My new body armor

Well for the exciting news first, Ill start backwards:

I went to my primary care physician today and found out that I have drop 14 lbs. I am so freak'n excited. I knew I had lost weight, I could feel it but WHOA 14 lbs ................... That Insulin Book isn't a crapshoot after all.

I know you are thinking ... Dr's appointment, I didn't know she had a Dr. appointment - she would have told us if she had one, I mean what else is a fertility blog about if we aren't informed of ALL medical related information ..... Funny you should be thinking that because when I woke up Tuesday morning, I wasn't planning a trip to see the Dr. but my body had other plans {insert cheesy, ironic, predictable, scary movie music here}

So I am going about my day, noticing that for some reason, "Boy do I have to pee alot", (still not sure why thing is happening, I feel all "bloated or full in the abdomen" when I have to pee and i have to pee often ... (i still do not know why this is happening, I'm assuming a cyst) ..Ok moving on

So 4 pm I am in the bathroom at work and in simple terms "doing #1". I then notice ALOT of bright red in my undergarment .. at first I get mad because AF stopped Saturday and I'm thinking .."CRAP, MORE BLEEDING C'MON" .. then i notice that the blood is WAY too far back to be AF bleeding and I start to get a lil freaked out and test my theory * i know sorry for the bad imagery* But yes it was coming from THAT area and I asked a very good co-worker what she thought and she told me .. its probably fine just a strain from takin care of business, in her words. So I go about my day. I had a meeting after work, So i went to that, went to the bathroom again and noticed alot more ... So i excuse myself from the meeting and drive home to tell my husband. He investigated the situation and insists that we go, without dinner, immediately to the ER. Now, I am starting to feel light headed, hungry, and very anxious. Luckily for me, It must have been a good TV night, because the ER was empty, I was taken back within 20 mins of arriving after the triage nurse telling me, Oh you take aspirin .. thats probably your problem, I inform her that I was instructed to take aspirin and she states that alot of Dr. do that with out real cause ..... Maybe we should all see her for our RE appointments. ..... Lil miss know it all Triage LaDY .. (if I had been dying on any other day I would have had to wait at least 2 hours). Here's where it gets interesting:

OK so I get back in the ER room, the nurse comes in and attempts to start an IV .... why, I dunno... then he states that he needs to draw blood, I explain to the nice nurse that I am a very hard stick and that I require a butterfly .. he confidently responds "I am the BLOOD drawing KING". I advice him that many of his fellow commodores h ave stated the same thing but leave me black and blue .... I'm again reassured of his mad skills .... Long story short .............




I was stuck by 3 different nurses ... and finally they had to send someone from the lab down to draw it. I have 3 areas on my arm that all look identical to that ... AND i had an allergic reaction to the paper tape they use to hold on the cotton after they remove the needle (notice the blown vein)

OK back to my story ... Dr came in and told me that maybe I was bleeding from that place where AF comes from.... I wanted to respond .......... Don't start with me Jerkface, I KNOW where I am bleeding from .... but I responded calming that I disagreed with that but maybe she know something I didn't. SO she decided to take a peek and do a pelvic examine (YUCK)... then replies that she guesses I was expelling red fluids from other regions that are not related to AF, we must test it to see if it is blood ... WOW genius... lets DO

After $50, a long night, no dinner, and bad TV I was sent home because everything was normal.. YES it's completely NORMAL to expel red fluids out of your other regions. I was instructed to call my Primary Care Physician in the morning for a follow-up. Which explains my very first statement ..... We discussed my new foods/meds and decided that I must have internal hemorrhoids ................ WTF ................. She relates it to my Metformin Moments (which i have very few of) and new foods. The bleeding was related to the fact that I have been taking aspirin which she wants me to stop and instead take a stole softener EVERY DAY .............. Yippeeee fun for me. I will have to call the dr of the vampyric research (my RE) and see what he thinks about this .... Life is always exciting when TTC .. (hey lookie here, I figured out how to post pics)

The Bunny Sucks

Day 32 on Metformin, CD 1 Thank you Easter Bunny!


Hope all the rest of you have a great easter. I will try as soon as I stop licking my wounds.

I woke up at 6 am feeling like I just wanted to throw my guts up and boobs were hurting and I have to tell you , a glimmer of hope ran through my body - "OMG an EASTER MIRACLE, right here and now" - what I thought ..... then I happened to glance at the pink on the tissue?!

I have to tell you, I shouldn't be that upset because yesterday I treated myself to a 55 minute hot stone massage and pedicure. I suggest that if you have never had one of these ----- GO NOW ---- It was 55 minutes of merely bliss. I was not feeling crampy, or crabby like I normally do, but work has really been stressing me out lately and I told my husband that I think maybe i need some help relaxing so that my period will start. Indeed it did, I am not sure if it was directly related to the massage or just a cowinkydink.

DUNDundunnnnnnnnn .. now the big dreaded questions, which I should have already decided upon....... Do I get my prescription for Clomid filled now and take it day 3-9 or do I wait next cycle in hopes the new food plan, less stress at work, and metformin plus Clomid have better chances of working??

DISCLAIMER - I was a psycho-crying, hot flash having, mood swinging, emotional wreck the last time I took clomid. (i blame 1/2 of that on losing my partial 3rd ovary ( i took clomid 3 months after my lap and HSG) - which was hormone producing inside the opening of my fallopian tube, and the other 1/2 on 2 friends (and a few co-workers) getting pregnant w/o much attempt) I tended to find out about pregnant women on days I found out I either didn't ovulate that cycle or days when I started my period.

Yeah I know, It's easter and I should be Miss Suzie Sunshine - I will work on my attitude before I leave my house ;)

On a serious note, thanks for listening, and I really do wish many blessings upon you this easter season

Solving world Peace

Day 30 on Metformin, CD 39

Yes, that means still no period. The other night my stomach felt hot on the inside and crampy. I usually know when I am going to get my period because I feel my lower abdomen on the inside feels like it is on fire. I don't really know howelse to describe it... but with that said.....now that feeling as subsided and barely lasted 8 hours

HOORAH - i have to refill my Metformin prescription today - I run out on saturday night- I have gone through 1 month of Met and I survived with very little movie plots for hollywood.

I know that I have confesses before that I should stay out of myspace chat forums - and once again- Today I am reminded that I should follow that bit of my own advice- I am going to post a lil sample of why - this exerpt was written by me responding to another womans post about losing weight and how she felt like it probably wouldn't help since she was 150 lbs in high school and never got a regular period then - why would losing weight help her now .......and here is my response:

{"I would try to think more of getting healthy then losing weight- It will indirectly help you lose weight plus give you longer benefits than a diet - Eatting a well balanced meal plan (notice I didnt say diet) and having some (even if its a little) physical exercise -is better than "dieting" because so many times we as self-conscious horomal females do not diet properly - ( i am included in this catagory) Most of the time for me (and maybe im the only one who does this) But i feel like my life is out of control and I tend to over control the things that i can - BECAUse it makes me "feel better" Or im going to eat THIS because i CAN , or I CAN CHOOSE this - then we intend to cut out "junk" all together - we do well for a while, then it gets overwhelming, and we get upset, then we end up justifying to "just one" (that may lead to binging or not), then we feel guilty - guilt leads to depression - depression leads to eatting more (for most) - and then comes the self-imploding feelings
I know from experience that i am an "all or nothing" type of person - i get motivated, then the pressure starts to build up or i thought i planned better but i didn't - Now, because i labeled this a diet- and next thing you know I have lead myself down a road of a continued cycle of an eatting disorder - whether it be under or over eatting anything really. I did not write this to affend anyone - it has been a big eye opening and soul search for myself- I have read many articles, books, and journals and come to the conclusion that I beleive that PCOS is a direct result of an nutritional imbalance or an eatting disorder . All my life I tended to be "big boned" or taller and larger framed then my "friends". so i yo-yo dieted ALOT. I only weighed 168 at 5'6 when i graduated High school but i was thicker in body mass then alot of my friends and that made me feel self - conscious. I didn't realize it then - but do now , that undereatting (even though i was not throwing it up) or later on in life when i began to over eat - THAT is an eatting disorder. Although I thought i was controling my foods- they were controling me - In the past month have come to grips with all of this and I have been learning how to eat in moderations and begin to give my body the correct nutrients it need to function properly - meaning getting my periods on time, ovulating, improving my eyesight, lowering cohlestral, uping my energy level, kicking PCOS in the butt, all all those other factors that relay on the foods we digest ...I do not have any other ailments now except PCOS, but I intend to keep striving so when i get older I will not suffer from any of this either. "}

Now I feel bad about posting this in a response on myspace - I was meaning to inspire or encourage but after i read and re-read it, i feel like maybe it was a bit much for people who do not understand my passion for people. I want to "help and make everything better". I tend to scare people alot because i am very passionate .... I'm afraid I came acrossed as some "know it all". Or AH HAH a revolation or ephinany or some form of utopia and everyone should be "like me". BUT that was not my point I just dont want it to turn into a "what does she know, she is overweight and doesn't have a kid and can't stay pregnant, why does she think she can come solve world peace on myspace".....

Weekend Update ;)

Day 26 on Metformin, CD 35 ..... Still No sign of AF - wondering what i should do?!? Call the Dr office?, wait a few more days? - It's bizzare, I usually spend hours upon hours casting my prayers so AF does not show up ..... and now it seems odd to me for wishing that she would just come and get it over with already.

Since we know I do not ovulate (result of PCOS) - I was doing the no yeast or Candida Cleanse. I went about 20 days and was doing great - THEN the dreaded work scenario that was not condusive to "weird foods I can eat to keep me full"in the middle of no where. It was then that I realized that I needed to find some type of plan that would work for me. The New and Improved Diet Plan: I am now just trying to stay away from breads as much as possible. If I have to eat breads, I try to stick with whole grain. I still shop at the fresh market and organic food store for fruits and veggies. We are still eatting very lean and organic meats and alot of beans. I TRY to stay away from salad dressings except this awesome low fat greek dressing .

The past two days I have eatten the honey mustard chicken salad from Quiznos. I don't know what it is about that salad but I am HOOKED on it. (and yes i use the honey mustard dressing).

So overall- feeling better than last week, don't hate all pregnant women - but still don't want to "discuss baby topics" with my pregnant friends - I just get the glassed over look - at lunch today it was "talk about maladies and the ho-hums of being pregnant" .... and about a great new movie that is coming out that everyone in my office cant wait to go see ..... called KNOCKED UP ... First thought .....really we should all go run out there and by tickets in advance to boost the ratings. Second thought- In all honesty, its probably a very funny comedy, I just have lost my sense of humor - if anyone finds it wondering around .. contact me so we can arrange for it to be returned.

I took JJ's advice and watched Facing the Giants - it is a very spiritual movie and I was touched by the storyline. I was raised in church all my life and I know, I do not always grasp the concept of the power of prayer. Alot of the time, I just think selfishly or judementally or that no one is hearing my prayers. There are times that we never get to see our prayer requests come to fruition. That's when I get discouraged and lose faith. Instead of praying differently, I just take my bitterness and go home. I am glad I got to watch it. It has challenged me.

Calling all Met-xperts

Lets hope that this week is not so chaotic for me as last week. Here is an update:

Day 12 on Metformin, CD 21, 20 days w/o chocolate, caffeine, sugars (besides those that are naturally in fruits),and white flour. However - I went out to dinner on Friday and I had Linguine pasta w/Mussels. (the pasta was white pasta - I wanted it really bad- it was a better choice then something fried I think) Also, we went to the Renaissance Festival on Saturday and I had a bag of Cinnamon Almonds, Cashews and Pecans. I do not think of it as cheating, that would have a negative connotation and I do not want that. I chose to eat these knowing that my body and my brain are going to start getting along. I could have and used to eat a corndog and some type of loaded with calories dessert washed down with a coke or something of the like. But these past 20 days have taught me a thing or two. The most important is that I have will-power and I will use it against which ever entity refuses to cooperate and I will not be glutinous. This new mindset will make me more healthy and disciplined in the long run.

I have had a very good experience on Metformin. I am rather confused about this - everyone talks about how horrible the side effects are. Don't get me wrong, I recall the Wet/Dry vac scenario. But that is just 2 days out of 20. I am also confused on my weight issues. Keep in mind, I have stuck to a very strict plan for 20 days. I would have thought that by now, I would see a difference in the way clothes fit on me. I don't mean they should be falling off my boney frame, but they should feel looser or I should need to go up a belt notch. But I don't. Maybe in 10 more days, I will see something. I just always heard that if you cut out sodas and replace with waters, you will see a difference.

As far as ovulation - I don't believe it happened- I have not had any CM nor do I use a kit since the Dr said I don't ovulate. Those sticks are expensive. Especially, if you don't ovulate. They make you use about 20 sticks a month at $50 a box of 30. I decided that in 2 periods, I am going to start using the fertility monitor again. Just to see. That will be 3 cycles into the diet change. I would just like to see if that helped me any. I am not even sure I fully understand the CM thing being that I can honestly say that I have not experienced that in years - and by years I mean probably 10 years.

Anyone else know or know how to tell if Metformin is "working"?