The Game

Oh, I have loved hearing about your dinner recipes. I was getting so bored, or stuck doing the same thing over and over again. It was a refreshing and much needed post.

I had another growth scan with Dr Wonderful today. But today's was extra special because MT went with me to meet his younger brother. Jen and Elizabeth met us there so they could help me with MT while having the growth scan done. It was so much fun! All is well with Armadillo. He is measuring about 6 oz heavier than MT was at this same gestational age. So not bad, really. We showed MT his lil brother on the U/S TV. It was so cute. Jen brought her camera to take pictures for us! YEAH Jen .. Such smart thinking. After the appointment, we went out for lunch and had some girl time. It was a fantastic day.. I do not want to say too much because Jen is a much better blogger about this type of stuff AND she has the pics to prove the outing occurred.

**A week ago, The "No" game become so annoying to me. If you are not aware of this game, I will describe it briefly, mom says "no", baby ignores, laughs, Mom says "no" about 30 more times in a variety of tones and melodies, Baby keeps doing said "no" task, throws in some more laughter and ignoring. ... Mom somewhat laughs and smiles a few times to keep her head from popping off and rolling on the floor ...... I decided that I could not listen to myself say "no" one more time. Really, because No one was listening. And it was NOT EFFECTIVE..... Somehow, I just came up with thte phrase "Back Away". It is literal. I showed him what I meant by Back Away a few times and now by the second or third back away .. He is backing away. The first few times we did this lil exercise, He looked at me to see if I was serious or not ...... And Now, He knows that I am serious when I say this to him.

Do I think that eventually, This will stop working, Unfortunately, Yes. He is only going to be 15 months on the 10th. I know I have a long ways to go. But I just feel like enjoying this small victory right now and I will enjoy that feeling ... and figure out what is the next step to take when/if this stops being effective.

**I did not read this in a book, I am sure there is a book containing this info, but I just was trying to think outside the box on the fly ... Plus, I can say Back Away in a tone that makes him recognize that I am serious, No seems to be hard to say in a tone that Always sounds serious.

Bullets

Technical:

• Has anyone else noticed that blogs they joined to follow way back are having to be re-followed?
• Any opinions on the HTC Touch phones
• Is blogger eating some of your posts?
• Any good advice on a cheap printer? I just need it to print on paper no photos.
• Know any good free software to splice 2 mp3's together for a slideshow?
• I am thinking about sprucing up the blog a bit when things get calmer around here.

Child related:

• We are using this bumper.
• Other than Formula/Breast Milk, What are you putting in your infant/toddlers sippy cups?
• Found any bibs that are good and do not have to be laundered?Amy suggested some good ones, I am waiting to receive those.
• TIP I received today but never thought about - I have been looking for baby/infant Benadryl for a month or more. FYI - You will never could find it. They don;t make it, you have to buy Children's Benadryl. And on the box it says not for children under 2! SO you have to call your ped's office and ask for the dose. Which if you are like me, You may want to have this information. But you may want this info PRIOR to actually needing it. So Go now, Call your ped's office and use a black sharpie and write the dose required on the bottle so when you need it you will not panic! (no we didn't learn this lesson the hard way - Just something that could be dangerous but easily remedied.)
• The crib - Isn't going well for Naps at all. Not in the least. I am still trying but at this point I have actually scaled back the effort a bit because he was hyper-ventilating and crying so hard when entering his room. Ten days ago, he started crying about getting his diaper changed on his changing table. This escalated to freaking out while entering his room. (before even attempting to get changed.) The past few days, He just loses it when he enters his room for anything during the day. Until he realizes that he is not being laid in the crib. Back story - Before we decided to move him to the crib, we played in his room on the floor for about a week. He was then, just crying about laying on the changing table to have his diaper changed. I had read about negative associations and such so I was trying to help. Bedtime - Bedtime is fine. We lay him down, turn on the monitor (love this monitor/for S.IDS - bought it on c.raigslist), hit the button on this toy and tell him "night night". We do end up making 1 more trip back in there usually. He received this lovie from a shower and I use the frog's hand to rub his face until he gets settled/comfy. After that, he takes over rubbing his face and has been falling asleep. So, I'd say, bedtime is fine.
• Anyone have a ko.lcraft contours 3 wheel? Do you like it?

TV

• High School Reunion - I was watching old episodes of this show on TVland I think. Class of 88. Why would anyone put themselves through that mess again? If you were contacted, Would you go? ME - NO FREAKIN WAY! Even if I got a trip to Hawaii. I was watching and one girl was crying to this guy that made her "feel insecure" when they were in high school. Is there anyone that was never insecure atleast once in high school? I actually felt so sorry for the guy that was having to apologize for every guy in High School that made her feel insecure at some point in High School. She was in tears, He was close to it and i was laughing at the whole scenario hoping it was all "tv'd or scripted up". Because WOW. .. I mean, don't get me wrong, HS is not a walk in the park. I know this. I wasn't the coolest. Fa.cebook as the tendency to pull out some of my insecurities. But not sure I would subject myself to all that all over again.
• The Co.ugar - Airs April 15th. Creator of the Bachelor for Over 40's. Who's watching?
• Friday Night Lights? Anyone
• Any thoughts on the recent Grey's Anatomy/Private Practice episodes
• What are you watching
• I admit it, If it's a bad tv show, teenie bopperish or reality program, I will watch at least once. It's an addiction. Like rubbernecking

Miss Communication

Boy do I have alot on my mind lately. Before I go blabbering on an on, I have a wonderful supportive Husband. But ... We may kill each other soon. Well, E and I haven't really been home at the same time to tend to MT together. And you can tell because we have is a huge communication issue

Let's take it back a bit:
We were going along with life on cruise control. Then I started back to work part time. We kept MT on eachothers work days. Did the daily cleaning tasks, and kept MT fed, clothed, dry and rested. For me, this schedule was rapidly feeling more chaotic as the days went by. Everything felt disjointed and misshaped. So, on my days off, I started writing down what our day looked like. I was trying to keep record of MT's feeding issues to document so when I went to the Dr we had a basis to go off of. Plus E always would ask me things and I would not remember on the spot. And, we were trying to figure out how to incorporate solids 3 times a day. Also, I figured if we were going to use daycare, they are going to want to know what a typical day looks like.

This weekend, E went a few hours out of town to his friends birthday party on Friday afternoon. He called me a few weeks back and we discussed this. Then, Thursday night, he reminded me about it and told me that it was just an overnight thing he thought. Saturday, around lunchtime I called to see what time he would be home. He asked the guys what time everyone was leaving and replied back to me that he would be leaving Sunday morning. I tried to remain calm on the phone because these guys only get together one time a yr. I wanted to not let that bother me and I wanted him to have a good time. He works hard, everyone deserves to have a break every now and then. It just happened to be on a weekend that I developed a sinus infection and MT was miserable. The thing I was upset about was that he didn't think to solidify plans before he left. I asked several times about details and such and he didn't know. I tried to give him some slack. let the boys be boys etc....... He isn't the most detail orientated guy. And his friend suck at planning.

Well Sunday at like 11 I sent him a text asking him when he thought we would be coming home. He called me at 11:45 and told me that he was loading up the car, he had just woken up. (add insult to injury) He walks in the door (with a food bag) a few hours later to a screaming,miserable child and a unshowered hungry, tired wife. I was so excited to see food to only find out that he didn't get me anything. But he did let me have some of the fries. I ate the fries and told him that I was going to take a shower. Before I got in the shower, I decided to clean the bathroom.

I was then loading the dishes in the dishwasher and getting ready to find something to eat But E says that he needs to take a shower also. So, he does that. After he gets out, I ask him to please watch MT while I just detox and veg and take a nap. It was a rough night last night and I was up and exhausted. I told him that I wrote what we had done on the paper so he would know when MT may start to get hungry. Well, I hear MT giving E a hard time and E tells him they are going for a walk. About 10 mins later, It dawns on me that I bet E didn't check the sheet of paper and doesn't realize that MT is giving him a hard time because he is hungry. I went running outside to ask and of course, he had not checked that. So We went inside and fed him. Skip to later, E said that he would bath MT. SO i sat in the computer room which looks into the bathroom so I could play on the computer and talk with them. After the bath, I see E going to grab for a towel that I think is dirty. I asked him not to use that towel, I think it was dirty and smelled. He said no, It was fine. Not 3 seconds later, he turns and looks at me and says "Does this towel smell sour". I flipping lost it. He said he didn't hear me ask the first time. (same excuse he used about not reading the sheet) I explained to him that he responded to me. SO if he didn't understand me, he should ask me to repeat myself or clarify or SOMETHING because I was about 4 seconds from offing him. He doesn't listen to me anymore, He just responds to me ...... We had several more of these lil episodes before bedtime.

The problem is, we aren't used to being parents together at the same time. And after we werew that frustrated, we just both shut down. I know this may sound stupid, but we both haven't been home together at the same time in about 2 months. And apparently, today since we were home together E expected me to do it all and I expect him to help out with out me having to ask every stinking thing. (ya know read my mind) And neither really know what to do about it. SO more growing pains... It's all a learning curve. Tonight after MT went to bed, We had a good talk. Not much was accomplished because We were both frustrated and exhausted. But we did talk and will continue to talk tomorrow. I want to be one of those people that have it all figured out. You know the ones I'm talking about. Until then, I will be the one over here keeping in real

Jumble

I was asked:

Where oh where did you get that hat and mittens set? Gy.mbo.ree, I am an addict. I cannot stay out of that store. They have the best boy selection for the price, In my opinion. There is ALWAYS a sale going on.

Is there anything you miss from before MT - even if you feel guilty about it? I actually had to think hard about this question. Pre-MT, I woke up about 30 mins before I needed to leave for work. Mornings were very low key and uneventful. So, I think the thing I miss the most is sleeping in and having low key mornings. I am adjusting well. But It would be great not to have to get up early 7 days a week, 365 days a yr. and start the day running as soon as my feet hit the ground.

I also miss hanging out with friends on the weekend. We used to hang out and eat every friday evening at a sports bar. But since everyone has children now, It has stopped.

What has been the biggest/best surprise about being a mother?
I actually do have patience. I wasn't sure I would be able to deal with little sleep, high demands, constant need of some kind of attention or task. The reward of a simple smile, coo or laugh really does make me forget about the daily struggles. It is far greater than I imagined. I can stay home for hours/days on end and not get cabin fever. I enjoy the simplicity of it all.

What kind of video's does he like? We watch The Baby Einstein videos. We have watched Miss Spider, Blue's Clues, and Backyardians. )shows on noggin) Yesterday E said WordWorld kept his attention on PBS. He will pay attention to these for about 3 mins. If there is music, singing and little kids involved, he will watch much longer (5-7mins). I usually have some sort of music or tv going while he plays on the floor with his toys. He has gotten to where he will rock side to side or bounce when he hears music come on now. E and I have always sang made up songs to him. He response very well to singsongy melodies.

I know it is way to early but, have you thought about birthday party ideas yet? Actually yes we have, So far, I am planning to have it at a park and I have already put a deposit down for shelter reservation. Since his birthday is around graduation and the start of summer, I figured I better get a jump on it. As for themes and whatnot, I have given them a lil thought. I like this cake and this cake. And of course, these cupcakes.

Do you dare push your luck and try for another one? Or do you be happy with the miracle you do have? The answer to this question is so complicated. I don't even know how to answer for myself. We aren't preventing a pregnancy. Which raises some suspicion and flags, mentally. So, I guess the answer Right now is, If it happens, It happens. If it doesn't, it doesn't. I am not sure what I am willing to do as far as treatments are concerned again. I am not even sure how I feel about being pregnant again. I have been reading about those who are ready to try again (gave birth around the time I did) and I am not sure If I am jealous. Jealous that they are ready to try again, Jealous that they have hope to dive in head first and battle up for another child. Jealous of their perseverance. Or just I am so used to jealous emotions when it comes to pregnancy announcements, I need to be reprogrammed a bit. Take a step back and allow some more time/healing

There are so many levels to the "Do you want another child" question that I never really thought about. and right now, I am not ready to even approach the discussion. But on a hypocritical level, I am having a dilema. One of the problems I am having is trying to get my brain out of thinking in cycles. I am tracking my periods mentally. Counting days, constantly wondering if my body is doing the things that it didn't do before such as ovulate and become regular? Are my hormones balanced? What Cycle Day is today .... I have thought like this for sooo long (6+ yrs), I am not sure how to even stop. Anyone else going/gone through this? Does it ever stop? Will my thoughts let up eventually?

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I went on a job interview this morning. It took me 4 minutes to get there. FOUR MINUTES! I was unsure what the job interview was about before I got there. I had off today and I figured I should go check it out and see what it was about. It is M-F 8-5, It will pay more than my current job (not by much) but It is 4 mins from my house, and 4 minutes to a daycare I could use. I would be basically 3 city blocks from my house and daycare. That is a HUGE plus. I am unsure if I will even be offered the position. It's a small company with 5 employees. I am not sure I want to work 5 days a week. I do have to work a little bit, the money is nice. I would not be wasting 2 hours a day in traffic. I feel kind of Meh about it. I have some posts I have been brewing in my head for weeks now but I need to run to the grocery store and then go get MT at my parents house. It's like 40 degrees here today .. MAN am I Freezing.! But I am enjoying the change in weather

laissez-faire

I haven't admitted this story to anyone yet: One night when I pregnant with MT, my mother called and told me that she and my dad had bought a pack n play to keep at their house for MT to use when we were over there. I lost it .. I was so pissed off that she had purchased something for the baby. It was before I had actually purchased anything myself. They got it because it was on sale at the baby super store and it matched the decor of my mom's house. I was Such a horrible daughter/person this night. I almost made them return it because it was not THE ONE that the books suggested were best .... Yes Me, the baby product snob, who had actually never owned any baby products. It was not the favored brand, therefore it was not acceptable for MT to use ..... I was crying hysterically on the phone because "they should have consulted me". I mean, I was the one reading all the books and studying all the reviews and filling my brain with all this "knowledge".

I can post about this now, because I am not pregnant anymore and I am actually not that person anymore. I have taken a few steps back into reality with a few less hormones. I have also realized that this baby is mine, but as much as I can complain, My parents are actually huge helpers. And More in love with this child than they are with me and my sister .... Don't believe me? Just Trust me.

I posted the picture yesterday, and I knew that plenty would think that I had lost my mind .... or something to the likes of that... When I first saw that email, i just shook my head. I mean, I wasn't necessary ecstatic about it obviously .. but What am I to do. Which is the real reason I am posting.

That picture represents the many different personalities and education that MT will soak up from being around my family, E and I. I am trying my best to allow my family to show MT love in their own way. I have learned that is it truly pure love and joy when you allow people to love you in the way that they are most comfortable and natural doing There are alot less feelings of angst, pressure to preform, and hopefully lessened anxiety. This has been a bit of a re-programming for me. This is not the old me at all. I like to tell people how things need to be done.

Pre-MT, I was a person who would fight a battle for what ever it cost, just because. I would do things certain ways, because they HAD to be done that way. I would instruct (ie strongly suggest) others to do them that way also ... Why, because I did it that way and it obviously is the more right way. High Strung, Wound Tight are words that I would use to describe myself at times . ..

What having MT has taught me was that there are no right ways to do things. There are preferences, guidelines, examples, suggestions, common sense, etc.

In the beginning of MT's life, I was exhausted. Dog Tired. There really wasn't much that wasn't exhausting. When I am exhausted, I really don't care a whole lot about details. So, When My parents or E would assist in helping care for MT, I didn't give much instruction. I mean the simple stuff: He ate at X time, he will most likely be hungry at Y time, feed him this when you thin he is hungry. He sounds like this or does this when he gets hungry/sleepy. We were extremely blessed, He didn't have any medical complications. Early on, Getting him to drink a bottle w/o falling asleep was challenging but other that than, he was a very easy newborn. So, I didn't feel the need to give detailed instructions. I mean these people have been around him just like I had been, we all started to recognize and pick up on his cues.

What I am saying is, I didn't/don't want to feel that ball of nerves that I feel when I am bothered by something some one is doing because they aren't doing it like I would do it - as long as there is not harm being caused. Basically, it's about controlling everything. I am learning that I am able to enjoy life more when I am not trying to control everything. I get to sit back and enjoy the ride and see the scenery. So I have been practicing letting that controlling part of me go. I get better and worse depending on the day of the week/month. I know that each of us have different things to offer MT and I do not want to inhibit his relationships because of my shortsightenedness. (as long as they are not harmful) Like a poster said, My parents did raise me and my sister and we are still alive and doing just fine. There are things that we have talked about at great length. I feel like they try to respect how we are choosing to raise MT. (most days) I feel like MT will benefit from them just as much as they benefit from Him. They receive such great and pure joy from him. Sometimes it is intense to experience. Many times has it brought tears to my eyes. I mean, I feel great joy from him, But it is incredible to see the bliss on their faces and the care and love they hold for him. I never actually thought about that much during my pregnancy. I just knew that we wanted MT so badly, I wasn't able to see how much my parents would love on him.

So, with all that said, 2009 is going to be about enjoying the scenery of this journey and not having to always be the tour guide or instructor. And just like the photo, It is Scary!

On a side note, my poor lil MT is drooling and whining so much because 3 top teeth coming in at one time. Who new that was possible. Poor lil guy

A New Day

It was nice to see some of the lurkers. Thanks for De-Lurking. I just think it is so neat to see all the readers and commentors from all over. It is interesting to see how we all find eachother and offer support in many ways and may never get to make a face-to-face connection.

I hope everyone has had a great first start to 2009. I am not much into resolutions. I just try to always learn and grow as a person.

Although, since My parents are only 7 miles away from us, I have vowed to myself to let them watch him more w/o me. I know they appreciate it and enjoy it. I just never really want to give him up most days. I have got accustom to running errands with him and including him in whatever daily life tasks that we have to do on days I am able to spend with him.

I know that it is good to take breaks. Especially since I have family that I trust to take great care of him living so close ... Then I get an email like this from those family members that I just trusted with my child while they are keeping him - Here is an example from today of the great care they provide for him .... ;) Gotta Love the grandparents.




Living up to his MT name!

wholatta changes going on

This past week We have been having some not-so-typical scenarios with MT. In fact last night, i actually said out loud "Who is this child and what have they done with my baby". ..

Over the past week, My husband and I have took turns watching him since I returned to work p/t. On my first day off last week, MT pretty much flat out refused to sleep for naps. I thought maybe he was actually getting sick. Not that I was wishing sickness on him, but I received a memo from the urologists office that stated I could not give MT, any immunizations, Motrin, Tylenol, or any herbal medications for 2 weeks prior to his surgery and If he was to get sick, we would have to reschedule .. So i figured Murphy's law was going to play into effect here.

So I kept checking his temp throughout that day, but he never had a fever. So I figured, it was just going to be "that kind of day". Well, the next day .. I received the same reactions of meltdowns when placing him down for naps ... He would get a little mad, grunt, start working up the cries then would hit def-con level around 10 minutes of attempting a nap.

I figured it must be just another one of those days. Well this pattern has now continued for a week and a day. (this is how long I have been back to work) So I figure now thre is a reason for this .... I am just unable to pinpoint exactly why.

Now def-con level is reached ~2 minutes of attempting to give him a nap and is now spilling over into bedtime. So FUN TIMES at the Fertilized household.

I have put alot of brain power in trying to figure out how to "fix" the problem. Today, I told my husband, to try and offer him more food, Maybe he is hungry. We will see if that helps anything.

Before all of this, We had a really good established bedtime pattern. So last night, we attempted the bedtime gear up ... bathed, pj's, some bfing, diaper check and then I place him down, awake but calm .... put the blanket over his head ..... a few minutes later, he enters dream world ...

Last night was our absolute worst night thus far in 6 months. We did everything like normal. He was fine at first .. then all hell broke loose ... he started to gnash, wraith and fuss .. So I stopped bf-ing him and was trying to figure out what was wrong.... I look back now and think he almost fell asleep and was trying to keep himself awake. He started rooting for more bf-ing so I held him and got him latched back on .... next thing I remember was he bit the crap out of me so freaking hard that I yelped, screamed, pushed him towards my chest and flicked him in the face all at the same time .... He Laughed ... I was DONE ..I looked down and there was blood all over his face, his pj's, my tanktop etc... I was beyond pissed off and in pain .. E took him and placed him in his bed. MT screamed and screamed and screamed some more ... I felt horrible, guilty, confused, pissed, sad, desperate, etc.

E said that he needed to lay there and cry for a good few minutes. I was in pain and cleaning myself up that I actually found myself agreeing to let my child lay there and cry for a while. After standing near the door watching/listening to him for a while, I went in there and rubbed his stomach and face trying to get him to calm down. He screamed harder and louder. I flipped him over on his tummy and tried patting his little bottom .. he still continued to scream and scream ... I just finally had enough. I picked him up, tried swaddling him and shushing. It worked for a while, then he lost it all over again ..... After about a hour of this, I offered him a 2oz bottle, he drank 1 oz and conked out ....

I am not sure if this is the new norm, a phase, an effect of my going back to work part time, teething, or an unknown variable that we do not even know about yet. What I do know is that what ever this is .. It is not in the least bit enjoyable ... We will pull through, We will survive. We will. But Man o' man, what a challenge.

I am looking forward to being off work for a week. I am not looking forward that in that time off I have to take MT to have surgery Monday.

a white flag?

i re-read my last post and I wanted to clarify that just because some times the eyes instantly shut, this does not mean that the cries or tears do ;) It just can't be that simple ..... I wish. But I do feel that as time goes on, The naps come easier and the days get more fluid. ... Some days.

I witnessed my cute lil baby totally play into my husband yesterday. I was off to the grocery store and We were having a rough morning of screaming and tears for no reason we were able to figure out. I called E to let him know that I was on my way home and could still hear a screaming child in the background (i left 55 mins ago)... E said that MT still did not want to be put down at all. So E was playing with him while holding him on the floor. I was dragging the groceries in and E wanted to jump in the shower. I told E to just put him in the exersaucer, I was almost done, I would grab him as soon as I had all the cold things put away. MT screamed as if E had slammed his hands in a car door ... Until E walked away from him ...... As soon as E was out of his sight line, He stopped crying and started playing with the toys on the saucer. THIS IS HUGE For us .. MT has NEVER actually stopped crying before on his own with some one having to do something about it. To say that he comes complete with my stubbornness would be an understatement. I felt so giddy with glee that he actually stopped crying on his own ..... Granted it was the first time I actually remember him stopping on his own w/o getting what he wanted but I am proud none the less. I hope that means that we will get a few more of these situations where he is able to do this in the future. Normally if he gets to crying and being upset, He will outlast the energizer bunny unless we cave .... but yesterday, he retreated .. and I feel more confident that there is room to learn and adjust.

6 months

Little Late but .. Have I mentioned that I have a 6 month old ... Where does the time go?

Things note worthy:

• MT thoroughly enjoys standing. He likes to hold onto your fingers, or his bouncy chair, etc and rock from foot to foot (side to side). He could do this for hours. He gets weary but insists on still trying.
• We had a bedtime routine down. A week before I went back to work, He decided he would demand a new bedtime routine that resembles chaos ... Just to keep us guessing. I was told that from 4-6 months they can develop a new sleep routine .... I guess we are one of those statistics? But We will make it work. It's not that terrible, So far once we get him to sleep, he will sleep for about 7-10 hours .. So I am not complaining at all. It just was one more thing that I was not expecting.
• He can fully sit on his own and pull himself up on things.
• He rocks the exersaucer back and forth until it looks like it is totally going to tip over ...
• He is finally eating solids pretty much every day. This still seems very complicated to me. I am still trying to figure out when is best to feed him the solids and still get the amount of liquid intake. I don't know why this is so tricky for me. (still no cereal, he hates it and just spits it all out ..every bite, Even if I mix something that he likes in it)
• The MT that was holding his bottle pretty much all the time a few months ago, has decided that I should hold all his bottles. Unless he wants to use it as a chew toy
• We have days were I can just lay him down for a nap and he will just close his eyes and go to sleep. Then I have days that require alot of tears before sleeping is involved. Since MT was little, we would place a blanket over him while holding him. Like one may do if they are breastfeeding. Well, this is something that he has grown accustom to. He sleeps with a blanket covering his head. In fact, If i want him to take a nap , I have to place a blanket over his head and most days, he instantly closes his eyes. (please - no stories and don't judge me and yes I understand) I do get lots of disapproving looks and comments but Sleep is needed and sleep we will get.
• He has quite the temper. He will let you know about it. Loudly. I am actually worried about this trait as he gets older. I will mostly deal with this situation when we are able to understand each other.
• He is pretty demanding. Maybe all babies are. He hates tummy time still. I can maybe muster up 5 mins here and there but only If I am (or someone else) is down on the floor with him. If not you will get to see his temper in all it's glory. If he decides he just wants to be held, Nothing else will do. Until You can distract him with something else. Am I learning him or Is he learning me ... ?!? Then, we have days like today where he never cried at all, except refusing to go to sleep tonight.
• He is reaching for people when/if he wants to be held and held by a particular person.He started doing this a few weeks ago
• I beleive he is getting his top tooth already. He already has 2 bottom ones, but it looks like the top tooth is busting through. He is drooling like a flowing fountain
• His hair is a weird two tone color. It has seemed to lighten up on top. Sometimes is looks blonde, other times it looks reddish still. The back is still like a reddish brown ... Weird. But it is hair and we will take it. His long beautiful eyelashes are red though ... So who knows what will happen
• He knows when to ham it up already. He loves to coo and jabber when being the center of attention. And he actually seems to know when he is the center of attention ...It's bizarre.
• He has started getting spooked by strangers. Which i still do not understand why strangers try to get up in babies spaces ... But he has freaked out on a few ... Hope they learned their lesson ;)
• He loves pirate voices, Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh Matey.
• It seems like things are easier now. It seems that most days go by smoothly and more things get accomplished. Controlled chaos comes to mind.

I am sure I forgot things that I meant to document. *i may come back and add to the list just for longevity. Life here is good .. regardless of all the frustrating anxiety driven posts. We are enjoying life more than ever. My MIL came over today with her youngest kids and we went to a winter festival. It was actually one of the better visits we have ever had. It was only for a day and they left after we were all done. I consider that a win/win.

Aboriginals, Alternative Pants and Monkeys

Ahhhh this weather is fantastic ... I love the chill in the air. It is So very rare to experience it this time of year. I am going to enjoy it while it lasts because..it will not last.

As soon as I hit post on those low self confidence posts ..I do regret it .. I regret it because It could sound as though I am complaining, And I assure you even if it sounds that way ... it is not meant to seem like a negative aspect of my life... I just get stuck on these in my life and they grip me or I grip them so hard it is hard to let go and move on ... ... This is not one of my finer qualities.

Moving on - I figured I would post what I have experienced w/MT the past few days (maybe a week)

• From now on, if asked if I have a schedule, I will say Yes and keep it at that ....
• MT is really into this jabbering thing. He talks so much. Along with Talking and making sounds, his new favorite thing to do to get my attention is this fake cough/hacking sound. It is his newest hunger cue. We like to think that he is studying one of the many aboriginal languages. He has this mmmmmhmmmmmm sound he makes when he starts to get sleepy
• He has stopped his crying spell for car rides..thank god. That was no fun to deal with.
• Baby clothes are worse than woman's sizes .. I hate trying to figure out what size to buy. It always depends on the store I am in .. and even then it seems to vary.
• I thought these were the most stupid thing I had ever seen when I was pregnant .... I am now about to go searching for a pair because it is cold and MT HATES pants ... No matter what size pants he has one, they tend to squeeze that fat lil belly and he tends to get very miserable ( i know ... he is only a wee tot and already giving me grief about clothes) How do I know this, you ask... Take the pants off and he is a whole new boy Plus when changing a diaper, you can see they are leaving pretty red, raw indentions. So We put on alot of those one pieces on him.
• I need some of these for my sister's wedding next weekend. I am leaving to go up there on Sunday. This will be my first trip by myself anywhere. It's a 5/6 hour drive. I am still debating what will be the best time to travel, what I am taking with me (swing, bouncy, etc..) I will be there for a week. E and my parents are coming up Wednesday. I am going up early to help my sister get a few things done and hang out with her and friends before the big day. I am excited for her but nervous about how I am going to handle MT up there away from E and my parents all by myself. E and Myself are also in the wedding, So I am nervous about who will watch MT while we are in the ceremony. Things I should have thought of ... but, It will all work itself out.
• E has off Friday, MT has a monkey costume .. I am not sure where we are going, but we are going somewhere to show this costume off. Here is a sneak peak.

Why do I always feel I have to get on my soap box about this...

It has been relatively cool here lately. I am loving it. I just love the fall season. I think because it starts to cool off and we can enjoy being outside without sweating to death.

So, we tried cereal for 4 consecutive days. He seemed to enjoy it the first day because it was new, slurped it all down … the second day showed very little interest … third day no interest at all … fourth day, would not eat any of it. I was trying to make it alittle thicker the other days because the first day it was like liquidy and super messy. He liked that best ..but by adding cereal in our day, we managed to have some really off/abnormal days. He was pretty miserable. It seemed to be causing him some stomach discomfort, definitely constipated, Did not have a bowel movement until Sunday night - which seemed alleviate the fussiness/discomfort ... but that was 3 days w/o a bowel movement. He has been so regular until then ..every day around 10 am ish until introducing solids .....So we will put the cereal away and maybe try again at 5 months. I am just not sure his little stomach was ready for it ... or maybe this is normal..maybe there needs to be a built up tolerance that happens as you introduce it and it just gets better with time .. .. I am unsure. All I know is taking cereal out of our day yesterday gave us a MUCH better day.



I carved a pumpkin yesterday from the pumpkin patch we visited in GA. I haven't done that in years. The last time I think I did that was in college and my then boyfriend, now husband and I got into the biggest, nastiest pumpkin fight. He started it .. (i think) .. All I know is that it is extremely hard to get pumpkin guts out of your hair .... We made MT pose by my pumkpin
Frightened:


Now Happy:


On another note - It has been almost 18 weeks and my swing batteries are just now starting to die. Classical music on its last leg ... brings out a whole new sound

Speaking of classical music on its' last leg (from our swing) .. MT naps in his swing now .. He went back and forth on liking and disliking the swing. We are in a phase of liking it at the moment. It may change but for now, I get a good 1.5 - 2 hour nap/down time out of him in the swing. I know and have been told by MANY unapproving parents,grandparents, naysayers, anon commenter's, etc .. and I just don't really care or understand their concerns. I have received many unapproving looks by many things that I am choosing to do and some days it beats me down, other days, I don't get a crap .... Speaking of things that beat me down, I hate the word Schedule with a passion now for sure. I use the word pattern, and We adhere to that pattern most days but I like flexibility ... I have found myself becoming too neurotic and anxiety driven if I watch the clock too closely. I can have a full fledged silent panic attack along with other frustrations when clock watching and demanding expectations from MT. I find it be peaceful and relaxing for me to just go with the flow, watch for cues instead of "telling the 4 month old who is in control" ... Yes, I have been told that . I need to tell him who is boss, set the record straight now. I am unsure how much of a record I can set straight since only one of us speaks/understands the english language. I am trying to enforce cause/effect relationships right now. I do not wish to wrestle or torture someone who is just trying to understand the new surroundings .. Maybe that makes me a bit lax in my parenting style... maybe that makes me not a great structuralist for now .. Maybe we will both just figure it out as we go ...I am sure there will be mistakes, and I am sure there will be "i told you so's".. I wish there would not be i told you so's, but it seems that people are really competitive and determined to be "right" when raising children/grandchildren/students

Can you tell I am frustrating with the "right" way to parent ..... Why would you think there is only one Right way to parent .. aren't all people different? I know at many points in my life, I did not embrace differences. It seems that the general population have decided that all babies are the same and should all be raised the same ...I get so frustrated, beat down, discouraged and upset over this .. This bothers me so, because some days I am just coasting along and other days I am just surviving. I still do not have the confidence I need apparently .. but Blogging as really allowed me to embrace the different spices that life has to offer .... Embrace differences, judge less, gossip not

Kryptonite

I have been stewing on this post for quite some time now. (and like always, it will not come out in the best words or thoughts) These past few months have been a big giant blur mostly. I am enjoying my new title and responsibility. But I will not lie..It is Daunting. I laugh That I thought I was "prepared" (mentally and physically) to care for a newborn. But as they say, there is nothing like hands on training .... 24/7 for the rest of your life. Oops tangent .. back to the point:

Research
I must have researched, researched and researched the research obsessively towards the end of my pregnancy. I was not going to do this, we will not allow this type of product/material, We will do this .... I had my mental list of how to do things and what not to do all prepared and discussed with my husband. I studied up on all these new allergies, vaccines, products, recalls, unsafe items, foods, materials, toxins, germs, chemicals.. the list goes on and on. I swear to you .. I still am going mental over all of "this". I am also quite frustrated and angry about this topic.

I live in the US. You know the land of the free and home of the brave. ... What is free here? Heck Air costs money these days. ..grr tangent .. I need to stick to my point .. My point is that this baby raising has gotten so complicated. Or have we complicated this baby raising? Why am I worried that if I miss a pump (that are using bpa free plastics) I may not have enough milk to provide to my child and he have to ingest that tainted baby formula .... Why should I be thinking about tainted baby formula ... Why am I worried about what type of plastic he puts in his mouth? Why am I worried about the chemicals in his diaper/clothes/blankets/toys? Why am I worried about exposing him to something harmful on a daily basis? Why am i worried that if/when MT gets a fever, I will not be about to find a safe OTC medicine for him w/o having other reactions? Why does it seem that everything on the planet contains some sort of ingredient that is going to harm humans? Why is it financially expensive to be concerned and buy products that are "less harmful" than others .. What does less harmful mean? Why is it mentally expensive to be concerned when I cannot afford to purchase the "less harmful" items because the other items are more economically affordable to the general public? Is there a hierarchy of life based on how deep your pocket is?

I am not an alarmist .. I am not trying to be an alarmist .. I am not trying to cause others to panic and retreat. I am just trying to figure out what in the world we are doing that causes so much harm to everyone. No, I was not born yesterday nor did I fall off a turnip truck. There is no event in my life up to now that has been as life changing as caring for a newborn. It has made me question every part of my being. It re-examines the who, what , where , when , and how's of life to the nth degree and back again. (yes, even though I thought I was prepared)

There is this protective gene that has come out of no where in me .. This protective gene is obsessively googling all types of words and situations. Some days I just throw my hands up in the air and concede. Other days I stand on my soap box and proclaim my distaste for the product makers that create harmful products and vow to not support them but try to never project my convictions or opposition on others ... Other days I turn a blind eye ... It's like having product amnesia some days. What I am saying is, it is freaking exhausting enough doing the daily routines of this new life, why does the world go and muddy it up with all sorts of craptasticly harmful products and write them off as acceptable.. Why are the people who are placed in positions to protect us, not doing their job but still collecting a salary and profit? Are others concerned about this too, what are you/they doing about it? What can i do about it? Am I overly concerned and anxious? If I am not overly concerned, why are the friends and family whispering subtle remarks to each other about my want to use cloth diapers, bpa free bottles, plates, spoons, cups etc? Why do I feel like this is an uphill losing battle at times? Isn't it ok if you aren't concerned about it, why does that make me seem like a 6 eyed alien because I am concerned about it?

As you can see, I have contemplated this for a very long time. I know that most of these are rhetorical questions. I know that many research is years behind and it has taken this long to figure out some of what is and isn't harmful products, behaviors, theories and so on.. .. I know that there will always be something that is harmful and a "less harmful" alternative. I just have to do the best I can with what I have been given. I need to use my over abundance of common sense, creativity and intelligence to do the best job that I can. Until then, you can find me eating my organic, recycled, cardboard circling the block with my recycled tire shoes ..which we will later find out that the wood to make the cardboard was grown in some random location that contains some now detected foreign object that causes us to sprout horns like a unicorn ....

12 weeks

I laid in bed last night filled with anxiety, worry, overwhelming joy, frustration, sadness and many more emotions I actually don't even know how to describe.



MT is 12 weeks old today.



In the early days just arriving home from the hospital, there was just mere exhaustion. I was functioning off adrenaline and bliss. The more sleep I got, the more I noticed my mind would wonder, then wonder turned to worry, worry turned to frustration .. "Am I doing this right", " I know the books say this", "I can't help but worry I am doing this wrong". I had conflicted advice/assvice from many real life influences. "You need to establish control and a schedule early on", "You can not spoil a newborn", "Embrace these days, they are numbered", "Do whatever to survive, this to shall pass", "Enjoy these precious moments now, you will want them back". "It will get easier", "You should read ..."



I was overwhelmed. I had my own ideas of "how things should go" and sometimes they went according to my idea/plan and other times they were variations and mostly they were not even close. I allowed myself to become extremely frustrated at the situation. The situation being, i did Not want to make any mistakes early on that would later hinder MT .. Trying to be the perfect balance of a parent. I felt like since it took me a while to achieve this Parenting Roll, I wanted nothing more than to be a perfect parent doing it all right, "I asked for this". I felt like I should have been prepared. I should be able to do it all just so and perfectly. I mean, we had been trying and preparing for this opportunity for years and years. I had been dreaming and planning for motherhood LONG before marriage. I have had plenty of time to prepare. I read books, researched material, items and thought I was going to be good to go, right out of the starting gate. I knew there would be a learning curve, but had NO IDEA how big of a curve that would entail.



Here we are, 3 months later, all surviving and most days thriving. Without much advice from a stupid book nonetheless. There are books with great ideas, there are books with really useless ideas. But, I have found something far greater than some advice in a book. Instinct, intuition and observations based experience with MT . I am unsure when/how it happened, but I just know, feel, can tell how/what MT needs most of the time. I assume or equate it to spending time, holding, touching, examining, caring for him the past 3 months. He still likes to keep me guessing on whether it's a bouncey seat day or a swing day or neither. There is no rhyme or reason. in the beginning, the swing, bouncey seat were commonly referred as the torture chairs, because if MT was placed in either, You thought we had begun a tar and feathering session. Now, his time in each are extending as each day passes. We are able to use our floor gym more and sometimes He is able to lay there w/o me standing over him or sitting next to him. He still is not a fan of tummy time on the floor. but enjoys being on his tummy on my chest (of course) and the boppy.



MT is getting so strong, he loves to stand up while being held. He makes great eye contact, trys to grab things. His latest discovery is trying to sit up if you are holding him at an angle. He always has been a very verbal gabberor. Oh and he LOVES to lick/suck on his hands/fists.

He has begun drooling and making bubbles. He still loves to be held alot. He enjoys being outside. and I enjoy him...All of him. I enjoy being able to meet his needs, I enjoy holding him, I enjoy cuddling with him. I enjoy our conversations. I swear he understands me sometimes.



I am still working on my confidence and attitude. I am learning I do not have to defend my choices on raising MT. I am trying to work on others words and how they are said not affect my ability to mother. It's ok if family/friends do not agree with me. It's ok for me to change my mind. I see my biggest problems thus far is confidence but I see how much I am improving daily. MT and I are still getting to know each other and we are still learning.



A big one, I breast fed in public on Friday. It was at the nursing moms group ..BUT I did it, and I was proud of myself.



Another controversial topic - Schedules. I have noticed that there is a pattern most days. It may not be on the hour/second mark. But there is a schedule forming slowly but surely. When I think about the word schedule, I can help but twitch.



I think WHY do I want to enforce something at such a young age. I feel we try and make children grow up so fast as it is. Why on earth would I want to subject my now 3 month old ( then barely 4 Weeks old) on a schedule. He will forever be adjusting his schedule as he grows up - why not let him just be now that I have the time to just let him be. This is how i truly deeply feel. Then I have a conflicting thought, what If can't get him on a schedule later on. What If I hinder his learning and cognitive skills .... .. Then I just get overwhelmed and frustrated. I understand that there are different schools of thoughts, different theories and many different options and choices.



over the past few weeks, i have observed that MT licks his lips and sticks it in/out like a lizard when he is hungry (about 2- 3hours after the start of a feed), He Sucks on his hands/fist when he is sleepy (about 30 min to 1.5 hours after a feeding). He used to wake up as soon as I would put him down, (yes that means i held him to sleep - or he fell asleep with me holding him). I am now able to put him down and he will take a 30 cat nap. I kept saying things like, we don't have a schedule and my husband keeps reassuring me, we do have a schedule because when he asks me when MT needs to eat again, or sleep, I have an answer and I am pretty close to being right. I just lacked the ability to see it as a schedule and I lacked the confidence to admit that I truly do know what and how to handle my child. It is coming. These past 3 months have really have changed me foundationally



Happy 12 weeks MT!

look how much you have grown

2-in-1

Thanks for playing along to "What Happens if Stirred?" Keep playing if you wish

2-in-1!
I have been thinking alot about that statement ever since I washed my hair with a 2-in-1 shampoo/conditioner the other day because my child decided to scream at the top of his lungs as soon as I turned the water on and got wet. I almost got out of the shower but decided to grab my husbands 2-in-1 and get it over with quickly. I mean .. Girlfriend needed a shower.

I have always bought the 2-in-1 for my husband but I used "other stuff". Ya know the kind that you buy in salons .. the good stuff. I may not "fix" my hair every day but I do like to treat it well. But there are things that change your every day routine when you introduce a baby into your life. Including your view on personal hygiene. I spend alot of time trying to invent more 2-in 1 ideas to make my life easier.

The other 2-in-1. See Once you commit to your partner for life - you 2 become 1. But you 2 are still individuals and still have individual ideas and ways of doing things. My husband and I are definitely 2-in-1. However, when it comes to MT - we have different experiences and ways to do things. E is the oldest of 9 (7 living - ranging in age from 24-4) He has had plenty of experiences with raising children - in fact for most of those years- he was raising the kids because his mother was divorced and working to make ends meet. So he got a alot dumped on him at a very early age. My experience was babysitting. My sister is only 4 yrs younger than me - SO i don't have hands on experience" from an at home experience. I have lots of babysitting experience. But no much is too bad for a few hours when you are getting paid for it. I say all of this because for the first month, As much as we were 2-in-1, I was driving E alil crazy. (good thing he laughs at me alot) I had a routine down: Wake up, Change diaper, feed, play time (swing or bouncy), sleep, wake up, change diaper, play time (tummy time, boppy, swing, or bouncy), sleep, wake up, change diaper, play time ..... anyone seeing a pattern here ..... What I forgot to mention was there was alot of crying involved ... By 2 parties and pumping sessions . Me and the MT .. Yes my friends, I was TRYING my best to establish a schedule.. Did I forget that I do not do the same thing every day either? I mean think about it.. We may do relatively close to the same thing ...But like Groundhog Day ... Really ... C'mon Farah ... aren't you smarter than that....

My husband doesn't work a 9-5 job M-F ..He has days off during the week and every other weekend. I was trying to make him follow the same schedule. He was watching me get frustrated and finally kindly stepped in and asked me why I was making this harder than it needed to be. Thank You E. This is when I remembered that we really are 2-in-1. He could have let me run myself weary and force something that didn't need forcing - but He lovingly stepped in cautiously and reminded me that this is a group effort- he may not do exactly Like "I" do. But he loves MT and cares for him and that different types of love/caring are needed to grow up and that MT will appreciate both of us for the different people we are in the 2-in-1 package.

But on a serious note - Unless you are much more poised and better than Me -If you are due soon - Run out and buy a 2-in-1 shampoo/conditioner ;)

8lb 13oz


10lb 13 oz


8Weeks

A few Questions/comments

Nothing too eventful has been going on just some random questions/comments to throw out into cyberspace -

My dad is really uncomfortable with me nursing. Before anyone says it's none of his business - I know it's not and we are going to continue - My father just says that he doesn't feel comfortable about the whole thing. So it makes me nervous and a lil freaked out embarrassed as him. I bring bottles - we are still using bottles but sometimes, MT just wants to nurse ... We will work through it .. Pleasures of having parents so close and involved.

Ok next - Anyone ever deal with Thrush - We seem to have a very very very very very mild case of it and I am trying a few home rememdies this weekend before callin in the big guns. I accidently wore a tank/bra twice on wednesday - and by Friday noticed very mild stinging every few times I pumped/nursed . I have been using this website as a guide this weekend. I am using the olive oil and vinegar wash .. seems to be helping alot. I went and rewashed everything and bought more tanks/bras. I am afraid to treat MT with anything in the mouth but this website has a few suggestions for him but I am timid to try - anyone ever done baking soda/water paste or ac.idophi.lus on their newborn (well technically almost 8 week old)?

I went to the nursing mom's group again - MT decided to be fussy the whole time unless he was sleeping - Apparently I am that mom with the fussy kid .. He was just out of sorts and tired - I felt bad but really wanted to stay .. I get good information and feedback there. He eventually fell asleep and all was well.

Somedays are harder then others - He likes to be held some days more than others. And quite honestly, I don't really care what the books say - we will do what we can to make it through the day with as little bad habits and needing a therapist is possible.

I had more to say/ask .. I may be back asking for more ...

Brain Dump

We have been trying for weeks to catch a smile on camera .. DO you have any idea how hard that is?!?!!? ... Well tonight He just was sooo happy and coo-ing and being all giddy. I thought for sure my husband could get at least one on camera (since i was holding him and I am the main photographer for the family) .. We got the tail end of plenty of them but never the big huge gummy grin that makes my heart sail into utopia. I cannot even begin to describe the feeling I get when I see him smile. It just makes my heart melt. Wanna see?


Here are some other pictures - I have had a few free moments today to play with my software.


MT is his ever loved boppy:


I realized tonight - (well I realized a while ago I just admitted it tonight) there are things that I could have NEVER in a million years imagined that I would be doing as far as my parenting style. We both are very comfortable with having MT in our bed. He does not sleep there alot of hours, He does have a crib and a packnplay but his first morning feeding (5/6 am) He likes to just fall asleep on my chest - and I absolutely love it. Before MT was here, I had big plans ..Huge plans ... Plans that involved Him sleeping IN HIS CRIB, IN his room from the very first night when we got home ... Yah he has napped a few naps in there but Not many ...

Breastfeeding/Pumping - I love it. It works for us. It is hard work but now that I am working on getting more comfortable with breastfeeding - I really do love it. It was painfree until my first period (which my dr says was not a period because it was in the post partum window) I got very sore/senstive ni.pple.s. The residual pain is still there but lessening each day. We only actually breast feed about 3 times a day. I can not tell you HOW AGAINST bF-ing i was. No really .. I was NOT A FAN . It grossed me out, freaked me out, made me jealous, brought up alot of negative, bad, weird feelings. I am now admitting I like it. I know it is not for everyone and I am very ok with that.

There are so many things that I hear myself pre-baby in my house, pre-situation saying and I am still continuing to eat my words hourly/daily.
I have wrote about this before (quite a few times actually) .. I will probably write about it again.

I ordered this new sling , so far,hands down, easiest/best to use. Thanks to Becoming Mom for showing me the site! LOVE IT, MT loves it. It is super convenient and very do-able.



Ok - we are taking MT up to Wis. to see E's Dad's side of the family in a month. To say I am nervous is beyond unstated. I need to find out the airline rules for babies, carseats, liquids, what is considered a liquid, etc all that stuff that is so new to me. Boy I couldn't make a lil road trip for 5 hours ... and now I am putting myself and my child on a plane .. WHy am i So freaked out by all of this? It will/does get easier right? I really need to find some local people that just had a child the same time I did. I think It will do us some good. This is my goal this week!



Tech Support- I want to switch from blo.glines to google r.eader - Is there an import function? Or do I have to start over?? Can anyone help?



So there is my brain dump ... Such I apologize now?

Unusuals

*MT stands for Monkey Toes

Yesterday was an unusual day for me

First - I woke up and was re-visited by an old acquaintance. AF .... Yes HER ... Yesterday was exactly 6 weeks from delivery. I am still pumping and BF-ing. I panicked. All research denotes that supply drops off after the first cycle. I have to say chalk one more weirdness up to my body .. My supply has improved over the past 3 days. Let's hope that continues to be the trend. It is a VERY weird feeling to have a period and not need to call a dr about it to plan for upcoming treatments. For the last 2 yrs, the routine has been CD1- call Dr. and notify it's CD1 .... Now, It's CD1, I wasn't expecting it ... I thought it would stay away longer and most likely need to be medically induced. I am unsure if I can use tampons yet. My next re-check is Monday. I guess I could call and ask. This is just something I was not expecting at all. I am interested to see how this is going to affect my PCOS and cycles.

Second - My husband and I had a very good conversation about my next dr.'s appointment, our future and our relationship. My very lovely, patient husband reminded me of what he has had to endure over the past year. He has been neglected in certain ways over the past 12 months. He was not complaining, we were sharing our feelings about where we are now mentally and where we needed help, love, support and what we needed to keep our relationship growing and moving in the same direction. I appreciate him so much, I appreciate his faithfulness, his character, his companionship, his love, his patience ...i could go on and on! It was a great talk, one highly needed and done with such openness and a compassionate heart and temperament.

During this talk- We discussed my upcoming Dr appointment. I told him that the Dr is going to want to talk birth control. We both are of the same mindset - no pill. I have been pumping my body with hormones for yrs - to induce a period, try to induce ovulation, and conceive....I am still bfing - therefore my options are limited - and we are ok forgoing the whole pill option and use other less medical options .. It's a risk we are willing to take

Lastly - We went to a pediatric urologist to discuss a body part I have little knowledge and experience with. Overall, it was a great appointment - the dr thinks that most of his situations will correct themselves in his first yr. He was glad his pediatrician was so attentive and wants us to come back in 6 months for another look/see. He has a few very minor ad.hes.ion's and a hydr.ocele - all are very common and tend to correct themselves.

Things with our daily routines are back to normal - less crying, more happy times, lots more smiles and alert behavior, and eating about every 3-3.5 hours. I am hoping to decide on a place to take MT to get professional pictures soon - He is changing daily.

6 Weeks

We are making progress in our BF-ing attempts. The mom group on Friday was such a great, informative, re-assuring experience. I found out that 6 weeks is a transition/growing stage. I was not alone, It will pass ... all music to my ears. I needed to hear that it is normal and expected - I also was given some Ideas and comfort. (thank you for all of you who made suggestions! I did read hap.piest baby on the blo.ck)
We went on a "roadtrip"trip. My Aunt, Uncle and Grandmother flew down to meet MT. We all drove 2.5 hours away yesterday for my sister to see MT. I was beyond nervous - But It went miraculously well and gave me more confidence in the whole leaving the house anxiety. We went and got a gadget that allowed me to power my breastpump in the car. I pumped a few times yesterday in the car - which also gave me more confidence "on the go". It seems like this "all" becoming very managable.

Of Course, I leave you pictures:

Cake and Cuddles

Thank you for The Birthday Wishes. We had a really good day and that night MT gave me a birthday present of sleeping 9 hours. I was actually very grateful for 7 of them and then spent 2 hours pacing - finally I decided to wake him up and make sure he was ok. *which he was but I apparently am overly paranoid with certain things*

We are going to our first bf mom's infant support groups at the hospital I delivered at in the morning at 10. I am excited to go and see how I do amongst others that are moms and have children MT's age. It will be my first meet/greet mom style. It's a weird territory for me. I called a friend to make sure I was supposed to bring MT with me. I didn't want to show up kid in tow and find out that childs are not supposed to be in tow ... *i know i know ... I am learning.. E says it's a B.Y.O.B Party (he can't decide if the last B is bo.ob or baby) Yes yes I know he is not RIGHT .. MT and I have been working on our bf'ing. I say we have about 2 good latches a day. We are trying and not giving up he is gettin the hang of it. We actually nursed from both sides today. He is a one side only kind of bf-er - But it's progress.

Ok calling all seasoned/newly/wise/experienced/nonexperienced/etc. Mom's/or women with ideas - The past 2 days we have had some really clingy/crying hours. From about 10am-2pm he has decided to only nap if I am holding him, and if i put him down he does this cry like he is being squeezed in a vice and twisted. It's awful. Before 2 days ago .. he would go from a whine to a whimper and if not fast enough to meet his "needs" then a cry like you are squeezing the ever loving breathe out of him ... Now we skip all whine/fus/whimper and go straight to the death cry .... I have found that the paci works WONDERS .. (until it falls out or he pulls it out) ..shhsing also works .. I absolutely have to keep the paci in his mouth or else .... We are now repeating this lil "exercise" as we speak ....... he is in the swing, i just have to make sure the paci stays in .... he is fed, changed, burped, clean, no fever ...... any ideas? this a familiar phase to anyone?

this cute lil face is who I'm referring about:


ME WANT CAKE:

Working the Planner out of Me

Welp E has been back to work for a week and we are all still alive albeit in survival model. I went from having lots of help to - having to help lots .... E works 12 hour shifts - This means that for a span of 3 days - It's all me. 24 hours a day .... just me, E has to get some sleep to function on the job. I am sure that this will get easier, I was used to having a few extra hands for a month -- It's only been a week - we have learned to adjust. It will only get better

I went to a funeral for a close friend's father on Thurs., WOW add that to a list of things Not to do after having a baby so soon. The tears started flowing and flowing and before I know it, I could not. Thursday/early Friday morning was rough, It seemed like my mind was overwhelmed with trying to process too many things that I didn't have time to process while suffering from sleep deprivation. I had a long talk with myself in the shower Friday morning -I am having a hard time with this weird no rhythm or reason phase.
I am still pretty much doing on demand feedings. Sometimes he will go 6 hours -if he was sleeping (allowed by our pediatrician)- sometimes he will only make it 2.75 hours. He is trying to be more awake and alert during the day, I notice that I have to feed him sooner.

I find that parenting books/site frustrate me. They cause me anxiety. E keeps having to remind me that MT is ONLY 4 weeks old. I want a practical book/info site that gives realistic expectations/timelines. I was trying to push a schedule on a 4 week old... I was forgetting that he is doing AMAZING. He only cries when hungry or needs changing. He is really happy. It's ok if he doesn't eat at the exact same time every day. Uhm, can you tell I'm a structured planner?!?! This not being able to plan/predict part is the hardest for me.

Help - I have developed leaving the house anxiety! Because I cannot predict/plan. My parents are trying to help me figure out how to adjust - and I appreciate their efforts. I give them a time that I plan on leaving the house to go to theirs - so far every attempt has resulted in not going as planned. It seems that I say i want to leave at 12 because MT is do to eat at 1 -1:30 ... MT will want to eat at 12. or need a diaper change THEN want to eat .. I am told the older MT gets, the easier this all becomes. I am unsure - I think it may get easier because I get more trained ;) I say all of this with a smile on my face- having the time of my life. It is definitely a work in progress and although some days are more guesswork than others - we are all alive, fed, changed, showered, and dressed every day. It really is a weird, overwhelming, chaotic, exciting, amazing and chaotic time and I am still enjoying every minute of it.