at either place so losing a bedroom IN that aspect isn't a big deal to me. The kitchen area is much bigger/newer/functional with many more cabinets at the house. The rooms are not that much smaller. But, yes we would be downsizing considerable. And moving more north from my husbands job, playgroups, my job, Etc. We are very central located right now. But its just 12 miles ...
Instead of being 5-15 mins from his playgroup areas, I would be about 15-25 mins away. Instead of being 15-20 mins from my parents, We'd be 2 mins walking time. We would save about $900 a yr. (I am taking out what I think we will spend in gas for moving more north)

Yes there are pros/cons to being that close to parents. My parents even though a PITA a times, are very willing to help us out. I mean, all families come with annoying tendencies, Ya know what I mean? So ..Imagine your parents being mostly the helpful kind with annoying ticks - having a 17 month old and a 1 month old .... What would you do, Condo or House?

*either way we will still be renting - forgot to include that. So yes there will be some point that we would eventually have to move again if the smallness does seem to become a factor for the children. Keep yout opinions coming. This is helping so much!