Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Regression

I am not sure if any one subscribes to this or not but I have been needing to dump/compile/share my thoughts on Regression for those going through it or worry about going through it.

Here we go - Hang on:

Regression,
When I was pregnant w #2 (the armadillo who is now known as G man), which seems like eons ago but was only ~15 months ago, EVERYONE warned me about regression when you bring home a new baby. I was warned that A was going to regress sooo sooo soo much when a new baby was in our house. News flash, That actually Did not happen. Thankfully A was too young to read the memo everyone was sending.

Do not get me wrong, He was NOT a complete angel All the time. But he really wasn't as bothered by him as I was told he could be. We were smooth sailing and He was not "jealous", or attempting much attention seeking behavior, tantrums, etc. We actually had a pretty good handle on life for the first year of having 2 under 2. The first yr did have its challenges, for sure, But not completely the challenges I was expecting.

A turned 2.5 and G man turned 1... This is where my handle on life broke. Most blamed Regression based on jealousy w G man. But I will beg to differ - Thus needing a blog.

Yes G became more independent and A became more aware, sneaky and needy. There was/still is Lots of fighting, competing, lashing out, crazy tantrums, screaming, etc some days. BUT I think it was more of a milestone vs Regression based on jealousy. Kids A's age that do not have a sibling at home seem to go through most of these same behaviors, attitudes and actions when talking to other parents that have one child around A's age. I do understand that not all children are the same. And I am not debating that at all. BUT it was nice to hear/see that my child was not the only one doing a certain behavior/reaction to their mother, brother, or life. I was also pleased to see/hear that this was not directed or created by G man's presence. Which makes my heart happy to hear because there is enough guilt in this mom business I did not need to hear that by giving him a brother, I was creating a green eyed monster full of fire.

What I am trying to say is that Regression happens. But I think it is just a development thing and not based on sibling status, like most like to excuse it as. Yes Jealousy happens but I do not think it is stemmed from regression. I think that a lot of people add to their families in this 2 - 3 yr window and thus the norm is to point to the obvious "new baby" excuse. If you haven't ever experienced a 2.5 yr old tantrum, let me assure you that you WILL SEARCH for an excuse for a while because NO one wants to just accept that their cute as a button toddler flipped a switch to the dark side in the name of a Milestone or a Departmental process. Because Good Gawd, It can get ugly and irrational up in those tantrums . Thus the neeed to identify a problem.. IF you can pinpoint a problem, You feel like you can come up w/a solution or control the situation better. Right?, Right?, Right? I mean Nothing is as humbling and embarrassing as YOUR 2/3 yr old totally losing their ever-loving mind in public and tarnishing your mother of the year image. It MUST be the new baby ... He/She just got a sibling ..... It certainly cannot be Just because s/he wants their way or irrationality.

It's all part of learning how to express emotions. A 2 yr old is like a roller coaster of emotions. That is the hardest challenge for me... Staying calm enough to explain to either one that it is Ok to feel the emotion they feel but it is not acceptable to act in tantrum/freak out mode when they feel this emotion. We do not allow excuses for tantrums... Just because we do not allow them does not mean they do not happen. I just do not want them to think that there is an acceptable excuse to act out in this way. It is just not acceptable behavior ...

Yes, Some days does A want to be 1 and G want to be 2, yes Quite often in fact. Jealous, Yes .. But I do not think that jealousy is to blame for the regression or an acceptable reaction display your emotion. From my perspective, It is about milestones and developmental areas. And it Sucks gong through. But I am holding firm to perseverance pays off .

8 comments:

Beth Bell Kyle, Providence Associate/SMWC '00 said...

I agree with you. We are on the cusp of this situation in my house. There are some things that are obviously jealousy things, but those don't typically trigger tantrums. My oh my, I am not excited to know where these tantrums are going.....now researching every calm parenting book I can find.

Elaine said...

Awe, welcome back! I found myself shaking my head in agreement through your entire post :)

HereWeGoAJen said...

Wouldn't it be nice if you could reason with a two year old? I think that about every day.

I missed your posts.

Jill, Momma to Tanner, Josie, Will and Surprise Baby #4. said...

I still read! I am waiting for this to happen when the next is born. Can I call you when it does?

BigP's Heather said...

I completely agree. Every child is so completely different and you know your child better than anyone else does. Just because many do one thing doesn't mean your child is.

Last week, I spoke to a parent with a child one week younger than K. They are doing completely different things. He is potty trained, that isn't even on K's radar yet. K speaks in sentences, he doesn't say but a handful of words. Totally different.

You know your sons.

Barb said...

Ugh. I dread this phase. Kudos to you.

Sparkle Mommy said...

Kids who are only children grow up with adults. The second child and beyond grow up with kids. They will all go through the craziness of toddler emotions and all kids have tantrums. Even jealousy of a sibling helps prepare kids for social interactions at school. It is definitely a challenging time. I try and remember that it will be over soon, and we'll be moving on to bigger and better things.

Miss K said...

I agree. What some might call regression I think is just toddler ups and downs. We have had PLENTY of those....