Rambles Of a Hormonal Crazy Woman

AH - I made it one more week w/o using leave. Hopefully I can pull that off for 1 more pay period. (may 29th)

We had our OB Tour yesterday. I must say that this hospital is just fantastic and so thoughtful. I know they birth babies hourly and all - but they just have it down so exactly as I would like it to be. The policies are in place but make sense and there is nothing too out of the ordinary. Every hospital staff we encountered was just super friendly. I think that we will really be pleased with this hospital. They play a lullaby over the entire hospital speakers when a baby is born.

I received from Morrisa, Adriane, Wishing, Hoping and Praying, and Katie (*edit) this week.

I cannot express to you gals how much I needed this little extra this week.


I would like to pass it on to LIW, and Lady in Waiting, Kristen, Marcy and Kris, and TopCat. All have been a great deal of support to me and are deserving woman.

I have been feeling very drained emotionally and physically. There are some things going on right now and I was not sure if i was going to be able to make it another day a few days ago. I have been having lil mini episodes of doubt and fear. It all stems from lack of sleep, I think. We changed from lo.veno.x to he.par.in (because hep is easier to control while laboring - as someone else also pointed out) And of course there had to be a snafu. At the pharmacy (or the ob's script - each are blaming the other) I received the wrong vials of the drug. I picked them up Monday night after work, came home to find out that there was not a script for the needles we needed to inject it with. E called the pharmacy to try and arrange the pharmacist to let us have(buy) 2 needles to get us that night's dosage and the am dosage. Then I could call the OB's office and ask them to order/write a script for the remainder. So i did, they called in an order, I picked them up Tuesday night after work. Got home, found out that based on the syringe units I would now be required to inject 2 needles at a time to fulfill the ob's amount prescribed. I was a little frustrated. NO, i was alot frustrated. Lov.enox was in a pre-filled syringe, no mixing required and i only had to take it once a day. This new drug was requiring 2 shots a day - but with the small syringes it meant 4 shots a day. So I had to give myself 2 shots in the pm and 2 shots in the am and then call my ob's office again Wednesday to figure out what was going on. I still do not have any clear answers as to what happened - each are blaming the other for the script - but will not take back the drugs and syringes and give us the right ones - therefore I stuck (literally) 4 times a day compared to once a a day until I run out of those vials. I have 30 of them and each vial will last about 5 days. Therefore I will be sticking myself most likely until Mini arrives 4 times a day. I was bruise free before switching, My belly ( where I have been instructed to stick myself) is no longer bruise free and quite sore actually. I just keep thinking - I am so ...close..I will make it. I called to get more test strips for my sugar monitor but the pharmacy will not let me re-new that prescription because the dr put that I test 2 times a day - but i was told to test 4 - so I have to call again today and ask if they want me to just test 2 times a day or continue to test 4 times. If they want me to continue doing 4 times a day the script needs updating or a new one needs called in .... It's just tiring dealing with all of this .. That stress on top of the mental stress I put on myself about my leave and dealing with other stress's that I can't really share yet just makes me all tapped out. Good thing is after tomorrow, I plan on leaving work early to pick up my sister at the airport, going to get a pedicure and manicure and relaxing before the shower on Saturday.

With all the above frustrations, i am still glad to be able to hold my head up and say that I am almost 34 weeks pregnant and still feel unbeleivablly blessed to have made it this far and be able to actually be in a position to have a baby shower FOR ME ... This is will be for me and I did not have to plan it. After last yrs baby shower bananza's (i threw 4 last yr), It is so humbling to be able to think that I actually have something referred to as a "shower dress" and enjoy celebrating my ( well and e's baby).

I leave you with a 33 week pic:
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We are making progress

I just got back from my ob appointment. I must tell you it went shockingly well. This was the first appointment since receiving the GD diagnosis over the phone. The dr was unimpressed with the diagnosis. She said that she would not have classified my results as GD but considering I have P.CO.S, It doesn't hurt anything. I did not know this until today -but my uterus has been measuring ~2 weeks ahead ever since i was 15 weeks. No one ever said anything to me about it until today. Good news is that it's consistent therefore she is not concerned. She told me that up to 2 weeks measuring ahead is totally w/in the norm. (just passing along knowledge) My bp was perfect, no trace of protein in my urine (yah)! They switched my lo.veno.x to he.p.ari.n today. So i am now on 2 shots of heparin a day. I was informed today that I cannot breast feed if on the lo.veno.x. (which they will put me back on after delivery) We will have to address that issue in a few weeks. I need time to think about this and do my own lil research. She reassured me that she wanted to aim for a vaginal birth. (yah for that) If my water breaks I am not to do my he.par.in dose. I think that about sums up my appointment today. I schedule my next 5 appointments with the office. I have one more regular appointment in 2 weeks. Then after that appointment, I will start going to weekly nst's followed by a dr visit. The Ob's office would like me to have 1 more visit (after the one in 2 weeks) with the mfm. I tell ya, I don't want to leave his office, I jut adore him

My peri ( mfm) appointment is also in 2 weeks (before my ob's) - we will get another glimpse of Mini. I am hoping that his weight is going to be right on track so there will be nothing to worry about. He has been so good to me.

So as you can see, the prayers, good thoughts etc. are working. Thank you so very much.

We have our childbirth education class tomorrow. I chose not to go to any weekly (or biweekly) classes due to our work schedules. I am very excited to be able to go to it. I heard it was very informative and helpful.

We have our OB Hospital tour Wednesday at 7pm. Things are really progressing. I am feeling much more calm. My shower is the 17th (almost 1 week away) and I am really looking forward to it.

Yah for Friday. I am ready for the weekend. I bet you are too

And the Beat goes on

The perinatologist’s office was very very far away and we both really complained about driving that far – but man o man was it worth it. I really haven’t felt more comfortable with any of my care/dr’s completely. But this Dr (aka Dr Wonderful) just laid it all out there and was sympathetic to our situation and needs. He asked me at first if I had any questions, I told him that I may have questions after he goes over the results of our scan and fetal echo. He explained that, as of now, everything is measuring on target and Mini is nearing 16 oz.(~15.5 oz for now). He stated that things seemed to be measuring a few days ahead but that was good news and not bad news. It just gives them wiggle room with my due date (which is still the same). He explained that he was originally concerned about my ASD and spine but after the pictures and echo, all looks great and processing growth that normal.

Then we started discussing the lo.veno.x, auto immune issues, and fertility. Apparently, I have been confused on this topic – and an now a little more confused with a little more clear understanding – if that even makes since.

My RE tested me for a zillion of things. I thought I understood that the mt.hf.r disorder was being treated by the lo.ve.no.x, but that is not the case. I am taking an extra fo.lic acid pill for that. This disorder is called ho.moc.ysteine.

The Lo.ve.no.x is being used to treat an abnormal level of Anti-cardiolipin antibodies.(a.c.a testing) There was a test that revealed that I had a slightly higher level than normal. I think the paper stated that fewer than 11 are good or 10, and mine was 20. Dr Wonderful stated that I was at a slight risk for deep thrombosis as a result of these findings (and m/c's), It’s just precautionary and dually noted to watch. He also explained to me that most women use lo.ve.nox(he.pa.rin along with prednisone and a baby aspirin) early in a pregnancy or before they become pregnant because it makes the uterus/cells more “sticky” to help with implantation if there is to be believed of a need to assist in that area. Since I did not start taking it until week 8 or 9 – he doesn’t think it had much effect on this pregnancy. He also states that my dosages are much too low for a patient who legimately does have this problem. Dr. Wonderful said that based on the dose, he doesn’t think I necessary “need” it but the risks are much greater to take me off of it now – because I have made it this far why screw anything up and be able to second guess medicine. I agreed, so we will continue to same amount like always 1- 40 mL shot a night. He states that I continue until this until week 34.

He tends to believe that my troubles/menstrual cycles,m/c, etc are more due to the P.CO.S., and not the Anti-cardiolipin antibodies (because I started the drugs so late) or ho.moc.ysteine. He stated of course it is a compound issue and makes it seem impossible and complex (or in his words “a doozy”) but it seems to be manageable which we are doing.

So based on all of the above: The ho.moc.ysteine, the P.C.O.S, abnormal Anti-cardiolipin antibodies, and being larger women: Here is the new and latest possible diagnosis that he is slightly concerned with: Pre.ecla.mps.ia.


The only thing about that is that the signs are basically h.igh b.loo.d p.ress.ure. Well, that is one thing that I do not have. My Bp is usually 112/59-118/72 ish. So I hope that it continues to remain normal. I plan on adding more fresh veggies in my diet to help with the folic acid which should help maintain my weight which will hopefully help maintain my pcos and keep me away from the pr.eecla.mpsi.a. PHEW, lots of technical terms – sorry If your face hit the keyboard out of boredom - as always - if you have questions or comments - please feel free to ask away or email me

On the good part – We got to have an u/s for 2 hours and 15 mins while they measures, checked, rechecked, re-measured and showed us and re-showed us boy parts!

These Aren't the Days to Remember..this too shall pass

(spell check isn't working- again)
well i got my MFM appointment - i have a consult tomorrow at 9:30am. I was called at noon to "inform me". Then My lvl 2 u/s will be the 19th at 1:30pm

The above is the drama free version. Below is the crazy, emotional, hormonal pregnant lady who would just like to see her baby and all Mini's organs version:

The poor lady that schedules appointments got more than she would have liked this afternoon but was really a gem in dealing with me - ok here we go:

She called to explain that I would need genetic counseling - I informed her that I underwent all the testing we would like until further looks at the baby stated other wise. All my NT scans, AFP results came back with no concern therefore I was under the impression that I was high risk due to a few m/c's and my blood/immune disorder. Well apparently my OB's told them that they are worried about my ASD repair and my fused vertebrates. Which is News to me because Thursday - she assured me I was high risk because of the blood/immune lo.ve.nox combo (the others are no elephant in a room-I am aware of them but all my life have been told it was just a fluke/mutation and all my pre-fertility treatment testings/chromosomal testings revealed nothing to be concerned about- according to my OB and RE). SO when she told me that I had to have more testing, I lost it. I cried and tried to explain to her that I was not requiring or requesting any more genetic tests. I was happy with all my results thus far until we see something to be concerned with. (see being the most important word in the sentence) I am 20 weeks, it won't change a thing. She told me she was going to call my OB and RE to confirm that I had done tests and see if they thought i needed more ..... so i had an emotional break down for 2 hours because obviously, they did not have my file nor read my file before making the appointment. Why would they require me to do stuff that I have already done and do not care to do more of? I am just starting to enjoy this thought of pregnancy and need no more opportunity for concern or worry or anxiety- I do plenty of that w/o dr's orders. I just wanted to have a dr LOOK at my baby and THEN IF they see a problem, discuss it. Not vice versa

Well, she called my OB and my RE and apparently the testing that they did is "different" OF COURSE IT IS!!! and If I do not go tomorrow for the genetic couseling, when I have my scan on the 19th, This appointment will not be with a dr. She explained to me that if I refuse the appointment tomorrow, then at my scan on the 19th which is in a diiferent location, will not be done by a dr and my results will not be discussed with me. They will mail my results back to the OB's office and let the OB's office deliver the results to me. If something was/is wrong, I would have to get in line for an appointment and hopes I get seen.

So after a few phone calls were made(and tears were cried), we have taken the appointments reluctantly and pissed off about the whole scenario. I am just tired of being poked and prodded over and over again. I am tired of worrying, and having anxiety attacks, I just want to be able to enjoy this at some point.

Good thing my co-workers are not here today because i have just cried and cried. I think it's tacky and ballsy that a dr's office can call on a 20 hour notice and demand that you come in on that day (my husband is supposed to work on the day of the scan and can not get off- so he will have to do the unthinkable and call in sick and hope he doesn't get in trouble). I tried explaining to the appointment scheduler that my husband could not come that day and she told me to come by myself or bring a friend. ON THE DAY WE MAY FIND OUT THE SEX AND determine if all things Mini are ok. I THINK NOT YOU &*()^&@! I gave 7 other days that were better for us and she told me, I don't know what to tell you.?!?. WHAT really ??!?! .... i think that may be what I am upset about also. That and discussing things that w/o looking we will not know for sure. Basically, I know it may seem peddly to some - but i could use some good thoughts, prayers, or what ever you do to take the anxiety away. Hopefully I will come back with a great experience tomorrow - but I am not counting on it. I just would like a look at my baby!

( i won't even go over the fact that the office that she "picked" for our scan is over 2 hours from my house, but the office I am going to tomorrow is 5 miles from my house)

I went to a get together at my parent's house last night. Everyone was fascinated that I had not found out the sex yet and that we have not thought of names yet. During dinner, it quickly became "name the unborn baby" game. I have to say, I was not a bit intimidated. This is a plus for me. Usually, i just like to blend in and not have much conversation about this baby, how far along I am, blah blah etc. I am beginining to enjoy this. (weird I know) I was reading Katie's post about women who undergo treatments have this "AH-HA" moment of their pregnancy. I feel mine creeping in. I feel the Ah-Ha moment building. Here is a great website that I found this morning about generating random names. I played with this for about 1 hour this morning. That website is pretty cool. I felt excited to be able to think about picking names. I also think that my husband and I both agree that we will see what the name will be after we deliver. I do have the "I need to see what the baby looks like" before I designate a name.

With that said, I am worried about visiting the MFM dr's. My co-worker who did not have a difficulty getting pregnant had to go to their office and they scared the crap out of her - she cried for hours and will still tear up when talking about it. I know they have to do their job and theor job is to give all the risks and such. But as much as I want to see the organs and get their opinion - I am unsure I am ready for the doom and gloom that my friend has described the office to be. I am hoping and praying that they will not do that for me -but she says that since I have had heart surgery and have a few fused vertebrates she is sure that my appointment will upset me - I am hoping the later!! I do not need any more reason to set off my anxiety that I finally have somewhat under control. So as much as I am looking forward to the appointment, I also think that is one of the main reasons, i am been just "going with the flow" and not pushing for an appointment.

I have a friend that is blogging after she received a bfp after a round of IVF. Her website is here. She has been recently diagnosised with a subchrionic hemorrhage in her 12th (or 13th) week. She was told that there is still a risk of miscarriage. If anyone has any info about this please offer her some support - or just offer her support because.

I want to congratulate Flotsam on the birth of her twins. This is bittersweet - go wish her some love and support if you haven't already.

I need to write a post about the friend that got away. I am one of those people that have a few really. I dunno why, but I have this scenario happen to me often. So I have quite a few stories that I can share. My husband tells me it's because I share my opinion (when or not asked) and I share the honest opinion and most peope do not really want the honest one - they want the opinion that is the popular things to say and because I am quite an independantly hippy like soul. More on this later. .... I hope everyone had a relaxing, enjoyable weekend. I have to run to my parents. I left my purse last night.

No touchie the Mango

This post is going to be all over the place:

Happy 1st blogoversary to me – I forgot to post this but Feb. 3rd (superbowl Sunday) was my 1st Blogoversary. I have met so many wonderfully bloggers/commenter’s and I don’t know where I would be emotionally if it wasn’t for this community. I have been allowed to explore my deepest fears, thoughts and ideas here for the past year and it has made a huge difference in my friendships, work and my marriage. You guys really do Rock! This past month, I have been faced with decisions that I thought I would never get to make or have to make – and this bloggin process has helped so much. I am going to link you to a few posts that have been made over the last couple days that have really had an impact on my heart and soul recently.

A SomeDay Mom – I totally could have written this but instead of plagiarizing, I will link you to her – but her thoughts are exactly mine – just better written

Blood Signs – this post is just powerful and brave. I am in awe of her writing ability. She really is a fantastic woman. The part that left me thinking is at the very end of her post about the book “The Prophet”. Before that quote, as I was reading, I kept trying to imagine myself in her situation. Would I have been strong and graceful enough to handle that situation the way she did? Pam, I am really inspired by that post – Not many could have done such a beautiful balance as you did!

Mel’s post yesterday about the community in which we write from and about – Really I just wish I could express my thoughts and feelings the way some of you are capable of doing.

P-word mentioned:
Not only did I have my 1 yr blogoversary – but I am 19 weeks. (45% of the way there) I am still feeling movements. They are still somewhat sporadic but still feeling them none the less. Saturday morning, I woke up feeling like I had done 1000000 sit-ups. Anyone ever feel this way while pregnant? I assumed it was because of Mini- kicks and Mini-growing. (Mini- my love, I am plenty big and there is plenty of room in there already- you already want more space and more room?) I am still holding at the same 5-6 lbs that I was up at my last appointment. I am changing shapes, furniture is moving and you can see the protruding roundness of my belly for sure now. Here is a pic what 19 weeks of lo.ven.ox injections look like:

Say Cheese – This week my baby is getting that yucky stuff you see some newborns born with. A protective substance called vernix caseosa (vernix is the Latin word for varnish; caseosa is cheese) Mini is also approx. Six inches long and about eight ounces in weight. Mini is the size of a large mango. (reminds me of a SNL skit – no touchie the Mango) Which is the way I feel about strangers rubbing/touching my belly!

DREAMS: My dreams are back and in full swing – here are the less creepy/more recent ones

I had my very first dream about My baby, This baby on Friday night/Saturday Morning. This dream was much much different than any other dream I have had in the past. Somehow I knew it was a dream about this current baby on the way. I got to see a face of the baby and was told the sex. All other dreams (until this dream) have been very vague in the past. I never usually see a face it always hazy or blurred and they are always gender neutral and wrapped in green or yellow swaddling. My baby was very distinct and clearly wrapped in a pink/flowered blanket that I bought to give to my MIL almost 4 yrs ago (that is currently lying on the guest bed) and never ended up giving it to her. In the dream, My mom went to the hospital to "pick up" my baby and bring it back to me because I wanted to be “surprised”, while I stayed at home and waited! WEIRD, yes ya think?!??!, She the pink wrapped baby to me and told me she was a girl and that we needed to give her a name. (Think I have lost it yet? – there is one more)
The second dream, Sunday Night/Monday Morning – This dream was about feeding what looked like the same exact baby girl from the first dream, a bottle. They (not really sure who “they” were) were trying to feed her bad formula that had set out for over 2 hours because they didn't want to waste it.(at my parents house but with different furniture). I was not there, they were babysitting and I walked in and found them talking about how “she” needed a bottle and to just grab the last one on the counter because she didn’t finish it. I was all frustrated trying to figure out why they made an 8 oz bottle for a 2 month old.


Speaking of things I never thought I would get/have to do – make a list of whom I wanted to attend MY baby shower. I did that this week. WHOA was that ever interesting. I realized that it was quite a different list than I would have thought about pre- pregnancy. Being a shower thrower of many years- I thought I would want the whole wide world there – Now that I was asked to compile a list – It is about1/4 of the list. I have decided that I feel more secure and comfortable with just a few friends/family that are aware of my situation. I advised my sister to tell my parents that if they wanted to have a heavier guest list after the baby was born for “Mini has Arrived” Party. I am all gun-ho for that, but would like to keep the shower guest list down as much as humanly possible. We’ll see how that goes.

15w 3d appointment

I am back, the appointment went well, not like scheduled but well.

They decided that if they could get a heartbeat on a Doppler, then they would not do the U/S and wait until my appointment with the MFM (which they are scheduling in 2-3 weeks) to do the anatomy scan. I was disappointed to say the least. (but now am rethinking and glad that they were confident enough for me not to need a scan -silver lining) (and I didn't get yelled at or a lecture for gaining 4 lbs thus far)

My next appointment at the OB's is Feb 7th. I asked if they would do an U/S then if I hadn't had one with the MFM, they assure me that the MFM will get in me and have the scan done before then. Let's hope. I really could use another face to face with my baby. (I am trying to remember that I am already blessed with the many u/s that I have already had, because there is this thing called a normal pregnancy that never gets this many u/s to begin with)

I was asked to do an early glu.cos.e test (because of my P.CO.S) and the A.FP. I have heard how awful the glucose testing can be. I have to admit, the hard part is the not being able to eat for 6-12 hours prior to the test. This blood draw was much easier than any of my other blood draws ever, is this because of the lo.ve.no.x? My blood just looked so much more abundant, red and liquidy today.

Thank you for all the votes on the sex, I guess we will have to hold off for a few weeks to see which is right.

My husband and I are very glad about our decision to not order a Doppler. I do have extra fluff, as the dr says. So maybe that affects my experience, but the baby does not like the Doppler at all. The nurse had such a hard time getting the baby to stay in one location long enough to even get somewhat of an accurate read off the Doppler. Every time she would think she found the baby's heart beat, the baby would move away. It literally took her 2 (very long) minutes to get it on the Doppler so that it was recognizable as a heartbeat. When she did get it, she was pressing down so hard that I thought I was going to pee all over the place. My husband said she had to pin the baby in the corner to get it to work .

All in All, not a bad appointment really, Informative, Now i just want to get into see the MFM Dr as soon as possible.

Pills... The verdict

Well, I called my Ob's office again today to inquire about my new drug protocol. I am a little uncomfortable giving up my pills as they have been my security blanket (even if at first i didn't want to take them)

I have 4 days left of m.etfo.rmi.n and pr.ome.tri.um. (long sigh) I still do not mind giving up the progesterone. I am slightly more uncomfortable giving up the Met.

As for the pr.edn.iso.ne, I am going to be weaned off this. I am taking 1 tablet for the next 5 days (til 12/25). Then I am taking 1/2 tablet for 5 days (til 12/30). Then 1/2 tablet every other day for 5 days(til 01/04).

After this I will just be doing lovenox (until 30 weeks) and a baby aspirin. (unless the MFM dr says differently). I will be visiting a MFM Dr. in January. My next appointment with my OB is Jan 11th. and after that appointment, they will make an appointment to see the MFM(Perinatologist).

Our family is having our Christmas Saturday night in St. Si.mo.ns, G.A. I have alot of laundry, packing, shopping and wrapping to do before we leave tomorrow. AND i need to come into work for a few hours ( hopefully 8 - so i don't have to use leave). Everyone have a very blessed and safe merry christmas.

My friend, Trying2007, got 2 lines today (after a long and tiring journey of 4 IVF's). She has a beta tomorrow. Go and send her off with lots of positive vibes!