Bittersweet Symphony

keeps playing over and over in my head.

But on a positive spin on it, I Can change, I can change, I Can Change, I can change ... I have changed

I called my boss this morning after visiting the last available daycare option and I told her that I will be in tomorrow with my resignation letter.

I have checked out both home daycares and daycare centers in my area. Well, I have checked out those that would be available to us right now. I was just not able to find any that are right for us. Maybe it's me. They couldn't have all been bad. I am sure it's mostly me. I will be ok with that.

Right now, I am just numb. Now, I need to start focusing on finding that part time job.

During trying to find a daycare that I am ok with, I was having to question everything and analyze (over analyze) our situation and what would work best for everyone involved.

I have never actually blogged about a situation that we have been dealing with. Feeding. (all food/feeding MT talk from here)

I mean it started right after birth - we had some feeding issues. He was labeled the "lazy" eater. It would take him FOR EV ER to eat 1 oz. I never thought we would get 3 oz in him. Then eventually, things started working themselves out. Then we got a hang of breast feeding, and so on. We were up to drinking 7-8oz every 2.5-3 hours around 4 -5.5 months old. I have never gotten him to go longer than 3.5 hours w/o needed to eat again. So I started him with solids. We never have had any success with cereals. He still will not eat them at all. So we moved on to other things. I made Sweet Potatoes, banana, green beans and Apples ..these were successful. I tired carrots. green beans, sweet potatoes out of hte jars and he would not eat them. I tried many out of jars. He never would eat it. I tried having other people feed him, He wouldn't eat it. I have tried several brands and varieties multiple times out of jars, he will not eat it. (except the apples/blueberries) So I just make it. We have added broccoli, waffles, yogurt, pureed chicken, pureed vegetable soup. All with success. (when I say he refuses to eat jarred food, he gaged, makes awful upchucking noises and cries)

Ok so your thinking what's the problem right. THe problem that I realized is that no matter how many oz's h e drinks out of a bottle it takes me 45 mins to get him to drink the bottle. But we have a compound issue. About 4 weeks ago, he stopped wanting to breastfeed. (i have mentioned this) I actually can't really remember that actual date except I realized a few days later that I had not breastfed at all in a few days. So I am guessing it's been about 3-4 weeks now. I have also actually stopped pumping. It's been 4 days w.o having to pump.

We were adding breast milk in with his bottle because he would drink the bottle much better with breast milk in it.. even if there was only 1 oz of breastmilk. He knew the difference. I thought we weaned him on that slowly .. Over 4 weeks ish. Well, It's been almost 1 week on complete formula. His drinking has progressively gotten worse. I was only getting about 16-20 oz in him a month ago (plus 1-2 times of bfing), Now I am down to getting maybe 12 oz in him if I am lucky. (and no bfing) Not only am I getting only 2-3.5oz of formula 4 times a day, It takes me 45 mins to get those 2-3.5 oz in him. He will push the bottle away, refuse to drink it and get down right feisty about it. He is thirsty/hungry, but refuses to eat it. I assume it's because there is no BM in it.

So recap - it takes me 45 mins to get 2-3.5 oz in him every bottle feeding. Then about 20min to get the solids done. That is alot of time for one person with 1 child 3 times a day. I am unsure how a daycare could manage this with multiple kids with needs. It seems unfair to him but also to the other children

He is still using a lvl 1 nipple, So I recently tried a lvl 2 nipple ... There was warfare. He choked, gaged, spit out the bottle and cried so hard that I had to go back to the lvl 1 in order to get anything in him. I have tried the lvl 2 nipple a few more times and he still refuses. So today, We are going to his dr to see if he has lost any weight since his appointment a few weeks ago. We are going to maybe discuss switching formulas? She wants to check his teeth/nose/ears to see if anything is going on in there. SO ... yeah, This is where we are at today. My head is just spinning

No really, I'm in charge

Other than your blog what do you do to keep memories? I bought a plastic binder that I took with me to the hospital when I went into labor. So far, I have kept all of the stuff I collected along the way in there. ( ie. Hat, id bracelet, footprints, the dr visit sheets that have his height/weight ratio etc.) When he hits a milestone, I write it on a post0it note or piece of paper and put the date/time when he met that milestone. (or anything that I think is noteworthy) I do have a baby book that I need to get started on. I also use my blog as a reference to his milestones. We have our digital media stored in 2 places, my desktop and a external drive. I also put my more favorite pictures online in hopes to help just in case the back up fails (and to share). I have also made a few online scrapbooks. So yah, A bit of overkill but I do not want to lose these pictures. I have already accidentally deleted my camera card one time and can only print one of my fav pictures through walgreens. I updated the pics to walgreens then accidentally formatted the card.. talk about an oops.



Are you still breastfeeding? We have gone 2 days w/o actually bf-ing. (i didn't realize this until I sat down to type this out) I am still pumping, but have cut it back to just once a day.

Once we established that I was able to provide milk, I decided that I would try and make it 3 months and then re-evaluate my situation. At 3 months, I decided that I would like to make it to his surgery. Now that his surgery is passed, we have 8+ teeth (i think he is getting the back molars now), I am working part time, he seems uninterested in it. So, all of this makes me think that my pumping days are numbered.

I wasn't sure how/when I would handle weaning at all. So we are just taking it day by day. If he is done bf-ing then that is how we will do it. So far, I do not feel like this is a "big " deal. I haven't gotten emotional about it. I am still pumping once a day. This has decreased my supply. I pump right before I go to bed. He is still not a huge fan of an all formula bottle. So, We are still putting some bm in his bottles/sippy cup to appease him while we have it.
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Random tidbits of my brain:

• I am most certain I have a cyst on my left ovary at the moment. My . is late and it has been pretty timely the past several months of having one. There was some other changes about my body that makes me think that the PCOS symptoms are back in full swing. I am very bloated in the abdom. reigion and it is tender/sore to touch like in the other months with cysts. I am having that sharp jabbing pain. I feel that uncomfortableness that one feels when getting a cyst. I have gained about 10 lbs in this month, etc.. So I am starting back on my met. this week. It's a must. I saw the signs and tried to deny it ..but It's time I take action
• My anxiety is back, In full swing. I am not sure if this is a hormonal thing (connected to all the other PCOS changes I am feeling and finding with my body) or not. I get overwhelmed very easily some days. Or I just have crap for luck. It seems like some days everything happens all at once and I get overloaded. I get quite shakey and uneasy. Which makes me get more mad at myself for being uneasy and anxious and not just going with the flow.
• We are going to my inlaws this weekend. Things have settled down abit and we can no longer ignore his mom's calls and pleas to come have our "christmas". Trust me, I have used every excuse I can think of, but Now It's time to give a little.
• MT is getting to an age where i think he needs to be around children his age. Whenever we are around people with children, he just is fascinated by them. I need to find something like gymboree in our area that is not so expensive. Plus the gymboree in our area did not have a great turn out so they canceled it. I am starting to see the need to introduce other children to MT. He is more active now wants someone to interact with him. It is very fun.
• Life is getting much easier. Mt went through a little bit of a change. When we started adding in solids, it was very difficult couple of weeks to figure out what worked for him. I also blame alot of that on teething, surgery, my working part time, etc. There was a plethora of variables that could have made things more difficult. But, the other day, I noticed life didn't seem so hectic again. Everything just seemed to be fluid and flowy.
• With that said, MT seems to be changing up his sleeping habits again. We had a few rough weeks with that. I blame it on that 4 month sleep regression I read about. Ours started about 5.5 months though. It was not at exactly 4 months. It seems that now at almost 7.5 months it has worked itself out. Our nap situation is also changing. Some days, he just wants 2 naps during the day. Some days he wants 3. The third nap being a 30 min nap at 6:30pm. It was suggested to try keep him awake until 7pm and then put MT down for the night by 7pm every night and not let him have that 6:30pm nap that he wants. I have tried that for4 days in a row this past week and it does not work for us. The first night I did that, He took his usual 30 min nap and was back up ready to go. I left him in the bed until he just absolutely lost it. I spent about 1 hour calming him down. By 9:30pm, he was back in bed sleeping. The next night he was in bed by 7:15pm and woke up at midnight. The next day I was able to actually get him in bed by 7pm and he woke up at midnight and would not go back to sleep until 2, then woke up at 5am. I tried again yesterday and He just will not have any of it. So, for now, his bedtime will be 8-8:30pm with a 30 min nap sometime around 6- 6:45ish. With this, I know he will sleep until 7:15am ish. I don't know why I tried to get him to go to bed earlier. It was just a suggestion, I didn't have to try it, but I did.
• The interview I went on yesterday, was one of the worst interview I have ever done. Everything just felt off. The interviewer was asking all the wrong/negative questions. I don't know how to really explain it except, everything was just off and ackward. Too bad too because the location was completely prime.
• I came to work today with my shirt inside out ... My office mate noticed .... Yes, Really
• Just in, New Sheriff in Town:

Getting Rough .

loads of tmi questions about BF

Recently we have run into a reoccurring situation. My son has taken up chewing, biting, gumming anything that he can get in his mouth. Yes, this includes ME ... I has gotten used to the drool, gumming, biting for the most part. The kicker is this behavior does not stop when he nurses. He has bitten my nipple more times than I'd like to remember. It hurts like a mother ... He just chomps, bites and pulls on them. Sometimes he treats them like a dog w/a chew toy, shaking his head back and forth, side to side. (*yes there is plenty of milk) Instinct is to pull him off quickly and throw him .. .... BUT ......It actually hurts MUCH worse if i pull him off. I have tried the pushing his head towards me over and over and over. This seems to agitate the beast more and he bites harder .... On days like this, I am so very thankful there is a bottle that I can feed him from because he usually leaves my nipples so sore and tender for a good day after he decides to bite down on them.

I know he is not doing this out of spite ...but I can't help but get upset at him over it. I know he doesn't know he is hurting me but it hurts none the less. I am actually afraid he has damaged one of them pretty badly. When I pump, I notice that it is no longer pumping like it used to. It dribbles the milk out instead of a stream/squirts. His biting is making me more susceptible for yeast infections I think. I try to apply a hot/cold compress on them when I have time ... but Time is not something I have alot of most days.

On top of the yeast and hurting issues, It is making me dread feedings. i find myself being very apprehensive about breastfeeding him. (on top of the already timidity and lack of family support) I am so gun shy about being bitten again. I assume this is because he is teething .... Anyone else experiencing this, experienced this? Any tricks to help or will I get used to it so I can learn to grin and bear it?

I was bf-ing 3/4 times a day ... It seems like now as soon as he bites me, I stop and go get a bottle because it just hurts way too bad to get bite again

**things I have been meaning to document - Coming back from vacation has been a bit challenging.


MT is now up to eating about 6 oz every 3 - 4 hours now. I am actually very excited about that because feeding every 2-3 hours is extremely exhausting. He is starting to enjoy tummy time and we are trying to work on his roll over. He is “talking” up a storm now. He will have full fledged conversations with us. It is really hilarious. Last night, he jabbered on and on for about 45 mins. He has discovered his belly laughs. I absolutely cannot wait to make a video of this. I swear, It’s close to being the best thing in the world. He is still doing a great job sleeping at night. (we found that putting a long sleeve/footy onesie on helped tremendously - or socks) Nights w/o dressed like this he wakes up so much earlier. (I was just afraid to get him too warm in worries and paranoid of sids and being that we live in FL - It gets HOT) He is getting better about taking naps (longer than 10 mins) during the day. Some days are more difficult than others. He still has many of those days that once you get him to sleep, lay him down and his eyes pop right back open … but they are getting better. His 4 month appointment is Oct 15th. We we will an official height/weight check then. I am going to asked about when to start introducing solids to him at that appointment and see what their opinions are. I really need to research this solids/feeding stuff. I have no idea what to expect or do or believe. So much controversial topics with raising babies. It's hard to find the facts sometimes while digging through others' agendas and emotions when reading and researching. I am all about opinions and suggestions but some time's the article get down right forceful and judgemental.

Our lil yeast infection seems to be gone for now. I won't lie, I was worried. I thought my supply took a huge hit, but today pumping seems back to normal and we only had to dip into the frozen supply for one day and then we only needed 4 oz. It was a struggle the past few days. I was really contemplating quitting . I did not think I wanted to work that hard at establishing a supply again. I really felt defeated and deflated. It was tough enough the first time around.

Fall is here, I just wish the weather was cool and the leaves change colors. One thing I wish we could have here. I saw pumkpins in the store today and laughed. I mean, I guess I could decorate with it and not cut it open but i still think the Fl heat and bugs would enjoy it way longer than I would at this point

Ok, what is everyone watching this fall? So far the list is:
The New 90210
Gossip Girl
Priveledged
The Mentalist - I think I am in love
Lipstick Jungle
Brothers and Sisters
Dirty Sexy Money
I am sure there are others I just can't think right now

Hodge Podge

1- WARNING TMI Alert- The past week I noticed my nips were getting more and more sore after every pump. I chalked it up to using a new pump. Yesterday I went back to pumping on the symphony. A few pumps into it and I noticed that my left nip started to bleed. I am not sure why but I called E's name and he came over after that I have no real recollection of what happened until I found myself laying in my bed. Apparently, *or obviously) I passed out. It was NOT that much blood at all. it was a teeeny weeny droplet. I am unsure if it was from the pain, the blood, the stress I have been under lately or what. After I was told was happened and collected myself, I drank LOTS Of water and relaxed the rest of the day.
*After a few phone calls, message boards and emails, I have decided it was a combination of the new pump rubbing my skin so I need new bigger horns, and I believe to have yeast. My stored supply may take a dip since I was so traumatized yesterday I didn't pump at all after the big drama. Thank God my husband was home. Please let me and my body be up and running again soon. I am using this .. So We are all purple ..

2- I have this stroller, It is great. I have not had any problems with it. It is definitely a light weight stroller and we enjoy it often .... BUT I keep eyeing this other stroller. I go walking pretty much every day and I can see the lightweight stroller is not made for this type of activity. I am obsessing this one at the moment. Anyone have any comments about this one? Or Suggestions for a good one.

3- My mother is not doing well again. Hormones are evil.. Multiple Dr's still think this was brought on by me.nopau.se. School has started and of course, it had to be an ordeal. They built a new school, she had to re-set up her brand new classroom. No chalkboards and overhead projectors. All new technology and gizmo's. *this is a woman who hates email and computers. So she is overwhelmed trying to learn the new technology .. THEN worse part, They received a new curriculum. She is having to read and do all new curriculum and she is so far overwhelmed she is having panic/anxiety attacks. Once again, we are in the process of weaning her off a med in order to put her on a different (hopefully better) one. The Dr's agreed that she was being over medicated, So they want to bring her dose down so they can start her on a different kind of med. A mood stabilizer. I really do hope she finds comfort in this new drug. I am told that getting her on this new med will take 2 months if all goes well. I am SO not looking forward to me.nopause .. Frankly I am quite scared of what this means for me.

4- We have been using cloth diapers of and on for a week now. I have to say, I am a HUGE fan. We have In.dian prefol.ds and b.umm.is covers , bu,mge.nious 3.0's m and g diapers. My favorite is the bumgenious'. They are expensive for a set up cost, but SUPER absorbent and very durable and easy to clean. I have a few leaks with the g diapers, but that is mostly because of the breastfeeding. It really doesn't seem that taxing to me to wash them. I know lots of people say they are such a pain. I guess you could say they are an inconvenience because you have to carry it around until you get home, but is that really a huge deal?

Well, Laundry is done, dishes are clean, but ti.vo is full.. Going to clear it off and put my feet up

Who is this woman

Remember that Woman that was constantly whining about not being able to breastfeed her child in public .... That woman today breastfed her child numerous times on 2 flights, in the Mi.nneapo.lis/St. Pa.ul airport food court. I seriously even pumped in a service center corner all courtesy of a nursing cover. I HAD to, I was going to explode. So I think I can say that I have unleashed the "attitude". I was in shock after I pumped. I was discreet, extremely discreet but SOMETHING had to give ....I was in some serious pain and my child was hungry..My Care-o-meter of what others would think was running low. I know, there will be some that roll their eyes in disgust, that's ok .. I would have too if it were a different time and a different place not so long ago....But I am VERY proud of myself right now ..naysayers need not comment - just think it to your self

* tried to find a family rest area, or a bathroom with a plug but the only plugs I could find were at the airside for labtops and I am not that brave..so the service center has cubbies with outlets .. I used that


Oh yes, we landed safely and MT has an angel child on both planes. I know everyone on the plane is very proud of him not screaming at all ..

Not sure what to call this

BF/pump talk in red skip if not interested:
The pump is fixed .. Half was a operator error and half was a lil fine tuning was needed. It is fixed. It will do the job. (operator error was: When I was only putting one side it, It wasn't sucking very hard .. So I would, stop and complain that the vacuum wasn't great and get frustrated .. Once you put the other side in, and have both going at the same time, It works perfectly, It just Knows ..... Slaps Forehead ....

So here is my 2 cents after using it to pump a few times now. I really do like the hospital one. I like the 2 expression features. The new pump/style Ad.vance has the 2 expression phases (i believe - from the specs on the Internet). The feature is fantastic. It is what I believe has made my pumping more efficient. I start pumping with the expressing flow then it cuts off and after the first wave of milk stops running out, I hit that button again and by the time it has run it's cycle and getting back into regular pumping, more milk has been expressed. So If I were in the market for a m.edel.a pum.p, I would go with the PISA. *Keep in mind there are other pumps, I have only used the Mede.la ones. Since we did get the pump up and running, (but the old ones do not have the 2 phases) I am going to give it a whirl on vacation. **(if we get to go - more on that in a minute) If I find that I am still pumping the same amount and I feel it is able to express all of me milk, I am going to return the rented one at the end of the month. My many concern is that I am able to produce the same amount of milk. I am quite obsessive about my supply and I want every last drop out So I can put it in bottles and keep freezing some. (Yes, I have cried over spilled milk - Only once though. It was 5oz. At that time, It was the end of the world. It was late and it was early in my pumping days)

Ok moving on - I know some people out there just hate football.. I am NOT one of them. I love football. Always have. My parent's used to take me to the Buc's games when Tes,teverde was QB and they were Orange/White with a terribly dumb looking buccaneer logo. I was sold. Then, I went to a college with a national champion football team (not even close now though). In this town, there is only one sport and it's the only thing in town to do. So, I am pretty into the fall season of football. It started young ... Now I get to do the same: Starting him young, subjecting him to what I know is good for him

He looks pretty happy about my decision.

**there is a Hurristorm out there right now and of course No weather person knows where it is going. Some models show it hitting pretty near us and it looks like a pretty nasty storm. I received an email from the airline letting me know that our trip may be interupted by a hurricane. They would send out more information as the storm and date were closer to let me know about any cancelations and arrangements. We are supposed to leave Wednesday .. to be continued I guess.

The Drama Continues:

Joe called Phil to let him know that Mike was released from the hospital, but he is not sure where he is. All he knows is he is not staying at the house because Mom has let the Felon Boyfriend (FB) move in and take care of the younger children because he is "looking" for a new job and Mom needs someone to watch the younger children because the older children are all mad at mom and making themselves very scarce these days.

Phil calls Mom - Mom admits that Mike was released and so she drove his vehicle up to the hospital and gave him the keys and gas money. Mike drove himself to a facility treatment center. He will probably be there for 30 days. They have a further conversation about how Phil is pretty much disgusted at Mom and the whole situation. Phil calls Mom and adulteror. Mom tells Phil that it is not adultery, It is pre-martial sex because they are going to get married. Phil Laughs, He explains to Mom that this is SO NOT just pre-martial sex. She disagrees. Phil tries his best not to yell. He then asks Mom if she is pregnant again. Mom gets extremely defensive, never really answers the question, but does say that "Not that she knows of" and adds, "the only time in life she is happy is when she is pregnant". Which in Momspeak and reading between the lines, Mom is trying to get pregnant again ... ... Phil reminds Mom how old she is and how much of a risk it would be and how much of a burden it will be. Mom laughs at Phil.

Phil spends another hour listening to Mom's excuses, denials and explanations of why she is pursuing happiness in this manner. Because, this is her pursuit for happiness. "Mike gave {her} no choice, and is forcing {her} into the arms of FB". Phil is ill. Phil continues to explaining to Mom that FB doesn't have anything to offer - He doesn't even have custody of his own child - she is a ward of the state. FB is a convicted felon therefore, limited on jobs he can do, if people will hire him. He further explains that she is going to lose all that her and Mike have worked so hard for. Phil also reminded Mom of all the bad things that have happened in the past 3 months that she has been out having her little rendezvous. The 16 yr old got arrested for shoplifting while Mom and FB took their "kids" to the Mall, Many Many Many Fights with the older children because they are losing all respect for Mom and calling her names to her face. A visit from the Child services, cops being set to the house, a husband that tried to commit suicide, an four your old that misses her mom, etc .....

Phil explains to Mom that He is not ok with any of the situation and that She needs to get her act together before it is too late. He is worried that This is only the start of more bad things to come. He is scared that she is making irrational decissions that are going to come back and haunt her in the end. Mom and Phil Hang up ... Mom is bawling, Phil is teary-eyed. He is afraid that it will be the last time he talks to Mom for a very long time.

opinions and experience needed

Help please. ... I rented a breast pump from our local hospital. I am getting ready to go on a trip and I am not going to that that item with us. It's bulky and really expensive. Here is my quandary:

I bought a used one of these (from 2006) off craigslist - I was using it for a month and some change. It does not have enough umph or suck to double pump. My OB and the LC advised me to go rent one from the hospital because they suggested i really needed a double pump .. (Uhm, I have seen the light, Can I get an AMEN to double pumping.) So for the past 2 months, this is what I have been using.

Now I am in a weird position, I want to go get a pump of my own but only if the pump is strong enough to double pump. These are not like outfits, I believe all sales are final, so I can't try it out. But In the long run it will be cheaper (as in I could have bought 1/2 of one from the rental fees already). I have gift cards still, So we could afford to buy one.

My husband also mentioned, just renting one for the week at his dad's. The hospitals in the area will do that. I have called and checked. SO now - your thoughts ..... Anyone have a really good dbl pump that gets the job done? Should I buy it or keep renting because it is something that I will not use much longer after I stop bf-ing. I am hoping to bf for a yr.

I wanna be a Dairy Cow

I read a blog this week that was talking about how they do not usually post pictures of their children on an IF blog for sensitivity reasons. I understand that - It's an IF community and the raw sight of children could be very upsetting to us at different times in our journey. I have not forgotten that - I know that I am a HUGE offender of splashing my child on my blog. I wanted to share what I posted on her blog in reference to children/baby pics on blogs. I wanted to make it clear to any of my readers that when I post a picture of MT on my blog, I do it because I feel like he is apart of this community. I feel like he is apart of all of you that have commented, emailed, sent prayers, good vibes and any amount of support for me and my situation. I feel like he is just as much apart of this community as the next TTC blogger. I do. I really do. Just like the saying "It takes a whole village to raise a child", I believe that is how MT got here. This whole village! So I want to share him with you. It is not at all done out of selfishness or have anything to do with me forgetting what it is like in the trenches of cycling. There isn't a day that goes by that I do not think about this community. The experience, friendship and knowledge have carried me through many hard times and I want to give back so others can feel what I have felt and am feeling. I really feel a strong bond and connection to so many. I just wanted to clarify that. Her post made me think

On a lighter note, I was watching dir.ty jo.bs the other day. It was an episode about a dairy farm. I never in a million years thought I would be jealous of a Dairy cow .. But the Host was explaining that the dairy cow gets hooked up to a milk pump for 40 mins and produces 8 gallons of milk ..... I will be honest, I became extremely envious ... OF A DAIRY COW ..... Seriously? ... Who is this person blogging ... The Vet was also explaining how they check for mastitis and then showed them giving their utters a "cleaning" with this fire torch ... to burn off the hair ... OMG really? The cows never flinched at all when they used the fire, the vet swore they couldn't feel it ...... WOW am I really talking about this ... Ok well there is where my mind is ... apparently I am still nuts. If you were concerned

Post Vacation ?

The past 2 days have involved my child thinking that he has to nurse constantly .... as in ALL THE TIME (unless he has a bottle in his mouth ;)......to be happy. Apparently, now that MT is 9 weeks old, he has decided naps are for babies, Not Him. I have grown weary of fighting him on these 2 topics ...

He does nap after he nurses but as soon as I move him off my lap, he is beyond unhappy and no matter what I try, we end up back nursing .... Is he testing me? Anyone deal with this? Is this post vacation behavior?

If he wasn't so darn cute, I'd be upset.

On our trip, I forgot to mention that he got his first dip in my relatives Salt Water Pool. He wasn't in long due to the sun position. I didn't want him that exposed, but I really wanted to see how he liked it. He loved it. I think I just linked flikr to my blog to see the pictures.

A few Questions/comments

Nothing too eventful has been going on just some random questions/comments to throw out into cyberspace -

My dad is really uncomfortable with me nursing. Before anyone says it's none of his business - I know it's not and we are going to continue - My father just says that he doesn't feel comfortable about the whole thing. So it makes me nervous and a lil freaked out embarrassed as him. I bring bottles - we are still using bottles but sometimes, MT just wants to nurse ... We will work through it .. Pleasures of having parents so close and involved.

Ok next - Anyone ever deal with Thrush - We seem to have a very very very very very mild case of it and I am trying a few home rememdies this weekend before callin in the big guns. I accidently wore a tank/bra twice on wednesday - and by Friday noticed very mild stinging every few times I pumped/nursed . I have been using this website as a guide this weekend. I am using the olive oil and vinegar wash .. seems to be helping alot. I went and rewashed everything and bought more tanks/bras. I am afraid to treat MT with anything in the mouth but this website has a few suggestions for him but I am timid to try - anyone ever done baking soda/water paste or ac.idophi.lus on their newborn (well technically almost 8 week old)?

I went to the nursing mom's group again - MT decided to be fussy the whole time unless he was sleeping - Apparently I am that mom with the fussy kid .. He was just out of sorts and tired - I felt bad but really wanted to stay .. I get good information and feedback there. He eventually fell asleep and all was well.

Somedays are harder then others - He likes to be held some days more than others. And quite honestly, I don't really care what the books say - we will do what we can to make it through the day with as little bad habits and needing a therapist is possible.

I had more to say/ask .. I may be back asking for more ...

Brain Dump

We have been trying for weeks to catch a smile on camera .. DO you have any idea how hard that is?!?!!? ... Well tonight He just was sooo happy and coo-ing and being all giddy. I thought for sure my husband could get at least one on camera (since i was holding him and I am the main photographer for the family) .. We got the tail end of plenty of them but never the big huge gummy grin that makes my heart sail into utopia. I cannot even begin to describe the feeling I get when I see him smile. It just makes my heart melt. Wanna see?


Here are some other pictures - I have had a few free moments today to play with my software.


MT is his ever loved boppy:


I realized tonight - (well I realized a while ago I just admitted it tonight) there are things that I could have NEVER in a million years imagined that I would be doing as far as my parenting style. We both are very comfortable with having MT in our bed. He does not sleep there alot of hours, He does have a crib and a packnplay but his first morning feeding (5/6 am) He likes to just fall asleep on my chest - and I absolutely love it. Before MT was here, I had big plans ..Huge plans ... Plans that involved Him sleeping IN HIS CRIB, IN his room from the very first night when we got home ... Yah he has napped a few naps in there but Not many ...

Breastfeeding/Pumping - I love it. It works for us. It is hard work but now that I am working on getting more comfortable with breastfeeding - I really do love it. It was painfree until my first period (which my dr says was not a period because it was in the post partum window) I got very sore/senstive ni.pple.s. The residual pain is still there but lessening each day. We only actually breast feed about 3 times a day. I can not tell you HOW AGAINST bF-ing i was. No really .. I was NOT A FAN . It grossed me out, freaked me out, made me jealous, brought up alot of negative, bad, weird feelings. I am now admitting I like it. I know it is not for everyone and I am very ok with that.

There are so many things that I hear myself pre-baby in my house, pre-situation saying and I am still continuing to eat my words hourly/daily.
I have wrote about this before (quite a few times actually) .. I will probably write about it again.

I ordered this new sling , so far,hands down, easiest/best to use. Thanks to Becoming Mom for showing me the site! LOVE IT, MT loves it. It is super convenient and very do-able.



Ok - we are taking MT up to Wis. to see E's Dad's side of the family in a month. To say I am nervous is beyond unstated. I need to find out the airline rules for babies, carseats, liquids, what is considered a liquid, etc all that stuff that is so new to me. Boy I couldn't make a lil road trip for 5 hours ... and now I am putting myself and my child on a plane .. WHy am i So freaked out by all of this? It will/does get easier right? I really need to find some local people that just had a child the same time I did. I think It will do us some good. This is my goal this week!



Tech Support- I want to switch from blo.glines to google r.eader - Is there an import function? Or do I have to start over?? Can anyone help?



So there is my brain dump ... Such I apologize now?

Unusuals

*MT stands for Monkey Toes

Yesterday was an unusual day for me

First - I woke up and was re-visited by an old acquaintance. AF .... Yes HER ... Yesterday was exactly 6 weeks from delivery. I am still pumping and BF-ing. I panicked. All research denotes that supply drops off after the first cycle. I have to say chalk one more weirdness up to my body .. My supply has improved over the past 3 days. Let's hope that continues to be the trend. It is a VERY weird feeling to have a period and not need to call a dr about it to plan for upcoming treatments. For the last 2 yrs, the routine has been CD1- call Dr. and notify it's CD1 .... Now, It's CD1, I wasn't expecting it ... I thought it would stay away longer and most likely need to be medically induced. I am unsure if I can use tampons yet. My next re-check is Monday. I guess I could call and ask. This is just something I was not expecting at all. I am interested to see how this is going to affect my PCOS and cycles.

Second - My husband and I had a very good conversation about my next dr.'s appointment, our future and our relationship. My very lovely, patient husband reminded me of what he has had to endure over the past year. He has been neglected in certain ways over the past 12 months. He was not complaining, we were sharing our feelings about where we are now mentally and where we needed help, love, support and what we needed to keep our relationship growing and moving in the same direction. I appreciate him so much, I appreciate his faithfulness, his character, his companionship, his love, his patience ...i could go on and on! It was a great talk, one highly needed and done with such openness and a compassionate heart and temperament.

During this talk- We discussed my upcoming Dr appointment. I told him that the Dr is going to want to talk birth control. We both are of the same mindset - no pill. I have been pumping my body with hormones for yrs - to induce a period, try to induce ovulation, and conceive....I am still bfing - therefore my options are limited - and we are ok forgoing the whole pill option and use other less medical options .. It's a risk we are willing to take

Lastly - We went to a pediatric urologist to discuss a body part I have little knowledge and experience with. Overall, it was a great appointment - the dr thinks that most of his situations will correct themselves in his first yr. He was glad his pediatrician was so attentive and wants us to come back in 6 months for another look/see. He has a few very minor ad.hes.ion's and a hydr.ocele - all are very common and tend to correct themselves.

Things with our daily routines are back to normal - less crying, more happy times, lots more smiles and alert behavior, and eating about every 3-3.5 hours. I am hoping to decide on a place to take MT to get professional pictures soon - He is changing daily.

6 Weeks

We are making progress in our BF-ing attempts. The mom group on Friday was such a great, informative, re-assuring experience. I found out that 6 weeks is a transition/growing stage. I was not alone, It will pass ... all music to my ears. I needed to hear that it is normal and expected - I also was given some Ideas and comfort. (thank you for all of you who made suggestions! I did read hap.piest baby on the blo.ck)
We went on a "roadtrip"trip. My Aunt, Uncle and Grandmother flew down to meet MT. We all drove 2.5 hours away yesterday for my sister to see MT. I was beyond nervous - But It went miraculously well and gave me more confidence in the whole leaving the house anxiety. We went and got a gadget that allowed me to power my breastpump in the car. I pumped a few times yesterday in the car - which also gave me more confidence "on the go". It seems like this "all" becoming very managable.

Of Course, I leave you pictures:

Cake and Cuddles

Thank you for The Birthday Wishes. We had a really good day and that night MT gave me a birthday present of sleeping 9 hours. I was actually very grateful for 7 of them and then spent 2 hours pacing - finally I decided to wake him up and make sure he was ok. *which he was but I apparently am overly paranoid with certain things*

We are going to our first bf mom's infant support groups at the hospital I delivered at in the morning at 10. I am excited to go and see how I do amongst others that are moms and have children MT's age. It will be my first meet/greet mom style. It's a weird territory for me. I called a friend to make sure I was supposed to bring MT with me. I didn't want to show up kid in tow and find out that childs are not supposed to be in tow ... *i know i know ... I am learning.. E says it's a B.Y.O.B Party (he can't decide if the last B is bo.ob or baby) Yes yes I know he is not RIGHT .. MT and I have been working on our bf'ing. I say we have about 2 good latches a day. We are trying and not giving up he is gettin the hang of it. We actually nursed from both sides today. He is a one side only kind of bf-er - But it's progress.

Ok calling all seasoned/newly/wise/experienced/nonexperienced/etc. Mom's/or women with ideas - The past 2 days we have had some really clingy/crying hours. From about 10am-2pm he has decided to only nap if I am holding him, and if i put him down he does this cry like he is being squeezed in a vice and twisted. It's awful. Before 2 days ago .. he would go from a whine to a whimper and if not fast enough to meet his "needs" then a cry like you are squeezing the ever loving breathe out of him ... Now we skip all whine/fus/whimper and go straight to the death cry .... I have found that the paci works WONDERS .. (until it falls out or he pulls it out) ..shhsing also works .. I absolutely have to keep the paci in his mouth or else .... We are now repeating this lil "exercise" as we speak ....... he is in the swing, i just have to make sure the paci stays in .... he is fed, changed, burped, clean, no fever ...... any ideas? this a familiar phase to anyone?

this cute lil face is who I'm referring about:


ME WANT CAKE:

Pump it up w/ A Tangent

My experience w/ Pu.mping -



I started using the hospital grade pump in the hospital the day that MT was born. It took about 3-4 days before I realized that there was actual milk being pumped. We (a lactation consult and I) tried a few times to get MT to latch on, he was highly irritated and unhappy about the process. He also had a very hard time figuring out how to eat/suck. I could not handle the cry of a hungry and frustrated baby - we supplemented with formula. At first I put the col.ost.rum/pumped milk in with the formula at the hospital. Then when the supply increased, we alternated 1 - breast milk bottle at a feeding then the next feeding would be formula... we did this for week 2. Week 3 we went back to mixing the formula and breast milk in one bottle so he would get breast milk and formula in the same feeding. I noticed this was easier on his stomach and bm's. I am still going his now. It seems to work best for us and I plan on doing this for as long as I possibly can.



In honesty, I was not comfortable with breastfeeding for me. It did not feel natural and made me highly uncomfortable (mentally) - The nurses and LC's had rave reviews over my ni.pples. Apparently, they are "perfect and accommodating for a great latch" MT thought otherwise. So I was fine with pumping. Plus I knew that E and others would want a chance to feed him.. and I knew that I would want others to be able to feed him.



The first week went well, I was pumping every 1-1.5 hours. This is something that w/o E being home and helping I absolutely know I could not have done. Sometimes my pumping coincided with MT's feeding time, schedule and would have been hard to accomplish if I didn't have E to help take care of MT.



Week 2, I began pumping every 2-4 hours. (the 4 hours is because I was having to go over to my parents to help my dad deal with my mother and because my parents wanted to see the baby - so I tried to make it ever 2 hours but sometimes it would be 2.5 other times it would be 4))



Week 3- I thought my supply was low but didn't realize that MT had upped his intake by 1.5 oz each feeding in a 2 day span. I was trying to go longer than 2 hours in between pumps. Since I am not traditionally bf-ing my body did not compensate for the more milk production, I had to tell it we needed more milk by pumping more often to get it regulated. Once I realized what happened, we got it under control quickly.



Week 4 - is starting now .. most days the pumping goes well. It is something that I chose to do, it is very demanding and time consuming. It helps me stay on a pretty tight schedule in order to maintain the oz's that MT requires.



Overall experience: Simple Economics equation Supply = Demand. The more times you pump, the more breast milk you should have. (I say should because some women, no matter what they do just can not produce and I do not want to seem misleading or insensitive) They say the amount of water you intake helps also. I could not imagine attempting this w/o an extra person to help out in the beginning when I was pumping every hourish. Some days, it just works well for me, Other days it is a struggle.



As I want to venture out more and having E going back to work, It tends to be cumbersome. These are the choices and conversations I have with myself: Do you take the pump with you, schedule to be home in time to pump, wait til right after you pump to leave, choose to skip the next pump and lose that session and deal, Feed MT get him settled then pump, try to entertain MT while pumping, etc

Today E went back to work at 6 am- His car would not start so he had to take mine. Bad thing is that we had not installed a car seat base in his car therefore If I needed to go somewhere today, I would need to find someone to help me get his battery charged and install a car seat base. But such is life - this was all before the sun was up ... Then my mom was standing at my door at 9am to see the baby. My dad sent her over because he needed a break (she is still not well and we are having to accommodate her until we can get her leveled back out - she is at a dr's appointment as we speak in hopes of finding out more of what to do and what can be done etc.. they are leaning to think she is suffering from b.i-po.lar di.sord.er. We are slowing finding out more and more and trying to understand more and get her to the right kind of help. This all started because, during menopause, she was suffering from insane hot flashes - a dr prescribed p.axi.l for hot flashes (never heard of such but ok) she was taking the pa.xi.l for a month or more (she can't remember and my dad never knew she was taking it), still having hot flashes, got pissed off and decided to stop the p.axi.l cold turkey. Not knowing that it was going to jack her ALL UP... and here we are yrs later and She is just so frustrated .. and I(and she) have seen just about every Dr in a 40 mile radius - I was at a loss before the baby was born - so now I am just plain ole exhausted by it ...Ok tangent .. this was about my pumping schedule - gah ... SO back to the point - My dad came over around lunch time - got E's car running, installed the car seat base and told me to drive it around for 20/30 mins. So my mother, MT, and I drove around. Came home MT was sleeping, we put together the bouncy seat, my mom decided she wanted to go back to her house, I went to pump, my cellphone/house phone started ringing a few times, there was a knock on the door ( the u.ps. man), MT decided to wake up screaming with a dirty diaper (also tired of being in his car seat) and it was feeding time ... and no E to help. So my pumping session got cut very short - but the next session went much better - MT was sleeping and the universe regained balance.



Like anything, it has it's challenges. It's been very overwhelming but it also has had moments of being relaxing and therapeutic. I just keep reminding myself that this was a choice I made, and I can decide differently at any time I want to. I try to put no extra pressure projected upon myself - but at times I feel I do.



I will admit that a few times a day I have tried to get MT to latch on to breast feed and we have managed to get a great latch every now and then. (it was suggested by my OB and Lact. Consult in order to up my supply - and it really does encourage an upped supply) I do see how if you have a child that is a champ latcher/sucker and a decent milk supply-Bfing is major convenient but time consuming (feedings every 1-1.5 hours in the beginning) and I do applaud all the bf-ing moms out there - Just because it is convenient does not mean it is easy. It is time consuming and a sacrifice also.

Bottle feeding also has it's challenges: Making sure there are clean bottles to use, what are you putting in the bottles? Is your baby cooperative? Keeping them warm/cold while out and about ... Everyone has a different comfort level and I believe That being comfortable and confident in your decisions is the best thing for the child - regardless of what it is you are comfortable and confident about. I am working on my comfort/confidence. It is good for me to write out and be asked questions, It gives me more reason to think through what I am doing, It gives me a chance to gain confidence because I am scared to death of posting what I am, am not doing in fear of others accusing me of wrong doings. But the more I post about it- the more confident I feel about our decisions we have made thus far and That helps me so much. Tomorrow MT has his one month appointment - I can not believe that he has been here for 1 month already!

Today

Anyone know what today is ... Yes July 1 - My Due Date!! And Baby A (aka Monkey Toes' (or MT) - yes he know has a nickname) is 3 weeks old today.
(3 weeks ago)

The changes that have happened are amazing.

• He went from not sucking and having trouble eating to 3oz. He has gotten much fuller in the body. (do you know I haven't taken a picture of him w/o a outfit/blanket on, I am going to do that today) I cannot wait to weigh him. I may take him to a grocery store scale today and see if I stand on it and then stand on it with him, If i can see about how much he weighs now.
• His belly button fell off yesterday (took 20 days). He can now have his first real bath instead of the lil bird baths he was getting.
• He is sleeping great
• I have only called the pediatricians office 2 times.
• He does have an irritated lil booty. The dr's office told me to stop using wipes and switch to either toilet paper/wet paper clothes and wet wash clothes to wipe then apply something with zinc oxide on his lil red bum. It looks like after a day of this, it is getting better. If not I will be calling again before Friday. He does have his one month appointment the 9th
• He loves to suck on his tongue and fingers
• His hair is turning a shade of red, he has the most beautiful long red eyelashes.
• He was laying on his floor gym the other night and grabbed at the toys overhead to pull on them - I wish I had the video camera. That was so cool to see.

*I am oh so forgetful, there are so many more changes my lil brain sits down to blog and it goes blank. If there is anything else, I will be back to update or post another*

As for my pumping - it took a nose dive in supply about 3 days ago. I am now still pumping every 2 hours, using a hospital grade rented pump (this one) MT has latched on to breastfeed about 5 times now. He still is having a hard time understanding that he can get milk out of them - he latches on for about 2-5 mins then I have to get his re-latched (?) while he is alil fussy and seems to get alil frustrated. My OB gave me some pill to try also. This morning I had my best pump session in 4 days - So I am hoping the efforts are starting to work.

The OB appointment was very standard and routine. (except for discussing breast milk supply and her encouraging me to see a lactation consultant). I will be seeing her again in 4 weeks and I still hope all is going smoothly still.

(I am hoping to get a good picture of Me and baby today to post. I have to wait until E wakes up)

This is how we roll

Baby A's annoucements where ordered from here.

Tomorrow at 9:45 am ish will be 3 weeks from when my water broke at the peri's office. I can not believe how much time is flying by.

Here he is (i won't make you wait til the end of the post for a pic):

I have an post delivery appointment with My OB today. I am not really sure what to expect. I am sure its an in and out appointment. I am still injecting lo.ven.ox for another 3 weeks. I am sure this is probably why I am going back every 2 weeks instead of waiting the full 6 weeks like most. (because we all know I am THAT/difficult/not normal patient) I am going to ask her if I can start taking my Met again.



I really do feel fantastic. I haven't had many hormonally induced cries like I expected to have. I just love this sweet baby so much. The bleeding has tapered off quite a bit - Which I am way grateful for. Baby A is eating more, so I am having to be very diligent with my pumping to make sure his needs are being met. I am pumping every 2-3 hours to try to up my milk supply. The pump I have (was bought used) and it does not allow me to double pump. I may be going to the hospital tomorrow to see about renting one. I am told that double pumping is the way to go. We'll see.



We haven't ventured out much with Baby A yet. We have ran a few errands. Our laptop died so it was a much to run to the nearest computer store so E could get something to try and fix it (which didn't happen - good thing for a manufactured warranty - a new one is in the mail and should be here shortly) Baby A does love his car seat/stroller for what little outings we have done. I have walked around with him in the sling also - which is his favorite thing I believe. A few friends from college highly suggest a ri.ng slin.g, Anyone know anything about those? I think my friend has one, I may ask to try hers out.



My parents are obsessed. Absolutely must see their grandbaby EVERY day. (which has mostly happened) There have been a few days that I haven't been over there - but they came over here instead. Trying to pump and keep up supply and keep the grandparents happy has been a bit challenging. I am afraid for those that encounter my parents - they can ONLY have Baby A conversations and show everyone their slide shows on their phones and palm pilots .... Sickening Huh ..



I was asked about what products I deem a must have - In all my 3 weeks of parenting, here is my list:



a little spiral notebook to write down the days schedule: I write the date on the top of the page, we count poop and pee diapers, what time and how much we fed him, (sometimes record naps), I also record if he did anything like sucking fingers, eye contact, etc - This helps gage what he did while I was sleeping and when he needs to be fed again etc. It also helps me see if there is a pattern or it may help me indicate irregularities to ask the dr's about.



Diapers - We have gone through ~172 diapers since we have been home. (17 days; about 10/11 diapers a day)



Bottles - (unless you plan on breastfeeding) - i would still consider having 1 or 2 bottles on hand and Formula (if you are nursing or planning on nursing this store is having a sale on nursing bras.)



Bottle Warmer - the cheapest at bru has been awesome for us thus far



Boppy pillow or boppy lounger - It has really been the greatest gift thus far - because A likes to be propped up in it and talk to us. ( buy an extra cover just in case)



A place for your baby to sleep -



I have enjoyed having a changing table and all the necessities in one location. If you have a changing pad, buy 2 covers, one will be in the wash soon ..Trust me



Diaper Genie II & refills- greatest invention!



Blankets & Swaddles - absolutely the greatest. The tighter the wrap the better it seems. It is June in FL. HOT and humid do not begin to describe this kind of weather and this kid loves being wrapped up tight while napping. I didn't receive many blankets and have had to run to the store or send my parents for more blankets (we are using the thermal/waffle ones) They are light and comfy.



Burp Clothes - If you think you have enough - Buy 1 more pack. They are good for just about anything you can think of. (and you don't run out)



Soft wash clothes - This has helped with the blocked tear duct and sponge bathing until his umbilical cord falls off



Alcohol & non stick cotton pads - for umbilical care



Swing - He absolutely Loves it.



Onesies - Baby A does not like to be nekkid- He likes to be clothed. I bought a pack of 10 newborn ones and that has kept us well stocked - because I have to do a lil boy load of laundry about every day anyways it seems



Of course: Camera, patience, an extra hand, lots of love and flexibility. The best part, for me, is figuring it all out. Figuring what works for you (even if the books say it's bad, or scarring, or insert whatever stereotyping here)

Be willing to eat crow, be forgiving to yourself, be patient with yourself (and your significant other) and ask for help when you need it. Enjoy it for what it is and what it isn't.

9 Days

"Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward." Kurt Vonnegut (you will understand this more after you read the bottom paragraph)

if you want to skip the baby read and go straight to the glamorous parts of pregnancy and birth no one talks about, aka "the funny accident story" read the purple - skip the rest)

It's been 9 days since we have been at this parenting thing. We took Baby A to the dr today for his 1 week weigh in. He is weighing in at 7lb 7oz. So almost up to birth weight. (only off by an oz.) the Dr was pleased and sent us on our way.

We are getting along pretty well. Sleeping is still a bit off, we do our best. Baby A is really just so well natured. He has managed to take a few naps in his crib.

Let's stop right there for a minute - I had this all planned - You see I'm a planner. (just a disclaimer - if your opinion is different, that is fine, be respectful of mine) I just HAD to have this crib set up because Baby A was totally going to sleep in his crib when we got home from the hospital. After 3 nights co-sleeping in the tiniest hospital room, I became accustom and quite partial having him close to me. When it came time for bed, I wasn't sure what we were going to do. It just broke my heart to have him in the other room. So up went the pack n play. He has been sleeping there at night.

There are a few other things that I have had to eat my words on. Seems like this is all new territory and what i thought would happen is not how it has happened. It is all new and enjoyable and different and frustrating all wrapped up in one event of emotions.

Breast milk supply is still going well. I have done very little research on freezing and such. I really doubted that I would be able to supply his needs with my breast milk. I got this pump off c.raig.slist for $75 and threw away all their parts and bought new parts. It really has been fairly easy and I am SO thankful that some things just work out. We were doing breast milk and formula but for the past 2 days, we are strictly on just breast milk. I just need suggestions in how to keep it cold when we start to venture out? Any ideas?

I have had many many many surreal moments, I keep having to remind myself that this is MY baby and that I am not babysitting and no one is coming to get him. It just hasn't really sunk in all the way yet.

We still have a period where Baby A just likes to be held. I actually love it, it's in the wee hours of the morning, but I like that he is comforted by our touch.

TMI ahead- this is referring to the accident (mentioned in a previous post). The first night, I had fallen asleep and either the pack n play was closer to my bed then it was before I went to sleep or I just was so disoriented that I forgot the pack n play was there. Baby A was fussing and I had to go to the bathroom and E was sleeping (he can sleep through fussing and a freight train) I stood up and was blocked in by the pack n play and I was still a little unsteady on my feet being that I just gave birth. So I panicked because I was trapped in and needed to grab onto something to help me along, but refused to grab the pack n play for obvious reasons. I kept panicking and mentally trying to figure out how to get the the bathroom .... Before I knew it, my bladder took control of the situation and "relieved itself" right there in between the bed and the pack n play .... I was standing there in shock and panic and had to wake E up to get the wet/dry vac..... I was laughing and crying, I was embarrassed and relieved .. It was funny but not, It's one of those things that no book tells you about. ... SO add Wet/dry vac to the "must have" list .. The next night, I was having what I thought was "a lil gas". I ate fried food, the first fried foods I had in MONTHS. So I assumed (we all know what that does) that those were gas pains. While I was in the nursery changing a dirty diaper... UHM let's just say, I found out that they were not gas pains per say... I had more dirty to clean up after Baby A was all cleaned up .... After those lil incidents, my bladder/bowel control has been MUCH better, infact things are going quite swimmingly now.

*side note, my commenting may be slowed down, I am still reading and supporting, Sometimes it's hard to comment with only one hand.

A week ago

It was a week ago that my water broke at 10ish in the morning - Has it Really been a week ... It does not feel like it has been that long at all.

To answer more questions -
Baby A's hair color is debatable. It brownish/reddish. I guess it depends on the lighting. It does tend to looks like his fathers. A darker red color. We have had many discussions regarding his hair color .. How incredibly boringly lame and excited parents are we.

Pumping is going amazingly well. I am pumping 2+ oz each session (about every 4 hours for 30 mins)

(going to share alot of tmi's here) - you have been warned

Physically I am feeling fine. I am not a fan of pads, which makes the bleeding overwhelming. I haven't worn a pad in years, so this is a tough stressor for me. ( yes insert more lame-ness here. It's weird finding stupid things like pads that cause stress) I am still having some "down there" pressure. It is nothing too intense. I have had to take a few Tyl.enol to help manage the pain/cramping/uncomfortable feelings towards the beginning of the nights.

Removable shower heads are fantastic!! i know i know ..sorry just thought I'd keep the oversharing theme going as usual.

Bladder control is under control now. The first few days were iffy. I am afraid to "push" for a bowel movement though. I am not at all locked up, in fact, I am leading towards borderline diarrhea, and have had 1 accident since we have been home. (it's actually a comical story now but a few nights ago it wasn't- If i get really brave this story will be posted) I am afraid of hemorrhoids. I was told by the nurse I have a tiny one and I am afraid to irritate it and make it bigger or accumulate friends. My tummy is weird, smushy, flabby, and droopy. Not sure what I think about that - except it is easy to sleep again and I LOVE that. E keep commenting on how weird it is to be able to put his arms around me. Or snuggle with me at night - he was so used to the big ole belly there.

Mentally, I am just pleased as punch. I am so grateful for how far we are, how well we are coping on little sleep and an upside down schedule.

The night/day confusion is getting better. I just need to figure out how to transition the more breast milk less formula combination. Our feeding schedule could use some oz consistency. 1 oz of breast milk does not have the same effect that 1 oz of formula has on A. So you can not do the 1 to 1 ratio.

Keep the questions/comments coming. It gives me stuff to blog about and gives me something to do during our down times. Thank you so much for all the wonderful comments about Baby A and our new family. I am reading, my comments on your blogs may slow down until we get our footing and our days/nights back on track.

I leave you with a pic: