Awkward Moments

Moving On!

2012-02-08T15:18:00.000-05:00

brushing off the cobwebs and dust to wish all a Happy New Year. Yes, I know it's Feb 08. Better late than never.

Things that are new around here .... uhm, I have a Permanent Address for the first time EVER. This is uber Epic! Never owning a home means that you have all kinds of projects to start (thanks to Pinterest) , furniture to buy, rooms to arrange, Remodels to Design, Kitchens to Equip, ETC .. This keeps me and my mind VERY busy. and my To do, To Buy List on going. It is stressful and Fun all at the same time.

I have so many blog posts in my head as we are carrying out our day .. Then I sit down to write then and I get distracted, or they seem blah .. So to jump back in, I am stealing a Meme .. Hope it's not lame ..;)

A. Age: 35.5
B. Bed size: Queen but A King is on my to Buy list SOON .... because some nights there are 4 people in the queen and it gets Cramped! Very very Cramped
C. Chore that you hate: Folding/Putting away Laundry
D. Dogs: None. I have never had a dog, but If the Boys have their way, We will have one soon.
E. Essential start to your day: A Shower
F. Favorite color: This changes over the yrs, I am feeling more Earth Tones these days
G. Gold or silver: I'll take both
H. Height: 5'7"
I. Instruments that you play: None
J. Job title: CEO of the Vann Corp.
K. Kids: Yes please and 3 yr old Boy and a 2 yr old Boy
L. Live:A very Small Beach Town, Florida
M. Mother's name: Kitty
N. Nicknames: None
O. Overnight hospital stays: Three. Heart Surgery, and for my 2 boys
P. Pet peeves: Passive Aggressive Any
Q. Quote from a movie: Do, or Do not. There is no try - Yoda
R: Right or left handed: Right.
S: Siblings: One sister
T: Travel favorite: I loved Ecuador. I'd like to make it to Texas and Canada
U. Underwear: Clean
V. Vegetable(s) you hate: Asparagus
W. What makes you run late: unexpected chaos/shenanigans from my children
X. X-rays you've had: Teeth, Chest, Uterus, Fallopian tubes
Y. Yummy food that you make:I can make/cook most anything
Z. Zoo animal: Giraffe!

If you decide to do this Meme, Leave a comment so I can read your responses!

Basket Case*

2011-11-22T23:45:00.001-05:00

"Do you have the time, To listen to me whine, About nothing and everything all at once?" - Green Day

When I started write tonight , this was the first thing I thought of. I mean Where do you begin when you haven't blogged in months and have 10 irrelevant draft posts waiting for a purpose? You end up with Bullets, That's where you end up. So, Here we go:

I have been continuing the Moving On philosophy and After finding this book, I have been more diligent in staying motivated and found validation in needing to Move Forward and Saying More Yes's. If you are looking for a good pep talk in a more sarcastic, less victim way. I recommend this read.
This may have been the hardest year of my life thus far. It seemed like I was forced to deal with many of my skeletons, past skeletons, stupid people, and causalities of many times all at once. I feel like I have put in many months digging trenches in the rainy season. It was been an emotional, physical journey. I have not always been graceful about it. I have done more then my fair share of complaining. I do feel that there was a period that I was down right depression and believed I was doomed and defeated. I HATE THESE WORDS. I HATE these feelings. They baffle me and drag me into the undertow. Some how, we dredged through.
In 3 days, I will have a 2 yr old!
In 6 days, I will have a mortgage schedule! We are under contract and close on the 29th! We could not be more excited. I feel very adult and proud of my husband and I. Surreal. It feels like Such an adult thing to do. I don't know why buying a house feels so adult, But It Does. I has been a mind-bending process.
I got in some credit card/money troubles in college and it took Years to overcome these mistakes I made. A few yrs ago, We decided that we would not buy anything that we could not pay cash for. It has been our policy for the past ten-ish yrs. So, Buying a house was so ,um, Not obtainable for us if it means we have to pay in full. I have learned a lot through the process. I feel like We(I) are capable of making better financial decisions for our family now.
I told someone the other day that the Thirties has been very kind to me. I got to be a mom, I quit my job, My husband and I are living on a very tiny budget and we are buying a house. I really am so proud of all the hard work that we have done to get here. It seemed impossible. We made it possible. People helped us make it possible. I fully embrace and understand the "It takes a Village.." mentality. The village in which I grew up in extended themselves to my family and made miracles happen. We all contributed, to make a home for my family. Things are just lined up just as they should be. Families I used to babysit for, family friends, Church Families, Local Community has all pulled together packed me up, moved me to storage and now have researched and contacted me when they heard of a house that needed owners. It took a village to find this deal. AND let me tell you, It is a Deal. And I appreciate every person who contributed in getting us where we Are meant to be. I feel like I was a few months ago, I was starting to practice the Pla.ce of Ye.s before I knew exactly what Be.thenny Fra.nkel meant. Owning a home is a goal that I have had but poo poo'd the thought for so many years.
I shy away from all things unknown because they are Scary. I think I am finally learning to embrace a new lifestyle. Try things, I will know instantly if it is a fit for me or not. My gut will tell me. I acted on a gut instinct and I knew it was right. I acted on a gut instinct and instantly knew it was wrong also. I am learning to trust myself. It is Ok to trust myself. I am learning to be the empowering female role model I want to portray to the world, my sons and my friends. I like THiS person much better then the Basket Case that dominated most of this Year. I am constantly Learning ...... and Changing ... And That will not stop as long as I an breathing.

*Song Title by Green Day

The one where I move on*

2011-10-04T23:04:00.002-04:00

I think too much. I over analyze, I plan it all out. I go over the plan a bagillion and 11 times in my head. I know all escape routes, I have contingency plans for my contingency plans. I know where all the restrooms are. Sipping Cups, Check. Diapers, Check. Bobby pins, Paper clips and duct tape, Check. What I am saying is. I Plan .. Well, actually what I should say is that I Over plan. Ok, I confess. It carries over in most of my aspects of living.

I am a thinker. Yes, An Over thinker. I spend a lot of time in the present but not in the moment. I say the wrong things, or I say/do nothing because I am mulling over what I should have said, could have said, or did I say the right thing? What or how will I react better next time. Did that funny (to me) comment get delivered in the right contents. Did I offend, OH crap. Maybe they took it the wrong way. Nervous and Annoying much?!

Do I have to admit that I like to please and be helpful. I want to make a difference. I want to have a purpose that matters. I Dream big, I love big. But, I do not tend to live big. When I am stuck in this
I, I, I, Me, Me, Me. phase, It affects every part of me. I have been stuck in that phase for months.
It pisses me off so much. When something is on my mind, it consumes me, Until It doesn't. I am not exactly sure why. But then one day/moment, I feel like I have come to grips with it and am able to move on. But not a moment before. I will Beat the worry and subject to a pulp ..Over and over. I will mull over it. I will work it to death.

I was reading a book this week and the main character had this uncanny ability to compress things (or oppress things- depending on your perspective)She had many burdens but she did not have a want to discuss them. She could keep a Secret. I am pretty much the polar opposite. I am a talker througher. Even if the talking is in my head (yes, I talk to myself). I can keep a secret. But not a burden. I must discuss it until it is lifeless and overplayed.

But, this past week, I feel myself slowing snapping out of the funk. It's weird to even say this, But I actually HATE that part of me. O hate that I allow it to bog me down obsessing over it all. It's like a skipping record that you can not turn off. Funniest part about this quality - I HATE it in others and have very few patience over it. I have very few patience for myself (and others) when I am in this phase.

And when I finally start snapping out of it , I feel like I owe everyone in my life an apology. Somewhere between last post and this post, I just feel stronger. Well, In the since that I do not feel like I am going to break down and cry 23 hrs of a day.

Nothing has changed exponentially. I do feel lighter, mentally speaking. Today while preparing dinner, I did realize that I felt as if I did lose some emotional baggage. And, I am just ready to move on with life ... whenever that may be.

*did you get the Friend's reference? Did you?

Ripple Effect

2011-09-22T22:32:00.000-04:00

The Ripple Effect.

The other day, I had a conversation that reminded me of the Ripple Effect. I am stuck in a situation that seems to have effected every aspect of my life and seems like it may linger around for a while longer. You would think that I am referring to Infertility. Because we all know the ripple effect that is caused by IF, but actually I am not kicking IF in the shins for this one. Also, You would think that IF would have prepared me a bit better in handling the Ripple Effect, but apparently I am a slow learner.

My housing situation. When the news broke that things were not going to work out to where we would be able to stay where we were renting, the timing could not have been worse. It was a week before my oldest birthday party, the party was going to be at the house. It was the week my husband worked 5 -12 hour days, and it was only 4 days until our lease was up and We would have to be completely out of the location.

I was trying to figure out How in the world I was going to pack an entire house and continue to take care of 2 toddlers. I was heartsick. AND I needed help. I do not ask for help. I don't know How to ask for help. I also don't know Who to ask for help from. Then a thought sparked and a ripple began. I remembered that I was offered help. A family friend extended her help over and over and I never understood what she was offering, Until THAT moment.

My landlord and I attend the same church and apparently there were people aware that this event was going to take place - They did not Know to what extend but they Knew something was going to happen. THIS is why my friend kept extending herself to me. I sat in her living room and I sobbed while explaining what was going on and how I needed help packing up and how vulnerable and violated I felt. We were wronged for No real reason. I have a insecurity to being wronged. It turns me to a blubbering mess. She extended help to me and she brought help. The next day, 4 of the most beautiful, kindhearted women showed up on my doorstep and we cleaned out, de-cluttered and packed up room after room. One of those moments you remember in time forever. This act of kindness and generosity that was extended to me, jump started my heart. They stayed with me until the move was done. They are still trying to help us find a place to rent or buy and help us figure out what it is that we are supposed to be doing to move forward

This act put a few other things in motion: It gave me the push we needed to try to get approved to buy a house* that I thought would be ours (which right now is not looking so hot for now, But will eventually work out), It also helped me decide to take over our MOPS group at church. It gave me women to call for when I need motherly advice (which is what I longed for). It brought me closer to understanding what a Church/Community is for. It gave me a chance to understand that people are not perfect, can make mistake and can still be used for good. This lesson was the one that allowed me to see that I was capable to lead a MOPS group, this most. I was under the interpretation that there were perfect people running on the planet and only THOSE people were capable of leading a Bible Study. Not me. Who knew.

Parenting. The learning curve. Oh 3 yr old tantrums. They are bizarre. a few days ago, a light bulb came on and now I and trying to be an alkaline in our 3 yr old tantrums acidity. We tend to walk on eggshells around these parts wondering what will set the beast off. And Once the beast ( the 3 rd old tantrums - NOT the 3 yr old) is in effect and going strong - how do we dilute it?! It's been a good 3/4 months of watching these tantrums erupt and explode because I did not handle myself better. And in this case, I may be late to this discovery but it is better late than never. It may mean that we will all survive this less than fun phase.

Friending. (a word brought on by social media) I am learning that much of life is quite simple and really does boil down to treat people with respect. You never know what or who your actions will effect negatively or positively. Sometimes it's by keeping your mouth closed and other times it's by opening your mouth and simply stating a simply hello. We have opportunities every day to make a difference in the ripple effect. It's a part of life. I hope that am able to make more of a difference for the good. I am trying to watch what I say, how i say it and to whom I say it to. Words hurt people, Feelings get hurt. I have been a victim and the culprit. I know that I cannot protect everyone but I can be aware and compassionate and apologize when I need to.

It seems I am fighting through the current of all these intertwined ripple effects. I wish that I could just embrace and learn to continue on with my life while waiting for the ripples to settle down. I mean that IS what life is about right? I have not come anywhere close to figuring out how to move forward AND wait ... It seems like a contradiction to me. But, Apparently, It isn't. It's Life. That's.The.Point. It's the journey.

But, Honestly, This is what I suck at. The In between. I guess that sounds like I suck at life. Which I know is not true, BUT MAN, I really do not like like limbos, and transitions, and waiting, and fighting to survive, and wondering when I will arrive on Easy Street. I fantasize about life on Easy Street. I know that there is no such address but some days just less to deal with would feel like I am a few blocks closer to Easy Street. And that would give me a break for a bit. I would really just Love a freakin' break. It will happen. I am told, It will happen. And I know they are right. It Will. That is what I need to remember. Be patience, wait, display grace, Live Life Regardless. Keep Calm and Carry on. That IS the point. Wonder how many more times in life I will have to revisit this lesson before it finally sinks in and I become gracious from it?

*the family friend that helped organize our move, just called me today to tell me that her son is going to try and buy the house that I want - but since we can't get our financing squared away, He heard me talking about it, went and saw it and now is in the works to buy it. BLAH

What I meant

2011-09-06T18:52:00.004-04:00

My last post was supposed to be about how I suck at waiting. But instead it was sideswiped by "poor me" dribble. This really bothers me that I somehow got railroaded by myself(or emotions) and went on blubbering instead of staying on point about My Lack of patience. This may very well be a 35 yr old temper tantrum - and it indeed does demonstrated how poorly I do Wait ....

I majorly suck at waiting. That is all

Denominators

2011-09-04T22:24:00.000-04:00

I stumbled upon a Dad blog the other night and sat in front of my computer screen reading and laughing while tears stream down my face. (another funny post of his) Yes. Someone that can take the horror and chaos surrounding my life because of my 22 mon old sound like a stand up routine. It made me feel good. I enjoy a dose of perspective. I always wish I was able to be this funny.

Oh, the 22 month old, He is at that "I do not now what I what but you should be able to read between the lines and make me Happy" all while keeping balance on the happy family/happy life scale. If you get the response wrong - he throws things and shrieks* until he forgets what he want/thought he needed and moves on. I have been (not always) Patiently trying to correct this response and teach him how to communicate with us. and shall I even mention teething... Yes More Teething. Still Teething. Still. (he has less than favorable reactions to all tylenol/advil/motrin so giving him meds only makes the vicious cycle more vicious) We all just need sleep. Sleep would help

*Oh the throwing and shrieking - things that my mother say are triggering her into panic attacks and crying spells causing her too much anxiety.

I also have been (not always) patiently waiting on our credit to get fixed, We are at a point where nothing short of a miracle, substantial amounts of money and time will help.

E got news that their most likely will be more of a promotion in his near future. But there are hoops to jump through. And we have to wait til next year. As it is a timely process and he has not even begun the process and can't until 2012.

Common Denominators - Patience.- the thing I am running out of. and Time - 2012, I need you to hurry up because it looks like we will carry out this suck until you arrive.

A good friend reminded me the other day that praying for patience is diabolical - because just as sure as you pray for those, you get more opportunities to practice your already used up supply of patience. 2011 is proving this to be extremely true.

All of this waiting and practicing patience has gotten my body is some weird stress place. Last month is was my mouth (and bank account) - I broke a tooth and a few other weird stuff happened. But Right now, my eyes (and bank account) are suffering. 2 months ago, my left eye started twitching. And It hasn't stopped. Last week, I noticed not only is it twitching but there is a lump underneath the eyelid. 2 days ago, My right eye now has this weird lump under the eyelid and the one on the right eye is obstructing my vision. Our Vision insurance coverage starts in October, So I may have to go to a General Practitioner if it goes worse. I hate to even type "worse" like it's tempting fate to "bring it on" ..... and that is NOT at all what I am doing. I am no longer in Fight mode. I have fought all I can and I am weary. Therefore, I am entering Flight mode

The Caged Bird Sings

2011-08-16T14:59:00.003-04:00

I am always late to the book parties. I was not an avid reader when I was school-aged. If it wasn't a Gossip Mag, it had no interest to me. I saw no point. Somewhere over the last few years, A bookworm was born. I had to make up for lost time. I had to go back and read the classics that we were supposed to read for our summer reading list. Then I would always just ask for suggestions and go from there.

Last year, after poking so much fun at the twilight series, I was talked into reading it. I read the whole series in a week-ish. I was sucked in. I loved it. I can still be found daydreaming about Bella and Edward. No, not the movie version. the Book version. Yes, in my mind, there are 2 versions. The book version was so.much.more. The love, the fairy tale, the romance. All created by words and my imagination. Makes my heart all fluttery and swoony. I LOVE That feeling.

I finally jumped on The Hunger Games bandwagon. I cannot say that I jumped in w both feet. I was on vacation a week ago and I took The Help with me. I read that much faster than I anticipated (finished it on the ride down to the keys) and Day 1 into Vacation, I needed another book. The Hunger Game had been suggested many times, But I had no interest in it. Not even a little. But I went to a book store and found a copy of Book 1 for under $5. The second book was $8 but I decided that I would only risk the $5. Most likely I would not get past chapter 2.

I finished the first book in 24 hours. I went back to get book 2 and found it sold out. On our way home from vacation, I stopped at every store I thought could possibly carry books but found none.

Finally, we were almost home and I stopped at our store in town and bought it. I could not wait to get home, get the kids to bed and jump in. I am an addict. I could not wait each day to read more. To find out more of the story. I finished book 2 and ran out for book 3. I got to book 3 and noticed that I wanted to read it but I found myself reading slower than I had read the other 2. I realized, I did not want it to end. So I put it off a few days because I Knew that if I picked it up, I would read straight til the end .... and then what.

Well, last night I did just that. I put the kids to bed, grab the book and did not stop until the end. 2 AM. It is THAT addicting. It is That captivating.

Today, I got the kids down for a nap at the same. I went to pick the book up and remembered that I already finished it. Today, Right now, I am missing Katniss and her Crew. Have you read this yet? What did you think?

Street Cred

2011-07-19T01:05:00.007-04:00

Bo.okFa.ce (BF) joined 2 worlds for me. 1 -Bloggers I support/received support from 2- people that I have met in actual locations. (keeping generalization simple)

When I first joined BF, I wasn't aware that these 2 worlds would collide. Then the requests started trickling in. I was in a weird place (just given birth, working out career plans, daycare vs no daycare, OMG I am pregnant again, Wait - I'm a Mom now, WHAT?! ...etc Definitively a Very New Life. I wasn't comfortable blogging nor did I have enough time to write coherent, mediocre blogs or be supportive on others' blogs. So BF it was. I thought it was going to be a new way to keep up. Over time, I found my share of things about BF that made it much less "fun". Blogging Was Fun, Informative, Educational, and Supportive. 99.9% of the time Blogging had given me such a rainbow and butterfly feeling or explanded my knowledge or understanding of something. Quite educational and entertaining. In a postive way. BF has become drab, trite, spiteful, mean, passive aggressive .. None of the things I had received when blogging. I naively thought that I could experience the same camaraderie that I received/gave when in a blogging community. But, There are Different rules and standards. Believe me, There are.

Since I have been blogging much more, I have been wondering if more people involved in my local life have knowledge of (or found) my blog. I am learning how to be comfortable in my life and by doing so, I do not make blogging a secret. I also do not make it a focus of conversation. If asked, or if on topic, I will freely "fess up" to blogging. I usually will share the url if asked. I think it's accountability. I do not mind. I just would like people to treat the knowledge respectfully. That is where it slightly weirds me out. Since I AM a worrier by nature, I Worry that things will get taken out of perspective or used against me.

This is where I beg reader to participate in comments. I am interested in your situation. Do people in your local life know you blog? How did you handle it in the beginning? How did you find out people in your local life found your blog or knew you blogged? I have noticed that many of the blogs I follow now have their own BF page in their Blogger Identity. Is this to increase exposure? Has this transition helped the comments on your blogs?

I enjoy good discussions. Let's Discuss.

Also, If you have not yet, Please go and read Stirrup Queens new posts about Blogging and Social Media.

F, A, M, I, L, Y, Part 4

2011-07-18T23:55:00.007-04:00

This weekend we traveled to my sister's in laws town to celebrate my niece's first birthday. It was our first road trip with a potty trained toddler. WOW, the trip should have been named Tour De Potty Stops. Thankfully, there were major malfunctions.

Before we left, I had some doubt over this trip. I was stressing over the drive (My parents and kids in the same car for 5+ hrs), money for traveling expenses and hotel, staying in a hotel room w 2 children, hanging w/ my sister, Etc. My brain is always finding something to worry about. Most of the worrying is usually just worry itself. Nonsense, but hard to control, nonetheless.

We left Friday morning after E got home from work. It was also my birthday. It took a bit longer to get there then my father anticipated due to said potty stops for the 3 yr old tiny bladder. BUT, once we got there, we had a great time. My sister appreciated up being there and made time for us. Her in laws are very warm and inviting. (as always)

My sister gave Me and MT birthday presents. She wrote me the sweetest note. It was just want I needed to read and receive. Then after the party, she came back to the hotel we were staying at and spent some time with us chatting. It was better than expected.

She may have read my blog, I don't really know. She, and a handful of family and friends, know I blog and know about this blog existence. But since my hiatus, I am unsure how many still actually read it. But I feel that this weekend was not as strained as a visit as the past visits have been. I feel like we are taking baby Steps. That's all that matters, Progress. It felt good

Cute Baby Saturday

2011-07-16T01:09:00.004-04:00

I found a new app for the droid call Retro Camera ... I am in Love !

F, A, M, I, L, Y Part3

2011-07-13T23:49:00.006-04:00

Part 1, Part 2

My sister and I are 4 yrs apart. This never seemed to work in our favor and I do not know why.

As dynamics would have it, We actually had many friends that were siblings. It seemed that 4 yrs was a popular age spread at the time. We would get invited over to the same house or invite the siblings over to our house. There was the ever so popular 2 yrs difference friends, also. Stuck in the middle of our age gap. Of course, all this was while we were younger. Elementary Age. When everyone could play together regardless of age. I mean, who doesn't love to play dolls, "school" (we'd be teachers), house (we were roommates), make up dance and talk shows complete w commercials All recorded either on cassette tape or Vhs, of course.

Then came middle school - Honestly, the first most awkward phase of my life. I have written about it before. I have a fused vertebrate on the top of my spine in my neck. I have 4 to be exact. It does compromise the length of my neck. It is a blend of scoliosis and Klippel-Feil syndrome. I became hyperaware of it around 10 yrs old. Looking or acting different in middle school was not something that you WANT to do... Unless a group of the cool kids were doing, you tended to just want to blend in.

Luckily, I had elementary school friends that still remained as my friends in middle school. I cannot tell a lie, Middle school was hard for me. I was made fun of daily. (but then again, who wasn't) We had a few situations where my parents had to get involved (embarassingly to admit) Bullying is the word I would use to describe it now. My middle school days are hazy and glossed over. I am glad that I do not have to repeat them. Although, I have an understanding that pre-school is not even excempt from bullying these days

I some how made it through middle school and unto high school. My sister and I not crossing paths. Co-existing but not Co-habitation. We faught. A lot. Like siblings do. (or atleast that is what I thought) We had less friends in common. We spent as little time together as possible and avoided eachother at many costs. I was bitter and jealous .. She was the pretty, brainy, perfect one. I was the strong girl (with a chip on my shoulder) who could handle the world all by myself.

We never recovered from the fighting. I went away to college. Then She went away to college. We rarely kept intouch. She had her friends, I had mine. Just weird. We looked like a normal family. Our parents were still together and married. We had siblings, We did family things. We attended the same family functions that we needed or were asked to .... Nothing spectacular, Just normal. Right?, Right?!

A few yrs after I graduated college, I attempted to start dialogue with my sister. I would call but get nowhere. We would end up having the same ole bickering banter and end up not talking to each other for months again. Rinse, repeat this cycle to current day. A yr ago, I called my sister and poured my heart out to her and apologized for things I knew I did, and things that I did not know upset her. Mainly we had decades of bitterness and resentment towards each other. And we may still do. I begged for us to learn how to be siblings. I requested we keep in touch with each other. We both have children now.I want our children to know each other. We made an agreement to make an effort to get to know each other and keep each other in the loop. A quite honestly, We haven't done that. I do feel there is much less hostility towards each other. And that should be commended. But I feel as if neither of us have actually made the effort that moves towards having an actual healthy relationship. We apologized and we said we are going to find ways to keep each other present and relevant in our lives, but we have yet to DO that part.

This weekend is my nieces first birthday. I have only seen her once (for a few days) live and in person. A few months ago, My sister finally start sending me picture texts of her. This weekend, we are driving and staying in a hotel in her in-laws town to attend her 1st birthday party. I am excited for our kids to get to play together.

F, A, M, I, L Y part 2

2011-07-12T23:19:00.014-04:00

If you haven't read yesterdays post, I suggest you read this first:

A few yrs ago (almost 7) my mothers mental health took a hit and after a roller-coaster of a year, she was dx with Late onset Bi-p,olar Disor.der and a yr after that, they changed the diagnosis to bipo.lar ii. Talk about shocking and pulling a rug out from under my feet. Early childhood, my mother was extremely "us" (my sister and I) oriented. She was kool-aid mom. Loved and encouraged us to make friends, try new things, learn new hobbies, genuine, busy. She Did it ALL. My father was in and out for weeks at a time. She showed us love. I felt Loved. Some where around high school age, I recalled that, although I felt the love and warmth from my mom, I barely ever remember being hugged, dotted on or kissed by her. (nor do I recall my grandmother doing these either)

When my mother's mental health erupted, My sister, father and I had to start questioning my mom's relatives for family medical history. We started digging and found out some very helpful information. We also found out that my grandmother is not capable of dealing with things that are not perfect. She chooses to pretend to be unschooled and dismissive. And I find that approach to life to be insulting and uncalled for. We found out from other family members that my great grandfather (her father) would have been dx with several mental illness IF they actually did that back in the early 1900's based on the things His children (my great aunts and great uncle) have shared w us. They have also shared that they think my grandmother suffers from some darker mental health than she is able to admit to, as well. My grandmother has had a rx for z.oloft for as long as I can remember, but we have always half-joked that she takes it like a tyle.nol or a ba.ndaid. Never ever consistent. I do remember around the death of my grandfather, everyone was helping her remember to take the rx properly for a period of time.

It has been almost 7 yrs and my grandmother still claims that she doesn't understand my mother's mental health. She tries to explains my mom as having frayed nerves and a bit down. We have explained to her over and over again that it is a whole lot more than that but when she wants to discuss it, All she hears is, she is tired, nerved and sad. No matter what approach we attempt, this is all she will accept. I have been short tempered and apathetic towards her less than helpful and accommodating attitude.

Then an A-Ha lightbulb came on. This description is how my grandmother copes with her own demons. This is how SHE feels. She does not even have the complex words to describe her own experience. She is not either being honest or capable with being honest with herself.

The problem with my grandmother's tactics are complete opposite to mine.I have this natural ability to be raw. Honest. Yes, to a fault. I have a hard time ignoring the proverbial elephants in a room. I see no point in it. I am not confrontational, I am just tired of trite,fake, people who are hurting are in need of help and getting overlooked. No one is perfect. Looks are deceiving. The grass is not greener. Some times life sucks and the rose colored glasses need a break and you need to be honest and deal with the matter at hand in order to get things right again instead of adding another vice or picking up more crippling coping skill to the mix.

I write all of this to admit that now my biggest fear in life is that somewhere along the way, I wake up one morning to find out that I was swallowed up by Late on set Bi-polar or Bi-Polar ii and stop being able enjoy the life I had before I went to sleep the night before. There, I said it..and typed it.

F, A, M, I, L, Y

2011-07-12T13:50:00.006-04:00

Recently, Reading a few blogs that are participating in the Summer Camp and a few other blogs on family and friendship have had my brain stirring. Well, truth be told, these thoughts were already swirling around my head but these blogs sparked more dribbles of thoughts/concerns that I have had ever since I have created my own family and trying to establish our own family values and traditions.

If I had to categorize my family, we seem pretty average. Nothing more, nothing less. My mother,when I was growing up, was extremely accommodating, available, and very gentle but not a push over. She was a elementary teacher by trade but chose stayed at home after I was born.

My father, a commercial shrimper until I was 14 yrs old, was the fun but disciplinary unit. He would be gone for weeks at a time. He would come in for a few days and then load up the boats and go back out. It was a family business, therefore He would be out with his cousins/uncles and my mom and I would hang out with my dad side of the family (cousins, aunts, etc) or we would travel to the towns that they were going to unload their boats in.

When I turned 5, my mother wanted to pick a location to settle into. We had a house in North Carolina. When we would come to FL, we stayed at my Aunt and Uncles house. My dad's family seemed to be shrimping more in FL. I am unsure how the decision was made but after my 5th birthday in July, I started kindergarten at a school a block from my aunt/uncle's house in FL. Eventually, They ended up selling the house in NC and buying a house in FL and giving me a baby sister . (actually the same house my family is sharing w my parents now)

After we officially moved here, my mother got us involved in a very youth oriented active church. My sister and I both attended youth events there from elementary school age all the way through high school. During those HS years for me, I found it challenging to attend but was mandated on many occasions to attend by my parents.

Since my parents moved to us FL, my mother's side of the family never seemed to make time for us Unless We would travel to see them. Her mother was very upset/bitter by the move and still continues to be bitter over it 30 yrs later. My mom has 1 younger brother (5yr younger) that is very involved in his work and making his company.

So, somehow 600 miles has put a wedge huge canyon in our relationships. I can honestly count on 1 hand how many times my maternal grandmother/father, uncle and aunt have come to visit us in Fl over the past 30 yrs of living in this town. But I can verify w/ photographic proof that my mother (and/or) father took us every summer and Christmas until we graduated high school to spend time visiting our family. We did spend Easters, minor holidays and thanksgivings with them up until I entered high school and other things interfered with traveling. But Summer and Christmas was mandatory. Non negotiable - and no way we could get them to come visit us in Fl instead. As I got older, I recognized how 1 sided this had become and expressed my opinion to many. Feelings got hurt and some visits were strained and tense. In my college days, there were a mix of rebellious, different priorities, jobs, homework and a lose of interest pleasing one sided relationships. I did not go as often as we did as when we were younger and were mandated (by my grandmother guilting my mom for all her life into anything) to go.

I know it all sounds like a poorly written, dead end ramble but to me it made me realize things about my mother and her/our family unit. My mom has turned into her mother and allowing the same things that hindered my relationship w my grandmother growing up to affect our relationship and her relationship w my children. The expectations my mother has for my children are the same as my grandmother's expectations for my sister and I. They want them around BUT they do not want to be bothered by them. They want them to sit quietly on the floor and read or play anything quietly and orderly. Never getting messy or creating a mess. Do as they tell them to do and use their imagination and creativity....Quietly, orderly, structurally, politely and respectfully. Well they go about their daily tasks and interactions. I am unsure of WHY this is -But it is. And it causes the most friction in our relationships.

*apparently I have so much to say about this that I already am drafting 2 or 3 more blogs on this topic. who knew this would be part 1 ...too be continued

All around the Limbo World

2011-07-05T23:18:00.006-04:00

Gonna do the Limbo Rock. Are you singing it yet, because this song and Won't you be my neighbor" are on repeat in my head these days

More bullets Because I still cannot make a coherent thought

I wanted to do Calliope's Summer Camp .. I have missed 5 days, I may jump in soon
I am STILL living under the roof of my parents and Nerves are getting pinched (everyone's)
We are not saving as much dinero as I expected. (Car A/C went out, Repairing Credit, 3rd Bday, storage rental, upgrade cell phones/plans, eating out due to trying to give everyone space, having to travel to my nieces first bday and get a hotel)
Hoping Time is on Our Side when it comes to having clarifications show up on our Credit Report
Have I mentioned 4 Adults, 2 Toddlers Under 1900 sq ft and a Mutant Mosquito Infestation that is limited our outside time
MY 17 yr old SIL - that was a FIASCO! She kept saying that My MIL told her that not all babies grow the same way and that maybe eventually there would be a heartbeat if they just gave it time. Again, a very touchy subject and lots of lies, nastiness and crap came out of a terrible situation. My poor SIL was bleeding and still would not give up the hope. I mean Hope that like should be rewarded and my MIL should be punched in the face for such delusional BS she fed my SIL.... We also found out that my 17 yr old SIL intentional tried to get pregnant w her 24yr old Live in Boyfriend ( they live with my MIL and MIL's 39 yr old BF - she prides herself for being a Cougar) Oh I could dedicate a whole Blog to My Inlaws

I have many blogs in my head but right now the loudest post is about social media. Let's see if I can articulate this:

I am just going to spit it out and work from there - IMHO, Of all the social media networks, BaceFook has seemed to have the most impact on the majority. As bloggers we already knew that some people misrepresent themselves on the internet but it wasn't the norm. We all knew that there were people following our blogs but there was still a lot of anonymity.

Bacefook came along and suddenly, everyone and their great-grandmother had a BF account and started making connections. Bringing to light that the internet can be "personal". We, as bloggers, also knew well before BF came along, that the internet can be personal and bring people together for a good cause and support system. But the average was made more aware.

My point to all of this is that BF upped a game that a vast majority did not know was being played. Nor, IHMO, did they know that there are understood rules to play/participate. So, there were plenty of people running around playing/participating a game they know none of the rules to. I am sure you can come up with some of the rules I am referring to. People became exposed to blogging..or the Underground as I call it.

All of this rambling to declare that I find an enormous amounts of Fouls being committed on the internet all revolving around a certain Social Media network. It gave a huge population a little taste and a lot of information that makes them dangerous.

I should state that I adore social media. I love blogging, tweeting, I enjoy supporting and learning - but I do not love being made fun of, back stabbed or judged because of others perspectives, ideas or thrill of voyeurism. For me, BF has made me more confident in the decisions I make and the fun I participate in and with whom I invite into my world. What about you?

Lot's of Limbo

2011-06-24T14:39:00.003-04:00

Ok Where were we, Oh yes... Crazy landlords, Looking for houses, moving, planning a 3rd birthday party, celebrating Father's Day ....

The Skinny:

MT turned 3 a few weeks ago. (oh how I have a blog about 3yr old's .... O EM GEE)
We are in week 3 living w/my parents (but who's counting)
everything I own is in storage except 5 outfits
We are currently in the midst of getting financing for a FHA loan. And dealing with a head spinning process. "Since the economy took a dump, loans have tightened their belt and become pretty intense." - was the quote our bank keeps repeating to us. We have filled out more paperwork that I have ever had to do. AND if your credit is not Pristine, You have to write letters and document EVERYTHING! (and we have something on our report for a large sum that is not ours) So yesterday, I spent 6 hrs calling on issues/discrepancies, faxing, writing letters, and running to the post office. I think we know have everything hashed. But now, it's a waiting game. We have to wait to see how long it takes to reflect on our credit report. In the mean time (3 week period dealing w/credit mess) , 4 of the 6 houses in the area I am interested in have sold.
I am trying not to get discouraged from all the financial hurdles, red tape and lengthy process. I am trying to keep my eye on the prize but Some days are more difficult than others.
My children are just used to Mommie at home but since we have moved in w/my parents, there are atleast 2 (sometimes 3) adults at home and they are getting spoiled and losing patience's if there is not instant gratification. - It makes me head explode
I have decided to take over our MOPS Chapter at our church. I am not sure I am ready for this but things had been leading up to this for the past few months. There became a need ago few months and I accepted a few days ago. I am not 100% confident in my ability But I am ready to accept this challenge. I am not sure what it all entailed yet either. I have a lot of planning to do to get ready too
Of course, we got E's new work schedule - Which should not be called new because it is the exact same shift he has been working the past 4 yrs. Rotating me Butt! I am not sure their definition of rotating ....
My Aunt lost her fight with Cancer a few days ago (Father's Day to be exact). After 20 ish yrs of treatments, surgeries, procedures, and experimental meds, She was taking from us. Honestly, I think she was the best person I ever knew. Genuine, and Everyone liked her instantly. She Really IS that great. The world lost a great soul and she will be greatly missed.
We found out a few months ago (at her HS graduation in the end of may) that my 17 yr old sister in law and her 24 yr old BF were expecting. I swallowed a lot that day and told her congratulations. We got to talking and she was not exactly excited about it. So I offered an ear to her and told her if she needed to talk about things give me a call. Our relationship has always been strained. My MIL hates me and makes my life pretty miserable and has pretty much bad mouthed me to all her children ( she has 10). Since I cuold see that my SIL was hurting, I just extended myself to her. A few days ago.. The same 24 hrs that I found out my precious Aunt dies, My SIL called me after her regular scheduled U/S, the baby had no heart beat and the fetus had not been measuring at the ~approx 10 weeks she thought she was. She is using public assistance for medical help therefore the u/s was at the hospital and her dr was at the health dept. She was pretty confused, had a pretty crappy nurse and a pretty crappy experience. She talked to her mom and basically her mom is No help, and possibly causing her more harm. She is stuck in limbo at the moment ... Since it is public health, she had to wait a few days to get the results from the hospital back to the health depart., They have taken blood work (on Friday, Monday, and Wednesday and this morning) to see if her numbers are going down, but haven't gotten those results back yet either .. She is also NOT requesting them give her a definite. She is not really wanting to deal with not being pregnant or being pregnant .. She is so overwhelmed and I feel bad for her. She has called me a few times and I am just there to listen and I have to hold my tongue so much. So, I guess we will all find out on Monday. She is scheduled to get another U/S and get the results from all her bloodwork

Other than that - we are here, we are living and trying to keep up.

2011-05-29T23:00:00.001-04:00

when things stop making my head spin, I'll be back

until then, I am packing and moving (to an unknown location) in 48 hrs

R E S P E C T, Find out what it means to me

2011-05-27T14:16:00.003-04:00

You are not going to believe this:

Back story - I found a rental on Cra.igs.li.st over a yr ago for a house in the perfect location for us. Everything was just lining up the way we needed it. Then, the more interaction w the landlords, I started senses flags. Not enough to blow the deal but noticed that she has some issues. Then, I thought, well who doesn't have issues ... Let's work it through. I mean, how bad can it get ..... It is a remodeled historical home in a great neighborhood.

We ended up finding out that the owners attend the same church I have been going to since I was born. I was baptized, went to preschool, youth groups and was married there. They just relocated a few yrs ago and since I have had children, we have not been regular attenders as I would like to be. So we only knew each others faces. The wife is a licensed counselor/psychologist. The house was her grandfathers. We are only the 3rd family ( 2nd renters that they ever had ever)

We signed/paid everything and started to move in. For the first week, her and her husband would be here for hours "fixing things" and watching us move in and "offering their help" ... {Ok Whatev, just grab a box} ... Then they wanted to tell me how I could place my furniture... WHAT .....{We'll move it when they are gone} ...... Then, they started seeing things "they did not want in the house". Luckily, it was most things I could live w/o and there are 2 attached porches, SO we can use them out there. We worked around then for 16 days. They would stop by and "check in" {AKA SPY}... walk around the place and comment on where things were placed .. on the Function/Flow/Order of how we were doing it. What they suggested being a better solution, I kept repeating "We are getting a great deal", I will put up w/ this for a while and the newness will wear off and they will go away ........ (we have had a few other issues with them but have been renting a long enough time to know that there are always some renter/tenant problems everywhere - so figured we give it a go because it was mostly all Pros on the pro/con list)

Months passed, the daily visits become daily drive bys, they will pull out and put back my trash cans on trash days. Weekly, they stopped in to mow the grass. It became more bareable. But, As we always were able to remain friendly, the cordialness was strained, . We paid rent every month on the 1st w/o fail. We were never late. We have never broken anything, never needed anything repaired. never complained of anything, Had no issues. BUT, you could tell that Something was not right. They were not happy w/ us. The Wife has made MANY MANY MANY attempts to offer to come over and help me sort clothes, get organized, scrub floors, rearrange closets, clean porches, set up the house differently because she thinks the Flow I have is not the best option ... etc... I have laughed it off. It just seemed invasive and Judgy and I wanted to avoid that. Plus, It slightly offended me.

She asked us in March if we were going renew our lease. After a brief discussions and I found out that our old lease/rent would stay the same, We agreed to renew in June.

3 Days ago, She sends me an text message requesting a meeting to discuss her expectations for the upcoming yr. Told me to check my email there was a syllables and notes that we would be going over and She wanted me to prepare and take notes also. Asked if my children had a place to go so the adults come talk. I sent her an email back stating that I had an hr window on Thursday and the kids would be here

Yesterday, the meeting happened, She came in w a notepad and a pen. Her pen was out of ink so She asked if I had one. She told me that she was a Social Worker for yrs and a Counselor and she was coming in to give us a meeting, Like a Life Coach ..... W T F ...........

She also brought a photo album to help portray her blood, sweat, and tears that she poured into this house 5 yrs ago. She continued on reciting each and every job/task that has been done to the remodel including the price of each task (she has told us this before ....over and over again in the beginning) She kept interjecting the words respectful, and how we were not being respectful and gracious of her hard work... because in my words, My house was not museum ready. We Live In it. I have 2 children Under 3, a husband that works nights, Low priorities of keeping an outside porch swept off, and ALL toys picked up constantly.

She continued to explain how she has offered several times to organize and clean for me, but I do not take her help... And that is disrespectful..... She knows that I do clean, but in her standards, It is not the b est job that could be done. And long term, it needs to be done better. She went on and on about how she holds this house to higher standards than her own house. She needs to make sure the fan blades, porches, baseboards, are vacuumed and kept clean ...Dustfree .. (did I mention I live in Fl - the Hot, Swampy, Humid Dust bowl of a state) The grout needs to be kept ed white and mildew free at all times .....

I took a lot of her crap yesterday. I did communicate that she was out of line and if I was not the person that I am, I would have walked out and moved out on her yesterday because She was SO OVER the line and completely rude. But, I like the place, I love the remodels she has done, I pay for a service from her (rent). I Respect her by keeping the agreement in my rental agreement. I respect her every day when I keep toys that they would not allow in the house and I have to take me kids outside to play with them, I respect her every day by only using the requested products/namebrands to clean with that she only allows me to clean with. I respect t her daily by making sure no one wears shoes in our redone 1942 hardwood floors per her request. We do not roll anything over the floors, except a small ball here and there. I respect her by turning off the water and power to the washer/dryer every time I do a load of laundry per my lease. I respect her by dealing with a faulty water softener that she can not afford to get fixed every time I turn on the water ...etc... I could go on and on. and believe me, I did ..... I was very respectful. There was no yelling, a lot of tears and high levels of anxiety to drown out her screaming neurosis .. But I remained calm, respectful and composed.

My husband chimed in when she was getting out of hand and when I was about to blow a gasket and would help lighten the situation and we managed a very calm meeting. Bottom line, I told her that We do respect the nature of our agreement and There is NO filth, It may not look perfect and ordered BUT it was NOT filth, It was not hoarding, it was cluttered I have 2 toddlers and working husband and I am doing my best cleaning job.....

The result of the meeting - she thought that my "lack of deep cleaning" and clutter was being disrespectful to her grandfathers house and her/her husbands hard remodeling work and she Needs to come in 2 -3 times a month and make sure things are being clean. And if I want to renew, I HAVE to agree to this. (keep in mind June 1 is my renewal date - she is dropping this on me or i get out in 5 day) .. 5 days ... AND i have a planned birthday party in 8 days that I have planned HERE ..... I was pissed off... I was using all I had to remain professional and not let my emotions get the best of me.

I cried, I was back in a corner, I had to agree. I told her she was low balling and that what she just did was a dirty move but I would forgive her, I would move on and just co-exist. I requested that she give me atleast 24 hr notice when she was coming to clean ... I would agree to disagree, I know that she has a good heart. She says she sees me struggle to keep things clean, and keep things organized and she is good at that And that is the way she wants to help me - Even though I did not ask for help .....

She is right. I do struggle, No one likes to be called out, We could benefit from it ..Is it invasive? OMG yes. Do I deserve to be treated this way, Absolutely Not. Does she care, No..... Will it benefit me, Maybe. I pay rent AND get a cleaning lady ....... WOW WTF

So, that is where we left it. I was pissed off, She heard me explain why I was mad, She said she was ok with me being upset because this house is Hers and the house trumps my feelings .... And I am educated enough to know that If she is ok with that resolution, That is all I can say/do. This morning, I received a text that she wanted to come and power wash and clean our inside porch TODAY... I was Mad because she was NOT as all adhering to the 24 hr notice we agreed to. I wasn't even home. I was in swim class when I received the message, SO I didn't know she was coming over and by the time i got the message, she was already there. When I got there, I went out on the porch and bursted into flames .... And tears. I let her have a message about respect and overstepping her rights. I explained to her that I am NOT a normal renter. I respect my stuff. I do have pride in the things I have, and that we had an agreement that she would give me 24 hr notices. Since she wants respect, she needs to be displaying respect to me and my family. I was not a push over and she was not going to steam roll me. I made her cry. I THINK We have come to an agreement and she understand that I take pride in this house. I love talking about this house, I enjoy having people over to see the beauty of this house. I do not disrespect things. I am not a disrespectful human. Integrity means more to me than Anything in the world.

I had to go feed my children lunch and wait for her to finish up taking 4 hours cleaning my porch, moving around our toys, scrubbing the porch windows and concrete porch floor ........While I had to delay my children's naps until she could leave .... Oh the yr is going to be a ride!

2011-05-24T15:11:00.006-04:00

A sweet friend of mine just moved to Joplin, MO a few weeks ago. "They were so excited about moving closer to family and they had just bought a new house. They and their five children were in the basement when the storm hit."

Here is a video that ran on the news in Ohio ( where they had just moved from).

I saw these pictures but NEVER imagined that I actually knew the people in the pictures.

My friend and I met in college and were hall-mates for 3 yrs. She is simply kind hearted and selfless. later on, after we had all graduated and joined m.yspa.ce We reconnected and found out that we had more things in common than a love for our college football team. Infertility, miscarriages, and losses. Yep. A few years before we reconnected, we both had experienced several losses. She, had already overcome some obstacles and became a mom, while I was still struggling to admit that we had problems. She helped nurture my soul and guide me in a direction that I needed to be aware of and open up to. We have kept in contact through emails and bookface. They have added to their family by her becoming pregnant and adoptions. She now has a happy family of multiple children ranging in age from 9 to one on the way.

They lost it all. She is asking for NOTHING but prayers. Her children were in the basement when the storm was happening and they are having trouble. In fact, there are grief counselors that are offering their assistance to families in the area. She is open to getting her children involved in such help. She and a few of her children are actually still in the hospital due to injuries from the tornado. (and she will be on bedrest for the next 8 or so weeks from the injuries)

A few of her friends have put together a Group page on Facebook. If anyone is interested in helping. They are in need of diapers for their youngests. I have an address you can send diapers to if you leave me a comment or email me (email is FarahBeth at gmail dot com) , I can get that to you. You can order diapers on amazon or diapers,.com and they can just ship them up there. Or if you are interested in donating money to a great family in need of rebuilding their entire life, here is that link.

Here is specific sizes, items that are in need:

Clothing:

Boy - Size 10 clothing Size 4.5-5 shoes

Girl : 7-8 Tops/pants Size 2 shoes

2 Toddlers: 3T clothing size 8 and 9 shoes

1 toddler: 2T clothing and size 7 wide shoes

Dad: Work clothes XL shirts and 38x32 pants (business casual polo shirts preferred size XL -- "Manly" muted colors -- no pinks, purples, peaches, etc.... He prefers flat front dockers size 38 x 32. His shoe size is 11 1/2.)

Mom: M maternity tops and M/L pants Bras 34G, Size 9 shoe

Everyone needs socks, underwear, jammies

Also needing:

Carseats

Toys

Cloth diapers

newborn baby girl things

Gift Cards to Vitacost, Walmart, Target, Sam's Club, Gas Cards. (Super Walmart is the only grocery store close to where they will be staying)

friendship bracelets

books

Size 4 and 5 diapers -- ALL three toddlers wear these to bed...so this is a high priority! Any brand is fine!!

Hair products for Girl -- No More Tears and None of your Frizziness

Headbands, hairwraps, and any other hair accessories.

Food Wa.rs

2011-05-13T21:54:00.004-04:00

I may (or may not) have shared that MT (my almost 3 yr old , WHOA) is always on the thin side. (he can/does wear 12 mon/18 mon bathing suits/shorts and they fall off) He can wear the small sizes as long as the length is longer. This is all because he is absolutely NEVER hungry. Well, He never admits to being hungry. The Dr's office is constantly on me when we go in. He weighs 22-27 lbs. He fluctuates. Basically, He is the same weight as he was at his 12 month well baby check. They have suggested many different ways to bulk him up, But all include eating food, and he is simply not interested. He will go DAYS, 4 to be exact, with out mentioning hungry or eating, if I allow it. What this means is, Each meal is an epic battle. And usually an Epic Fail. And Extremely Frustrated Mommie/Toddler and a 17 month old that is learning unbecoming mealtime behavior.

Honestly, This has been going on since Birth. It took 45/50 mins to get a 4 oz bottle in him. He refused to breastfeed (latch) until he was 8ish weeks. We went to see LC's, Dr's, etc. Nothing seemed to be physically wrong. It was a huge struggle. We had a big transition to solids. But Finger foods were a huge success. Then they became the norm. I do still rely on finger foods.

The thing w/ finger foods, None of them are a constant. There is not One "Go To" meal. He could love one thing one meal and absolutely refuse to eat it the next meal/day. OR He may eat the Same thing for all 3 meals. There is no rhyme or reason. Like I stated, For me, It feels like an Epic Battle every meal.

He is old enough now that I do ask for his input when it comes to meals. I usually let him pick something that we eat. But even that can be a struggle because usually his answer is "no thanks, I fine" when I ask him to chose between X and Y. I have also tried weeks of not allowing him choose and just give him something to eat. Not allowing him to help choose does result in more of a battle.

Another tactic is, he requests to be fed. He never wanted to be fed before. (and G does not want to be fed - he feeds himself, mostly - so it is not to be like his lil bro) I attempt to feed him but I have to make sure I keep the bites at the size he wants or he will refuse to eat that bite. There is an imaginary standard of size in his head and I have to comply to this. Mind blowing .... Beyond frustrating

Also, When he announces he is done, He is Done! If it's bite 1 or bite 20 ..and He declares he is Done and if you request/get stern and make him eat another bite, All food that you got in him will be vomited all over you, him and the table. Trust me on this one. He will gag, gag and gag until he throws every last bit of this up. Maddening

I usually end up preparing 1 meal - then having to go find something else in replace of the meal he will not eat. Even if he agrees to eat a meal, he can and will change his mind before you get him to sit and eat it. I had to stop using time outs or going to bed w/o eating because, That IS what he would rather do.

All of this goes on at least 2 times a day. It STILL takes about 30-45 mins to get him to eat a very small amount of food. I am completely anxious (strung out) over all things food at our house. I do worry myself over this. Because Food affects his moods. If he has gone far too long to eat, HE is a BEAR. An Angry bear. and getting him to eat when he is in this state is like poking the angry bear .. See the Vicious Cycle?! Anxiety! Tears, "Issues".. He know he has control issues. I have NO doubt where he got those Control Issues from. Every time I look in the mirror, I am haunted by those control issues.

Most assvice I receive is to just back off and not stress over it. Let him go days w/o eating. But honestly, his attitude and tantrums are so much more fierce w/o food that either way I am damned. It does seem to get worse/better but I can not find a variable to either.

MT is delicate*. You have to handle him w care. And very gently. And sometime, I do not have the time, energy, creativity, and patience it takes hour after hour to stifle the frustrations. But, after the dust settles, My brain reminds myself of the mother I said I would be before I had children. She would have been a MUCH better mother in these situations. But she is not here, These children get Me as the mom. And I am very hard on myself ( MT inherited this trait) Which is another reason after all is said and done, I do understand him, It doesn't make it less frustrating - But I am really trying to find solutions to make everyone as happy and healthy as possible

*on another post I need to chart the many similarities of MT's conscious and Mine. He inherited quiet a few of my personality traits and I have to be so careful with the way we embrace them - because Mine were not always embraced

** the dr's have suggested food therapy and I am not sure I am interested in this,YET. Going to more dr appoints, paying co-pays, coordinating schedules and all that create more problems - So I am not sure I am interested in this avenue yet.

Know your Roll

2011-05-02T16:14:00.006-04:00

I went to buy MT flipflops and underwear a few days ago. He has taking up a flipflop obsession. He calls them flippers, But sounds like feepers. It's hilarious and adorable. E and I are lovers of flipflops. (Re.efs are my fav) I have tried flipflops on him several times and he would not have anything to do with them. He would say they hurt and take them off. But, Our neighbor's little girl wears them and he adores her. He found an old pair a few days ago(like Neighbor's 2yr old) and will not wear anything but them now. The problem is they were too little but he wanted to wear them anyways. So, We went in search of a pair that fit.

I found a few pairs, pulled them down from the rack for him to see and choose which one he liked best. I chose ones with Fish and Camo on them. There were Pretty sparkly ones next to the ones I chose ... He wanted to pretty sparkly ones. OF course he does. Glittery Sparkles are So Flashy and eye catching ... I distracted him back to the 2 I chose first and we ended up with the Fish ones ... (then my brain kicked into overdrive)

Then we went to go pick up underwear ... He immediately saw and wanted the Tinkerbell Underwear. He LOVES Tinkerbell (we had just watched the movie a few nights ago) ... Then he wanted the Spiderman ones too ... I bought both. -Then My brain exploded.

I was at a lose of what to do. This got me thinking, What IS my stance on this whole Gender Awareness or Gender Identity? I began to google/researching MANY sites. (here is the most useful one i found)

I did contact a friend on Gchat - Because My first reaction is - Who Cares. What does it matter if a 2 yr old wants to wear glitter and tinkerbell? THEN, I started questioning myself. Should it matter? Should I care? We play with Dolls, We cook, We clean, We play with Bugs, Mud, Monster trucks. He loves Cars ( the movies, toys, etc), We play with a soccer, baseball, football, music, swimming. We read, We color, We play with just about every toy/book out there and We do imaginary play also. What I am trying to portray is that We do all that we can. I have the mindset to just let them embrace life as much as possible. They will never be as innocent as they are now. And I love that about both of them.

Ok here is where the post is going to bullet points because it will just be all over the place:

When he chose the glittery shoes, I did not want him to feel as if there was a wrong choice
Am I aware that people will have something to say if I let him wear the glittery sparkly shoes, YES...... Am I prepared to defend more of my parenting choices, I do this daily.
He has longer hair than most boys and He already gets called a girl all based on his hair. He can be decked out in camo shorts and spiderman shirts, wearing Cars Light up shoes AND he will receive "she is just the cutest" comments ..many of these daily
No, I am not going to cut his hair yet. I will if he asks
What are your thoughts on toddler learning in relation to introducing gender identity? Have you already started teaching gender identity?

I feel very ill-prepared for this next step of parenting. I am simply speechless and right now. I want him to be whomever he wants to be. I want him to be allowed to explore and discover. I am ok with whatever He wants out of life. ( help me remember this when he is 18 and He gets to chose) BUT I know that there are others that Are NOT ok with such and I can't protect him forever, But right now, I feel like that Mother Bear that WILL eat whomever harms him .... AND I know there will be harm or negative gossips from onlookers. it can be a cruel world out there

Subconscious or Not

2011-04-25T23:09:00.011-04:00

I have a case of writer's block and where do we go from here-itis. So, This is my attempt to get over the hump.

I was watching the New version of the Hottest Zip Code in Cal. and it occurred to me that I have never shared our accidental naming connection to the Old version of the hottest Zip Code in Cal.

MT - the Almost 3 yr old (HOLY COW, WHAT?!) Has a name in Common with This Actor: (this actor and I also have the same birth day but different years - he is a few yrs older) MT's name is part of This Actors Real name and not part of his name on the Show

Army ( the 17 month old) Has a name in common with This Actor: Army's name is part of this actors name on the show.

It was not intentional to name my children after this show BUT I will admit to being a huge fan of this series Back in the day And may have watched it back to back a few times. When I was pregnant w/ MT, I did record it on the soap channel and watch it in order every night during my whole pregnancy. I may or may not even own a Do.nna Ma.rtin Gra.dua.tes Tshirt

We discovered this one night a few months after Army was born. It made for a good chuckle. I have actually only shared this nugget with one other person.

Cute Baby Saturday

2011-04-17T13:53:00.014-04:00

Yes, I am well aware that it is Sunday but, ya' know how the rest goes: So as usual I'm late. BUT just by 1 day.

Yesterday, I went to my parents to see if they could assist me in getting a decent picture of the kids in their new easter outfits. Here is the outtakes: I'll l et you guess how it went.

There are so many more w/ my parents arms in them holding the kids down, Snarls, blurs, shots of no heads, no bodies, etc. This was the cutest of the failed attempts. So, after ~ 200 snaps, unhappy children and stressed out adults, We decided to cut our losses and try again at a later time. Then as I was going through the picture on the computer yesterday during Naptime. I found and tried my best to Salvage this one:

Stroller Option Help

2011-04-10T22:56:00.004-04:00

I am debating over a dble jogging stroller or a bike/trailer combo so I am going to ask the www. Here is the info: l could use as much help as possible. If you have opinions or thoughts please leave them or pass this along to anyone that can help We live in an area of town that allows us to walk to produce stands, grocery and drugs stores, restaurants, parks and events. I can load a stroller and get 1/2 way to our destination quicker than loading 2 kids in car seats and waiting for traffic, parking and unloading 2 kids out of car seats. If I got a bike/trailer combo, I could go to the beaches and other areas/events of town that are a bit farther to walk to but not too far to bike to. (i am afraid that walking could take more time than the kids would tolerate)

I estimate that either choice will equally be about the same monetary commitment.

How hard is it to pull the kids around in a trailer (my kids only weigh 46 lbs together)

If I get a bike trailer I want one that can be used as a stroller once I get someplace some times - Is this practical?

What are downfalls or drawbacks I should know about if you have either.

What brands to you suggest/not suggest

What else to Do need to consider?

Ink and Bling

2011-04-08T14:39:00.012-04:00

Thank you for all the Bloggie Birthday Wishes, I appreciate them. I already have started to feel that foggy stuffy, heavy feeling of anguish lift off me.

Last night I was watching the new season of that house wife show that is based in NY.C. They introduced a new castmate for the season. (not that it completely matters -but she did do IVM to become pregnant with her twins who are now 16 months old and just watching the first episode I could write about 4 blogs on idiotic misnomers ) The twins happen to be the same age as my youngest. Another fun fact - she posted that she weighed 200 lbs when she was pregnant w/ the twins and HOLY COW , Look at her now ?!. Motivation for me! I can do this ;) ok None of that is actually the topic is which really intrigued me.

She owns a salon. This Salon. Which brings me to what I can't stop thinking of and the marketing possibilities I can help her with. Her salons perform Va.jazz.les AND Pe.nazzle.s!

(oh the unwanted googling traffic I may get) And if that wasn't enough for you, She has now is adding Va.tooing .. I am totally serious! If you don't believe me, Look Here.. Watching these Videos got me thinking - She is Missing a whole different level of clientele ... AND Therapy for her Business.

I mean think of this - Fertility treatments and procedures are ALL ABOUT down there .. You know where ..Ok so,Yes, I am totally going to Go there:

Imagine: Here I am going to the RE/Gyn/OB for Di.ldocam U/S #4 ...... I could go in a get a Va.too or Va'b.ling (yes, I just made up that word) "#4" FOR FUN And pampering And to lighten the Mood. Make it Playful. You know, give me that Extra " I've got a va.too/Va.bling and you will never know" feeling as you pass people in the parking lot or sit in the waiting room ...

Or Get a lil Jazzle for IVF #2, or IUI#1, on and on ..... Put a lil Perk in your step and get a lil bling. Yes? No? Or maybe I have completely lost my mind.

I think it would be hilarious, fun, and pampering to make a few of these appointments before heading to the Frt Clinics. I mean, let's start embracing our bodies. I know it may Seem a lil out there. But I think it sounds slightly Fun and Flirty.

I just think that the IF procedures or so violating and impersonal, Why not.. Have some fun with it. Anything to help get us through it. AND who knows, Maybe it helps put some Pizazz and Spunk back in your relationship ... I know I could have used some spunk and pizazz in that department. Just sayin'

What do you think?

4yrs, 2 months, 4 days

2011-04-07T00:44:00.007-04:00

I missed my Real Blogoversary by 2 months and 4 days. It was Feb 3rd if you were doing the math. But, It is never too late to Celebrate and Eat Cake, Right?! Rhetorical Question AND If you would answer is Yes .. You probably want to Move on. For those of us who are always up for Cake, Here ya go - Take a Piece, Please, There is plenty. Oh, I should also mention, It has NO calories. Eat as much as you like (picture borrowed from here)

When I saw this cake, I KNEW it was the One. ( i could have photo-shopped the names out but i was too lazy) I have shed many tears over the past 4 yrs 2 months and 4 days. Happy tears, Angry Tears, Perplexed Tears, Hopeful Tears, Joyful Tear,Sad Tears but all Tears nonetheless. I have shed tears for many of my bloggie buddies. Over the past 16 months, I have missed blogging, I have missed myself, I have missed the friends I made. I have missed the Community, I have missed many things but unsure how to jump in and trek on.

As a year ends, I do like to reflect try to wipe the slate clean. Take the experiences but leave the crippling parts in order to moving forward. So as I reflect, I admit that I was absent for the past 16 ish months and have a debt to pay. So I will give you the Cliffs Notes Version:

With Husbands new hours, We decided that it was best for me to quit my career, find a part time job to help bring in some income and be the Full time Caregiver to our 6 month old son. Our math skills indicated that whether I found a part time job and kept MT out of Daycare, or kept my same job and paid for daycare, the bottom line would be the same. There were many other variables that led us to our decision. SO, I quit my job and found a pt job in a nursing home cafeteria. A few months later, We discovered we were pregnant again ,, Insert Gasp here. I think it took 20 some weeks to REALLY accept it all. (I didn't know we were pregnant again til I was 8 weeks along So around 30 weeks pregnant, I finally started processing that we were going to have another baby boy) I was so full of emotions. I eventually had to quitting my part time job because of the dynamics of our new family life, conflicts with schedules and childcare, and being pregnant.

After Army arrived, E's brother lived with us for a while And I discovered couponing. So I started budgeting and doing all I could to save money. I also started cleaning a few houses here and there when I had family to watch my children . I still clean houses if asked and I can get my parents or E to watch the kids.

My parents are not all that reliable though. My mother was Dx with bip.olar disor.der a few yrs ago and she can not handle much. (more here) Over the yrs it has gotten worse (much much worse-hospitalization worse) instead of better. We just cannot seem to find her the right kind of help. We ARE looking, We ARE requesting she help us look.... And My dad Ugh, My Dad is working as many jobs as he can to keep all of their bills paid and keep a roof over their head.

So, I had hormones, overwhelming changes, 2 babies, a loss of income, a spouse that we only see every 3 days, Emotions that I did not know how to process or share with others, sleep deprivation (Army still does not sleep through the night* another post for another time), Major anxiety. It is just life, and I was frustrated with myself for not being able to cope. I was mad and frustrated with myself for not being able to just get over myself and just move on. I was Major overwhelmed and could not figure out and still struggle figuring out how to just be Whelmed. Not underwhelmed or Overwhelmed .... Just Whelmed.

Due to my mother's circumstance, I have refused all anxiety/anti depressants and am not sure if that was/is a sound decision. I was depressed. I was hanging on by a thread.. I was Dark. I did not have any thoughts of harm but I did not want to get out of my house, Did not want to see people. But I could not figure out how and to whom to ask for help from. I was trying to ask for help, I just am not good at it.

Looking back I see it now, I talked to a few drs and counselors and they think I have PPD and PTSD .. I thought it was "Oh Crap my Metal Capacity is Full and I just want Sleep or and extra arm/lap/body". I still may be in denial. I thought outside factors were just bombarding me and I was being a whiny baby ... I am still debating some anxiety meds, because that is where the majority of my problem lies right now. When things get familiarly uncomfortable, I feel the Anxiety creep up on me and That is what I need to deal with the most.

But then I look at these completely adorable, loving and innocent faces. They grow up more every day. They make me want to be the best person I can be. They help me experience life at different perspectives. I melt when they learn something new. I could not imagine life w/o them, in fact, I can't remember life w/o them much. I am completely immersed and dedicated to them with every fiber of my being. I never knew I could love this deep.

SO there is my yr/yr and a half. AND why I am back. I realize blogging IS therapy! I need this ..For me. So Happy Birthday, I am GLAD to be Back! Hope you enjoyed the cake

Dress Rehersal

2011-04-04T14:12:00.003-04:00

After all is said and done - I may write a potty training memoir:

Yesterday my dad had MT and I had Army for the morning. Army and I went to P.anera for breakfast and next door is a TJma.x. We were really just out of the house just to be out. I was perusing the racks and came across the perfect pair of shorts for our Easter Ensemble (this is close to shorts what I bought to be worn w/ pink polos). I have this need to match my children as much as possible.* Of course, they did not have 2 pair. So I spent the majority of the morning tracking down another pair. I am so excited about their outfits, I hope they all work out. The other pair was found out of state so they are mailing them to us.

Another reason I am so excited about Easter is that E is off work ON Easter. He will not be brown bagging it this yr. He will be able to celebrate w/ us for the first time in 7 yrs. . Hooray!

So with the thought of ,all of us, as a family, being together for Easter, I decided, we all needed coordinating outfits for a Kodak moment. Yes I am totally a southern girl at heart...

So last night, I was checking out the department store websites and found a few cute dresses that I liked ..then I some how got looking at bathing suits .. and found options I liked at the same store ..

This morning, after breakfast, I was either feeling overly confident or extremely delusional from sleep deprivation (we will eventually get around to discussing this) and decided to pack up the kids and go to the mall.

As soon as we pulled into a parking spot, MT (who has been potty trained for a few months but has Sporadic hours/days of accidents after accidents) announced that he has to go pee pee NOW. Army was asleep in his carseat. After I verified he just had to pee. I requested him to pee in between the car doors (i can't believe I typed that or even did it-file that under things you do in a pinch, while learning to potty) Then I unloaded the stroller and wasted some time to let Army get a decent quick nap. A few moments later, we were off. I found 3 dresses I liked. So we went in the dressing room to try them on .. I was armed with toys, books and snacks. In the midst of trying on the 2nd dress, I hear, "I have to go pee pee more" .... as I am pulling the dress over my head ..I hurriedly scurried to get My clothes on, books picked up, Kids in the stroller, I knew the bathroom was only next door, 30 yrds away - Off we went racing time and a 2 yr old bladder. I begged of him to not pee pee in his big boy pants .... Knowing this was most likely going to end poorly. And it did. And my nerves fried and my confidence level took another hit, My tag team nemesis, Anxiety and Defeated, plowed over me on their horses

These are the situations that hold the most anxiety for me. No escape routes .. Stuck between a rock and a hard place. Outnumbered is the name of the game. These scenarios make for loads of anxiety AND creativity. It is what happens when there is 2 toddlers and 1 mommy. Practice makes better practice, That is what I have to keep reminding myself so that I do not run and recluse back into my shell. These situations are what give me PTSD about leaving my house some days.

Then someday, all things just work out in our favor and I feel like I have the bull by the horns. Those days boost my confidence, I like those days A lot.

*reason 1- it is super cute, reason 2- you do not have to keep track of 2 outfits if one gets lost, and if 2 kids are in same outfit most assume they belong together, therefore I have to use less brain power and that is ALWAYS a good thing

It's not you, It's me

2011-04-01T21:57:00.007-04:00

So I have been trying to figure out how to keep the blog topics going. I saw a blog the other day that really spoke to me. I thought this idea was fantastic But I have something weighing my heart down that I can't wait until Wednesday. So I am dumping it now. In fact, It is one of the reasons I Am back to blogging.

Things I have learned about myself over the years: (not in any particular order)

I am an honest person, Honest to a fault. (the good, bad, ugly)
I get nervous around certain types of people and say stupid stuff
I am a deep thinker.
that it is best to control my tongue
Common Sense is not at all Common
know your audience
it is a small world (people know people, six degrees of KB)
never say/write anything you are not comfortable having to defend or back up
Perspective is Relative and most-likely will be used against you out of context
I am a loyal, passionate person.

I have a very direct moral compass for myself. I feel it is just who I am. It is a part of me. My moral compass is Mine. It is not used as a judging/measuring system for anyone other than myself, it is Just Mine. It is meant to just guide me. I am well aware that everyone has their own compass that leads them. Our compasses are not all set going the same directions. And I am at peace with this. (well the more accurate statement would be that I am at peace with this as much as possible and learning to become more at peace with this every day)

What I am trying to admit/say/type out loud (or is it outblog) is that I have a hard time keeping close friends. I can make friends, I can hang out with people. I enjoy a good conversation, I can keep a conversation going and building. I love people, I am friendly, But I do not want to be close friends with everyone I meet. Just because I know you does not mean that I think you have to be a close friend of mine. I am ok with the word, Acquaintances. (don't get caught up on semantics and labels) Maybe it is the FB Movement that has me thinking of these such terms.

I am an oxymoron. I say I am honest, And that is the truth and in that same sentence, I am about to admit that I keep people at arms reach. Is that being honest?! I have a hard time letting people in. Unless I feel that soothing comfort that some people just ooze. You know what I am talking about. Some people just have that sweet sweet aura about them. They are just welcoming and genuine. I adore these people. You could possibly say that I strive to be like those people - but we all know that it is not something you can achieve - It is one of those things that Just IS. Either you have it or you don't.

It takes a very long time for me to develop a very personal friendship. I am an onion. With all of that said, Over the past yr, I made a friend and she had friends for my children. It was superb. And then like a lot of my friendships - something happened**, and it drifted away.

Just like that, the friendships fade. I go into this self preservation mode where I just hang out w/ myself and my husband and a very few amount of friends, lick my wounds and try to get back on the horse and carry on for my children s sake. But this is the first time it actually involves children. My children and their play-pals. And my children deserve opportunities and play pals. I have tried to keep up our normal play pals and just press on - but Like my blog title states Awkward Moments lingered and cause me unnecessary anxiety. and If i am uncomfortable, I just become awkward and awkward only makes more awkward. And I am sure that this is not news to many, there are some women that truly just enjoy a good gossip session - whether it be true or false - it is never fun to find out there is misinformation directed towards you and whether you speak up or let it continue, things have already been said and only actions and time will tell the truth.

So, Here I am. Feeling like I did when I was 10. I couldn't figure out why we had to pick sides and play mind games back then and I am still at a loss.

**the something involves a lot of nonsense that could have been avoided and contains petty drama that left an extremely terrible taste in my mouth. Of course there are 3 sides to every story ( the truth, your perspective, and mine) and I am trying to be delicate to the situation since it is still personal and involves other people that cannot defend/retract themselves) no one particular thing is completely at fault

But wanna see something Cute:

Hello, My name is

2011-03-29T14:02:00.003-04:00

I have been trying to find time to update my lil space on the net. My husband and I were brainstorming new title for my blog and I kept coming back to Awkward Moments.

So I figured I would take a few minutes and explain why I am trying Awkward Moments out for a while:

We do not have a 9-5 lifestyle.
There are plenty of weird feelings to deal with after becoming a mom/parent after yrs of treatments and wanting child(ren)
Life with and w/o Child(ren) can definitely provide you with many awkward moment And I seem to find many of them along our daily exchanges ..Potty training (nuff said)
MT (3 in June) and The Armadillo (Army - 16 months)
Our la.ndlords are the dream team of Awkward Moments
A mother Dx w/ B.i-Po.lar Disor.der when you are 31 makes for numerous awkward family moments
A MIL w 6 ex's, a boyfriend 4 yrs older than her oldest son, 10 children, and 19+ animals living under 1 roof
A FIL and Step mom that are far away, call seldom and ignore all our efforts to get them to visit us

I am sure I could go on and on, And I am sure I will go on and on as I get the swing of this bloggin' thing again.

To assure you that I can keep up w/ the Awkward Moments - MT (my oldest who will be 3 in June) Keeps telling everyone that "Mommie Hit the Mailman" A few weeks ago, a mailman pulled out in front of me and I had to slam on breaks and MT's sippy cup landed in the floor. We were on our way to a playdate and as soon as we got there he announced it to everyone. And keeps repeating it to everyone. I have to constantly explain this story.

To catch everyone up that wants to be brought up to speed:

I had a baby through Fertility treatments, then when he was 7 months, I got pregnant with Army but did not know it until I was already 8 weeks preg. The past 16 months I have been dealing w/ quitting my career, full time pregnant mom to full time stay home mom of 2, and adjusting to my husband working 12 hr midnight shifts

Needless to say, I had to take a break from blogging. We were going through so many adjustments. I am still learning to manage a house, family and fun on 1 very minimal budget. (and usually only 1 present parent) I have somewhat figured out how to eat healthy and use coupons. I save 60% of our weekly grocery bill w coupons/deals. Most of my free time is watching tv shows, printing/organizing our coupons for the next week, folding laundry, and picking up toys. I try to add reading in there if there is a good book that can keep my attention.

Ok so now your turn, What have I missed the past 16 months? or what would you like to know about me(my family) or want me to blog about?

3

2011-03-13T22:16:00.008-04:00

So I have always heard of terrible twos and have had our share of those tantrums and whatnot that comes with the 2's package. It was Meltdown central about 19 mons -26 mons. Then it seemed we finally got a grasp of how to work through our issues before meltdown occurred. Then again around 30 months (2.5yrs) We were back at it. Meltdowns over the simplest things, hurt feelings... etc, You name it. Tears, Tears, Tears and more Tears. Stomping, squealing, flailing, head spinning tantrums.

Some days I feel like "use your words", "please do not push/steal toys/be mean to G", or "Honestly, A, What were/are you thinking" are the only things I say. AND unfortunately for me, It seems to be getting worse. Much MUCH worse.

Let's clarify - I was able at some point, in a decent amount of time, to get A to stop tantruming and focus his energy in a more positive aspect w/o an extreme amount of effort (mostly).But NOW
The behavior is worse and harder to stop in a timely manner w/ appropriate punishment. He is getting smarter. This makes it all the more challenging. He gets in these wacky funks where He becomes a big wrecking ball of fury and nothing is going to stop his demolition. He cares very little about consequences. And that is the biggest change from 2 to 3 - He does not seem to care at all about any consequence. He will do something he knows is not acceptable, look at me and say "OK , Time out" or "I made Bad decision" and STARE ME DOWN ..... and I am supposed to remain calm?!?! ..

That is my challenge. I am a yeller, I will not lie. I do not like that I yell But I do. It is instinctual, and I need to work harder at learning to stop and take time to work through these new advanced tantrums. Yelling only makes matters worse. I need to protray that ommunication is key. I am in desperate need for A to "use his words" instead of hitting, squealing, screaming and causincg a scene. And I need myself to be able to find a way to Stay calm.

Regression

2011-03-01T00:02:00.003-05:00

I am not sure if any one subscribes to this or not but I have been needing to dump/compile/share my thoughts on Regression for those going through it or worry about going through it.

Here we go - Hang on:

Regression,

When I was pregnant w #2 (the armadillo who is now known as G man), which seems like eons ago but was only ~15 months ago, EVERYONE warned me about regression when you bring home a new baby. I was warned that A was going to regress sooo sooo soo much when a new baby was in our house. News flash, That actually Did not happen. Thankfully A was too young to read the memo everyone was sending.

Do not get me wrong, He was NOT a complete angel All the time. But he really wasn't as bothered by him as I was told he could be. We were smooth sailing and He was not "jealous", or attempting much attention seeking behavior, tantrums, etc. We actually had a pretty good handle on life for the first year of having 2 under 2. The first yr did have its challenges, for sure, But not completely the challenges I was expecting.

A turned 2.5 and G man turned 1... This is where my handle on life broke. Most blamed Regression based on jealousy w G man. But I will beg to differ - Thus needing a blog.

Yes G became more independent and A became more aware, sneaky and needy. There was/still is Lots of fighting, competing, lashing out, crazy tantrums, screaming, etc some days. BUT I think it was more of a milestone vs Regression based on jealousy. Kids A's age that do not have a sibling at home seem to go through most of these same behaviors, attitudes and actions when talking to other parents that have one child around A's age. I do understand that not all children are the same. And I am not debating that at all. BUT it was nice to hear/see that my child was not the only one doing a certain behavior/reaction to their mother, brother, or life. I was also pleased to see/hear that this was not directed or created by G man's presence. Which makes my heart happy to hear because there is enough guilt in this mom business I did not need to hear that by giving him a brother, I was creating a green eyed monster full of fire.

What I am trying to say is that Regression happens. But I think it is just a development thing and not based on sibling status, like most like to excuse it as. Yes Jealousy happens but I do not think it is stemmed from regression. I think that a lot of people add to their families in this 2 - 3 yr window and thus the norm is to point to the obvious "new baby" excuse. If you haven't ever experienced a 2.5 yr old tantrum, let me assure you that you WILL SEARCH for an excuse for a while because NO one wants to just accept that their cute as a button toddler flipped a switch to the dark side in the name of a Milestone or a Departmental process. Because Good Gawd, It can get ugly and irrational up in those tantrums . Thus the neeed to identify a problem.. IF you can pinpoint a problem, You feel like you can come up w/a solution or control the situation better. Right?, Right?, Right? I mean Nothing is as humbling and embarrassing as YOUR 2/3 yr old totally losing their ever-loving mind in public and tarnishing your mother of the year image. It MUST be the new baby ... He/She just got a sibling ..... It certainly cannot be Just because s/he wants their way or irrationality.

It's all part of learning how to express emotions. A 2 yr old is like a roller coaster of emotions. That is the hardest challenge for me... Staying calm enough to explain to either one that it is Ok to feel the emotion they feel but it is not acceptable to act in tantrum/freak out mode when they feel this emotion. We do not allow excuses for tantrums... Just because we do not allow them does not mean they do not happen. I just do not want them to think that there is an acceptable excuse to act out in this way. It is just not acceptable behavior ...

Yes, Some days does A want to be 1 and G want to be 2, yes Quite often in fact. Jealous, Yes .. But I do not think that jealousy is to blame for the regression or an acceptable reaction display your emotion. From my perspective, It is about milestones and developmental areas. And it Sucks gong through. But I am holding firm to perseverance pays off .

Parenting is a Contact Sport

2010-12-20T14:35:00.003-05:00

A light bulb just switched on a few minutes ago: {Set up the Scene to describe our past month}

Gman (yes we do call him Gman, or G Money) has learned to walk ..... This REALLY frustrates A. G is into Every.Thing ..... He is quite a curious 13 mon old. Yes (he will be 13 months in 5 days) ...

A is very distraught over Gman's new found skills and independence. Gman is distraught over A's dominates over his life.

So, if you are hearing a ringing in your ears, It's from all the screaming, yelling and tantrums that have been going on here. From ALL Parties. We are entering a new territory I was not at all prepared for. I don't know Why ... It's not like I couldn't see it coming, But I am shocked at how illl prepared I am for this. I feel like I need a Super Bowl Stadium amount of Patience ... And I only have a high school gym amount.

It's been taxing is so much of an understatement. I am constantly reminded that the 2yr, 1yr old is the worst age combination and to just hang in there, And that is what I am doing.

BUT, E said something today that made so much more sense than anything I have read thus far: "A, I am going to show you love right now". (he was acting out and mauling over his brother and just agitating him)

We have tried spankings, time-outs, taking toys/privileges, rationalizing, explaining, etc.. We have tried SO much ... and the only thing we have accomplished is Frustration for everyone.

E is right, I need to give him LOVE .. It is so simple but I missed the application ..I was trying to be stern and teach him a lesson ..but with Negativity and it was only creating more and more negativity .... This may not work w Gman, BUT A is a different breed. A light came on when I heard E say that he was going to show A how to love and give him some Love through the difficult time. Simple, To the Point and Hopefully effective

More Transitions

2010-12-13T01:06:00.006-05:00

We were chugging along the past yr. But I have hit a bit of a bump in the road with our loose daily routine. We are not clock watchers and I am ok with that. I am not a strict enforcer of routine but we do maintain as little chaos as possible. My children do not respond well to strict anything - it has a very adverse effect on accomplishing the task if I get too strict. What I am looking to see how others managed to helped the transition from 3, to 2, to 1 nap with the 1 yr old and have it match up or overlap with the 2 yr old.

G has been taking 3 (cat) naps for a while and now wants 2 (1 short 30 min nap in the am and 1 2hr nap that sometimes may or maynot overlaps A's afternoon nap) . G is VERY strong-willed and when he wants a nap - He wants/needs a nap NOW. I have tried to push through but end up letting him nap because he is a screaming crier. But what ends up happening is I am stuck at home in nap mode from 11-5 with both kids napping that fills up 11-5.

So if you have been through this and can help suggest some tips, I would love help. Or maybe I just need reassurance that "this too shall pass" .... I just miss the adult connections that you get at playdates, running errands and just leaving your house. Since my husband is gone a lot and with most playdates happening from 10-1 or 3-6, Everything is happening while we are stuck at home in nap mode and when it is not nap time, it is so late we have to ger dinner done, then it's bath/bed time ..... Leaving little time for running errands and leaving the house. Which is counter-productive to a clean/tidy house.

I am really craving adult conversation and my house is never getting tidy due to having at least 1 child up most of the day and needing entertaining all the waking hrs of the day. At night, I am so exhausted, with little motivation to clean or too overwhelmed to clean.

thanks in advance and thank you for just having such a great group of moms that I feel comfortable sharing/getting help w/ some parenting stressers.

edited to add more info:

Don't be fooled, We do have a "schedule", We aren't out wandering around with the kids ruling the function of my day. I had a daily rhythm going, and it was going quite well until recently, Thus, my dismay of now entering a phase were our rhythm we had is not working. G is extremely fussy, needy and somewhat overwhelming dependent which is ironic because he is doing this in order to try and declare his Independence , more so than A ever was at this age. A is just now hitting a patch where he too is trying to declare his Independence and I am trying to parent the best I can and still allow them to grow their personalities under order and keep our daily life as functional as possible with as less friction as possible.

I also suspect G is finally teething

I am just interested as many responses as possible. The good thing about raising children is everyone w/ or w/o has an opinion - So I figured everyone would love an opportunity to chime in and I would get many different responses and find/try tips that will help us. Because, it does take a village and there are many different ways to get the same goal which is happy momma, happy kids.

I know I am not inventing the wheel here and I think I am just looking for tips that others did/wish they did or learned along the way to ensure the best way to work through and cope through transitional phases and maintain a bit of sanity and less damage to the kids along the way. I supremely hate having unhappiness and chaos for most of our day because Momma/children have a learning curve to adjust to. It seems that for the first year. the transitions seem to be faster and quicker because I swear the whole first yr IS all transitional. But now, we (garrison) are changing less and seem to be trying to find more of a steady rhythm and struggling and I am low on creativity of things to try

Crazy up in here!

2010-05-27T14:22:00.006-04:00

Far too long of a hiatus! I am missing me some good blog creatin/readin. I miss reading and hearing from the blogosphere! Thank God for FB. It seems all i have had time for lately is less than 140 characters .. So twitter has been out too.

Life with 2 under 2 and a husband that works an unconventional job. It's like the Song about the Old Woman that Swallowed a fly, then swallowed a spider to catch the fly, then swallowed a bird to catch the spider to catch the fly, Etc... It's Constant!

Well, Let's sorta back it up a bit.

I did get an IUD. My dr suggested that I get Paragua.rd. It contains no hormone at all. The reason I could only have an IUD as a birth control form is because I have a blood clotting issue therefore all forms of pills/shots and things of the like are out. It had nothing to do with breastfeeding but more for my health and the risks of developing blood clots. There were some minor complications at first, but now things are perfectly fine and I have no idea that it is there and things are going smooth.

Oh the stories, 2 under 2 ... Sometimes they are completely hilarious, other time, they are not hilarious but laughing is much better than crying.

The reason I had to stop blogging for a while is because I am very transparent and for safety reasons I did not feel comfortable to have it all out there. And I have a hard time not sharing and putting it all out there. The situation (Oh and i think of Jersey Shore EVERYTIME I say or hear the word Situation) was that E was working nights. Which meant that he slept during the day and we lived in very tight quarters so I had to leave the house for the most part of the day so that he could get sleep and the children and I did not have to worry about disrupting his sleeping. If we did stay home we were cooped up in one room and no outside. THIS is NO WAY TO LIVE. We were renting and the landlord would not let me out of my contract nor would she let me sub lease - therefore we had to grin/bear it until our lease was up ..Which is NOW! i tried to grin and bear it with a lot of class/grace and positivity but I allowed it to drag me down often in the wee hours of the mornings when I was up doing the laundry/cleaning/food preparing while the children were sleeping in order to prepare to leave the next morning so my husband could get good rest. We all hated it ..But there is a Light at the end of the tunnel and My life will soon resemble somewhat more of a simplistic, normalish lifestyle. And then I can tell you all about MT's (who will be 2 in 2 weeks) new found ways of communicating, his great stories that he comes up with and how much he adores his baby brother ( who is 6 months now) WHOA - time is flying!

We are in the process of moving to a house that was built in 1938. It is registered as a historical home and I cannot wait to take loads of pictures. Think Brick Kitchen Walls and original Hardwood Floors! A-Mazing and I am so freaking excited. There are 2 covered porches and my very own backyard! I am giddy as a schoolgirl! My life is about to become so much more manageable with my very own house and backyard!.

Reader tells me I have over 2000+ reads to play catch up and I doubt that will happen, So fill me in, What's new!

Before I go, I will give you a lil MT/2.0 story. Last night after Dinner, MT tells me that 2.0 pooped in MT's diaper. ...... MT is already blaming 2.0 for things. WOW does that start young!

Of course you want to see pictures:

A Whole New Level

2010-03-10T22:12:00.003-05:00

When I found out I was pregnant with 2.0, I was shocked beyond shocked beyond shocked. I did not handle myself as graceful as I would have liked. My thoughts/emotions were all over the place. Rocked to the Core. Mad, Sad, Happy, Shocked, excited, scared ... Mostly Scared ... Scared of losing friends, Scared of losing the baby, scared of what would happen to MT, scared of how I would provide for another body, Scared of how will I care for a newborn and a toddler if this pregnancy makes it .... I was scared and tired.
When I gave birth to MT, I told myself that I needed to step up and move on. Remember being pregnant but not expect it to ever happen again. In my mind, I wanted myself to mourn the thoughts of adding to our family.In the hospital, right after his delivery, I had talked to E about mentally preparing myself for never being pregnant again. I was trying to work through all those feelings/desires/dreams. I had MT and I made deals about "if only's" and I was ready to cash in my part of the deal because MT arrived safely,happily and healthy. This is what I asked for .. he was here and I was ready to own up to all those promises and deals I had offered up to the Universe. I was trying to make good on my request or deal per se.

Also, MT was 7 month's old and starting to be mobile and teething, OH the teething .. and the sleepless nights and the adjustment from no babies to 1 baby and learning to lose my selfishness and trying to find time to be that wife/house keeper, daughter, sister I used to be.... Then We found out. I panicked. I FREAKED OUT. I had no idea how to be honest with myself or anyone at that matter. I was Torn up over this. Basically ALL based on Fear. Fear is MEAN and gripping.

Getting pregnant, while breastfeeding, after yrs of infertility was humbling. Frightening, Exciting, Moving, Unsure of where I fit in, Where it meant I fit in ..Etc. I felt like I was going to be "kicked out of the club" .. And to some, I have been kicked out.. That's what makes the world go round. Everyone feels differently about this stuff and I am ok with that.

I say all of this because - Here I am, in a weird predicament Again. Birth Control. Do I need it? Do I want it? What if this is my chance to get pregnant again? What if I don't take measures to prevent it, Will I expect to get pregnant again? What If I do not get pregnant again and we do not prevent it? What if we prevent it and I do not get pregnant after we decided to try again? What if we try to prevent it and we get pregnant anyway? It's flirtatious. A tease. A Taunt. It takes your mind to questions that I NEVER thought I would have to ask/answer. And if I try to avoid my mind, People will ask: "Do you want more kids?" You going for that "girl"? "You need to try for a girl!" "Oh, You need a few more".

So here I am, Trying to ignore these thoughts. Appointment made Friday for an IUD because it is my only option for BC that my dr will give me.

Pictures

2010-03-05T16:43:00.003-05:00

and since i am a terrible blogger - I will sprinkle you with a few phone pics:

Can you Hear it?

2010-03-05T14:43:00.002-05:00

Today is a good day - I have it all together, I've had a shower (by myself), My kids slept in late (because we are just getting over Both of them having RSV again and 2.0 adding an ear infection to boot) BUT life is great. I feel rested and put together. What a huge difference it makes. I need to try to have more mornings like this.

I have a question - Intenets, PLEASE HALP!... My ears are ringing from MT;s new found favorite Olympic Sport. Screaming .. Skin Crawling, blood curdling, Ear Percing Screaming. What you didn't know it's an Olympic sport? Tell that to my Child. He is practicing and practicing to perfect it. I am afraid there isn't much more perfecting it I can take. Here I admit it, At first, I yelled back at himto stop yelling ..Fabulous Mothering style right.... I mean I can't imagine Why he continues yelling when his own Mother yells at him to stop yelling .... OY VEY! Parenting Fail 101. I certainly can teach that course. So now, after a few weeks of loosing my mind and trying to ignore it, I have variations of routes I have gone about getting him to stop. BUT NONE are working. Of course, I have stopped yelling (99.9% of the time but there is still .1% of the time that I just loose my cool and yell) I have tried to calming explain that mommie was wrong for yelling and yelling aka screaming is not nice nor a behavior that is acceptable or will be tolerated or will help you get your way in this house.

I mostly try my very best to ignore it because, I have found that ignored behavior for him works best. BUT I can't always just ignore it because he is waking the baby. Yes he is that LOUD. Some times I think he does it to wake the baby - which I have tried to explain to him that it is not beneficial for him to wake the baby it takes away mommie/mt time .....

Any suggestions? What would you do

Giving Her Publicity, Like She wants

2010-03-01T23:18:00.003-05:00

I can't even articulate my feelings for this story - but I wanted to share it.

Padded

2010-02-20T22:56:00.003-05:00

Anyone found a great cloth diaper that love to use for those long lean/skinny legged babies? I am having a problem finding the right diaper for 2.0

I have fu.zzibunz OS, bg3.0's, app.lecheeks, gdi.apers and some odd and in's that were giving to me.

Anyone use the grobaby one's have any feed back? I'd love to hear from you or if you know of someone that uses them, I'd love to hear from them. Please HALP

Tackling Life

2010-02-16T13:46:00.004-05:00

* i do not tell this for pity/sympathy. I tell this because I know many of my readers are about to encounter life with 2. And I want to document what I feel/see/experience. This is my first real weaning experience. MT self weaned breastfeeding, Bottles feeding, etc...

Well Yesterday MT upped the playing field. It is one of the first times that he has been jealous of 2.0 relating to me. Before now, his jealousy was mostly with my father. If my father was holding 2.0, My father would have to make sure that MT knew that he still loved him too. It was never really terrible and very easily fixable.

But Yesterday - We had the same morning as we normally had except this time - When 2.0 woke up for his next feed/diaper change, MT lost control. We were playing ball at the time. So I brought the ball with us while we changed 2.0's diaper, I could still throw the ball back and forth. I threw the ball and told MT to go get it while I changed the diaper. He decided that he was going to get my attention by ripping off as many of his hanging clothes in his closet as possible while I changed the diaper. Then while I was nursing 2.0, MT tried everything in his power to get my attention off the baby. I have no real explanation on why he waited 2.5 months to display jealousy toward me and baby. But here are my theories:

It's just been us (me, MT, and 2.0) for a while now. E has gone back to working a really crappy schedule that interupts our lives. So MT may not get to see his daddy every day. Some days he sees him for 1 hr, others not at all, and sometime he is home for a weekend. We had just come off a weekend of seeing E. MT is also is a developmental explosion. His cognetive, verbal and motor skills are exploding. I could not even attempt to list the things that he is capable of doing right now. He pretty much can conquer the world. ALL.OF.IT! 2.0 is also starting to wake up and want to play more. 2.0 is more alert, demanding a bit more of my attention then previous days of lots of sleeping and MT is starting to figure this out also.

Don't get me wrong, MT loves to hold his brother (which I love to let him do) He wants to hold himand have me take their pictures together. He loves to kiss him and help change diapers and all that. He covers him up with blankets and will help me get him dressed. I incorporate him and baby with as much as possible. It takes longer, it can get annoying and pushes my patience. BUT I am trying my best to not have to fight the jealousy monster with a 20 month old. We have plenty of battles to fight.

After the day we had yesterday, You would think I am insane for what I decided to do. I decided to take away MT's beloved Paci around 11am. He actually has all 20 teeth now. The top 2 two yr molars are coming in now. These were the last ones we were waiting on. But the reason we are in Paci Boot Camp is because he bit the silicone nipple off 2 paci's yesterday. I was going to approach it stages but ended up going all out. No more Paci! When he bit it off I knew that was the end. I explained to him that the Paci's were going Bye Bye and threw them all away as he watched. (*i am not sure he REALLY understood that was the end) Yesterday naptime/bedtime was not that rough. Todays Naptime was a STRUGGLE. There was awful screaming for 1 hr...... I feel as if I approached the situation wrong with Him today at naptime. He is a very smart tot. He asked for it a few times today and I explained that he bit it off and it had to go bye bye and he was a big boy and no longer needed it. But at naptime I tried the "donot mention THAT word and he will not think of them" approach. This turned out to be the wrong approach. After he calmed down, I went in and explained to him that the paci was gone and was not coming back. He calmed down, I held/rocked/bounced him to sleep. And we drifted off to dreamland. I Cried. Last night I was just thinking as I was holding 2.0 to sleep how I missed holding MT to sleep.... And today I got to hold him to sleep. I just held him in my arms and cried tears of joy for that amazing experience to Hold MT to sleep. I am so blessed to be his Mom. I forget that inteh midst of the rough days .. But today I remember!

Cloth Diapers on Ellen

2010-02-04T12:21:00.003-05:00

There is a contest going for those Cloth Diapering Moms:

I would love to see Ellen have a spot for Cloth Diapering Families. it's Very Green, Economical and Informative. Cloth Diapering is not as hard as people make it and I'd love to see more demonstrations to show the world that it can be very simple.

Juggling

2010-01-30T06:34:00.004-05:00

Man, I miss blogging, It helped me remember, organized and kept me somewhat sane along with many other therapeutic qualities. I am sure I will regain control of my life at some point but right now, the time that I find available for blogging is trumped by the need to either: pick up toys, clean up the mess, take a shower (which could include cleaning up the mess), sleeping, washing laundry, feeling guilty about disciplining MT repetitively, enforcing Time outs, trying to keep everyone attended to and somewhat happy, and trying to keep up with my tivo. Here I'll start with a picture:

This past month has flown by. MT got Rs.v and had to have breathing treatments every 4 hrs for a few days and then was put on antibiotics for a sinus infection. This was the second time in his life taking antibiotics. The first time (around 9 mons), He had night terrors, but the dr's office thought It was just a fluke, but after 3 doses this time, he developed night terrors again and I had to take him off of it and find something.

We are still trying to find a pattern for life that works for us. Many people have asked about jealousy and MT. I still do not think that there are many jealous tendencies from him. Don't get me wrong, that does not mean that he is a perfect angel and never attempts to throw toys at him or sit on him - It just, to me, is no different then he was before the baby arrived. MT hit the "terrible two's" somewhere around 14 months. Tantrums, OH the tantrums! He gets better and better with his tantrum performance every day. Emmy Quality! At almost 20 months (yes he is almost 20 months, WHAT!) He has the tantrums pretty much perfected. I have yet to find a way to discipline him that gets his attention best. I try, but he is just exploring hid rights and limitations. I just have to stay consistent and do my best. Which lately has not been my best. It has included alot of screaming and crying ..... From both of us. At 20 months, he understands ALOT. The problem with that, He still does not use words much. But BOY Can he Talk. He tries, he will "tell" you all kinds of things. He "tells" me plenty in sounds strung together to sound like sentences - and hopefully for my sake there are some words or cues that I understand so I can figure out what he is telling me. But this is where he/we gets frustrated alot. He wants me to understand/I want to understand but do not always understand him ..or it takes me longer to understand him that he wanted. I am contemplating speech therapy but may give it a few more months to see what he develops. His desire to communicate has exploded over the past month and I am working with him to see if I can help first. He also has an interest in using the potty. So we are working on this too. He is tall enough to reach counters, cabinets, shelves and if he is n ot tall wnough, He knows to climb on chairs and such to make him taller. He is SMART and Fast. The other day,I was feeding 2.0 and found MT pushing up a chair to the fridge to get his own ice and water from the outside door compartment. and even with his tantrums and days of outburst, he still has me wrapped around his finger. Man, I love how much life lessons he teaches me.

2.0 is doing well. He is doing great bfing. He still hates the paci but loves to suck, so we are still attempting to become acquainted with the paci. He still has a hard time sleeping unless being held/in a sling. He LOVES to be talked to. He has the biggest whole face toothless grin that makes my heart melt. He is generally a very happy baby. (unless in his carseat) He does sleep in blocks of 4 ish hours at night. So as long as MT is sleeping, I have been able to get a 4 hr chunk of sleep at times.

Both of mine come with very short fuses though. If they want something, they want it 5 mins ago! MT is almost done with teething and I could not be more excited. Teething, for us, has been pretty awful. He has 2 more 2yr molars to get, then he will be all done. I do not think it will be much longer waiting because those areas already have swollen gums.

Life with 2, is a balancing act. Some days start with both crying at the same time and other days everything just seems to be seamless and boosts my confidence for the times that are not so seamless. I try to keep things in perspective, keep great company and continue trying to find a groove that works best for us. Honestly, this is the hardest thing I have ever done in life. Somedays it's all fun and games and somedays it's worse than a trip to the dentist. But, I am determined to raise good, polite, wellrounded, enjoyable, fun loving boys and have the most fun we can have doing it. 99.9% of the time, I feel honored and blessed to have this opportunity, the other .1% takes over on the rough days, We just push through those days, get through bedtime and start with a clean slate the next day.

New Year, New Terrain

2010-01-07T12:09:00.006-05:00

Hi, My name is Terrible Blogger. Merry Holidays and Happy New Year!

Life with 2. Uhm... Busy! MT is almost 19 months and we refer to the new lil one as 2.0. 2.0 is almost 6 weeks.

MT is actually a very big fan of his lil brother. This has helped me so much. MT is my baby monitor. If the "beh beeh beeeh beeh" (french sounding MT speak for Baby) moves, farts, whimpers, breathes MT is there to make sure that he is ok. He loves to give 2.0 kisses and hugs.

E was off work for ~5weeks so I was very lucky. 4 arms for 2 babies. It was the holidays so he took a few extra weeks of leave. it was actually our first Christmas with E not working. He took knew that once he started back working, I would have no help from him anymore. He works weird hours that basically do not allow him to help around the house or with the kids until these extra few weeks so that we could actually have a family Christmas and also because we all is schedule changes. Hopefully in July He will be able to change things around so he can be home to help and spend time with us.

BF is still going well. It has been a challenge to BF and still try to wrangle a VERY energetic toddler. I have never at all considered or understood energy drinks until MT learned to move. I have decided that my son is the reason those drinks exist. And I still have not had one. I learned a few tricks is that you give him a snack/toy/tv show/insert whatever distraction that he really enjoys that he ONLY gets when you are BF-ing the baby. This has helped us some. Other times, I have learned to BF in a sling and Run after him.

My mother had to be admitted in the hospital Monday. After a few days and a few tests were performed, they discovered ulcers in her stomach. They think it is from worrying and stress and a terrible eating habit. But she is out of the hospital and hopefully start listening to us to find an outlet for stress and take better care of herself

Since he has returned back to work, Some days I know I am not equipped for this, Other days it seems to go w/o a glitch. I have only had 1 melt down and a few freak outs! But in the end, It's over little things that do not matter in the long term.

Since I am a bad blogger Leave a comment on where you are in your Life so I can play Catch Up and delete my thousands of unread posts.

2009-12-07T20:20:00.002-05:00

I owe you lots of updates - Things are going ok. The Birth was perfect. I tore a little but in bad spots (urethra) ... Little Sleep is happening. 2 yr molars are coming in, The Armadillo is doing well. We go for another weight check and rh factor check again tomorrow. He failed his Coombs Test in the hospital and the dr's have been paying close attention to him and running lots of blood work and tests. He is very red but getting better the level is dropping. I do not really , completely understand the Coomb's Test but I am trying. He is bf-ing much better than MT ever did. I am trying to figure out how I am going to keep bf-ing and run after the 17 month old in public when there is only 1 of me and 2 of them. I am going to get one of those apron looking things and see if that helps me feel a bit more discreet. But: We. Are.Managing. Right now, I am glad E is here with an extra set of arms and patience's. Tonight, we did manage to go see Santa:

As you can see, Everyone survived (even Santa).

The real reason for this post is to ask that you Please stop by This Blog (They are giving a donation per comment towards Now, I lay me down to Sleep) . If you could spread the love, let's makes this a big donation through comments.

Ack - It's time to eat for someone ... He is calling me loudly

The Butterball Turkey

2009-11-29T14:40:00.001-05:00

And So it Begins

2009-11-25T03:18:00.004-05:00

Again.

I went through dinner, bath, bedtime last night being very weepy. Knowing that Today, MT would no longer be my one and only. As I left him at my parents house sleeping, I began to have such a rough time backing my car out of their driveway. Knowing that I was about to change his world forever and he had very little idea. He will wake up in the morning, the grandparents will tend to him ... And I will already be at the Hospital preparing for his little brothers' arrival.

They try to assure/comfort me with words. "He will be the greatest big brother", "Greatest Gift for a Child" Right now, All I can think about is how blessed we are, but how sad I am to be away from MT for Thanksgiving. It will be a few days before I will come home and get to be there for him. I hate that feeling ...... but I am amazed and inspired to be able to provide him with a sibling.

He may not ever remember the Thanksgiving I missed when he was 17 months old, But I Truly hope that He will Always remember/care/protect his younger brother .

And just like that, So it begins. I am off to do the unthinkable .........Again ... On such a week to show my appreciation and thanks ... Some may call it Ironic, I call it a Blessing. An outward sign to never forget the journey our family traveled to get here.

Along for the Ride

2009-11-20T20:56:00.003-05:00

I was reminded that it has been over 2 weeks since I posted an update of the Fertilized Household. Hold on to your hats - We've been Busy ...

Ok where to begin:

Weekly NST/OB Appointments: I have been going for 3-4 weeks now. I am HOPING that I had my last OB/NST appointment Tues. I was 3 cm dilated last friday and Tues, I was almost 5.5cm. I have been having Contractions every 40-55 mins apart until yesterday. They were 18-22 mins apart for about 2.5 hours. I called the Dr's office and they told me to wait until they were 10-15 mins apart. Told me to give it about 1-2 more hours, then head in. So hubs called into work, and I went for a walk to speed the process along. Half way through my walk, The Contractions just stopped. Completely. FRUSTRATING ......... Today = a few contractions here and there but nothing worthy of timing. If I do not go on my own before teh 24th, I have to be induced on the 25th( day before Thanksgiving here) Bleh, Bleh and more Bleh. We have a ton of Family coming for Thanksgiving and I would like to spend it with them and not in a Hospital. Thanksgiving is my most favorite holiday. BUT if that is what it takes to get a healthy baby here, So be it.

OK Now Let's Back up to Friday night - MT got a 100.something fever after his bath so I gave him a lil motrin, I checked on him around 1am, and the Fever had gotten to 102.something ... It was no t time for motrin so I waited til it was then gave him more. He woke up at 5am and his fever was 103 something .... I decided to put him in a bath and try to see what that would do .... At 6:45am, I called his ped's office and they told me to do things I had already tried. And if I wanted to, I could go to our Ped ER, But it did not open until 11am. I could just take him to the hospital ER. By that time, he had already fallen asleep in my lap so I tried to wait it out. He woke up around 9 and his fever was over 104.7 and still rising, I freaking out. Called his Dr and headed to the Ped ER to be first in line.

Of course, Everything looked ok, Nose, ears throat, Except his Skin. He was having a terrible flair up (happens right before he gets sick usually) We discussed the seasonal/h1n1 flu scenario and left with ointments for his eczema and tam.iflu..... They said he had possible Flu .. and on the safe side. We treated it. He has been off the meds for 2 days now. Today we went back for a follow up and all seems to be great (even his skin) ....

So now, we are all just waiting and anticipating the Armadillo's Arrival. If you could, I would LOVE good thoughts/vibes/prayers/etc that this Lil one Comes Before the 25th! I have once again been a bad reading/supporting blogger - and once I get it all together - you will see Comments from me again!!

More of the Life

2009-11-07T07:58:00.003-05:00

Halloween was so much fun. We had a few parties we went to and on Saturday, We joined up with my parents friends that take their kids around to their friend/families houses on a hayride. I was afraid of riding on the trailer and E had to work, So my Dad volunteered to help out. He rode on the trailer with MT as I rode on the inside of the truck. MT had a BLAST! He had no idea what was going on. He absolutely adored riding in the trailer with all the kids and candy. He smiled the whole time. All 3.5 hours. I thought we would have to get off before they were done riding because he would have been so tired, but the kid's energy must have kept him going. And as long as he was enjoying himself, I let him ride. He consumed WAY too much candy that night. But You are only a kid once and a lil candy never hurt anyone. That was the latest he has ever been up in months though. And he enjoyed every minute of it. And I thoroughly enjoyed him having so much fun. I still can't figure out how had more fun, My Dad or MT.

Ok, Let's talk about this daylight savings time ordeal ....... It's been almost a week and I think we may be back on track. What a terrible thing to have .. Daylights Saving time! They tell me I gained an hour, but WOW does it feel like I lost about 10.

My group that I hang out with threw me a baby shower at the Mouse/Cheese place the other day. I am soo grateful for them. It really made me feel very special and blessed.

(remember these are MY feelings about This pregnancy - not everyone has to agree or disagree)

Speaking of the pregnancy - I have been having weekly NST's for the past 3 weeks. A few weeks ago, I received less than favorable news. My MFM did a growth scan and the baby was estimating about 7lbs 10oz. at 1 day shy of 35 weeks and low fluids. His Conservative opinion was the schedule a c section in 2-3 weeks. The term is macrosomia ( big bellied baby - it is from me being Gest. Diabetic) I asked him if anything was showing that the baby was in distress or anything that would warrant a schedule c-section. He did not see anything else alarming. The fluid was low, but it was not that low and fluid levels increase/decrease so it could have just been a bad time to check fluid levels. I had an OB appointment the next day. The OB I saw was all about a scheduled c- section. I lost my mind.

The reason I lost my mind, Something I have never posted on this blog (i do not think). I was put into labor at the MFM's office because of an Amnio at 36 /37 weeks with MT. It could have all gone very bad, but we all know it did not he was/is fine and had no complications from his delivery. So the MFM already told me that he would not do an amnio for this pregnancy.

The morning the did that amnio on MT they also did a growth scan and told me that he was ~9lb baby. He was delivered about 10 hours later weighing 7lbs 8oz. So growth scans to me, are just guesses and are not right 99% of the time. And can be a tool to freak mom/families out with and guide dr's. It is not at all exact.

I would want an amnio done to check for the lung maturation before I would feel comfortable about a scheduled section before 37 weeks.

I am also on blood thinners. Having major surgery becomes such a huge timing thing when on blood thinners, plus it leaves me at a higher % of getting blood clots after the surgery. Not something I want to worry about while adjusting to having a 17 month old and a newborn. I explained my opinion to the OB and she told me that they would have to get back to me at my next appointment on what they decide is best.

Yesterday at my weekly NST and Dr appointment, The Dr that was there to deliver MT, was my OB that day. She is also head of the practice and one of my Favs. She helped decide that as of right now, There is no need for a scheduled section. She is hopeful that I will go into labor on my own. I have weekly appointments/NST's. In 2 weeks, If no baby yet. I will have another growth scan to look at the baby's belly and hope it is the same ... If i make it to 39 weeks, Induction will happen. So ~3 weeks, MT gets a brother and I gain a newborn. Until then, you can find me walking, walking, walking, walking standing vertical often and chugging water to bring on the labor!

Neither Hair nor There

2009-10-26T13:55:00.003-04:00

A few months ago, One night while MT was spending the night at the grandparents house, My Dad gave MT's bangs a trim. (w/o my consent) They needed it, It was just bangs and I was not THAT concerned about it. I was alil grateful over it because it was something that I did not have to figure out when to schedule or pay for.

A few weeks ago, I left MT with the grandparents and went to a consignment sale. My dad kept sending me phone pictures of MT .. I just thought he was bored and playing with his new black berry. Well, When I went to pick him up, I noticed "something" looked different but I could not figure out what it was. Then I asked, Did you cut his hair? Phrased in a way hoping that he was going to say No ..... But instead, he said "Yes! I have been trying to show you for hours now." ...... I was devastated. I had to hold myself together. It has been a challenging time for my dad dealing with the lose of my mom's health, income, help, motivation, etc Dealing with Family members, phone calls and all that go with having a sick family member (he had just gotten off a bad news phone call) ....... And I certainly try my best to not cause more stress. BUT the words that were flying around in my brain were unbelievable .... I could not understand how/why he cut my son's hair!!!! I packed our bags up and put on a great face .... Held it together for quite some time .. Until I was trying to tell E about it.. It didn't look Terrible ... But I just did not want his first haircut to be done that way. Nor was I ready for him to have a haircut yet. I ADORE the mop top look and I want to keep it for as long as I can. He saved no hair for me, He took no pictures of the event .. I wasn't even there to see it ... I was so upset over it.

I have not mentioned it to my father because he was so excited that cut his hair. He has mentioned several times that he did wish that MT would have sat more still so he would not have messed up in a certain area. This weekend, he mentioned something about trying to fix it, blah blah, and I told him Absolutely not, I liked it a tad bit long and that I did not want him to cut it again ..... It was stated so diplomatically that I had NO IDEA who I was. Because the inner me was red faced screaming and fist pumping. Hopefully, I made my point though. Hopefully!

After a long stretch of fighting the Tot to eat, I think that MT is in a growth spurt again and coming back from feeling so lousy. I am back to feeding him meals/snacks about every 2 hours. He acts like he is starving and will inhale any kind of food offered. And I mean Anything. Which is going to be great for putting on some more pounds. He is by no means under weight. But he always falls into the under the 50 percentile for weight. Now, If I could just get my parents and husband aware of what "no diary" means. We will all be on the same page. I made a print out today! I hope this clears up any confusion on the issue ;) .. I also think he has some allergic reaction to Hay after our first encounter with Hay this weekend.

I have such a busy week. I am temping as a receptionist for a few days, We have 2 (maybe 3) dr's appointments, I want to carve a pumpkin with MT. I still need to finish his Halloween costume prep. We have a huge Halloween party on Thursday that I am helping with ... I need to work on my time management abilities. Temping has allowed me to start catching up on reading/commenting on your blogs. So hopefully, I will be all caught up in a few days ... To only get behind again, I am sure of that!

No Mee Mee

2009-10-23T13:16:00.005-04:00

YAH, the stomach bug is gone! And MT feels like a new lil tot! He is back to his old self, Running, playing and catching lizards. He is Milk -less. It has been 9 days, No Diary products. Skin looks great. I am now having to rethink/question basically his whole life. I am wondering if the Milk issue (his Dr has never tested yet to confirm if it's an allergy or an intolerance- yes believe it or not, there is a difference) was what I blamed on teething pain, He always upped his milk intake during teething to supplement his lack of eating. The diaper rash that everyone blamed on teething, probably was Milk related ..... I wonder if the disposable diapers got blamed for his pooping all the time and the Milk was the culprit .... I blamed diarrhea on teething, Maybe that was Milk related also ..... I will never really know. I am trying not to look back in guilt, because, Really My Dr's were no more help in the issue than I was. But, it does seem like the signs are all pointing to a milk related issue.

MT's word for Milk is Mee Mee. I knew he was getting better a few days ago, when he would stand in front of the fridge and plead for Mee Mee in the most pathetic 16 month old way. So sad and heartbroken over the fact that we were not getting it for him. I decided to call our ped's office again and ask for alternatives, plus I have already begun my research on what choice alternative I would like to try. I decided I would try Vanilla Flavored Almond Milk. For now, this seems like a good match. He has drunk it, hasn't at all complained and loves to eat it with cereal. So, for now, this is our choice. We did go through a few Hemp Milk's when he was a little younger and if I could find some reasonable priced, that might be a new choice as well. I am still researching this. It's all so conflicting, considered weird and new. So, it is hard to find all the facts. And it is such a personal decision. Right now, I have only stopped yogurt, cheese, and milk. If this continues to work, we may just continue without those items. If I notice that something still doesn't seem right, I will really push for tests and have to cut all diary everything out.

On baby#2 news, My OB's office has decided to agree with the specialist on my due date. So I had my 33 week appoint./nst test. There was some activity on the NST test that I had on Monday that warranted the Dr to want me to come back in a week. So, I will go back on the 30th and do it all over again. I also have a growth scan on the 29th with my specialist.

So Next week, I have a really big week. I am also filling in as a receptionist for a friend and making sure everything is ready for Halloween. Do you have Halloween plans? Are you dressing up? If so, as what?

We went to a pumpkin patch with friends yesterday. It was alot of fun. MT picked out the wierdest, wartiest pumpkin and loved carrying it around. He is so hard to get a photo of these days. He does not want to be still and look at the camera .. Or smile. He will do all the above unless a camera is involved... My lil Stinker! Here are 2 pictures:

E is off this weekend, and I am going to clean clean and clean .... It is hard to deep clean/organize with a big belly that has a mind of it's own and a 16 month old that doesn't really get the concept of cleaning/organizing

Whoa - It's really been that long

2009-10-19T09:38:00.003-04:00

I can't believe that it has been so long since I have had time to sit down and blog. I am terrible at having time to read/comment on your blogs lately. I am reading/commenting when I can. Tell me in my comments whats been going on with you.

I have finally figured out which cat is peeing all over our house. I caught her in the act! It was not the one I mentally prepared myself to blame. I shamed her and did the whole routine. Hopefully, (fingers crossed) she will not pee any other place other than the litter box from now on .... Oh, I hope. E still wants them gone. My heart is heavy over this. I feel like I am failing or abandoning them. But on the other side, They are unhappy and deserve to be happy. OH, I just do not know what the best thing to do is.

I have moved to every 2 week appointments with NST's. My first one is tomorrow. Most days, I can't figure out how/why I am pregnant again. Don't get me wrong, I have been working through the demons and the head games that I was/slightly am still being haunted by. But there are more days of happiness and anticipation. There has been a bit of a disagreement between my OB and Peri again. It's over my due date and with Gest. Diabetes, I really need them to resolve it soon. Hopefully, tomorrow , they will have a better understanding of eachother and will come to some type of agreement. There is a 2 week difference in my due date between the 2 dr's. Example - I go to my 33 week appoint tomorrow according to my Peri, But According to my OB, it's just my 30 week. ..... It's been this confusing every appointment. But worth it. Last week, I did have to call in on a weekend and let them know that I was experiencing some difficulties and contractions. Turns out I have another bladder/yeast infection combo. ... Just trying to hold on and take care of myself and the pregnancy

We went to Orlando to visit Courtney and B! I had such fun just talking with them and hanging out by their hotel pool. (of course my camera battery died)

The latest - A week ago, I discussed stopping cow's milk with MT's Ped to see if that could be the cause of his eczema, diaper rash situation. A few days off the milk, his butt rash cleared up pretty good and his eczema looked better. I thought we were on an upswing. I was allowing him only 1 sippy of milk a day. Friday morning, I gave him his sippy of milk. He drank it and about 20 mins later, it was all over my living room floor, him and me. I cleaned us all up and thought maybe I should stop milk altogether. But, After I got us all cleaned up, it happened all over again. It has been going on all weekend and I had placed a call into his ped. I did what they told me to do - try to keep him hydrated etc..... It's Monday morning, nothing has changed and I have another call into the ped's office. This is the longest/sickest he has been and for that I am grateful and panicking. Grateful because I do know that others have dealt with so much more serious sicknesses but panicking because this is the most/longest sick he has ever been. I hope we can get him well soon.

What do you think?

2009-10-06T14:17:00.003-04:00

I am looking for your opinion on this article. There are a few like this article. Please leave me a a comment or send me an email

Your Fall Line-up

2009-09-28T17:54:00.002-04:00

Ok, So after a week (or 2) of the new shows being out, What are you going to keep watching?

I watched:

Gossip Girl .... I love this show .. and I do not know why

Flash Forward ..I have tried to watch it 3 times now, and haven't finished it

Mercy .. and I am not sure what I think about it .. The acting wasn't that spectacular and neither was the story line ......

Amazing Race - YAH!

Greys's ... Yes for now

Castle ... I think I am going to keep watching this

NCIS LLCoolJ ...Yum and More please!

Parks and Rec ...Getting Dry

Modern Family ...Hilarious

Cougar Town .. It was funny

Melrose Place .. I watch ...but I want to stop and can't

The Office .. Love love love this show

The Community .. It's just a Meh so far

Desperate Housewives ... I watch but want it to end

Brothers and Sisters .. I enjoy this show very much

Anyone watch Eastwick? I am going to really miss Lipstick Jungle

Worth it all

2009-09-23T12:27:00.002-04:00

Bleeeeeeeeeehhhuuup I say, Just wait til you get here Armadillo - I will show you who is boss round these parts.

Just peel that apple - I'll eat it like a big boy thanks!

Oh, I love my friends

That Miss Jen Lady Makes Excellent Cookies Ma'

Really - Look I am soooooo cute and innocent Believe Nothing that Mama Lady says

Fail #468

2009-09-22T13:00:00.003-04:00

Stellar ( said sarcastically) After figuring out our lil dilemma ... It only took me a month and brainstorming with a few people.

MT has been tortured with receiving his Molars and then Eye teeth 2 weeks apart .... So for a month, We were in some pretty Deep sleep deprivation, pain, misery, Etc You name it. He is 15 months old and has cut all but 2 more eye teeth coming very soon and his 2 yr molars .... This is Not fun for anyone involved. Trust me ... There were times, I wasn't sure we were going to survive. Nothing seemed to help, I tried all the (legal) tricks in the books, websites, parents But man o man ..... Screaming and Gnashing and writhing in pain was the only thing that was constant.

It got to the point, I honestly decided that there HAD to be something else wrong. Because Everyone I knew was telling me, that This just could not be related to teething ...... I started to doubt myself. When I start to doubt myself, I unravel .... and By unravel, I mean Like seriously become that pile of mush with no backbone or ability to think on my own .. Zero confidence and then I start doubting everything, and that is just more cause for a tailspin ..... then I just hit rock bottom ....

This weekend - Was my rock bottom. I was angry, defensive, tired, whiny, crying, ..Basically a Hot Mess. The stress/frustration of it all just peaked ....

MT had gone for about a month with refusing to nap. As in "i need a nap but am just going to cry and pitch a fit about it and I will not nap - but thanks". So, MT and I were doing like 14hr awake hour days together. And We were just striving off each others frustrations.... All of this while teething .. and tantrums and gnashing. And hearing how this just was not teeth, this had to be something else. Or other theories were that I do not stay home enough with him, I should cancel Life and sit at home and just wait for him to show signs of sleepy and then run and put him to bed, If he ever does decide he will sleep now...... , and My nerves were completely fried. He was refusing to eat as well. I did try the Stay at home and do nothing, It didn't help.

Since Sunday - It seems that I have somewhat solved our dilemma - He WAS hungry but refusing to eat because it was hurting his mouth/teeth. I was trying to offer soft things to help soothe the pain ..... But on that occasion, He wanted Hard/chewy things ..... or vice versa. So I never knew what or how meals were going to be. I had read so many times that you offer what you are offering, and if they refuse, You do not keep offering .. and I was torn between what was right/wrong. He is not old enough to tell me what he wants to eat, so he would just get frustrated and scream/tantrum .... But I have stopped worrying about all the rules. I just offer things until he was willing to eat and He now is back to napping. He WAS HUNGRY ...... I was starving my child ...... After the initial shock and guilt of it all, things seem to be back to normalish - and he is finishing cutting 2 more eye teeth. They are very close in breaking the surface. And for that, I am very glad to know that there may be a teething reprieve.

I need to make his 15 month appointment. In between all of this - One morning he woke up and nothing fit. He is in 2T clothes now for length. I am trying to slowly but surely start all over again with his wardrobe. That is the downfall of having a boy - People Do not buy you "cute" outfits throughout his life span like see with those having a girl.

If you are having a boy - or know someone having a boy - I think a great Shower Idea is to have People buy clothes in different sizes and seasonal appropriate. Last names starting w: A- D by 3-6 months (winter), E-H 6-12 month (summer), etc.

I am at 30 weeks according to my specialist and I am going to appointments every 2 weeks now. On the home stretch! Last Dr's appointment, My ob actually told me that I am doing a fantastic job with controlling my sugars with all these other stuff that is going on, She gave me a week off of the monitor. And told me to just check my fasting level and 3 or 4 more times during the week and if the numbers change or creep up, Call her. I was very pleased. She said that she thinks, it was adding more unnecessary stress to my days that need mot be there for now.

Did I mention how wonderful, Barb, Jen and Maresi are - We met at the Aquarium on Friday and they had a lil surprise baby sprinkle for Armadillo (baby boy#2). They are just the sweetest things! Really - I was so touched by that gesture. Jen was so crafty and creative with her gifts. I need to post pictures from this so you can see the wonderful cute gifts I got. (She made a onesie with an embroidered armadillo on it .... AND a Mini Van) - We had such a blast! and the Babies did too ...
I haven't caught up on my blogs but I will .... Tell me - How are you? Is there anything that I have not shared that you want to know about?

Blogger Support

2009-09-15T13:53:00.002-04:00

My Good Blogger Pal Katie has entered a Video to be a blog coorrespondant for Verity Mom. Help her out by commenting on her Video, Please

Heavy Hearted

2009-09-11T13:54:00.003-04:00

I have mentioned my mother on this blog quite a few times. Menopause has been very unkind to her. Recap briefly - they thought she had a minor stroke over 3 yrs ago, numerous tests, dr's appointments over a long period, I took 3 months of leave from my job over 3 yrs ago at hte beginning to assist my dad in the care of my mom .... She became a lady who completely changed, overnight. It's hard to describe ...... Long story short they think they finally had a diagnosis/rehab plan. Me.nopausal I.nduced (Hormonal) Bi-po.lar Di.sor.der. They tried a few different medications .... It gets better, then it gets worse, then there is med dose changing and waiting ... then it gets better then it gets worse, then there is med dose changing ...... It's a cycle .... And it's another one of those trial and errors that takes time, A Wait and see Game ... Many of us now about the Wait and See game of a cycle and the Trial and Error of Meds.

Things got ok this summer, never normal, But Ok is good .... Then School started for her and the first few weeks were not that bad, Then the students came .... The Anxiety set in and she was in panic mode. We would try to talk to her to see if there was something we could do to help her .... She doesn't talk .... She hasn't said more than 1000 words in the past 3 yrs. She sits in silence in a room filled with family/friends .. and just sits... She is blank, Numb, Empty, Tired, Struggling and Will not ask for help, or Does not ask for help, or Just plain has no idea what to do ..... Yesterday, she hit a very bad low and things happened and My Dad decided that she needs to just be done with teaching. .... I talked to my dad today and asked how things were going, My dad says she just keeps repeating how she has failed .. and how she can not find her way .. and how she is so depressed. She does not want to see Me or MT today .. .. she does not want to see anyone today ...... So I am at home researching new options of treatments, New Facilities, New Procedures, .. My Dad is out trying to secure a job with insurance, he is a self employed contractor. My mother carried the insurance ... Things are sticky .. We will figure this out, We always do, Life is what happens while you are planning ...

As I started off thinking about where I was eight yrs ago today on September 11. . I am now remembering my mother and the woman she was 8 yrs ago ..... ... The Country we lived in and how it may not all be directly connected, Indirectly - Life happens and People need to be appreciated ... Because in a Blink of a Eye - things can change drastically.

With all of that said, Does anyone have any experience or information on detox's through IV's?

More of those

2009-09-10T22:33:00.002-04:00

Those Pesky Milestones -

Today MT is 15 months old. He has cut the top 2 and bottom right eye teeth. Just one more to go. It is on it's way.

But that is not the milestone I am referring to. I am referring to Climbing out of the crib milestone. You know, a milestone that some 3 yr olds never attempt. ..... I am hoping we can corrall him in that crib a few more months .. He is not ready for a big boy bed yet.

I was out at the Mall this afternoon and could not resist this find:

Because You always have great ideas

2009-09-09T12:23:00.002-04:00

Are you a Work at/from Home Individual that generates a monthly income? Have you ever been? If so, What do/did you do?

I am not crafty in the least. I can follow instructions. I can type. (no I do not want to be a transcriptionist -right now), I can cook, I have uber multi-tasking abilities. I just need to figure out something to help generate a bit of income. I am not good at cold calling. I suck at selling.

Any ideas?

The Game

2009-09-05T00:04:00.004-04:00

Oh, I have loved hearing about your dinner recipes. I was getting so bored, or stuck doing the same thing over and over again. It was a refreshing and much needed post.

I had another growth scan with Dr Wonderful today. But today's was extra special because MT went with me to meet his younger brother. Jen and Elizabeth met us there so they could help me with MT while having the growth scan done. It was so much fun! All is well with Armadillo. He is measuring about 6 oz heavier than MT was at this same gestational age. So not bad, really. We showed MT his lil brother on the U/S TV. It was so cute. Jen brought her camera to take pictures for us! YEAH Jen .. Such smart thinking. After the appointment, we went out for lunch and had some girl time. It was a fantastic day.. I do not want to say too much because Jen is a much better blogger about this type of stuff AND she has the pics to prove the outing occurred.

**A week ago, The "No" game become so annoying to me. If you are not aware of this game, I will describe it briefly, mom says "no", baby ignores, laughs, Mom says "no" about 30 more times in a variety of tones and melodies, Baby keeps doing said "no" task, throws in some more laughter and ignoring. ... Mom somewhat laughs and smiles a few times to keep her head from popping off and rolling on the floor ...... I decided that I could not listen to myself say "no" one more time. Really, because No one was listening. And it was NOT EFFECTIVE..... Somehow, I just came up with thte phrase "Back Away". It is literal. I showed him what I meant by Back Away a few times and now by the second or third back away .. He is backing away. The first few times we did this lil exercise, He looked at me to see if I was serious or not ...... And Now, He knows that I am serious when I say this to him.

Do I think that eventually, This will stop working, Unfortunately, Yes. He is only going to be 15 months on the 10th. I know I have a long ways to go. But I just feel like enjoying this small victory right now and I will enjoy that feeling ... and figure out what is the next step to take when/if this stops being effective.

**I did not read this in a book, I am sure there is a book containing this info, but I just was trying to think outside the box on the fly ... Plus, I can say Back Away in a tone that makes him recognize that I am serious, No seems to be hard to say in a tone that Always sounds serious.

Tell me

2009-08-24T16:15:00.003-04:00

What are you cooking for dinner tonight? Go ahead, Leave me all your secrets. The requirements: Simple, inexpensive, ~30/45 mins and not over 10 ingredients, oh and Yep I am watching my sugars ....

updated - Amy reminded me that all crockpot meals/recipes are greatly appreciated too because I consider those good to go too!

Shhhhhh, Baby Sleeping

2009-08-19T13:02:00.002-04:00

Or the alternate title could have been Oh, I am losing my mind.

It's been about 3 weeks with E's new schedule and We have most of the kinks worked out .. Except this new sleep/wake up time.

For the past few weeks, I have adjusted MT's bedtime in order to make it age appropriate and conducive to when he is actually tired. E was usually in charge of MT's bedtime up until the new shift change. So, MT had to get used to me putting him to bed. Know that we have now adjusted to me being the one to do the bedtime .. Our routine is quite breezy and mostly stress free.

Now we have a different problem. Wake up time. (and maybe this isn't as big of a problem as I think it is. maybe this is the evolution of sleep) I was used to him sleeping about 12.5-13 hours at night with 2 (40-60 min naps- usually 45) a day. So about 14-16 of sleep a day.

Now, He is sleeping about 9-10 hours a night. Then he wants out of bed with loud protesting. Because he is hearing BIL leave for work and E coming home from work ..... He is not waking up happy or on his own really. He is being woken up by their commotion. I bought a video monitor so that I feel safe enough to pull his door closed to try and keep out all their noise - but that is not working Obviously.

After MT is up and out of the bed and calmed down, I try to give him milk. I have learned to wait to feed him breakfast because he will not eat when he first wakes up. So after we play on the floor and watch some sprout or noggin, he is then ready for breakfast but he is also tired as heck. Because he is not waking up on his own. So some mornings, after breakfast, He wants to go back down for an hour (or more) nap ... (but not every morning- so I never know until he shows sleepiness) because he did not get that last 1 or 2 hours like he needed. So We are constantly suck in a limbo, Will he or won't he need a morning nap. After that nap, he seems like his jovial self.....

After that nap, he is good to go for a few good (3-4) hours. I tried a few techniques that were suggested. I did try to just keep him up, but that was really just miserable. Therefore - that method just made the whole day seem craptacular and I squashed that plan ... Right Now, I have my dad on plan B - Looking for another exit/entry access into our house. Our backdoor is a sliding glass door - Makes it hard to really use as another exit/entry way... But I am hoping that there is a way ... Then there will be strict orders for BIL and E to leave/come through the back door in the mornings. If not, I may be remodeling and putting in new doors because I just can't figure out what else is left to do.

Honestly, We have never been a "shhhh the baby is sleeping" household. MT adjusted to noise quite fine and I liked it that way. I am not used to having a light sleeper. So this is really new/weird to me.

I also would like to thank the eye teeth that we have coming in, and the developmental stage we seem to be in also. He is showing me more and more things he can do every moment. So I know his lil mind is just full of new stuff to show me. I have noticed that his sleeping gets really out of whack with teething and when he is about to hit new milestones. So Maybe my over abundance of hormones are kicking in and making me antsy over my lack of sleep and lessened ability to go with the flow .... I just get tired of hearing my parents tell me "he will sleep in unto 8:45-9am at our house, you should just leave him here" ...... OH it makes me want to leave him over there alright!

Lots-o-stuff

2009-08-17T17:11:00.004-04:00

Help - My friend T-Mommy is in need of some Donor Advice. I know that some of you reading have experience in that area. Can you help her out.

Questions/Opinions/What would you do: Scenario a 17 month old and a Newborn - The consensus seems to be, I need a dble stroller - what kind have you liked or would buy? Do I leave my 17 month old in a crib and when I am ready for the newborn to go in a crib (we put MT in his own room around 7 months) transition MT to a bed? So possibly leaving MT in his crib for another yr at ~26 months before placing Armadillo in the crib? Do I need 2 cribs? I do not have any extra bedrooms so Armadillo will be bunking with us until I feel like I can put 2 children in the same bedroom or we move ..... again .. Thoughts?

I had my OB appointment today and I was worried that things would not go so smoothly. It is no secret that My OB and Dr Wonderful do not seem to see eye to eye on some of my treatments. The thing is I love Dr Wonderful, I like 2 of the OB dr's really well and their office staff. I dislike alot of their nurses. The office just has a different feel to it. I am not sure if it's because they switched insurance companies or have too many patient to dr ratio. But I try my best to get through it all. because I do really like 2-3 of the 5 dr's there. That is 1/2 rate and I know it could be much worse, I have seen and read much worse.

But today went very smoothly. Exceeded all my expectations .. Granted it was with the 1 Dr i do favor the most. She was willing to listen, She did not scoff at me for not taking the 3 hr or talking to their office about it first, she read why the dr and I agreed to start me on Met, She didn't even yell at me for forgetting my sugars recordings and my pregnancy passport.

She calmed my nerves about the 2 or 3 root canals I am having tomorrow and assured me that it was best to take care of them now then later. It was a pretty low key appointment. Which I like. I do have to go and get a lab done to test my blood because I am still on lo.venox which is no big deal, I can do whenever for that.

Life in general, seems to be going ... And going well most days. Basically, I am learning to adjust. My husband is adjusting too so we are all making compromises and it's nice to not feel so out of control all the time.

MT is a grand ole 14 months. He has replaced walking with running. He went through a phase of semi-regression for a few weeks. Needing to be held, needing 2-3 naps a day not spaced out very well, not eating to eating everything in sight, forgetting the words he knew. It was weird and interesting and annoying all at the same time. He would just get frustrated and not help me figure it out. He would just say Ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh all the time. But after 2 ish weeks of that - we seem back to a semi regular scheduled program Ish .... He is cutting the dreaded eye teeth and every day is a guessing game on if he will be crankypants or not ... Or take a morning nap or not ... Or eat or Not ... It seems that when "they" tell you that after that first yr - things will get more regular, they forget to include unless teething, or baby sicks, or new developments, or mom is pregnant .... ETC.

MT has learned some new tricks though in all that new growing and learning he is doing. He has added ThankYou to his vocab. It's more like dank guoo or dank dank but he says it after you help him or give him something he was trying to get.

Music is a MUST in our house, I turn on the upper lever music channel alot. We have one directed towards Toddlers and MT LOVES it. He will sit and play on the floor, run around, and dance for hours listening to the music. We just got a L.aurie Be.rkner CD (rocketship run). She by FAR is MT fav. One song counts down 5,4,3,2,1 and I was doing the numbers on my hand 2 weeks ago just for something to do, MT has caught on! He tries to count down with the song with his hands every time he hears it. Or if he wants to hear the song, He holds up 5 fingers and shakes his hand. He really is a sponge. I have since showed him how to do 5,4,3,2,1 and he is very proud and Happy when we do this together. It's amazing how their lil brains work all the time. The development is such an amazing process for me to watch. I love that I get to experience it.

Dr. Wonderful Strikes again

2009-08-06T15:54:00.003-04:00

I had a fantastic dr's appointment this morning with Dr. Wonderful. First they performed an fetal echo-cardiogram to make sure that there were 4 chambers and that the septum was closed due to me having surgery for an A.SD repair. Everything looked great, Baby cooperated well and they got all the measurements/tests that needed to be done.

The baby was in such great positioning that the tech went ahead and turned the machine onto the 4d mode. We watched the lil one smile at us .... (can't get the pic to upload - will try later)

It was awesome.

We then discussed my failing the 1 hr Glucose test and i showed him my recordings for all my readings I have been doing since the day of the test. He agreed that the 3 hr was going to be a waste of time since my fasting mornings reads are the only reads that are out of the acceptable range. We already know from the PC.OS that my body is wonky with sugars and nighttime. He stated that my over-active liver was just in overtime at night and that we need to try and combat the night sugars. Based on my pregnancy with MT, my fasting waking sugars were always the highest too .. so with that Said, He wants me to try 500mg of Met.formin at night to start off with and see if we can't get my fasting waking read around 90 at first. I am to call him in 1 week on the 500 mg, If it is not down/under 90, then I will go to 2 500mg of Met... If after 2 weeks of that It is still not being down/around 90 .., we will try 3 500mg..... I have an appointment with him Sept 4, and if we still can't control it, we will discuss what is next.

This news is so fantastic to me ... I know I still have GD and GD is not fantastic , but not having to take the 3 hr and just feeling like I had a Dr listen to me about my body feels like a very huge accomplishment. This is why he deems the name Dr. Wonderful.

He always wants me to go to checking my sugars 2 hrs after each meal instead of 1 hour. All of this is just such a breath of fresh air and I feel like I can slowly breath again and release the panic ..

2009-08-05T18:51:00.002-04:00

I would like to personally thank everyone for the kind, kind comments. Thank you for not flogging me - For I am flogging myself mentally most days between the mix of emotions, lack of sleep, and new adjustments.

I just have to write something to get that blog post off the top ..... So as most of my posts - this one is totally random.

I just realized that I really dislike mustard on cheeseburgers
I have a dr's appointment tomorrow with Dr Wonderful and I am hoping he has some answers/suggestions for me about my sugars
It's amazing that in 2009 there are very limited meds a pregnant woman can take safely .... I have had a sinus headache for like 3 days that it irratating my teeth
I miss taking showers in the morning but I love sleep more than getting up early enough to take a shower in the morning
YAH for Shark Week, The Food Channel, HGTV, and Discovery Channel! I am not sure what I would do w/o these channels. I am looking forward to new Swordfish Fishing Show
MAN, I want a new hair cut so bad but have no idea what to do
I miss baking, Because I miss eating cookies/brownies but I am so OCD about my sugars that I can't bring myself to bake

Oh there are plenty more random thoughts of today but I won't scare/bore you with any more

No more Tip Toeing

2009-08-02T22:17:00.002-04:00

Infertility is So bizarre to process and I am warning you right now - Up front. This is going to be a very hard post for me to write and this is going to be a very hard post for most to read. These are MY feelings and I am allowed to have them, Because they are Mine and this is my blog. It does not mean anyone else will like them or agree with them. If you are not in a great space mentally right now - I am warning you now - You may need to come back to this post much later. I have no intentions of offending or losing any readers/commenter's. I am just trying to get back to being able to blog and pushing the elephant in the room to light.

I have always been honest on my blog - Very very open and Honest. The past few months, I have not been completely open and honest with my feelings. But, Now, It's time to break that cycle:

I am having a VERY hard time being pregnant this time around. Mentally and Physically. Let's take it back a few months - I fantasized about the Idea of being pregnant again, idealized the idea of being able to decide that when I would want an #2, It would just happen .. You know, Like, Pick when you are ready and start and magically fall pregnant - Just like a fairy tale ..Or the Movies ..... Once We all adjusted to life with MT and would be feeling a groove and feeling Ready ...... Yes THEN ... that would just be divine, but if we never have #2 ..I know the blessing of one gorgeous little boy and I will be fulfilled with him

Then I started having "health issues" that I just knew were my PCOS acting up again ..... I took pregnancy test because people kept telling me to .. Now that I think about, they were actually faint lines and Not Evap lines ...

Then The dr's confirmed that I was in fact, Pregnant ... My first thoughts were, Oh Well, Here we go again ... Just more miscarriage to add under my belt. I found out I was 8 weeks and was waiting every day to find out that it was just another chemical pregnancy or that I was going to start bleeding at any moment. And week by week, Life went on, and I was somehow still pregnant. No Met, No aspirin, No L.ovenox, No med's to make me ovulate ... Nothing .. I felt like a fish out of water. This was not known territory. 7 yrs, No birth control, a few too many positive pregnancy tests and lots of Dr's bills and One beautiful MT to show for them. People knew we had to seek medically intervention to get MT on earth and asked if we went through it again so soon ... I was now THAT myth ... That girl .. to continue to perpetuate the story telling of friends to friends that know a friend that once they gave birth, all their fertility problems were fixed .... But are they really? What does fixed imply ... That I was broken? And not not? I endured more "i told you so" than I would like to recall

Each trip to the bathroom to vomit profusely, reminded me that I was still really pregnant and also caring for a 9 month old ...(is there a nice way to describe all day sickness?)

The dr's appointments came rolling in, Yip, Still Pregnant .... I am not sure when I actually processed that I Really was pregnant and possibly going to be pregnant until they say Dec..I say Nov....

All this time, I know that I know that I know and believe the blessing it is to have a child ... to be pregnant and caring for a child. I know with all my heart that this is a blessing beyond any blessing ... ..But ... Here is the But

MAN! It's So hard. It is not like my pregnancy with MT, where I have all the time in the world to enjoy downtime and take time for myself and get pampered and be totally intoxicated by the hormones and love and dotting friends/family. This time, I am chasing a very active Tot, being very very sick, peeing on myself because I could not make it to the bathroom in time because I was taking care of one of MT's immediate needs and having to neglect that "OMG I have to pee feeling", standing outside in the heat index of 107, bitterness of years of heartbreak, bitterness of treatments, bitterness for friends who deserve to be a Mom times two because I am not that great at handling one some/most days, Bitterness of timing, Bitterness is UGLY ....... This is not the circumstances I ever imagined when daydreaming of #2 .....

All of this is just touching the surface of the emotional aspect of having your body flooded with an overload of hormones again. There are so many emotional layers to infertility .. Like an Onion .. I peel back each layer to only find more layers of raw-ness. More layers of deep rooted hurt, Dealing with More very hurtful losses of friendships, More inconsiderate, hurtful comments and feeling of Am/Was I really infertile after all ... Doubt .... Sending me to places that are dark. Rocking my core.. Confusing, Mixed emotions of loss, birth, cures, doubt .. Questioning my very being, My bitterness, My blessings, My struggles, My feelings, My life ....

The only thing that I can do it, accept it, Move on ... Embrace it head on. This is my Life, the cards I was dealt. I can't change it, I can't make excuses for it. I have to Learn as we go ... And try to make the absolute most I can out of it, Try to keep the friendships I have, Open and honestly ... and Hang on for dear life ....

Playing Dr

2009-07-31T13:10:00.002-04:00

No - not that Kind!

I was right about the med's and glucose levels. So right now, I am in a holding pattern. I am waiting for the lab paperwork to come in the mail, They mailed it and apparently it's being delivered to my address via Alaska ... I was going to have the 3 hr test done today but since no papework and really no babysitter, We had no choice but to wait.

Ever since I had the 1 hr test, I have been testing my fasting sugars in the morning, 1 hr after each meal and then again just before bedtime. Over-Kill, I know. But it has helped me see a problem that I am going to discuss with my perinatologist on wednesday. My fasting/waking sugars are the highest .. Higher than they should be. I want to discuss maybe instead of taking the 3 hr, continue monitoring like I am, and take some sort of insulin/metformin or something of the like at night to help my fasting sugar levels. I have no idea if this is possible, but That Fasting level is the only problem.

I ate/drank something that I knew should send my sugars over the edge just to see if it really would .. and it didn't ..It was still in the low range bracket. I have no disputing that my sugar is wonky, and Since I am monitoring it, I am hoping with all hope that I do not have to do the 3 hr test. It makes me very very ill. (for like 2-3 days) I have done it a few too many times.

On a different note, I am still trying to convince myself that we will all adjust to E's new schedule and that we will all be better for it. Good things that have come out of it:

I have gotten more involved in the momgroup I was hanging out with. It has been a blast getting to hang out with them in the mornings. They are a great support and friendship and provide insightful and adult conversations
MT decided he would not in any way take a bottle from me - Nosirreebob thankyouverymuch. So our night time bottle is gone .... We are bottle free.
E's is making BIL help more around the house ... YAH. I was in bed watching TV with all chores done/clean house/laundry in the dryer at 9pm last night .. first night in MONTHS that I can recall being in bed that early ... and I LOVED IT.

E has off this weekend and I am in need of some alone/me time. I can't even figure out what I want to do with my own alone time! Sitting in silence sounds great! Maybe a quiet theater? I used to think weird things of people who went to the theater alone or a restaurant ..but now i get it .... it's quiet and dark and no one will ask you for anything.

Calling all

2009-07-27T22:33:00.004-04:00

Armchair Dr's ...or Anyone with Google Degrees of Medicine: Please comment

The antibiotics warning says not to take if diabetic, May raise sugars ....

To me, This means: Can't these Antibiotics I was given today for an infection because it will mess with my glucose lvl? I think it can If i understand this right.

Shouldn't I wait to take the the 3 hr test after I am done with the antibiotics? Or not start the antibiotics until I take the test?

Of Course, Gotta call the Dr back in the morning. It seems they should know this .... Not sure. Thoughts?

Bullets

2009-07-27T14:21:00.004-04:00

i just got the call - I failed the 1 hr test and have to complete the 3 hr test. They are going to mail me the lab form and I will have to work around a few schedules in order to make it there at a decent hour to fast ... but We will get it done.
I have another UTI. I didn't even know. They will call in meds for that too.
I am on my way home to wake up E to have a chat about my life and how I need things to be a bit different regarding his schedule, helping out, his Brother - I hope we learn to all adjust soon...

MT is 13 months:

He stopped drinking his nightly bottle a few weeks ago really, But I would still make it and offer it, He would take sips but then lose interest. Monday night, I didn't make one, and he hasn't asked/fussed about it's absence.

He has FINALLY started doing the all done sign language AND saying all done when he is finished eating, or being outside, done in the bath tub .. He is VERY very very proud of his new accomplishment and word. Sometimes, he just says/does the sign for all done just for claps. He enjoys being praised. Who Doesn't...

Shoes - Since Monday, I am a proud owner of 2 new pair of shoes. He actually likes them. He understands now that he has to wear shoes to go outside and will bring them to me when he wants to go.

Yesterday was my dad's birthday, I got him to say Happy Birthday to you while practicing singing in the car on the way to my parents house. But have not gotten him to do it for others to hear

It is so amazing to watch how much he is understanding now. He certainly understands so much more than I gave him credit for.

Birthdays and a Show

2009-07-22T21:55:00.004-04:00

At 6:45 am, tomorrow, I will be standing in line to have my blood sucked out of me for the fasting 1 hr glucose test. After a bit of a mix -up (have I mentioned how awful my dr's office is about keeping their stuff straight), My MFM requested my OB's office to do a 1 hour fasting glucose test. This means, I have to go, have my blood drawn, then drink the nasty drink. Wait an hour, then get poked again for the 1 hours drawn. I was told that the results could take 7 days .. boy the suspense will be killing me. I have been testing my glucose lvl with my monitor off and on throughout the pregnancy - it seems to be ok. We will see what the test indicates versus my handheld.

We celebrated my mothers birthday tonight. Since she made me dinner on my birthday, I repaid the favor. She wanted spaghetti and a cake. Simple and easy. So I made homemade spaghetti sauce (i actually have never done that - She always does) and a birthday cake. My BIL's birthday is tomorrow, So I told him the dinner/cake was for him too.

My dad's birthday is Sunday - birthdays birthdays birthdays all over. He wants a steak from a certain restaurant, So I assume Monday or Tuesday, we will take my parents there.

I appreciate the support/comments. It does really mean alot to me- I know that I have been very dry and boring and I appreciate those that are sticking through it.

A funny/Holy Tantrum MT moment - The Show:
Last weekend, we went to St. Augustine Beach for an impromptu vacation to see my sister who was also on vacation. They have Outlets... YAH shopping! I wanted to get MT a pair of shoes. I have shoes but none seem to fit him yet and he is a walker and really needs a pair of shoes ... He has a wide, flat foot so i wanted a sandal type shoe that would be easy to get on/off. Found something similar, tried to put his foot in it. He would curl up his toes and scream in demand that I stop. My parents were with me trying to help me convince my 13 month old that shoes are fun .... NOT going to happen - after a very hefty fight and 3 adults, I managed to get him in a pair of sandals. I put him down to walk in them and you would have thought I was making him walk in flippers (you ever tried to walk in flippers). He was NOT having it, after 30 seconds of repetitively turning his ankles over, flapping the shoes and screaming, He threw himself on the ground hitting his head on the shoe racks, rolling around and screaming in protest .... My blood was boiling ... I was THAT mom, with THAT Kid .. How embarrassing. We immediately took the shoes off his feet and proceeded out the door .. I was Furious..... I have decided now, that all punishment will require shoes ... If i can ever buy him a pair! Welcome to toddlerhood ;)

Hang with Me

2009-07-19T20:41:00.007-04:00

P talk - just warning - skip to the white
Thank you for all the wonderful birthday wishes and Congratulating our Newest Member of the Blue team. We are so excited to be able to re-use all of the cute blue things! I have been asked a few times if I was disappointed that I am not going to be able to celebrate with Pink - and honestly, I am not at all. Not in the least. In fact, I really didn't ever believe I was carrying a member of the pink team. Every time I heard it, I laughed .. and thought to myself ... We'll show them!

I am intrigue how completely different this pregnancy is from MT's though. I would be willing to say that Everything is different. My sleeping or lack there of (Hello Insomnia), my nausea (that sill lingers on), my tiredness, my aches/pains, my hormones (that are taking over), my patience's, etc. Everything just feels so out of control/sorts and different. To answer the Name question: No, Of course not, We do not have a name picked out yet. We are working on it. It's going to take months, I am pretty sure of that

This should be entitled "Why I am such a craptastic blogger friend"

I have mentioned my mom before, Well, She is not doing well. Things got severely bad about 5 weeks ago and We had to deal with that. My dad just can't do it on his own, So I try to step up and help out. It is still not much better than when it started 5 weeks ago ... but hopefully we are on the right track with her and She will be doing much better soon. To top it off, they have found cancer cells on one of her biopsies. So in a few weeks, I have to go with her to get more tests done and some more skin grafts
Teething - Really, I hate to even have to include this on my blog ever again but it seems that Teething is our "thing". Poor MT, He just cannot handle it. AT.ALL. Medicated up and all, I see no relief. I tried the Hyla.nd's teething tablets, they made him vomit all over. .. Not sure what else to say about that - It sucks Royally.
New work schedules - We will soon be adjusting to E's new work schedule that will leave me and MT on our own for months basically. This is scaring the bejezzess out of me. Because of this, I had to quit my p/t job for now. I am hoping to figure out, at some point, How to manage working a job outside of the house into this life of mine.
Adjusting to my 22 yr old BIL living with us. WOW, the challenge that this causes could honestly be it's very own post. I am just trying to not sweat the small stuff, keep the language and such at a G rating - and failing miserably. Things are going to have to be discussed at length, I can see this coming. We have tried by making comments to him about it - but I think we are going to have to make some ground rules .... He always has a comment back to our comments - and remember He was raised by my MIL - not the best Role Model. And certainly not the best example of how I like things to go down at my house.

I am trying my best to stay afloat and keep up with everyone - but honestly - Not doing a great job at that at all ... Hang with me, Don't give up on me commenting, This too shall pass ... and I will be afloat again soon.

It's a Small World After All

2009-07-13T15:38:00.004-04:00

It was so great to see Dr. Wonderful again! I am not sure I ever wrote down that the day of delivery, I met a nurse that worked for Dr Wonderful in Detroit before moving to our area. She did not know that Dr. W was practicing in the Bay area and had very good things to say about him. Which I fondly agreed with all of her sentiments. This man is really is THAT wonderful. I sent him a letter with MT's birth announcement letting him know that we met an old nurse of his. He said that they are now actually friends on Facebook because of the letter and birth announcement I sent him. They communicate a few times a week via FB.

The same Ulta -Sound Tech that reveal the anatomy of MT was all excited and ready to reveal the anatomy of the Armadillo. The office was so upset that I did not bring MT or a Photograph of Him. We got right down to business, counted the heart ventricles, watched the blood flow, counted/measured organs/body parts .. ... Everything that needed to be there was there! When she got to what I thought was the identifying parts that distinguish between pink and blue .. I shouted "OH YAH, That's Boy parts!" She laughed and said actually that was the umbilical cord ..... But after a few more minutes, The Jewels were Revealed in much more detail, I said "THAT's a Boy! ..She giggled and shuck her head in agreement. MT is going to be a big Brother to his Baby Brother! How exciting!!!!

He hugged me and shuck E's hand a bunch of times and told us how thrilled he was for us. On our way out of the office, he reminded me that he wants a picture of MT (in 3 weeks when I visit him again) and that tonight he was going to send my delivering nurse an email with the exciting news.

What a very fun Day!

The Verdict

2009-07-09T15:34:00.002-04:00

From the last post (ignore if you already did) - Enquiring Minds Wanna know what type of baby monitor you would/would not suggest - take time to leave a comment about that.

On Monday at 11:45 am, I will find out if MT gets a brother or a sister. It's a few days before my birthday, But It's definitely a present I will take early.

Tuesday Early Morning, I received a wake up call from MT around 3 am - He was screaming. I went to check on him and he was burning up. With all the de-cluttering, I could not find his thermometer. It was also 3 am and I was delirious. I just gave him some tylenol and took his clothes off and we sat in the living room for a while and he wanted water. Then I tried to lay down with him in our bed. The kid steam rolls. ... Really, He just tosses and turns and flips all around in his sleep. So finally I decided to get up and take him back to bed. He woke up 2 hours later. Rough night for sure. He was not feeling as warm and I know he is teething so I just kept him well medicated, and went through the day. Later on, again he felt extremely warm, I decided I needed to take his temp .. 104 OUCH ..... I gave him more tylenol and called the dr's office ... Of course it was after hours ... It took me calling them again to finally get a call 2 hours later .. . By that time, I already had the temp down to 100 and a sleeping baby. I was no longer panicking did not think urgent care was needed. Today he has had no temp thus far, but very cranky and sleepy. I am kicking myself for not making a Dr's appointment today - But I really do think that the Crank is from stupid molar that refuses to come through ... Not that high temp though .. Not sure what to think about that. He is showing no real sign of sickness. I have a feeling I will be in the Dr's office with him Tomorrow.

Coming to an End

2009-07-08T12:59:00.004-04:00

*My comments have been sparse lately. I am still reading, I promise

First order of business:
Ok question for those that have a baby monitor. We have an angelcare but have recently decided that we need to buy a different one. We bought ours on craigslist and I LOVE IT. Except my steam rolling baby sets off the alarm 2-3 time a night and the receiver in our bedroom is causing interference with our alarm clock buzzing since the re-arranging/de-cluttering. My husband keeps turning off the monitor in the middle of the night ... Makes me frustrated ... SO What are you using? Do you like it? If not tell me that too, If you could buy a new monitor what would it be? Video? Or just Audio?

Well, the De-clutter 2009 has about ended. I just have a few bins to go through. It's papers that require setting up an organized filing system, a cleaned off desk, books that need a bookshelf .. But I need to buy a bookshelf and find a spot for it, find a few more spots for odd pieces in the kitchen, waiting on the new stove burners/knobs to arrive ... That kind of piddly stuff. Looks Like I may need another trip to Ikea. Truly, I am obsessed with that store. I am glad it is 45 mins away and not 10 mins away!

Actually I will be happy to never say or think de-clutter ever again. Everyone that helped claimed it was in no way de-cluttering. They claim it was the make up nesting that I never got to do for MT because he came earlier than expected and starting early with the Armadillo. Could be but BOY does it actually feel great to walk in a room and not trip over boxes, or weird placed furniture. I can open cabinets w/o things falling out. Although, the kitchen is done and cleaned out, We are having to move some things around again to make it more functional for us.

I have every piece of laundry that we own cleaned *mostly* and put away. It all has a spot now. (*there is a load that needs to be folded - but I think We have room for it - If not- I will Make room by finding more to sell/donate). It makes me want to have people over now.

This project was actually very timely. My mother is back to having a hard time again. She is not herself. TV is a huge trigger and being off for the summer and being this hot so early in the yr, there really isn't much else to do. So this has help keep her mind busy. We took her back to her dr and hope to have things evened out in 3 -4 weeks. Some days she was not that much of a help, but On those days, I considered it a break for my dad. And A time for me to use the bathroom by myself. And catch a quick errand w/ an extra pair of hands.

With all the de-cluttering, house guest adjustments and Mom health issue, I think my stress level went too high. 2 days ago, I started having very intense severe pains/contractions. Hindsight, I think I got dehydrated and allowed some lifestress get to me. After some rest and water, It did lighten up and by the next morning I was just sore.

On-top of the De-cluttering, that morning of the dehydration, MT fell on a toy and busted his lip and his nose. Lots of blood, We were pretty sure he broke his nose at first, but after all the clean up, realized it was just bruised. Then a few hours later, After a nap, he was running from me in his crib and fell and landed right on the top railing and now has a black eye ..After that episode, I changed his diaper to discover a severe diaper rash. More bleeding .. I am not sure if it was from the disposable diaper that was put on him or if it is a combo of the teething he is still doing. All but the bottom left molar has broken through. His molars are STILL causing big problems (read crankiness, appetite), and interrupting his (my) sleep, He does get motrin but it does not seem to help much.

Right now, My mom has him at her house and I am supposedly unloading boxes, creating a filing system and taking a nap .. but I just want to sit and melt into my couch and take a good snooze! Which is what I think I am totally going to do ...

Utter Clutter

2009-07-02T00:29:00.006-04:00

ok, Ok really I need to get that post off the top ;)

Remember this post: If you don't that's Ok, I'll Summarize:
We completely re-arranged the entire house to allow MT to sleep in his crib in his room and have a separate play room. That was at the end of Feb .. As in less then 4 months ago .....

Today (and tomorrow) and a good part of the next week, are being dedicated to Move the entire contents of my house all around AH-GEN. Fickle Much, you ask? Yes, No and Maybe. It has to do with alot of different things we have going on. Our bedroom currently did not have any doors on it. We need doors. E's brother is moving in this week. He needs a room (with doors) and a bed .... So we spent a good deal of time today actually decluttering and cleaning. Like Deep, spring cleaning. On your hands and knees with a toothbrush and a rag type of cleaning. We also bagged up 7 very large trash bags of clothes, and 4 -5 very large trash bags of misc. items that just need to go. (and that was only attacking 2 walk-in closets, 1 bedroom/bathroom, 1 storage closet and 1/2 of the kitchen. Yard Sale,Here we come! We have 2 more bedrooms, 2 more closets, 1 more bathroom, a living/dining area, and the other 1/2 of the Kitchen left still to tackle.

I have recruited my parents to come along for the ride. Plus 4 people (and a munchkin) accomplish so much more than 2 people (and a munchkin). AND. I hate to actually admit this, but my house was in dire need of attention. It was getting out of hand. It was no clean sweep house BUT, It needed some TLC. It was my push to get rid of things from college that I thought needed saving, go through old unpacked boxes and really evaluate the items' purpose in my life/house. My dad has very good skills with utilizing every aspect of the room to it's fullest and THAT is what I needed. Help, Brawn, Brains, Babysitting, and motivation. On this rainy week, It was just the perfect task. I feel so accomplished ... And so amped and ready for more tomorrow. It feels great to De-clutter. Bring it on! I am winning the war on my household!

The Letter O - for Oversharing

2009-06-30T22:40:00.003-04:00

If only I were as comedic as the other bloggers I read I would write about my saga of the down side to too much Zof.ran ...... If you are unfamiliar with what can happen on Z.ofra.n .. uhm, let me share: Constipation .....

Not too graphic and w/o too many intimate details but enough to get the picture:

Too much Z.ofran + that "OMG i have to go ....but I can't" feeling + a repair guy that keeps knocking on your door at the WORST times 3 times + 1 yr old that is pulling EVERYTHING out of the bathroom cabinet while I am trying my best to take care of business = Shear Panic Attack. And a need to attach baby proofing things to said bathroom cabinet doors!

This was my day, Yesterday. Just in case you did not know this about the med, Consider yourself Warned.

Our Upstairs Neighbor's A/C seems to leak or the line get's blocked up or some other excuse I get and it leaks into our laundry room .... YES i have written about our Water saga's before ..This year, I have had my share of Leaking water, and I am just trying to grin and bear it ... But I made a phone call to our landlord about it and Then .... Timing Was Not on my side .... That's all I gotta say about that - OH but If i was funnier and Better with words, You would TOTALLY have gotten a very different blog post! Let's just say Colace is now my bestest friend and will not be forgotten!

Sleep is for the Weak

2009-06-27T21:20:00.003-04:00

*if you do not care to read about our sleep issues of a 1 yr old Skip this post - go ahead - Really ..Skip it!

I probably should wait a few more days to write about this. When I have stopped crying about it and When I can begin to think rationally.

Everything is fine - Except our nap/bedtime routine. It WAS fine, Until 2 weeks ago. Like I have mentioned:
Naps are all over the place these days, Never really consistent even If I try/plead/beg/be consistent ...

Top Molars have broken through, Bottom molars still seem to be making our lives miserable. Bed time SUCKS. I am SO OVER teething! Bedtime has never sucked for us, so this is my first experience. I am not sure what to even do about it. We have always done: Dinner, Bath, bottle, book routine for months now. But the past 2ish weeks, There has been resistance. And that resistance gets louder and louder and louder as nights have progressed. He gets to this ungodly screaming, cannot breath crying fits. Let's back up. 2 Weeks ago, He decided that he will throw his blanket/paci/lovey out of the crib at bedtime and cry (pitch a fit) about it until someone goes back in and gives it to him. At first We would wait til he was pretty upset and then go back in, hand him the things, lay him back down and THEN he would go to sleep.. No problem after the obnoxious ritual. Then I decided I was not going back in to hand him his things he threw out and did a bit of a CIO over it. And for 2-3 nights It was ok ..By ok, I mean it took 40 mins AFTER the crying started to get to sleep. So the put in crib to sleeping time was about a 90 min process. Which was also driving me bonkers. Now, CIO is not going well. Not at all! He does this "crying til I will not breath" routine for a VERY long period of time. and I am at my wits end. I know that I can take more of this but I would Not like to. I am frazzled over it and losing my rational thoughts in the process. I am having to Hold him tightly in my arms until he calms down enough to get comfortable and fall asleep. This is no fun for him, certain not fun for me and I feel years of therapy are going to be a direct correlation to this.. .... It.IS.Miserable!

To make matters worse, There have been lots of changes going on in our household (and more to come soon) and I KNOW that this is also a bit of the cause of the bedtime problem.

One problem is that my MIL is at it again. Causing too much family drama that One of E's siblings is pseudo living with us. (started this weekend) He is looking for a job here so eventually, He can just in with us. Which is another blog post all together...... Mind Swirling

I am really pleading that once the bottom molars come through, our bedtime routine will look somewhat similar as it was. On a plus side, I read that 1 yr olds really struggle with bed time due to all the new tricks they are learning and that things will get better. I just needed to get this out of my negativity spot because it was bringing me down. Because, Yes, This too shall pass.

Alot to say

2009-06-24T21:40:00.006-04:00

and not sure how to say it.

Do you know when you are going about your day and you think "this is good blog material" ..Then Later on you sit down, write it, and wonder "why did I think this was good blog material?" Lately, I have that problem.

Over the past few years, I have read/commented/participated on many blogs that started off as IF blogs on many different paths that have been now been blessed with receiving their awaited miracles. I consider myself lucky to share in their journeys. Lately, it seems that more and more scams/untruths/lies that cause panic and doubt are being thrown out into that blogdom. I makes me a lil sad. I just wanted to take a second to acknowledge that everything on this blog is the truth OR my personal Feelings, Thoughts, or Experiences. My very own. I am who I am.

I am:
a christian
Loved
Blessed
a Daughter
a Sister
a Wife
a Mother
A Messy house keeper
inspired by many
Enjoying the Beach/Ocean/Pools
Scatterbrained
Good Cook
an Over Sharer
an Entertainer at heart
a fan of reality tv, the Food Channel, Discovery, and Girlie mushy movies
Scared of being pregnant again so soon
Feeling guilty at times for being scared of being pregnant so soon
Honest to a flaw
Awkward
Tired and Anxious
Overwhelmed
Overjoyed
Feeling my Old Self Return slowly in bits and pieces every day
A poor Friend at times
a lover of all things dessert
grateful of every comment that has ever been left on this blog
I am Me... I may be parenting after IF, I may be pregnant again after delivering 12 months ago but I am more than that ... I am Farah. *I may come back and add to this post if I think of More things I want to include.

I encourage you to do this on your own blog! If you do it will you leave me a comment and let me know. If you have never left a comment, I encourage you to delurk and participate!

Moving and Shaking. Since I am 1

2009-06-22T11:46:00.003-04:00

"Look What I can do!"

Thank you for all the birthday wishes. I printed the post w/ comments out for his baby book.

Let's talk about a few things:

Heat - I know it's Florida, The Sunshine State, and I am ok with that. BUT the heat index 102-115 every day so far has not been pleasant. It's only June, What am I supposed to do when it's August, Our Really hot month? It's not even so much about the sweat, The humidity makes it so hard to breath. It's miserable!! And I have a boy that craves outside All.The.Time. I will not even mention the mosquito's! The ones that are the size of small dogs ... That swarm to take bites out of my sweetness!

1 yr Molars - I hate you! Give my child a break and cut through already! Thankyouverymuch

Time - Why is time/money and money/time... When I have time, I don't always have money and when I have money I lack time ..... Where is that balance? .. I can't seem to find it

We lost a bottle the other night (Friday night) after E fed MT. We looked everywhere and could not find it anywhere. I found it Yesterday in the hood of one of MT's Cars he pushes around. I found quite a few things in the hood of the car that have been missing.

There has been a new word learned at our house Friday: Cookie! My child must love the K sound .. Most of his words he says are all k's. He is constantly talking these days. I have NO IDEA what he is saying but He does and He thinks I should too. He has started hissing too. I am just trying to figure out what that means. He waves bye bye to go outside now. He will push one of his cars to the door bang on the door yell something and wave bye bye to indicate his desire to go outside. He does this first thing EVERY morning and at least 5 times a day. He just really loves to be outside

The next day after MT's birthday party, he took a 2.5 hour nap in the middle of the day. I thought this was because he was making up for lost sleep. But this seems to have been the norm nap schedule now. Some mornings he will take a mid morning nap still (about 3 hours after wake up time) but other days seems uninterested in the morning nap. So, they boy that only took cat naps seems to give me at least a 2 hours window in the afternoon to get things done. My house is going to appreciate this so much. It could use a good clean!

I have an uneventful ob appointment tomorrow. Not sure what to expect since I now have pretty low expectations from them .. I love their delivery experience So I am just focusing on that for now!

Where have you been

2009-06-16T21:49:00.008-04:00

Wow, Long time no blog - Let's just jump in:

Saturday was MT's birthday party and honestly, It was a blast! I enjoy watching others enjoy themselves. It was at a park and believe it or not, No one melted away. It was under a shaded shelter, and On the gulf, so there was a bit of a breeze. My dad and I made pork, chicken, rice, and beans for a and had all the fixins' for a build your own burrito bar. I am so thrilled with the way everything turned out.

We ate as soon as most arrived. Then after lunch, I had bubble machines and gave each child their own bubble wand to help make more bubbles:

After that, We had CAKE! I ordered a big cake for all of us to eat, but made MT a monkey smash cake:

Here are 2 of my fav pictures from the day. It sums up How I think he felt on his special day: (can you see that grin under all that frosting mess?)

Seriously, It was a great day. He had a nap before the party - despite MIL's efforts to soil that plan. MIL wanted desperately to see MT before the party but I left E with very specific instructions and only 1 task .... Make sure there is an uninterrupted morning nap. After the party was over, E took MT home again for another nap because we just about wore him out! I asked MIL to help clean up (keeping her away so there could be another uninterrupted nap) This time, it didn't go off that well. MIL insisted on coming over and even though instructed to leave a sleeping baby sleeping - Managed to indirectly wake up said sleeping baby with her 4 yr old that honestly needs disciplining in a MAJOR WAY ... but that is all for another post - when I stop being so angry at the drama that she brings my way ... Let's just say, E had to respectfully ask her to leave. It got that bad ... Started by needing a few adult beverages to "calm her nerves" for her grandson's bday party at 11 o' clock .... ..... ............

Whoops, Off track .... Did I mention that a few days ago, MT decided that he could walk! Like clear a room and go where he wants to? He is still crawling too but he throws in walking also. He is very proud of himself! I need to get it on video.

Today was MT's 1 yr check up. It was a great overall appointment. He s weighing almost 22 lbs and measuring 30.5 inches tall. They tested his hemoglobin and apparently he is borderline on the cut off for iron supplements. They prescribed some iron drops, but I am going to need to do some research on this. He was only .4 away and I didn't know we had to do that this appointment or I would have been more prepared. I spent 30 mins with the Dr discussing the upcoming appointment that is needed to give MT a few vaccines that I am unsure of. I was extremely grateful for his time and discussion. He was very nice and informative with answering all my questions. He was thrilled to know that we are down to 1 bottle and says eventually we will have to stop it. I told him that he really doesn't even drink it, He just likes the comfort of the sucking. He told me to put water in it and see what happens. I may do that.

MT calls other wee ones "kids" he will not say baby. He must like the K sound. He walks around saying Kitty kitty and Kids all the time. If he hears children playing, he will look at me and say Kids! Over and over until he sees them. He is also saying: See, Dadee, Mum, Num num num (food) , mam, mam, mam (milk/water), He will not do any of the sign language so I quit. But he is developing his own language and I am trying to make sure that when he says on of those made up words of his, I repeat the real word in hopes that one day, he will get it. We have a doll baby that we have been trying to teach him gentle, easy, hug the baby and such so when our new one arrives he will be somewhat prepared. I dunno if it will work or not, but I am trying.

Sorry, I have been sparse on my commenting lately. I am still reading in between it all. I have also been busy and the nausea is back in full swing again. (I am 15 weeks) Hoping it all gets easier soon again

This time in 08

2009-06-09T09:30:00.000-04:00

At 9:37am, my water broke: 14 hours later, I was pushing trying to have a June 9th Baby ..But We missed it by 2 minutes.

Not seeing Red anymore

2009-06-08T20:16:00.002-04:00

Sorry to hold out on you - I received a call from my dr's office Friday at 4pm and they explained to me that I was scheduled for a nurses appointment on Friday and not a dr appointment. I explained to her that I had never in my 4 yrs of going to them ever had a nurses appointment and never again ever wanted to get a nurses appointment. I explained to her that it was not acceptable for my mental state. I was expecting more care provided by me and thus got me really more upset than I needed to be at this time/state. She agreed that she should have explained to me about the nurses appointment and apologized that I was nervous about not being able to get a Doppler listen. It was too late to go back in the office that day and quite frankly, I was about 4 seconds from looking for a new practice.

Until, I calmed down, took some deep breathes and started to relax. A few days ago, I have started to feel movement. So I knew that if I would just get in a relaxed position and just breath in and out, and hope that I would feel some movement. I did ..and have been feeling movement all weekend sporadically of course and usually after a bath/shower and laying in bed. I am pretty sure it's movement.

Today at 4:30pm the nurse did call me to let me know that they did confirm it just being a UTI and I should continue the lots of water, cranberry (with no sugar), and antibiotics.

I have also taken off a week of work in hopes to get it under better control, rest up and finish up with the last few things for MT's 1st birthday party on Saturday. I cannot always run to the bathroom when needing to at work since we are on a time schedule and I need to take more care of myself than this particular part time job plus I have loads of things to do for the birthday party. It was just a good time to do it.

So - this with me, hopefully are getting better. I have contemplated many times driving to Jen's for a hb check. Then I talk myself out of it and try not to be a paranoid spaz!

The day of the bleeding, I did receive a call from the dr office letting me know that my triple screen/nt all came back fantastic .. Which of course is great news ..... Just wish I could magically hear the heartbeat and Know. I may have to call the dr office tomorrow and beg for a listen.

Seeing Red

2009-06-05T14:41:00.002-04:00

Yesterday morning, I arrived at Animal Kingdom to hang with one of my bloggy bffs, Amanda and her husband. I went to the bathroom ..and there is was. The dreaded Red on the TP. (lots of TMI) I remained calm ..or tried to remain calm and just go about my day. I mean there wasn't much I could do, I was too far to make it back to the dr and I tried to keep telling myself .. Red happens to some ..... I am 13 weeks along ... and it was not alot .. I kept seeing it throughout the day every time I went to the bathroom and at some point there became alot of weird pressure after I peed. I have to sit there to make sure that my bladder would relax and empty. I did call the dr's office and told them I was not close because they wanted me to come in right then ... I instead had to make an appointment for 1:30 today.

I managed to get sleep and went tothe dr office this afternoon with as many calm nerves a possible - but at the Dr office. I almost imploded. This is NOT how i normally handle things but lately I am just soo not myself and unable to communicate my needs/desires ... so I basically got steamrolled at my appointment today. At 1:50 they called me back to sit in the nurses station. Out in the open. Took my bp, had my urine on the counter and announced to whomever walking by and me that there was blood in the urine. Took my temp and asked me my symptoms and then said she would be right back ... Walked away ... came back with a rx for antibiotics and told me they would have to send out my urine and call me next week . And told me to have a nice day ....... That was it. No room, no asking me my weight, no Doppler, no dr even ....... I have never had a bladder infection, UTI or the like so this may very well be the norm ..but now I am fuming .... I can't believe I allowed them to send me on my way w/o ever stepping foot in an exam room .... Or hearing a beating heart ... Maybe irrational but how I am feeling right now. I have a call back in to see if they think it's a UTI, bladder infection or what .... I was so shocked speechless I didn't even ask.

Decisions, Decisions * updated at the bottom

2009-06-01T20:21:00.003-04:00

I can't think straight lately - My husband is not of much help in this matter, So I am turning to you (Plus seeing it all spelled out is going to help me, right?) - Here's the scoop:

We found a 2 bedroom 1 bath house a block from my parents house. They live 12 miles north of us now.

We currently live in a condo 3/2. 1050 sq ft living space. My landlord is fantastic and we live right across from the pool. The condo has been having some problems lately - but all very fixable.

The house is a 2/1 (900 sq ft living space). So we would lose a bathroom and a bedroom (and a community pool) but gain the biggest fenced in backyard in the neighborhood. MT could actually go outside in our yard and play! I could actually leave clothes/diapers on racks to dry while I was gone and not worry the neighbors will steal them. There is a shed outside to store things in ... As it is now, god willing everything is fine in utero, the 2 children would have to share a room at either place so losing a bedroom IN that aspect isn't a big deal to me. The kitchen area is much bigger/newer/functional with many more cabinets at the house. The rooms are not that much smaller. But, yes we would be downsizing considerable. And moving more north from my husbands job, playgroups, my job, Etc. We are very central located right now. But its just 12 miles ...
Instead of being 5-15 mins from his playgroup areas, I would be about 15-25 mins away. Instead of being 15-20 mins from my parents, We'd be 2 mins walking time. We would save about $900 a yr. (I am taking out what I think we will spend in gas for moving more north)

Yes there are pros/cons to being that close to parents. My parents even though a PITA a times, are very willing to help us out. I mean, all families come with annoying tendencies, Ya know what I mean? So ..Imagine your parents being mostly the helpful kind with annoying ticks - having a 17 month old and a 1 month old .... What would you do, Condo or House?

*either way we will still be renting - forgot to include that. So yes there will be some point that we would eventually have to move again if the smallness does seem to become a factor for the children. Keep yout opinions coming. This is helping so much!

Still Having Fun

2009-05-31T21:06:00.004-04:00

Just wanted to post some funnies so you know we have not lost our sense of humor

Last week, I was cleaning up the kitchen and MT was on the floor in there with me, I turned to scrub the stove, and he was playing with ABC magnets .... Or so I thought. I was standing less then 2 feet from him and some how he managed to take off his diaper, and find a snack from the trash can - He was licking lasagna remnants that had been thrown away and in the other hand was a banana peel .... Why didn't I grab my camera first .... because I was too busy freaking out about my mother of the year trophy (which after you finish reading this post will realize I have NO chance EVER winning)
The cure for teething seems to be - Take him to granddaddy's and let them ride up and down the road on the riding lawnmower
We put those plastic outlet covers in all outlets ..... MT has walked over and removed one before I had a chance to run over and stop him.
My son is currently sleeping with one of his spoons and a toothbrush as teething toys. Because he refused to go to sleep without them in his hands.
We went to I.kea a few days ago. Oh the fun we had! I put MT in the high chair and gave him 2 blackberries ..... JUST 2 ..... and went back to the car to unload the loot. Here is what I walked back into: it was just 2 blackberries ...

Suggestions Needed and Crazy 8's

2009-05-27T13:17:00.004-04:00

I have been meaning to ask the Internets these questions for some time now ....

Anyone know a good breakfast bar with fruit in it that does not contain loads of sugar? Can I make my own with less sugar? Ya'know like these. MT loves this concept and I loathe the sugar overload ..Am I being too wacky?

Are you still putting your 12+ month old in footy pajama's? How long can/do you do this?

Any one's child waking up in the morning with bumps that look like mosquito bites on them? Maybe hives? I have no idea what/how he gets these on him. It seems like every few days, Some fade and More appear ... He doesn't itch or bother them ..they just bother me because I cannot figure out how they get on him. He got some a few days ago and they look like hives actually but they do not go away for a few days. Maybe more allergies I just haven't figured out yet. Yes, he has clean sheets, I dunno, Sign me up for MOTY.

Thank you for not flogging me for my last post. I am trying to be gentle with myself.. feel what I feel and move on. My OB's office forgot to prick my finger for the NT test while I was there, So I have to go back for that tomorrow. It will be alil while longer for the results.

I was tagged for a crazy 8 Meme

8 Things I Am Looking Forward To:

1. Summer and the fun to be had outside.

2. MT's Birthday

3. Keeping Armadillo Safe until December.

4. MT Walking unassisted.

5. More Boat/Island Trips

6. Getting a JOB that is a good fit for our family

7. Seeing Amanda in a week

8. Spending Family Time

8 Things I Did Yesterday:

1. Worked 2 p/t jobs.

2. Washed dishes.

3. Played on Facebook.

4. Watched Ellen.

5. Checked the Mail.

6. Looked for work.

7. Cleaned the kitchen

8. Cried about nothing - Hormones are crazy

8 Things I Wish I Could Do:

1. Stop worrying/over analyzing.

2. Get a good nights sleep.

3. Move

4. Help a teething baby teeth painfree

5. Teleport

6. Not have to work; be able to be paid for things I LOVE to do.

7. Read a book - my attention span latelyhas me re-reading the same line over and over

8. Magically make the laundry clean and fold itself - same with the dinner and dishes.

8 Shows I Watch:

1. The Soup

2. Ellen

3. So you think you can dance

4. Wipeout

5. Keeping up with the Kardashians

6. Gossip Girl (but it's over right now ...)

7. Desparate Housewives - Wow the finale was much needed

8. Big Love

8 Favorite Fruits:

1. Mango

2. Strawberries

3. Cherries

4. Kiwi

5. Tomato

6. Pineapples

7. Watermelon

8. Blueberries

8 Places I'd Like to Travel:

1. Europe

2. Greece

3. Italy

4. San Francisco, CA

5. Seattle, Washington

6. Hawaii

7. Alaska

8. Australia

8 Places I've Lived

1. Shallotte, NC

2. Tarpon Springs, FL

3. Holiday , FL

4. Calabash, NC

5. Tallahassee, FL

6. Palm Harbor, FL

7. n/a

8. n/a

If you want to do this ..TAG your it ;)

When it rains, It pours

2009-05-27T09:58:00.005-04:00

Just being honest - Very honest!

These past few weeks have been less than stellar. Problem is - My attitude or hormone levels, lack of sleep or just a combination of life. I have been angry and frustrated constantly for 3 ish weeks now. I am not sure anymore If I am choosing to be angry or if it's too many raging hormones. But really I have been uncharacteristically not myself. And I am not liking this AT ALL. I get frustrated with myself for being angry/frustrated. And I now how blessed I am and how ungrateful I look/sound/feel. So the cycle starts all over again. BUT I think last night after a humongo venting, yelling, blaming session directed indirectly at my husband at 11:30pm, I think I am over "it". What ever "it" is.

In all fairness and disclosure, It's been raining (like raining monsoon style) for 17 days straight. Some where in the beginning of the 17 days our roof started leaking through our light fixture, chimney and ceiling in the living room. I notified all the correct people, the roofing contractor came out and delivered bad news that nothing could be fixed until it stopped raining and the walls/inside attic area had a chance to dry out. After a few days, I finally convinced some jerkface that he needed to tarp it off in order to keep some of the rain out of my living room while we were waiting for the rain to stop and everything to dry. (so I didn't have to keep dumping buckets and watching my curtains soak up the excess water) I have had to run one of those commercial blowers, an ionizer and a humidifier for weeks now. I had to break down and take some sudefed because all the dust that the blower was blowing around was making it hard to breathe and sleep. We are still in a holding position waiting for the rain to cease.

Despite my sour attitude we had a FANTASTIC Memorial Day Weekend. I even brought my camera along. We had 2 days in the sun on an nearby island and no rain. It was so.much.fun! MT was so good and had a blast.

Today, I am starting a new p/t job. I am hoping that this p/t job will work out and I am able to quit my other job very soon. The other job was the straw that caused the venting, yelling session last night that my husband suffered from. It is very physically draining and just not the right fit. My co-workers either don't show up to work when scheduled or if they do show up, they are late and High and seem to figure out a way to leave early which leaves me working the hardest and longest. Which is where my husband had me realize was where alot of the sour attitude is coming from.

MT has decided to get the rest of his molars this weekend. Monday, I noticed huge welts/bumps on his gum line. Hopefully they will be making an appearance soon (and not disappearing again like they have done a few times) and he gets some relief. Spots where his canines are are also bulging. He could be getting those too.

I had my NT scan yesterday. All measurements looked great. I am measuring 12 weeks. Armadillo's heart rate was in the 160's. The tech tried very hard to get a look at the goods. But the baby was not cooperative at all. She said her guess would be maybe another boy. But she was not sure. I guess we will have to wait a few more weeks. They forgot to do the finger prick so I have to go back sometime this week to do that. In between all the craziness.

More of the Good

2009-05-21T10:44:00.002-04:00

So maybe I have been hit with the Negative Nancy vibe lately. I am trying not to be - That girl. I try to write about the good and the bad and maybe I over enunciated the bad and left out most of the good. These over-abundance of hormones in my body have taken over.

11 months: The Good
- When asked for a hug/kiss, MT will oblige
- Can give "High 5's" and laughs hysterically
- Sleeps most (95%) nights from 7:45pm - 8:30am
- Can walk holding unto furniture, hands, objects, etc
- Says Kitty, Buh bye, Daaadeee, Mum(or MumMum)
- infatuated with Granddaddy
- can feed himself most foods, gets most of it in the mouth until he gets tired of it, or full
- Smacks his lips together when Hungry
- Drinks from a straw
- Taught him how to make noises by strumming his lips with his finger
- Loves to snuggle in bed when he first wakes up and I get him out of the crib
- Loves to play with children
- has a love for music
- Flocks to water

We had to take him out of the infant seat this weekend. He was closing in on the 30 inches. Not to mention, the seat is heavy, then you add 21 lbs to it. I could not carry it for long. I do miss being able to have the handle on my baby but It was time. His lil feet were about to hang over and I was running out of strap to loosen it. I have been very happy with our infant seat. So far, I am just getting used to the convertible. It's been harder to buckle him in. I need to take it to a fire station to make sure it's installed correctly. We bought this seat (in tan)as my Christmas present. I found one at a great price and could not turn it down. It's very fluffy that's for sure.

A lil Late and trying not to Rush

2009-05-19T10:51:00.003-04:00

Seems these days, A lil late is how we roll. Standard Norm for us.

MT is 11 months (11 months, a week and 2 days to be exact). It seems to be a very awkward and challenging phase for us right now. He is not a Infant but Not quite a walking Toddler. Like our very first Tween stage. He is not content laying/sitting playing with toys/other babies. He is in constant motion. He wants to chase and be chased. Run around with the older kids but Can't figure out completely how to stay on his feet. Thus leads to me hunched over assisting him walking all over helping him chase after the world. As much as I do not want to rush life, I will be glad when he figures out how to walk on his own.

He is down to 2 bottles a day and I believe that I could drop them both. They are the AM/PM bottles. He only drinks 2-3 oz out of them. I have managed to get him to drink Milk out of a sippy cup. He has been doing this for about 3 weeks now.

He has also decided that he does not want that 20 min morning nap, anymore. The problem is, I think he still needs it. (some days) He gets cranky/wound up and unable to eat lunch. I am not sure what to do completely. We are just winging it. I have let him skip it a few times and lunch is *disastrous on those days. Ends in tears, His and Mine.

*Food always flies regardless of how tired he is, lately. But it is thrown so much more if he is tired/cranky.

He has decided that he thinks I am a short order cook. He will eat some things some days , and refuse to eat the same items on another day. Which makes feeding him challenging. I never know if what I fix him will be suitable for that day. I know as soon as he starts throwing it. He throws what he will not eat. ... MUCH frustration and lots of bending over to clean my floor. He eats on carpet .. ... A stern "No", Makes him laugh. I also figured out that I have to leave the food on the floor until he is done. Because the "pick up" game is OH SO entertaining.

He made his first boat trip to an offshore island here. I have spent many many summer days growing up going to the island and it was such bliss to get to take him out there. He enjoyed every minute of the boat ride and beach. I was worried because the first time we went to the beach, It was a big fail. Sand was the cause.

I forgot to bring a camera to show how awesome he did wearing his life vest, hat and sunglasses. He was a rockstar trooper. He fell asleep on the drive out and back.

We are in the process in moving to all snap diapers because yesterday during nap time, I went and found his diaper off and thrown out of his crib. If I had been thinking, I would have snapped a picture of his. I was half annoyed but half amused. I ordered 3 fu.zzi bu.nz. Oh the softness. They feel amazing. (are they only supposed to come with one insert) I put them to the ultimate test. Overnight. No leaks what do ever. They have my stamp of approval so far.

I had a perfect moment Monday last week and ran out of time to blog about it. E, MT and I were sitting on our bed and I was cleaning out my purse. I found the Armadillo (baby in the belly's Nickname) Ultra sounds. I handed one to MT and starting explaining that he was going to be a big brother. He started jabbering and holding up the u/s and squealed with glee. I know that he really didn't understand. But every time we would say, "You are going to be a big brother", He would laugh, giggle and scream. He sat there with him until he lost interest and then we moved on.

Speaking of the Armadillo, I have my NT/Triple Screen on the 26th. I have been able to get out of the house more and eat lately. It is good to be on the upswing. I am just hoping things are still going well inside. I am not able to be as careful as I would like to be taking care of MT. But I think Having MT to take care of helps my mind not have time to wander.

Irony w/in

2009-05-17T22:04:00.002-04:00

I am sitting here watching this movie. Thinking of the birth of my son, almost a yr ago. In a hospital. Including an Epidural. There is not one thing I would change. Honestly. I am still very pleased with my birth experience. The nurses were incredible. The Dr. was hardly there, she was around when needed, but not too demanding or too medical/technical. Maybe my body was just ready or the baby was ready. Maybe I was too Anxious, Scared, Excited, In the Moment, Naive or whatever but things just progressed and happened and it was just So. I checked in the hospital with the expectation that I would have a baby. I didn't really know exactly how that would occur. I was hoping for a smooth vaginal delivery but knew that in the end, a live healthy baby boy was what I wanted the most.

My opinion, This video is alittle harsh on the Medical/OB Practices. I think knowing your choices, having choices and being educated is very important. I am not at all against home/non-hospital birthing centers. I have close friends that have births at home or in mid wive facilities. (and are midwives) In fact, I would love to have a home birth. BUT, My mind (and my husband) will not allow this path for me at all. Having Dr's/nurses there WITH us and FOR US every step of the way helps my husband and my mind feel more confident. I am not going to lie, I was going with the flow for the most part while in labor. I had no idea what to expect. I mean I read a few books, Went to a class (that I hated), Had coffee with friends that told me their ins and outs of birth. I am not sure I would have considered myself extremely educated..but I was educated enough that I felt confident in going with the flow until there was something that I just was not comfortable with. Do I consider my first birth lucky, I don't know. It just went smoothly. Confidence, Knowledge, Communication and Education were key for me. I do not feel like I lost any kind of experience with my child because it was not considered a natural birth. I do not feel like I bonded less because it was in a hospital or medically assisted. I do not feel guilty that I had a hospital/medical birth. I should not be made feel guilty that I had a medical/hospital birth. Nor should anyone else, How/Where ever you deliver.

BUT this is my experience. Not any one else's. I do believe that everyone has different needs/wants. I believe that everyone is entitled to have their desires/wants/needs met. I also think that the L&D that I used is very aware of helping make the best birth experience possible. I am glad I saw it on cable and did not go rent it. I do not feel like the video "clears up any misinformation" for me (a quote of why they did the movie). I feel like I want to give Ricki's friend Abby a hug at the end of the documentary. Oh the Irony.

Smelling the Ocean

2009-05-14T12:40:00.005-04:00

I am undecided still about what to do with my hair. You guys all confirmed my thoughts. "what if the wispy pieces don't go back" or get annoying ... SO I am still going to think on it. I really do think I look more decent with short hair though. See still wavering.

This morning I had to go back to the OB's to check my weight and discuss my situation. I have been able to eat regular food for 2 days now. The zo.fran is helping me feel like a living, breathing human again. I did however lose more weight. 10 lbs in a week since my last visit. She was slightly concerned and reminded me that I need to do my best to eat protein. Being that I think I have this under manageable control now, I am sure I will get back the weight necessary. (and let's not forget I have plenty of weight that I do not think anyone will be able to starve off of me) I am schedule for the NT Scan and another weight/HG check in 2 weeks. I was able to convince the Nurse to try the Doppler this morning. She kept telling me that it was too early, I just wanted her to try. She did and she found the HB within seconds. (I think I am 11.5 weeks - the dr thinks I am 10.5 weeks) whatever .. HB measuring in the 160-170 range. Utter relief to know that I am not feeling well for a living reason!

Blood Pressure was a little elevated but that is because my father was late to pick up MT, I had to call and ask if they could schedule me for a later appointment. Feeding an 11 month old has become one of the most dreaded events lately. It involves lots of flying objects and very few ways to communicate. Followed up by diaper changing as the next. I though we worked through the diaper changing stuff but seems this morning we had to revisit that place ..

I wish I had taken a picture of the coastline I drive up on my way to the dr's because honestly ..It's breathtaking. It's serene and it makes me remember why I live in FL. Here is one I found on the Internet. It's 5+ miles of this to my dr's office. Seeing/smelling the ocean does me good.

Take it to the Polls

2009-05-12T13:26:00.003-04:00

I tried to insert the Poll (to your right) into this post - but I am Internet code challenged.

So the Question is:

Would you prefer:

Long ( thick) hair that you can pull/twist up for the Summer

Or Short (thick) Bob

If you have other suggestions ... Leave them here. I need a new hair do . And of course, I am coming to people with more fashion sense then myself lately.

So vote ..Leave suggestions ..I am brave and gutsy when it comes to hair but have a very limited budget.

Week End Fun

2009-05-11T11:32:00.003-04:00

Thank you very much for the feed back .. How's this text color? Better/Worse?

I hope yesterday was not too horrible for those still waiting their miracle or hoping for another miracle.

My cousin got married on Saturday and the bride is from Et.hiop.ia. So they had an Ethiopian Celebration at noon. I was worried how MT would do because noonish is our lunch time. Not knowing how long the ceremony would be before food, I loaded up on lots of finger foods to keep him occupied. He did great. There was so much clapping, chanting, laughter, and commotion that kept his attention. He would clap along with everyone and dance to the music. He enjoyed himself. After the ceremony, they served a feast of foods. I actually was able to try a few things and keep it down. They had such a beautiful spread of food. My father, on the other hand,was not into trying anything and asked if he could take MT home to "nap". Which was an excuse for him to run through the Wend'ys drive-thru on his way home. There was a dinner reception that night. (with American food - as my dad said) MT and I missed that part though. I would have loved to been there though. I LOVE dancing and DJ's.

Sunday - Mother's Day. E had to work. MT and I shared a glass of milk and a piece of cake in honor of all the Moms, Moms to be, Mom struggling to be and Mom's missing their children. My dad called to see if we would come over and he would fix My mom and I lunch. So I packed up and headed over. I was actually hungry. This is the first time I have been hungry in weeks. I took the miracle pills and headed out the door. I actually Ate .and wanted to eat. It felt amazing to have food in my body that wanted to be there. I know that I am starting to either figure out how to deal with it or deal with or ..or the Pills are that amazing. Any of the choices - I am grateful. Yesterday, My parent's also ordered us some fu.zzi bunz dipes. Hopefully they are as good as the bu.mge.nius ones I love. I am just going to slowly start adding to our collection.

Today, I have an 11 month old. I am mailing out his party invites and getting pretty nostalgic. He is changing and has changed so much so quick. He is such a little boy now. Independent until he decides otherwise. Once again changing around nap times and sometimes unable to soothe himself to sleep during nap times, Still Teething.

All in all, I am so very blessed. Yesterday MT and I sat in the pool with the sprinkler spraying on us. He wanted to be a big boy and hold the sprayer and walk around the pool but only if I was in the pool too. He wanted to play with the bath toys in the pool but only if I helped .... He wanted to feed himself lunch, but only if I watched. (not the most flattering pic of myself - but whatev) My poor child has been in his crib for 45 mins (yes it took me over an hour to type this - Sad huh) and not able to get to sleep again. I am not sure what the fuss is all about but it's fuss nonetheless. I always blame Teething. Off to rescue My Prince.

testing and tested

2009-05-08T10:37:00.003-04:00

I have tried to spruce up the layout again. How's it reading now? Colors easy to read? Overlapping? Suggestions?

A few stories so you don't think we have lost our sense of humor: The other day, at my MIL's, MT managed to shove his figure up my nose so quick and hard that I endured a nose bleed. Standing in the kitchen talking with everyone. I am on blood thinners so I think that attributed to the bleed. But he is So fast these days.

My father sanded a few little sticks that MT has been carrying around and teething on for months now. (I know .. safe huh, The life with a boy) He loves these sticks. He carries them around like prized possessions. Today he wanted to take a nap with it. I just could not let him. I mean. I let him chew on it all over the house, but putting him in the bed with a stick (that has been sanded and has very soft round edges) just felt wrong.

Thank you for all leaving suggestions about cloth diapers. I need to get on that and figure out what to do. If you are interested, Kelly's Closet, is having a give-away of a sample pack of diapers. I am trying to win them, You can too. Read here.

Our Association has decided to close the pool in APRIL AND MAY (and maybe June) to redecorate and remodel...... I am so beyond annoyed. THIS IS FLORIDA! Why couldn't you use half a brain and do this in UHm let's say Dec-Feb?? ... Obviously the Migrating Old Folks are in charge ....

The meds have made me feel like a new woman. Just in 12 hours. I ate a cracker for breakfast and have managed to keep it down along with a few ice chips. Good news right!?! Then, Why am I panicking about a heartbeat. I tried to beg/plead with the dr's office yesterday to listen with the Doppler (knowing that it could still be early) They laughed and told me not to stress out. Boy did I REALLY just want to hear that there was a reason for the Puke-athon and that The reason was still living. So to say that the Zen has left the building is an understatement. E reassures me that since Zen has left the building the Lil Bean is growing and thriving just fine. I am hoping so. When we first found out about the news, I was happy to just go with the flow and relish in the non medicated pregnancy. Ya know, be treated and feel like a normal pregnant woman .. Now, I am trying not to panic.

I hate to mention this but

2009-05-07T11:28:00.006-04:00

Updated: Back from the Dr. I have lost 6 lbs since the last appointment. She was actually able to see/experience the sickness while I was at her office. She has decided to go ahead and diagnose me with having
a case of H.ypereme.sis Grav.idaru.m for insurance purposes. She says she hopes it is just a mild case and will eventually stop. She gave me two rx's for ph.energan and zof.ran. Hoping they do the trick. Thanks for the wonderful tips and thoughts ...Hope to be back to our regular scheduled events very soon

In the name of honesty. I.AM.Sick. Very Very Sick. Morning Sickness has taken over. It lasts all day and all night. It has been like this for 3-4 days now and I am no longer functioning. E finally couldn't watch me like this anymore so he called the dr this morning. I have an appointment at 1:50pm. I just hope that everything is ok. On top of the all day sick-a-thon, My sinus are pushing on my teeth so bad that I have teeth aches. So between the not wanting to eat because I do not want to see it again, I do not want to eat becuase it hurts my teeth ..... If you are the praying type. I am asking for a lil good thoughts. I am so very worried.

*I deleted the blog coding until I can figure out what to do. Right now, I have a different coding to try and fix. I am just not able to think clearly.

Trying New Things

2009-05-06T17:01:00.004-04:00

So, I added a new layout to the ole blog. Do I need to change the font or color to make it easier to read? *updated* - still working on the format ..sorry for the funkiness

We use cloth diapers here. Mostly Bumgenious 3.0. I love them dearly. We had had no issue with them at all..Until 2 weeks ago. My smart, young whippersnapper has figured out how to un-velcro them. On our trip last weekend, We did go back to disposables and had more leaks then I would like to admit. And a very red, raw booty. His lil skin just can't handle the disposables. *he also would pull off the disposables this weekend too. So, We are glad to have the cloth back. I recently ordered one fitted diaper made by Dream Ease. I LOVE this diaper. After I ordered it from Kelly's Closet. I love this site. They have the most stocked diapers, quick shipping, awesome customer service. If you ever have a question, they have quick response time asnwering you. I have ordered all but my Swim diapers from them.

I read a few bad reviews on the dream ease talking about how the stitching comes undone over time. Anyone have any of these? Any Experience with them? I wonder what over time means? I am thinking that I am going to need more Snap Diapers as MT gets older because I can't let him Run around in the Buff as he would prefer.

I want to try the Gro baby diapers but am afraid of the same ability to remove them .. What cloth diapers are you using and love the best? If you aren't using cloth, Have you considered them? If not, that's Ok. I was just curious

AfterMath Brain Dump

2009-05-05T21:04:00.002-04:00

For those that read the last post - HUGE thanks. I didn't intend to be so complain-y ..Guess I had more on my mind than I thought I had dealt with. I promise you, We had a BLAST! It really is the most magical place on Earth. Yes, I totally buy into that Hook, Line and Sinker.

To answer some questions that were asked. Or to give clarification on some stuff

I am not at all against Juice or Milk. I struggle getting 12oz of Formula in MT a day still. He will drink 2 sippy cups full of water. I am trying to get him to drink formula out of the sippy. He HATES the formula or hates the bottle. I am not able to figure out which it is. I have switched formulas a few times to see if that would help us any - But it doesn't. So, I am hesitant to push the Juice issue until I feel I can get enough nutrients in him liquid wise. I did put Milk in the sippy today for breakfast. It went over like a lead balloon. I will keep trying little at a time.
I try to be wise with MT's food selections. I am not at all bothered if he is offered different types of food normally. We try to live a very real, very balanced lifestyle. Including our Diets. We try to live out the moderation's theory.
YES, Does this Kid look like his Father or What ?!?!
I am not at all or ever will be opposed to holding/rocking/insert whatever verb to get MT to sleep. These days are few and far between. My child was held,nursed, soothed to sleep for the most part of the first 5 -6 months. Then all of a sudden, He decided that he would like to be put down to sleep. He tends to get uncomfortable when trying to be held/rocked to sleep. I obliged.
My "sickness" has stepped into high gear over the last 2 days and seems to last all day. It is brought on by the thought of drinking water.
I personally want to hug every one of you that commented on what a lovely family I have. Gushing, Thank you so much. * and those that included that I didn't look so bad either .. THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. I am having a very hard time with the extra 18lbs that snuck up on me .... My mid- section is so bloated and poofy. It happened SO very Quickly this time. I was able to ease into it last time. I am not eased at all ... it was more like ...... BAM! I was wearing Mat. Clothes in those pictures. It just feels weird Since I didn't do Mat clothes until 17-19 weeks last time.
I am Planning a birthday part for a 1 yr old ..... This.Floors.me. *what time was everyone's party at? I am trying to figure out what time to have the party. I rented a park shelter right acrossed from the playground.
I am trying to figure out how to re-decorate the ye ole blog. When I get bored this weekend, I am going to see what I come up with.

Whachamacallit

2009-05-03T21:51:00.004-04:00

We had such a great weekend. It was E's birthday. So we went to visit his family and enjoy Disney.

Friday night We met up with Jen's Family and Barb at City Walk. We left MT with E's Mom. We left her with instructions.* Not many, Just what certain cues mean and about when they should happen. Gave her our bath soap and she said that she had some baby soap, not to use ours. I did elaborate that I need her to use ours because of his "allergy" (aka eczema) E explained our dinner, bath, bottle, bedtime routine that is pretty solid now. Since I work at 4 on some days, MT has gotten used to that time away from us. So we knew that He would be fine having someone else do those things. Plus MIL's house is like a zoo in itself. ( 4 dogs, 8 cats {one is pregnant} and 6 kids living at home with 2 adults) There was PLENTY of things to keep him entertained.
*the only thing I am pretty particular on is our Food choices. I do my very best making sure that what MT eats is healthy/certain organic choices as much as possible. I know that as he gets older, the harder it is/will be. I stated firmly No regular Milk and No Juice in the sippy (I found her giving some kind of orange drink to MT in January and wasn't thrilled)... The sippy is for Water. (for now)

We headed out for a night on the town. And had a great time! MIL called because she could not find something, So E talked her through it and all was well. MIL is blown away that MT will go to sleep when placed down for the night. She has made numerous comments on this. ... She has told E that she thinks it is cruel and borderline child abuse. No baby she ever knew or insert whomever she tells babies ever did that. "You just lay him down and he goes to sleep! That is so bizarre!?!" perplexed She had to hold/ rock/sleep with all of her kids to get them to sleep ... She has made comments to E several times and asked if I pick him up at night when/if he cries.... ARE YOU SERIOUS! Do you Know me AT ALL ??? ..Ok back to my post .... So then she called us to tell us that she was worried because MT's blanket we brought with us was a lil too much for her liking. He has grown quite attached to this blanket. So E asked if she would just give it back to him and that we would be home in like 45 mins. In her defense, MT loves to cover his head up with the blanket when he is trying to fall asleep. I don't know why he does it, but he does. She "does not agree with this either". Which is fine ...We don't agree on many things.

We get home and I find JUICE in the sippy cup and MILK in the LID ....Seriously .... YES. She then tells E that MT was melting down this time (near time we told her that he would need a bottle) and she thought maybe he wanted juice or milk instead. I TRIED to refrain from stating the obvious because she followed that statement up with But He just wanted the bottle ....

Saturday, E's birthday. We enjoyed Disney! We did Magic Kingdom and Epcot. He had such a blast. E, who rarely ever shows emotions, was so excited. He said a few times that this was his best birthday memory ever. I was so happy for him to be happy. MT was a rockstar that day. He was not a big fan at first for having to nap in the stroller but decided to give it up and try it out.

We left the park around 9. (good lord was I exhausted) When we got back to MIL's, they yelled surprise as we walked in the door and woke up MT. They had Cake/balloons and then insisted on feeding him the chocolatist chocolate icing chocolate cake ever ...... I was trying SO very hard to be on my best behavior .... Thankfully being exhausted worked in MIL's favor. Needless to say, That night after cake, my child could not go to sleep on his own. I did have to go lay down with him to get him to calm down. I did let him fuss a bit before rushing in, MIL kept saying "Shouldn't you go get him, check on him, He may need something" .... She looked so excited that he was crying for bedtime. She was very pleases that I had to hold MT to sleep that night .....

The Ruler ...

2009-04-30T11:04:00.005-04:00

This is me being honest as a parent - Please do not judge me.

The past 12 days have been very trying. MT isn't sleeping well, Back to teething and drooling buckets. Middle of the night wake ups, etc the whole shebang. It's been miserable. And now We have added tantrums during the day. I know that he is an independent spirit and is not a fan of the word No when he is determined. He gets this VERY honestly. This is manufactured by My DNA. I know this very much. I also saw this coming. I am still trying to figure out What/How to handle it. He wants to do things ..He MUST be the one to do it. As an example, For months now, I have had to move to only finger foods, Because He does not tolerate being fed anymore by anyone but himself. I have tried very hard to allow him to explore his abilities. It is quite a challenge. If i put a bite in his mouth, He will take it out, and put it back in himself. Same with picking up toys, paic, etc. We have been working on comprehending the word No. I think he gets it now. Because He does listen to it mostly or I am able to redirect. But then, He gets that Wild hair and evil look and Laughs when I say no.... Oh My gosh 40 trillion apologizes to my parents .... Really ....!!! Oh It's uncanny. It is so unbelievably frustrating. I have been doing just the "no" and redirect thing for about two month now. This week, I started saying No and If that didn't work, smacking his hand. It was suggested to me that he was old enough to understand and I needed to start some type of discipline. Can I tell you how much I HATE THIS. I can't stand myself. He is unfazed anyway. It doesn't even seem to help. I am going to stop. I don't know what I am going to do, but this is not working. Maybe I didn't give it a good long go, but it Just feels wrong and really I hate how unnatural it feels. And in the same sentence about how unnatural it feels, I can see this being a horrible habit to get into. And I do not want to be a hitter or have a hitter. Hitting is not the answer in my book. I don't know What to do. It's just a phase. We will get through it, But I just can't do it by smacking his hand. Maybe when he is older, we will try again, Or maybe not. I know that I can not let him control me or the household but I think this is just a phase and when he gets alittle older, and We can communicate better this will work itself out. Like maybe when he is 32 yrs old.. I know that kids search for their boundaries. I just was/am not prepared for the 10.5 month old to start.

The "Only dad" phase ended a few weeks ago, and we are in an only mommy phase now. So , It just goes back and forth for us. I just had to get this off my chest and out of my head because it was making me so ill. I want to make sure I teach MT respect, right/wrong, but I am not sure what/how or what great lengths I am willing to go to do that. This is just so more more complicated than I ever imagined.

You are what you Eat

2009-04-27T23:09:00.003-04:00

Ok, So I know that I am not the only that knows what their body type is. Here is my body Type:

The Cone! Yes, It's true. I can't make this stuff up. Now, I am in need of some fashion help. I know there are talented, well dressed individuals out there. At one time, I used to be. Now, I have just given up. I want some cute dresses for the summer. It's going to be Hot and I want to be able to have some type of sundress to wear. That is going to help me stay cool and comfortable, I hope. I know that my waistline is going to be expanding but that doesn't mean I can't look decent right? I am already expanding, so I figured dresses would help. I only have 2 pair of mat. shorts and loads of 3/4 length sleeves shirts/jeans since I was pregnant during the "cool" months and only worried about work clothes.

So basically, I am in need of help... What type of dresses would you suggest for a plus size ice cream cone shaped girl? What are your secrets?

Balloon

2009-04-27T15:21:00.003-04:00

Back from the Dr - They fit me in at 1pm for an U/S. Ah Hello Friend, The tra.nsvag cam. How I have not missed you.

I am measuring 7 weeks 5 days, strong heartbeat (168) visible fetal pole. All seems A-OK. They decided to put me back on progesterone again just to be on the safe said (until 13 weeks). Next appointment May 26th. We will do the 1st screen u/s at that time also. *and to check the due date again since it's a range. Dec 3-10th.

They also just went ahead and fit me in early for the pap and all that jazz so I didn't have to come back. Then sent me on my way. The U/S allowed me to see/hear and I am now starting to believe the things my body is feeling. The balloon seems to definitely be blowing up faster this time around.

Just curious. For those that have been to Disney recently (past yr) - What Park did you go to.. would you recommend it?